Noctisardor Bypass High and Dry

”’E is worse den you,” She commented to @Anselm, once she felt certain the unwelcome behemoth would not hear. Adrenaline surged through her now, in the wake of dealing with someone so mercurial. She left feeling neither triumphant nor defeated. She supposed she should be thankful no blood had been shed, but no progress had been made, either.

But she knew what the man looked like, what he smelled like. She knew for herself he was deserving of punishment- and she’d managed to survive the encounter. Now, to speak with @Etienne- and then report back to Sapphique.

She feared there would be no satisfying outcome. Her brother was far too gentle to want an army sent for revenge- and she knew he might also choose to stay, for the sake of the women and their children. Bitterly, she began to accept how ineffective she was.

Anselm supposed there were worst things than leaving with your life intact but your pride in shambles -- and his pride, believe you me, was in shambles.

While Suzu supposed it was neither a victory nor a loss, Anselm was wholly dejected. He let out the smallest snort in response to her summation, eyes trailing the rough-cut boughs of the pine forest before resting ahead. Like Suzu, Anselm was coming to terms with his own ineffectiveness -- and it poisoned him deeply.  Vhat is your plan now?

It was with trembling paws and shuddery breaths that he waited. In the tree line. He had attempted to leave the small square of forest. Go towards Anselm and Suzu. He was not afraid of the man. Etienne didn't fear much in the usual sense. No he was afraid of what that man could do to those he loved. Himself. It wasn't a big deal. He wasn't even as offended amymore at his own wounds. But that Glaukos had hurt Anselm. That he couldn't forgive.

He saw the two walking forward and was swift to them and in their space. Sniffing over both of them. Peering at them with golden eyes. And only when he was sure neither was hurt would he back off.

His mood remained dark; she sensed his disappointment but she wasn’t sure that meeting could have ever favoured them- not when their adversary was as unyielding as a mountain.

”Oh, if I ‘as my way, I would take you an’ Etienne, go back to Sapphique an’ den come back ‘ere wid reinforcements, drag ‘is massive ass to de cliffs an’ t’row ’im off de lowest cliff so ‘e survive de fall, but get picked to pieces by de seagulls,” She answered casually. ”But you an’ I know Eti would never suffer such t’ings, regardless of de fact dat de man ‘urt ‘im, an’ I do not t’ink ‘e would leave Heda an’ de ot’er woman, eit’er, regardless of whet’er Glaukos is right, an’ dey don’t need ‘is ‘elp, so…” She sighed, and shrugged.

”Any suggestions?” she asked- but then she caught sight of Eti. She moved forward to greet him, knowing he would be relived to see them without a hair out of place. Whatever she had hoped to accomplish…She had failed.

The turbulence in Anselm settled as he laid eyes on Etienne; the concern in the seaborn’s face softly chiseling the disappointment away. 

Suzu’s suggestion inspired the briefest of smiles. As Etienne inspected them both with inquisitive sniffs, Anselm wondered what a seagull was. Hopefully something big enough that it could push Glaukos down another flight or two of cliff sides. 

She was right about one thing; Etienne wouldn’t like it. He sighed and mulled their options. Vell. Ve could be dead. Maybe it wasn’t all bad.

They were both fine. The ruff of his neck laid down finally. And he could breath easier. Though Anselm's words caught him off guard and he huffed a laugh and then had to rub a hand across his muzzle, because a thought of a world without Suzu or Anselm made his heart ache.

He gave the male a chiding look and also to Suzu. Yes you be lucky dis is true.

He held a paw up to them both. The more he had thought about them going off, the more irritated he became. But they were okay. But they were still stuck in the same place it seemed. He wanted to ask, but he knew both his sister and the man in front of him could tend to get offended easily. And they were both prideful.

She laughed faintly at Anselm’s comment. ”Not dead, no. But getting anywhere wid dat man,” She said, with a shake of her head. 

She looked to her brother. She was a proud wolf, with a vengeful spirit- but she knew if she acted without Etienne’s consent, that it could potentially cause him to push her away. Etienne hated violence, but she hated seeing him do work for a man who was so ungrateful. 

”Eti, ‘e is not a good man. If ‘e be willing to ‘urt someone else for ‘is own gain, ‘e be selfish, not wort’y of your ‘elp.” She said. ”’E says now, dat Heda an’ uhm…” She’d forgotten the other woman’s name- they would know who she meant. She continued. ”Now deir children be born, dey do not be needin’ your ‘elp anymore. Etienne, we should go, all t’ree of us.” She pleaded. ”Mireille be ‘avin babies soon, Maman likely as well by dis point,” She could only guess; her mother typically gave birth early in the spring. ”I know you want to ‘elp but Eti…Please- only ‘Elp dose who deserve it. Not dose ‘oo ’urt you.”

