Lost Creek Hollow procedo

when germanicus left moss behind, it was for riverclan.

how might this be explained?

shame choked him as the hollow rose before his eyes, and it was to crowfeather he went.

but it was the children he found, @Shadowpup notably. 

would she even see him as father?

the man was still, watching the children at play.

Sometimes when I look at them, it’s like they aren’t real… 

Crowfeather stepped lightly until his feet drew him beside Germanicus. His eyes were thoughtful, transfixed by the pups. When he lifted his snout to the older man, the expression clung to his face. It took several breaths before he seemed to find his mind. 

You have been busy haven’t you? 

Busy with long scouting trips. Busy working his grizzled frame into a ranger. Germanicus wore it as well as any man could. The shadow wondered how heavy it must have been.

gonna seize this opportunity to PP shadowpup a little and we can have a new one when u get back, lieu! <3

the child approached her father and the man of dark silver who wished he could dare to be the same.

and the yellowpaint eyes were softened for a moment, then constricted with shame,

"i have been away. my son — aquillius. i found him injured in kvarsheim and have stayed there, to repay a debt."

the witch. moss. the pursuit. the trial.

quietly germanicus pushed his muzzle against the star's throat, seeking a comfort of which he had never felt worthy.

Concern stitched the space between his eyes.

Crowfeather pressed himself to the hard body beside him, allowing himself the moment to touch and to be touched. The sickening thrum of his heart had not lessened. In all the time he had known the eagle, the shadow could not calm this rapid proclamation of love.

Is he- he okay? Your son. What can I do?

Germanicus said that he worked to repay a debt. The wolves of Kvarsheim had always been kind to Riverclan. Crowfeather wondered if they had asked for repayment or if it was internal obligation that bound the eagle to their land.

"he heals. faun tended him there."

ragged exhale across the dark withers; ruffling them in heat and love.

"i have divided my time between the circle and riverclan, but when it is over, i will be here."

was it a lie? he did not believe so, and his heart fair ached in the exchange of breath between them, a vitality as sharp as the beat of his own heart.

The scent of his travels was worn on his coat. The mingling of Kvarsheim and the creek were among the recognizable scents.

The son was healing beneath the care of Faun. Crowfeather nodded his snout, confident that the healer would be capable of tending to the boy’s wounds. He wondered if Germanicus would try to build a relationship with his son. Uncertainty kept him from asking. He swallowed the queries and breathed heavily into the silver-flecked fur of the man he loved.

You know you do not have to promise yourself to Riverclan, cracked his voice.

You will always have a place here. If you want it. It was a deceptively simple thing for the shadow to say. I- I only mean that… if you want to scout, to be a ranger-

Crowfeather’s cheeks burned hot with embarrassment. Germanicus did not need the star’s permission.

"i am not bound to riverclan, but to you."

home was where his head lay. and that could be any place it had been before.

sweetly he allowed himself to think of their travels before, and how it had culminated in this place of cool shadows and mystical peace.

"but i will always be a ranger. and i must always come and go." there was no command ever that crowfeather must wait, must be alone; he saw his weak spirit in this, but he would do nothing against it.

"they resemble you so greatly," he said of the two children, who had returned to running with one another.

… to you.

His breath caught in his throat. Crowfeather’s eyes closed, letting the words of the other man sink into his bones and then fill him to the brim with a sea of adoration.

Always a ranger, but that was not all that Germanicus was to Crowfeather. He wished that he had the words to assure him.

As long as you are happy. It was all that mattered.

When Germanicus spoke of the pups, the dark star shifted his weight and watched the duo play. Both carried dark hairs, though Stormpup had been splashed with heavenly white. It was difficult to think of them as his children.

I wonder- I think about what they will be like when they are grown.

Stormpup’s gaze shifted toward them, sharp and intense. Crowfeather saw his father’s eyes in the boy’s stare. It twisted his belly into a knot.

with this also did germanicus struggle.

they were not born to him and he had not been here for their birth.

the pups seemed fond of him as any other, but there was weight to such a title, and germanicus had failed it in four separate instances.

perhaps then it was decree of the natural order that he should stay away, even as his fondness grew.

"they will be like you, crowfeather," the roman assured, an earnest smile touching lips that curved into a smile in spite of all he was.

all he had done.

was he now even now a betrayer?

"what do you fear?" he asked against the silken ear.

They will be like you, Crowfeather.

The husk to his breath caused goosebumps to erupt along the shadow’s flesh. Fear rushed through his lean limbs and gathered like a lump in the back of his throat. Germanicus was good to him. Germanicus was the light of the moon and the stars, and he glimmered within Crowfeather’s heart with such brightness.

The question that the silver eagle asked was challenging to answer.

The dark star shifted uneasily. His honey warm eyes searched until they had found the bright yellow of the older man’s stare.

That they will be like me, he confessed in a whisper.

"i want them to be like you." crowfeather's doubts had not left him, not in leadership, not in fatherhood.

perhaps this way too they also were met, though germanicus had far more faith in the beloved shadow than he had regard for himself.

their heartbeats, smoothing into a warm cadence.

he felt himself fill with the starlight which always seemed to gild crowfeather in all times; he felt himself touch peace.

The tears that clouded the shadow’s eyes were not crafted by his sadness, but instead had been built from the overwhelming love that was shared. 

Oh, how Germanicus’ wives must have missed him. Crowfeather could not imagine that they could continue their lives without the same ache that he had felt in their time apart. How it did not consume them, he would never know. 

The dark figure buried his snout into the chest of his beloved. He breathed in the scent of Germanicus and held it fast in his lungs. The gentle beat of the older man’s heart was a calming music. 

Perhaps they will take the best parts… from both of us, he said. For Germanicus was not a ship in the night. He was Crowfeather’s world. And he hoped that his children would grow to love the silver eagle.

from both of us.

what did germanicus have to give? 

and it was not a question to ask now. "i will teach them what i know," he vowed, binding himself closer as his kiss found the dark cheek.

the eagle meant to steady, to assure.

"it is hard to be away from you," he said at last thereafter, voice etched at the corners with some new roughness, some malady of spirit.

Crowfeather did not know why Germanicus would miss him, but the feeling echoed in his heart.

It is- It is hard.

The dark figure lifted his face and looked at the handsome features of the silver eagle. A smile crept along the dark line of his mouth. The edges of his honey warm eyes crinkled. He thought he could gaze into Germanicus’ face for the rest of his life. He thought that if it was the last thing he saw, he would die happily.

I think about you all the time when you are gone. What you might be doing. Where your legs might carry you. How you are faring…

Even when they were twined together, wrapped in each other’s arms, Crowfeather found that his mind was trained perfectly to the stalwart man.

I would like to go with you. Maybe- Maybe just once. He missed the ground they had traveled together.

to know crowfeather had been thinking of him struck his heart in its rawest place.

and he felt he could no longer be so silent.

but the shadow spoke, and germanicus recalled the old pleasure of eastward and the closure of the split stone.

and his breath was ragged; he nodded, his forehead against that of the blackstar.

"yes."

anything to take him from this place. this land; anything to soothe the hunger in germanicus that seemed to have no end and destroyed all he meant to love.

Honey eyes closed as his head was pressed to the silver eagle’s. The curling of his lips betrayed his fluttering heart.

Crowfeather longed to travel with Germanicus again. Though his duties were with Riverclan, he felt the itch to follow the ranger, to take his place as the eagle’s shadow. It never mattered where they went, only that they were together.

The dark star breathed deep in the other man’s scent. He filled his limbs with it until they were light, tingling with his breathlessness. Crowfeather wished they could remain there forever.