Fairspell Meadow Something tells me

From the wood and into the open wilds, Crowfeather began the duo’s journey to find Akashingo. The eastern mountains looked a daunting structure, stretching so far to the north that the dark wolf could not see where they ended.

The meadow where the two wolves passed was bright and cheery. There were markings where deer had left prints, nibbled on the plant life before venturing on. Crowfeather stopped to sniff at one of these scuff markings with a thoughtful expression.

I can see a natural path on the mountain from here, Crowfeather woofed back to @Germanicus. Elevation would allow the dark wolf to peer out and locate the lake where he had spoken to Satsu. From there, he did believe he could find Akashingo without any issue.

germanicus followed solemnly. he looked where crowfeather indicated, and nodded when the boy offered to take up their trail again.

there was regret in the eagle for what he had shared. a name here. a story there. but he had given too much of himself to be held by another.

"if this is another den of the saints, you will leave. we will regroup at lake rodney."

the eagle had promised lady ruenna a suitable report, and he would deliver that.

Something about the response felt wrong. Crowfeather mulled over the instructions that had been offered to him and frowned deeply. If the Saints were grouping, Germanicus wished for him to return to Lake Rodney? The shadow gawked at him openly and shook his head.

I… will not. I said I would go with you and I shall, Crowfeather answered, his voice quavering. The answer was made from panic, misunderstanding. There was a glimmer of indignation on his face. Had their conversation really shifted their dynamic?

Why would we go back, Germanicus? Why-

Why do you wish to send me away? West when you wish to go east?

Worry gnawed at his insides like a ravenous dog.

the shadow seemed shaken by the instruction. germanicus stopped. "you will leave, because i will not have you harmed." he did not know the nature of this pack, only that were avoided and had a negative name. "stepping into their throat is unwise. even if she is your friend. but i have already told regent ruenna that i would gather information. and so we will go."

"and if i feel it is too dangerous, then you will return to the caldera. wait for me."

he could not bear the look in crowfeather's expression.

You will leave, because-

Crowfeather had stopped listening. The shadow had also stopped in his tracks and regarded the older man with a teary-eyed pout that he could not adjust if his life had been at stake. Try as he might, the shadow could not understand what he had done.

How long will I wait? Until the war begins? Until you are done fighting?

When the dark fur along his shoulders and neck bristled, Crowfeather turned away from Germanicus. He had never felt this kind of hurt.

Until you die? this was difficult to say. Wolves of the Starsea did not die, they became stars. Outsiders were different, however. When those who were not of the stars passed away, they were never to return.

And then? You wish for me to join their ranks? To make a life with them at the Redhawk Caldera? the conversation was spiraling swiftly. Crowfeather did not care.

germanicus did not like the way that crowfeather spoke now. he was ill-equipped to deal with such a flood of emotion. 

and all misplaced! he felt strongly, but the passion trembling in the shadow's voice set his own heart to pounding. "i do not intend to die, crowfeather," germanicus answered, more sharply than he meant. it was the thorny tones of a centurion, and for a moment he pierced the shadow through with the thrust of his eyes.

the eagle relented. "i only intend to have you out of harm's way. not to begin a war or die in one. i have left that world in another life."

the tears, the exquisite anguish upon the dark pointed face. germanicus found himself tormented again.

The words that were spoken by the soldier were sharp, thrust like spears and wielded by one who knew their weight well. Crowfeather felt the sting. He cursed at himself, furious that he had even allowed his feelings to overflow that way. The dark wolf still felt a lurching sense of dread at the thought of being sent away.

Crowfeather could not stop picturing Germanicus traveling east without him, rid of a burden. No room for rational thoughts, this sick fantasy was all that had overcome him since the older man first offered instruction.

Then there will be no need for me to go back without you.

The shadow did not dare meet his face. There was a wicked, violent, angry beating to his heart, and he knew that Germanicus’ gaze would cause it to erupt.

Crowfeather felt something childish rise in him.

I am the one who has run into their numbers, several of them. I am the one who has met their leader, Germanicus. Why do you wish to be rid of me?

