Hushed Willows [m] Hanging up the knives, humming melodies that rhyme

Making some vague assumptions, set after this

Mature Content Warning

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The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: Suicidal ideation

She would not go to Moonglow. Reverie had been diligent in following Kukutux's instructions; even now, even weakened and dizzy and shivering fiercely with cold, she made herself take the tea given to her for the days after her heat had passed. The scent of blood still clung heavily to her fur.

She was still afraid. But she bore her fear in silence and did not seek comfort, not from @Boone. She could scarcely even look at him. Each time she did, she could only remember how he'd looked at her; how he'd lifted her to her feet and turned away; how he hadn't even tried to comfort her. His burden, his boulder to push endlessly up the hill, and this time it was worse because he knew. He knew long before her heat had come upon her; he knew before he even married her, before all the promises of love and forever.

Reverie didn't know that she could speak to him without falling apart. She wanted to scream. She wanted to spit blood and venom, she wanted to cut the title of wife from her chest and throw it at his feet. She wanted to leave and be done with it. If she was such a burden to him, then why would she ever want to stay? Why would she want to do this again? Again.

She chose a corner of their den and tucked herself into it, far from where they slept together, and wondered if it was her own fault. Maybe this was all anyone could give her; maybe she'd asked something impossible of him, because all she could ever be was a burden. Reverie studied the stony walls of their den as she considered this, not really seeing the details at all. Her tears fell quietly now.

If she was such a burden to everyone who loved her, why would she want to live at all?

boone had never seen her so angry, and it scared him to the very core of his being.
he had followed her at a slower pace and come into their den with a sheen of glittering tears down his cheeks. he wasn't sure when he started crying. a moment ago, he too was angry; and yet it was now lost to him as fear began to choke him from the inside out.
reverie, he calls, voice trembling ferociously. let me explain, baby. please.
whether or not she answers, he begins anyway. i wanted to take you somewhere with people that can help you, he drops down to his knees and elbows, a slayed dragon. i didn't-- i didn't know what else to do. you were bleedin', and i know how rough you had it with blossom, and-- i didn't wanna fuck something up tryna help you by myself. please. you gotta understand. i-i didn't, i didn't mean to scare you.
please

Reverie scarcely listened; she didn't care. I saw the way you looked at me, She said when he finally finished, not looking at him as she spoke. Her voice was low and filled with venom. I've seen that look before. All those promises - that you wouldn't be like him, and here we are. I don't want to be your burden, Boone.

She finally looked at him then, and her eyes were scathing. I did this because I trusted you. And you - do you think I did it on purpose? That I'm choosing to suffer? You knew this would happen. You knew that - that all I wanted was to be supported. I was terrified, and you didn't even care, Reverie began to break into sobs. I won't do this again. I won't. I - I would rather die.

and in that instant, the anger came back in a flickering ember. his heart drops to his stomach and he fights with every ounce of his strength not to raise his voice; to turn her scorn back on her.
but in his mind, he is still that little boy clinging to the cold, leathery form of his momma.
i do care, deep breaths, deep; i am not lestan. that is the last goddamn thing i have ever wanted to be and you know that. it's-- it's not fair for you to place that on me when all i wanted to do was help you. i was scared too! i am scared! i'm scared outta my mind that you're gonna-- that, i don't know, that i'll wake up one mornin' and you'll be dead! because of--

him. because of him.

he is crumbling, he can feel it; the black tendrils reaching from his soul and begging to cling to her, to block her from the door, to kill them both in one fell swoop so that she can't leave he can see it in her eyes she's going to leave don't leave me don't leave me don't

don't leave me

he's crying and he can't feel his feet and his heart is so loud why is everything so fucking loud and he's tossing himself onto the floor in a heap of haunting screaming sobs and all he can say over and over again is i'm sorry

Boone was breaking; crumbling, and Reverie's anger finally caved to his fear. She went to him even as he fell to screaming pieces, pulling him fiercely into her arms, her own sobs mingling with his. I'm not leaving, Her voice trembled. She repeated it again, again, again; as many times as it took to calm him. I'm not. I'm not going anywhere.

I'm sorry, Reverie pressed her face into his fur. I'm sorry I can't - be normal, I'm sorry. She was still crying. You're not like him. You're not. I'm sorry I said it. I'm sorry. She had done this; she had hurt him. Maybe that was all she was good for.

When they had both calmed, she steadied her voice and began again. I just - I don't want you to resent me for this, or - or be so scared that you push me away, Her voice was thick with the threat of returning tears. I don't want you to get tired of me because I'm sick all the time. That was - that's what happened with Lestan. He was never cruel or cold to me. He was just - tired and scared, and tired of being scared. I ruined his life, and I - I don't want to ruin yours too.

When I bleed like that... there's nothing anyone can do. It stops or it doesn't. I know it's scary. And it hurts. And I accepted that this would happen - that I would have to make this sacrifice, but I - I can't do it if you're going to shut me out like that, In spite of her efforts, Reverie found herself crying again. Her breaths came quicker; the panic was returning. What if - what if it hadn't stopped? What if I had died? I would have died scared and - and upset, thinking that you didn't love me anymore. I can't - I can't do - I can't do that.

But she couldn't finish; couldn't breathe. She felt dizzy. Reverie was quiet a moment, swaying just slightly — and when her lips parted again to speak, she only managed the slightest sound. It died in her throat as quickly as it began. Her vision flickered as her eyes abruptly rolled back, and she went slack in his arms, all the threads of her consciousness but one snapping at once.

calmness came in waves; the stormy shore turned to a soft lull, foam-flecked and painted in gold. he listened to her breathing, her heartbeat, felt her against his skin.
she wasn't going anywhere.
and he listens to her for a moment, tear-stained and still trembling like a leaf, but he listens. i don't resent you, soft, feeble; still teetering on the edge of his own ledge. i don't. i just-- i just wanna be able to take care of you. i'm only one man. a-and i thought kukutux would be able to help. that's all.
i didn't mean to shut you out, his shoulders sag; his gaze melts. he feels helpless. i'm-- i'm sorry, that i made you feel that way. but i'm not goin' nowhere. i promised i'd take care of you, right? help you through this? we're-- we're a team. that's what marriage is all about, ain't it? i made a promise, that day. no matter how scary it gets. in sickness and in health.
it was him that went to her now, sweeping her in his arms and pressing her to his chest as her own tightened. when he felt her fall slack, this time, he didn't panic; he trusted himself.
he stayed there with her, kissing her eyelids and silently praying that this will pass.

In sickness and in health. She leaned into Boone's embrace, still clinging to consciousness by that single thin thread. I'm okay, Reverie murmured, and though the words slurred slightly, she meant it. It'll be okay. As long as I have you.

I love you, She sighed, drifting further now. Some distant part of her knew that she needed rest, but their bed seemed so far away just then. She let that worry fall away in the next moment; Boone was here. He would take care of her. She had to trust that he would.