Redhawk Caldera a drop filled with memories

She woke sometime in the middle of the night and for a blissful moment, she didn't remember any of it. But as she floated into consciousness, rubbed the crusty salt from her eyes and found herself staring up at the dark ceiling, the knowledge crushed her all over again. Meerkat made a soft choking noise and rolled onto her feet, instinctively stumbling around the sleeping bodies on the floor and moving toward the moonlit doorway. She felt as thought she might scream or vomit, maybe both.

Her pale figure slumped against the threshold as she stared out into the snowy night. The blizzard had blown itself out momentarily. It was calm, the world a white hush. If she tipped her head, she could clearly see the half-moon and a scattering of stars. Her breath unfurled from her mouth, the silvery vapor the only movement in the stillness of the wintry night.

After a moment, she squeezed her eyes shut and let her head hang as hot tears began to ooze from beneath her eyelids. She could still see Toad's torn face, her warm paw going lifeless and limp as her life slipped away, too early, much too early. I never found her a husband, Meerkat thought, her foreleg crooking and her paw curling into a fist she held against the profound pain clenching inside her chest.

@Fennec

Fennec was a light sleeper these days.  She'd returned well after dark and managed to drift off pretty quickly, but was startled awake by a choking noise.  She assumed immediately it was Alyx and checked frantically, but her sister was still quietly asleep.  Need to get more snow, she thought sleepily.  She was still warm with fever.

Meerkat was the one missing.  Fennec had noticed her other younger sister there, but hadn't found out why.  She'd been too exhausted, and too worried about waking her up unnecessarily, to find out, but now she pushed herself stiffly to her paws and stepped (carefully) around and out.

Hey Meer,  she said quietly as she stepped completely from the space.  She could sense the sky open up overhead, and suddenly the bitter cold bit through her pelt.  Meerkat's breathing was off, but not in a way that immediately flagged 'injury'.  She hadn't smelled anything wrong with her either.  Fennec knew the sound of crying by now, but she didn't try to ask.  She'd let Meerkat talk if she wanted, and for now just sat down quietly beside her.

She could not remember ever hurting this badly and Meerkat didn't really know how to process her own emotions. Crying was a little foreign, though it was cathartic too, so she made no attempt to stop it. She softly sobbed, moving her fist up to her mouth to muffle the sound so she wouldn't wake the others. Tears slipped down her muzzle, drops clinging to the tip of her damp nose before falling into the snow and freezing on impact. She paid them no mind at all, too caught up thinking about Toad's final moments, her pain and suffering, all the lost potential.

A figure slipped up beside her and Meerkat hiccuped in surprise. When Fennec greeted her, she opened her mouth but only a miserable croak escaped. She struggled to get control of herself, clear her throat, but it took her several moments before she could manage to speak around the lump lodged there.

"It hurts so much," she whispered.

Fennec frowned in sympathy at the croaked sound and the words.  She wasn't sure if Meerkat was talking physical or mental pain, but asking "where" sounded like a kind of stupid question if it was the latter.

She inched herself over until she was brushing up against, close enough to share her warmth at least.  She had never seen (heard?) Meerkat upset before, so it was hard to remember if she went for hugs or was standoffish.  Fennec herself was a bit of a tossup.  Can I help? She asked instead.

"No," Meerkat answered miserably, leaning into Fennec as she came closer. "She... she..." Her lip wobbled, her voice wavering. Another quiet sob wracked her but she didn't give up, trying to steel herself with a breath long enough to get out the words, even as the tears continued. "She died." It came out as a ragged whisper and the sandy she-wolf cried harder for it, her breath hitching as her eyes closed, which did nothing to stem the tears flowing.

Crying, she found, was a lot like sneezing. You could try to stop it or control it but it was mostly involuntary. Right now, Meerkat didn't even make an attempt. It hurt, deeply, to think of Toad's horrible death. It hurt even more to think of the end of her life. Thinking about it was certainly what provoked this reaction and it was all far from pleasant. But it also felt like releasing the pain and, by that measure, provided a small relief.

Fennec's ears splayed as Meerkat explained and leaned into her, and she unconsciously shifted so that she could cuddle her little sis closer.  Someone in the glen? She asked, wondering who.  There weren't really many she knew there anymore, but she couldn't have been talking about mom because mom was here.  And she didn't mean Alyx, unless she was seriously mistaken.

Fen's soft query was met with a nod and a sniffle. "Yeah," Meerkat said thickly, only to suck in a breath and angle her face more toward her sister's. "Did you know... Toad?" she whispered, finding it difficult to say her name without a fresh round of weeping. As her lower lip began to quiver anew, she tried to distract herself by croaking, "Did you know she was our great aunt?"

She tried to remember if she'd ever hung out with the two of them at the same time at the glen. She couldn't remember, though her brain also felt like it was full of static right now. The outright crying had stopped for now, though tears still welled in her eyes and slithered down her pale face, a touch of wet warmth that quickly chilled in the wintry air.