I will not ask you of children or love. I will not if it means you will let me continue at your side. I am sorry- Crowfeather had never felt so much like a lost boy. He did not wish to lie to Germanicus, but he could think of no other bargain that he might be able to make.

germanicus might have made an apt answer to the rest of it were it not for the last. the mention of children and love drove clearly knifepoint into his gut.

he stood with frustration and longing in him. "i do not wish to be rid of you. but you are not able to fight. and we walk now toward what may be the beginnings of a war."

the eagle clung to the tactical explanation, fearing the delve into what the shadow's last words had meant. "it is a much different thing to be harmed by wolves."

germanicus let out his breath. surely crowfeather sought his reciprocation. so many young men had become attached to their instructors, for far from women their age or the love of a mother, training became an intimacy of its own. 

the eagle felt that his state was only a lingering wistfulness for those days. he had never attempted to understand himself, for it had always presented itself as an obstacle. 

"tell me of the one who became a star," he invited softly, wanting to know in what soft way crowfeather regarded love.

Crowfeather did not understand how things had gotten so complicated. It had been less than a year since he had been in the Starsea and he had believed that nothing could have been more frightening than that place, or his father.

Germanicus, I will fight anyway. I will. You are the best soldier. You will show me, teach me. I am a willing apprentice.

More bargains, he was sure that would simply become tiresome on the older man. Crowfeather would not cease his pleading until Germanicus had heard it all, all that could be offered.

Now he wished to know of Mothwing. Crowfeather shifted uncomfortably. The dark of his paws nearly scuffed at the dirt in surprise. Why would Germanicus wish to know of her? The dark wolf felt confused.

Mothwing was clever and fearless. Funny when she wanted to be. She was deaf, but she never acted it. She taught me everything I know about herbs, the dark young wolf spoke tiredly. But she is dead, Germanicus. It does not matter how she was or is. Mothwing is gone. I am here with you now.


I will not leave, he wanted to remind the older man.

germanicus wanted now to tell crowfeather had had mistook everything, to be cruel once in a bid for distance. this had happened far too many times. it was his tale, not of honour or glory had in battle, but of loneliness. and it was something to which the eagle had become deeply accustomed.

this mothwing must have been no woman at all, only a girl. as crowfeather himself was young. he told himself the vestiges of hurt in the shadow's heart had created this projection. one too many times he had allowed things to slip beyond the current gate. it had only brought hurt in the end.

"which is it you want more, crowfeather?" he asked, in the manner of a man buckling armor around his chest. "you may only choose one. you cannot mingle the two. and i can only offer one." and so there was but a single choice. "longer fellowships than ours have decided this was a reason to break apart. i would not want to see our trust dismantled in such a way."

Perhaps it was the way that Germanicus addressed it, but Crowfeather felt as though he were a child again. The words carried more weight to them than he was capable of wading through. In the moments after Germanicus had spoken, the dark shadow wondered what he was supposed to offer in response.

I-

Was he intended to make some sort of decision? Would that decision dictate their next course of actions? Furthermore, Crowfeather felt a familiar creeping horror that he would not like the outcome of this conversation.

What are my options? What am I choosing between? he asked faintly. If there was to be a decision made, Crowfeather wished to hear both choices ahead of him.

A smaller part of the seer was hoping for just a few more minutes of time. _Ask me something else, anything else_, he pleaded in his mind. If only he had not allowed his petulance get in the way. Crowfeather squirmed beneath the pressure of this talk.

germanicus watched crowfeather for a long time. he was at once too weary and too harried to put forth the rhetorical choices again.

"might we revisit this after akashingo?" the centurion asked next. he felt as though their minds must be attuned to this next task. and yet he knew it would leave the rest of this conversation undone.

the eagle did not have the merit for it in this moment. the deeper that he and crowfeather cut into the bedrock of one another, the more reticent and guarded he felt himself becoming.

and he did not want to close against the young hunter.

The dark wolf breathed softly, as though he had been holding his breath for a long time. 

Germanicus did not wish to speak of these things. He requested a visit again to the topic after Akashingo. Crowfeather felt his teeth press tight against each other. 

Yes, of course. Duty first. 

The shadow set his sights back to their path, grateful to have even a small distraction.

this was not how he had wanted to enter the threshold of another place.

germanicus noted that this time, crowfeather did not say his name in that soft way again.

was it a bridge burnt? the ranger told himself it must be better this way, and followed, letting the shadow mark their path toward this mysterious territory.