There was little use reasoning with stone. Anselm shifted to look between the siblings, feeling the edges of his consciousness frayed by defeat.

It was not fair.

His gaze flickered to Etienne's face as Suzu continued to speak, lodging several good points into the conversation that deserved consideration. He'd come to his own conclusion about Glaukos -- and truthfully, the man was the one thing that stood in their way to truly belonging to Rivenwood. It was not as if he stayed for Druid.

He liked to believe he didn't stay for Heda either, but the knifelike twist in his gut told him that was not true.

Still, it was hard to argue with logic.

Fuck him. Anselm spat into the dirt, his sole contribution to Suzu's salient point.

A deepening sense of absolute unfairness bloomed in the man of sea's chest. Not for the first time in his life he hated his very nature. But this hatred of himself. This ever burning darkness. He Hated that he couldn't stand up to others. Hated that Anselm and now even Suzu. Precious. Beautiful. Suzu, were pulled into a mess of his own making.

There had been moments of doubt, of disgust and aye even hatred. But he had felt as if he could rise above. That his better nature fixed that self loathing, but now. Now it festered and it burned like Bile in the back of his throat. It rose like a tidal wave in his very bones and it rolled and frothed.

And he felt it as if a snapping. A pain so deeply profound in his heart and chest, that he almost gasped aloud. The effort was too much and his emotions bled from his eyes leaving him feeling fragile and broken.

He looked away from them both. He couldn't face them and see the love and care he didn't deserve winking back at him.

Anselm. W'at do you want to do? Do you want to leave?

skipping with permission <3

Anselm thumbed the dirt, waiting for Etienne to counter Suzu's points. Instead, the impetus was put upon his shoulders. He looked between them both, taken aback. What use would it be asking an itinerant where the best place to stay was?

Do you want to leave?

It does not matter vhat I vant. Anselm answered briskly, gaze landing between the two. I have no vone. Nobody is vaiting on me to come home. Vhat I do does not matter. You -- He thrust his head towards Etienne. have a family that misses you. Maybe it was time they consider returning to that family.

Vhatever ve do, ve should tell the others vhen it is time.

Etienne asked because to him Anselm mattered. He mattered as much as his family. There was a tie of fate to them and it would either consume them or set them free. Etienne didn't know.

Etienne shook hia head taken aback and felt tears spring to hia eyes. He looked at Suzu with wide open gaze and then he lifted his head.

You 'ave me! I 'ave stayed and stayed. You matter to me.

Etienne took a shuddering breath and another. I need.

He pressed his head down the earth so loud. I need to tink. I be back.

A curl of his tail and he turned to walk away. Limbs shaking. He came so close to telling Anselm the truth. And it frightened him.

last from eti

She wished she could lift the pressure of this burden from Etienne’s shoulders- but she could not protect him from everything. His future was for him to decide, and while it seemed to cause him great concern, she had faith that he would pull through, and that if he struggled, she would be there to support him no matter what. 

If he chose to stay, however, there would be little that she could do for him- Glaukos had made it abundantly clear that she was not wanted or welcome. 

Her gaze drifted to Anselm, sharpening as her brother’s did when he claimed to have no one. Just how oblivious could one man be? She could see the hurt in her brother, whose tear-filled gaze then turned to her. Her own eyes welled, to see her brother be dismissed. She cared, and she hoped that he saw it in her eyes before he turned to go.

He took some space for himself, and she allowed him to go, forcing herself to breathe quietly and carefully though she wanted nothing more than to turn to the mop-faced fun-suck and scream.

She gritted her teeth, squeezing her tongue against the back of her throat to suppress  her voice when she spoke after her brother had moved off to breathe. She knew if she screamed at him, it would only make things worse.  

”If ‘e means as much to you as I believe ‘e does, you need to tell ‘im.” She said. ”An’ I t’ink you need to ‘ear yourself say it as much as ‘e does.”

He'd selfishly forgotten the one thing that did matter, and when he realized it, it was too late.

His heart sank to see tears darken the soft gold of Etienne's eyes. His mouth parted to exact adulations for Etienne, to tell him of course he mattered, he was the only one that stayed -- but to say all this would be to risk everything, and fracture an inner-image Anselm had about himself that would not survive schism.

He stepped back to let Etienne go, sensing the burn of Suzu's gaze. As much as he wanted to follow Etienne and tell him he was sorry, Anselm stayed. His ears pinned as Suzu spoke. She may be right, but Anselm was not receptive.

He turned a hard shoulder and mumbled. Vhatever, Suzu. The camaraderie from moments before was broken; Anselm cleared his throat and began to walk anywhere that wasn't near the two of them. Like Etienne, he needed time to think.