Dragoncrest Cliffs It’s a crying shame them’s the breaks

@erzulie @rosalyn

The restlessness had had her patrolling the borders, and finding herself kicking and fidgeting in dreams that had become so vivid and alarming that she found herself still somewhat dizzy when she awoke. Her heart felt…Perhaps two times the size it ought to be, but not heavy. Yearning, agitated, forceful but brittle. 

Bewildered, she skittered from her den at dawn toward where she knew her mothers were bedded with her siblings. One of them, at least, would be home with the pups. She approached and whimpered softly at the den’s mouth, a note that expressed the complexity of her current situation, which simultaneously made her want to stow away in her den and run off into the hills and frolic like a fawn.

Rosalyn woke with a start when Chacal's hurried approach hit her ears. She had been sleeping lightly, but looked sharply at her daughter. Her gaze softened slightly when she recognized who it was, and grew a note of concern at the whimper.

Was something wrong? Had someone come? She made a low noise of reassurance in her throat in response, hoping that she'd explain. If someone were in danger, no doubt there'd be more urgency to her. This was something else.

She calmed herself as much as she could, and for some reason her whine begged to bubble into a lurking growl or a giggle, but instead she merely swallowed hard and entered the den quietly, gently.

She caught her mother’s eye, and wilted, licking her lips as an apology. Not wanting to disturb the others- and not wanting to draw attention from any of last year’s siblings if they were nearby- she lured her mother into a slightly more private nook. 

Rosalyn would likely know just from Chacal’s changed aroma, especially in that proximity,  but it hadn’t occurred to Chacal yet. She shook her head. ”Mama…I feel….” her voice barely above a whisper. ”I want…An’ do not know what to do.” What did she want? Many things. A few faces came to mind but she didn’t understand why she longed for them now.

She did not catch it until Chacal had entered completely. Immediately Rosalyn understood and her concern melted into warm amusement. She hadn't had this before, had she? It was strange to think how young she was, still. Sometimes Rosalyn forgot. She'd always seemed older, her quiet thoughtfulness lending her years past some of her siblings.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. She said quietly, pushing herself to her feet. She felt the ache of muscles that had been happier at rest, but ignored it, just as she always ignored it. She gave her daughter a nod to follow and departed outside, where they could speak more freely of this. Erzulie might wake, but if she did, she would likely catch their voices and join them.

It is something all women feel, every year. Their season. It makes you restless for change and hungry for the attention of men. But if you find someone willing to give that attention, it is the time when pups are made. She gave Chacal a searching look. She did not know if her daughter sought to be a mother, or had ever even considered such a thing. She didn't remember those kinds of concerns at that age but her situation had also been different. There had been men she could not ignore, so herbs had served her where caution could not.

If that is something you want, Erzulie and I would be glad to see it. But if it is not, you will need to be careful. For some reason, the latter comment brought a moment of fear with it. Something deeper, buried, associated with unwanted children and a deep sense of loss. She did not know why she feared, so much, losing Chacal to it as well. But the feeling quietly persisted.

Chacal knew the basics of conception and adulthood, but she simply hadn’t expected this sudden hormonal shift to feel so real. And the idea of being a parent herself…It was new, still. Triggered no doubt by the birth of her youngest siblings. 

She had things to consider; her mother’s memory seemed to be a bit unpredictable, and she herself had duties as a leader. Would she be able to prove herself as both a fit leader and a fit mother in the same year?

She wouldn’t be alone. She had family, and role models, and friends. Her youngest siblings would be mobile by the time her own came long, and Meerkat’s would not be far behind…suddenly, it seemed possible- and it seemed she had her mother’s blessing.

And as was typically the way of Sapphique, she would not need to worry about the complications of bringing someone into the pack simply
because they had sired her pups. Naturally, she did have some preferences, though.

”I do want. An’ I will be careful,” She said, her heart bursting with joy.

I do want. It didn't matter anymore that her opinion might sway her. Rosalyn's relief was palpable, and she knew that she was safe in saying what she did. Erzulie's opinion on the matter had been clear from the start - she would openly welcome any children that Chacal wished to bring.

You don't need to find someone worth keeping. But it is hard to do it alone. I don't think I could have. She'd never had their fathers but she did have Erzulie. If whoever Chacal chose left like the others had, she would have her family, but there was no promise that this would be enough. There were things only a mother or father could offer, and alone Chacal would be in charge of all of it.

Fatherhood, to Chacal’s knowledge, was something bestowed upon wolves who had proved themselves in some way or another. She could recognize the little traits that Elfie had contributed, and of course the red tail that Njord had passed on. Njord had been present for last year’s children, though they had had the guidance from two mothers already. 

When she looked from one of her mothers to the other, she saw only her reflection in their eyes. She had learned their smile, she had studied their features and had imprinted their mannerisms into hers, but as for her colouration? Perhaps it had come from her father. 

Chacal’s situation would be different in many ways, and she contemplated what she thought might have been a gentle warning. She would have to seek out someone to father her children, though she had no partner to raise them with, unlike her mothers or Meerkat and Njord. 

In her mind, she recalled two males who had had a disposition and look that she had found attractive. They were friendly, humble, and appeared healthy. Either of them would be perfect as a side- but would she be able to ask them for that, without also wanting more from them, as Meerkat had?

She would learn for herself. And if she could find neither of them, what would she do next? 

”I ‘ave met already, two I might prefer. 
Not for deir looks, eyes or deir fur. 
Deir bodies were healthy, deir souls were kind,
Dey seemed as well to be sound of mind.

I will be clear wit’ dem, an’ be wary too.
De children will be mine, an’ dey will not be raised alone.
If I choose to keep a partner, dat be fine, if I choose not….Well, dat be also fine.”

She did not have concerns about raising the children within Sapphique. Not when they were all family, and not with two other sets of parents present.

Rosalyn listened as Chacal described the men she had met. While she smiled at the thought of her daughter getting what she wished from them, and becoming a mother herself, she certainly had hidden misgivings.

If these men came here, would she seek to allow them a place beside her? Would they seek the power she could give to them?

Sapphique had stood all this time because of the women who helmed it. Rosalyn and Erzulie did not even trust their sons to lead, and to have an outsider claim the place would spell ruin in Rosalyn's eyes. She would defer to no man, nor would her wife. But would Chacal?

Aye. They will be yours, before anything else. She chose to keep her other fears silent for now. Perhaps she would choose to keep them for only herself. And Sapphique's second. Just like you were.

With her hopes soaring, her mother seemed content with her decision and affirmed her beliefs. Of course, the children would be hers first- and also, they would belong to Sapphique. What she didn’t completely comprehend was that her mother was implying that the father’s claim would come third. She would have had no argument with that matter had she realized it, anyway. 

”Den away I go, but will be back soon,
Love you so!” she cried, rushing forth to muzzle her mother’s cheek affectionately before she bounded off into the wilderness on a mission.