Fennec's expression didn't move much when Meerkat revealed who it was, though she kept her leaning in.  She knew Toad briefly, and definitely was sorry to hear that she'd apparently died?  But of all of the wolves she'd met at the glen (aside from Osiris), theirs had been one of the more unfortunately toned ones.  Mostly by her own fault, but it was clear that the two hadn't been all that compatible when it came to friendship.

Not really, she answered honestly.  But yeah, I knew that.  Shit, Meer, that sucks.  She could at least sympathize with her sister's feelings on it.  She knew that they'd been close friends, and Fennec couldn't imagine losing a friend like that.  Well, she kinda could.  It sucked bigtime.

What had happened?  She was healthy last Fennec knew, at least sounded like it.  She tried real hard to put a tamp on her morbid curiosity, but she couldn't help it.  What happened?  There was at least some hesitance in her voice.

Naturally, Fennec was curious about Toad's fate. Meerkat sucked in a shaky breath and tried to steel herself for that gruesome tale. It was still so fresh and raw, there was part of her that didn't want to relive it. Certainly she would start crying again. She supposed that was okay. It would be painful, though maybe telling Toad's tragic story would also help her heal.

"A bear," she said quietly, her voice thick. "It... it..." Already her voice began to quaver. She took another deep breath. "It tore her face. I could see—" Meerkat cut off abruptly here, a sob wrenching loose. On second thought, did Fen even want all the grisly details? And on that note, she abruptly remembered Desdemona and the sob was followed by a low moan.

"Desdemona was killed too," she said once she could manage words again. This loss wasn't quite as agonizing to her personally, though it was still an incredible blow. Meerkat didn't even attempt to mention the eagle plucking out the guardian's eyes. That image would haunt her for the rest of her life, there was no reason to burden Fennec with it. (You'll have to forgive Meerkat for forgetting her sister was blind just then.)

Fennec wouldn't have minded the details.  The macab had never bothered her, and what's more, she was unable to imagine visually what was spoken of.  Though the idea of a bear killing someone in front of Meerkat was awful, and tearing her face... it must have been horrendous.  So she didn't press.  She could hear the heartbreak in Meerkat's voice and how hard this whole thing was for her to speak about.

She didn't recognize the name that Meerkat gave for who else was killed, though she had met her.  She'd never gotten the name of the woman who helped her after she'd accidentally poisoned herself.

She leaned over and started to comb her teeth through Meerkat's fur, then clean around her ears a bit.  She didn't really know what to say to make things better, or what she could do, but her initial impulse was to do what she'd do to any wolf who came sick or injured... calm them down.

When Fennec began grooming her, Meerkat leaned more heavily into her sister, taking great comfort in her ministrations. Her shoulders shook and she made breathy, wet noises, though slowly the crying subsided. Tears still gathered in her lashes and trickled down her snout, though they grew fewer as the minutes passed.

Staring down at the small hole her hot tears had melted into the snow between her paws, Meerkat murmured, "I'm going to have to tell Bronco." She really wasn't looking forward to breaking this news to him, especially not in his condition. A deeply melancholy sigh escaped her.

Fennec wasn't sure what the right or wrong thing to say was, but at least what she was doing seemed to help.  She kept on doing it, right up until Meerkat brought up that she was going to have to tell Bronco.  Oof.  Fennec had no real concept of how close either of those wolves were to him, honestly.  She hadn't really been introduced to their circle when she'd joined the Glen, nor had she avidly joined in when most of their activities centered on hunting.  It was the one thing she'd never really managed to fully grasp, so most days she didn't bother trying.  Especially not in a group scenario.

But she imagined pretty close.  He's gonna be okay.  She answered.  She could at least reassure her on that, health wise, though reaction wise she supposed she wasn't really qualified to say for sure.  Still - to Fennec, death was just kind of something that happened.  Bronco and Meerkat would both be okay, in the end, because they had no choice but to be okay.  And in spite of everything, there was something kinda neat about that.

She made no reply to her sister's reassurances. Meerkat deeply appreciated everything Fennec offered her tonight—comfort, companionship, a literal shoulder to lean on—and she offered her a wan smile before remembering she wouldn't see it. Another sigh emptied from her chest into the wintry air.

"Thanks, Fen," she said quietly when she could, her voice thickened by the stuffiness brought on from her crying session. She lapsed back into silence then, pressing gently against her older sister, thankful for yet another thing as they sat there together: simple warmth.

After a time, her eyelids began to droop and she said, "I'm going to try to get some sleep." In lieu of more words of thanks, Meerkat nuzzled Fennec. She stood slowly and a little stiffly, then slipped back into the darkness of the cave to curl up beside Bronco.

Fennec didn't respond to the thanks, though she appreciated it.  Mainly because she wasn't sure any of what she was doing was right, but she knew there was feasibly nothing she could do.  Not only was she complete shit at comforting, but she also didn't know either of the wolves well enough to speak to them.  The best she could give was her awkward presence and companionship.

That did enough of the trick to calm her down into sleeping.  Sure, she replied quietly as Meerkat disappeared.  Fennec remained out a little while longer, breathing in the cold and letting it get into her coat.  After a while it would drive her in, but for now, it was calmingly peaceful outside.