Lion Head Mesa Within the garden gates

The sun had long since faded and stars glittered overhead in its place. A sea of dark navy and black stretched into the distance and beyond that, into infinity. Beneath the sparkle of starlight there trotted a sleek black figure, a lean shadow on hurried pawsteps. Just ahead of him was the entrance to the caverns where he hoped he might find @Germanicus. Crowfeather had searched the borders before venturing there. He had hoped that he might find the older man somewhere that they could speak privately.

It did not matter, the concept of comfort. Crowfeather believed that he had valuable information to share with the silver eagle. He had spoken to a wild-eyed wolf, a man who was from a group called Ursus, and they did not have the same steadfast patience that Germanicus had displayed.

Ember eyes searched the darkness of the caverns, sniffing for the familiar scent of the soldier.

he had taken his watch and then moved below the mountain.

the shadow would find the imperator in his austere quarters. just off the large anteroom where a guest might stand was a small hallway which terminated in a wall of stone.

a small rock arch marked the single cave to the left. it was smaller than the others, with only a double armful of flatland grass arranged in one corner as a bed.

there were two skins and little else. germanicus brooded to himself over what the queen had said.

Akashingo was a place of pleasure, but Crowfeather still walked lightly through the caverns and halls until he had caught the scent of the silver eagle in the air. The shadow followed quietly until he had passed into where the soldier resided. In approach, the seer felt himself growing increasingly conscious of his own movements. He wondered if the soldier would be bothered to have a visitor in the late hours of the night, if he was resting.

As Crowfeather rounded the corner to find the older man, a breath escaped sharply from his lips.

Germanicus, the shadow whispered to the stoic figure. I have some news for you that seems- it seems important. The volume of his voice did not increase. Crowfeather stood tentatively in his place, staring into his companion’s chambers, eyes drifting curiously to the few items there. It was simple, just as he would expect.

just as germanicus was considering the fact he must lie down and find sleep, he heard light pawsteps outside the doorway.

he knew it was crowfeather before the boy spoke in a hushed voice. the familiarity of the other's gait had grown in these last months. "yes, of course," he murmured in answer.

he wanted to straighten the pelts and kick the grass back into some semblance of being organized. but the eagle did nothing. he settled himself beside the severe details of his bed and waited for crowfeather to enter.

"what have you learned?" in this small space, cut off from the cries and gasps of akashingo, germanicus was seized by the powerful memory of their earlier talk.

The shadow watched as the eagle made himself a place in the bedchamber and settled. There was something remarkable in the way that Germanicus seemed capable of fitting into any setting they entered. Even in Akashingo, where the wolves ran rampant with wants, lusting for everything the world had to offer. The seer could not help but wonder if it was something that had been learned, or if the silver eagle had entered the world in the same manner – belonging.

I spoke to a wolf from a- a clan called Ursus, the dark wolf began tentatively. He told me where the Saints are, in the mountains to the east where we had gone. To think how close they had been to the Saints when hunting for Akashingo made Crowfeather shudder slightly. He did not want to imagine what would have happened if their ilk had discovered them.

We’ll know where to send the spy.

Then, the shadow shuffled his paws and grew nervous.

This wolf is hurt by what the Saints did to him. He says he will not wait for long for our plans. He is driven by revenge.

germanicus watched the shadow anxiously move his feet as he relayed this message. it occurred to him that he had not asked crowfeather to move into his room. 

it occurred to him that being here at all might be quite a moment for the young ranger. the eagle felt truly that he had betrayed something between them that wine-sodden evening.

"the saints have pursued ursus for many miles. i do not know what happened between them before. but his intelligence is invaluable at this time."

the fact the stranger would not hesitate jeopardized his own planning in some way. "i will speak to him."

a silence followed. the imperator finally sat upon his furred coverlet, over enough that the healer could join him. "you are afraid," germanicus said when the quiet had become too much.

The Saints became more frightening with each passing day, but Crowfeather did not feel as though he would quit. Everyone else was preparing for the war, even Satsu was doing what she could to aid the efforts of those around her.

When Germanicus spoke so plainly, the shadow snapped to him.

No! I- I never said that, Crowfeather spoke sharply to him. The seer’s tall ears fell to his head.

I am- I am only nervous. It’s alright to be nervous, we are planning for w- war… Wasn’t it? It would have been far more concerning if the shadow had not felt anything for the impending clash. Crowfeather searched Germanicus’ face, trying to understand what he was thinking, if he felt anything for the efforts they had made.

germanicus felt nothing for the war to come. nyra had overplayed her hand. their enemy had shown themselves willing to act upon whims and cruelty. this was provable first through maggie's fate and secondly through the fatal attack upon the ursus queen. the saints had chosen to settle two scores in the same hour, invite two wars.

it did not suggest that there was a honed general among them. but it did not mean weakness. 

satsu's words rang in his mind. the eagle stared at the near stone wall of his chamber.

"crowfeather."

his voice was quiet yet firm. 

"one day, perhaps soon, it will be time to advance upon our enemy. when that day comes, i — it is my strong feeling and wish that you remain here." 

i go where you go, germanicus.

but not this time.

the imperator set his eyes upon crowfeather. this time there was a nakedness of spirit within them that asked the shadow to understand.

The silver eagle remained rather quiet, pensive. The shadow watched his companion’s eyes fix on the stone wall before he spoke.

Crowfeather listened closely, his heart thrumming in his ears. Germanicus wanted to prepare him to stay behind, to remain there while he forged ahead into battle. The seer was angry, unreasonably so. He felt his hackles bristle and he drew his narrow snout upward to look down upon the older man with only a glimpse of rage in the dull gold of his eyes.

Why?

The word was said with ice, sharp in its edges.

You will give me a reason, Germanicus. I have worked tirelessly to tend to the wounded, to gather information, to learn how to be of use. I have- his voice caught in the back of his throat and Crowfeather turned sharply to conceal his face from the man across from him.

You cannot stop me. Shame on you… for looking at me that way. Shame on you-

The shadow looked to Germanicus.

For trying to force me to stay by making me feel guilty.

crowfeather was notably upset.


germanicus gave the shadow the courtesy of his attention, though his jaw tensed to think that the boy did not believe himself useful unless he was upon the field of battle.


his voice was sharper than it had ever been. it sliced at the eagle. and now he was accused of guilting the boy.

"i cannot stop you, crowfeather." his stare was unwavering. "and i cannot stop thinking of the woman you have tended each day since we have been here. i cannot stop thinking of her and how it might next be you. i cannot," the eagle went on, and now he stood to his paws, activated and restless and aggrieved, "think of you being maimed or killed in some conflict that has nothing to do with either of us."

"you are invaluable. to everyone. to — me. especially to me." the eagle struggled. "i do not want to see you harmed in any way. stay here where the saints cannot reach you. please."

his words had come out disjointed. germanicus was undone. in the face of the shadow's wrath, he felt he had permanently marred the surface of their bond.

satsu's words rang upon him again. was it a testament to the power of the queen or the fact that perhaps the imperator had been wrong to ever guide crowfeather from the hinterlands?

The dark wolf was confused. He stared at Germanicus, heart beating in his throat, in his eardrums, down the length of his limbs as though it was climbing through his veins, through his muscle. How had it evolved into this great big thing? Crowfeather had only gone to relay information, to help their plans further along, but it had dissolved into… this.

And what about what I want? the dark wolf asked sharply.

It is what you wish, what you want, or do not- that woman is dying. The Pharaoh thinks that I am some… court physician that he wishes to keep for himself, like some treasure, but I am not. I am- Crowfeather exhaled sharply, frustrated that he could not express himself the way that he wished, so eloquently – the way Germanicus spoke.

The shadow felt overwhelmed by the man's strange confession.

When he looked to Germanicus, it was pleadingly. Ursus is here, Germanicus. They do not need either one of us to fight. So why is it that you wish to go?

What am I supposed to do if you die? Stay here? the princeling almost spat this at his feet.

I would sooner return to the wolves who hunt me.

The fire inside of him cracked before fading. Crowfeather felt tired in a way he did not believe sleep could fix.

"because i gave my word." germanicus held himself reined, despite the whirling emotions offered to him in each minute by the shadow. 

the eagle's gaze sharpened at the mention of hunting. an inexplicable anger crept over germanicus, but he refused to let it show, to allow it the space where it might become something more.

"because if a saint will crush a smaller being when their enemy is nigh at hand, they will come for children. there are none here, but they exist in this region." he leant heavily upon his pragmatism but it did not help him now. 

crowfeather's words bounded along in his mind. germanicus did not fear death, but he found suddenly that the prospect of leaving the shadow behind was untenable. 

"that will be your decision. but i do not intend to die. nor do i want you to see a battlefront." equal wishes. he blinked slowly in exhaustion and some other unspecified thing.

Tell him that you want him.

Crowfeather hated how Germanicus tried to reason with him. The man’s words filled his head, but he was beginning to get confused. He did not want to hear reason. Not in that moment, not when he was so flustered, so addled.

It is not the time. Now is not the time for such foolishness.

The silver eagle stated that he did not intend to die. Crowfeather snorted a petulant sound, somewhere between a bitter laugh and a hiss of irritation. Was that supposed to ease him? Of course, Germanicus, if there were no intentions to meet your end… It all felt like a terrible joke, like something cruel that sat upon his shoulder and laughed, mocking.

I do not intend to die, either.

Crowfeather dared to hold his head up, to meet the weary gaze of the older man. Tears pricked sharply at the backs of his eyes.

If that is acceptable in the face of my worries, then it is the same for your own.

Crowfeather did not want to go to war.

I will go where it is you go – to battle, to the east, to the depths of the sea.

The shadow tightened, not daring to look away.

again the pledge.

germanicus was upon crowfeather before he scarcely felt himself move. he shoved the boy back against the rough-hewn wall of his minimal quarters and stood with hot breath scouring the shadow's shoulder.

inside his chest the eagle's own heart galloped.

"i have heard you say those words over and over to me." the imperator's voice was gravelled and low. "they have had their effect."

the look in crowfeather's eye. the way the soft mouth formed the words. the threat of salt in the air between them now.

"do not ever doubt my care for you. that is why i will not let you go."

the yellow eyes blazed down and then germanicus was gone, stepping back and around crowfeather in the same motion. gone from his own doorway and into the darkened corridors beyond, choosing blindly some path that wound upward to the mesa's summit.

The movements had been faster than Crowfeather had expected. One beat of his heart and Germanicus was upon him, rough, shoving him back into the wall of the cavern where the dark wolf yelped in shock. His dark frame cowered against the heat of the man’s breath, his figure hunched low to the ground, the shadow did not dare to look at the silver man. Fear bubbled up in his throat like boiling water.

All the things he had wished to say, but nothing came out.

Crowfeather watched as Germanicus turned sharply to retreat from his own den. The shadow was left behind, pressed tightly to the wall, breathing heavily. An ache gripped his heart and chest. Even pulling air into his lungs filled him with pain, filled him with sadness.

Germanicus would not allow him to go to battle. Germanicus would not allow him to go to war.

Crowfeather slipped from the man’s den a short time later, his mind churning with desperation.