Noctisardor Bypass fouson

tags for ref, puppies always welcome to make an appearance! <3

it had not escaped the red-nape's notice that @Anselm was protective over the den in a way that eased her chest with relief. she would not apologize for her first assumptions over his willingness to be near them, but his guarding presence had led to improved sleep for heda, not to mention far less time on her feet.
very slowly she began to fill out once more, and as dawnlight poured into dawnleaf, heda called softly for the brusque man to come nearer to the entrance than he had before. to see.
"@Kikimora," she said, once their eyes had met in quiet. the small charcoal girl was nestled at her chest, separate from the others but only for now, the moonblue of her gaze missing nothing. "@Goldfinch," the cream-silver daughter with the eyes that would be two-toned, her delicacy belying the fact that she had been the first to escape the den!
"@Artio," heda went on, motioning to the stocky potato child with his sour-cream belly and his white-speckled face. "@Averie," baby-azure eyes against a backdrop of soft earthen tones which turned to gold beneath the sun.
heda found anselm's eyes again, silent in her communication.
"@Ezra," she murmured of the dove-grey boy with her stripe of scarlet nestled against his brother, their newly open eyes attempting to focus on the stranger. "@Gideon," the stone-ash son with two tails and a satisfyingly robust appetite.
for the third time heda glanced at the tall birch, trying to gauge his reaction.

Anselm didn’t expect to be summoned — but as he was, he approached quietly, unsure of Heda’s purpose. 

She presented a child to him - the first of the squirming bodies. Her voice was soft, hushed against the church-pew like quiet of the den. 

Kikimora. Goldfinch. Artio. Averie. Anselm’s gaze passed over each, noting the differences in color, in size, condition. 

And then she named her — his — sons. His throat worked stiffly. Ezra; a round shape with a red back just like his mother. Gideon — Anselm noted with pride his stamp was strong in this one — until he got to the tail. 

His jaw opened in surprise, slapped in the face with a newfound guilt. This was to be his shameful reminder of their incestual tryst.

anselm was shocked. heda gently shook her head, eyes filled with a determination she meant to insist upon. gideon would be no less loved, no less adored, and no less wanted. the parentage of these sons must cease to matter, for both her and for anselm.
it bittered her a bit to know that after all the corruptive rises and falls, there would be no redemption for their relationship, not in the way she had originally wanted. a private daydream of hers, added to the stock of dissociative pleasantries into which she escaped whenever possible, was that anselm had accepted her undignified proposal that day.
suppose he had? would they have ever known?
heda kissed gideon's downy ears, then that of ezra. her eyes were clear when she set them on anselm again.

Kikimora curled close, her dark spine pressed snug to the Winterwhite furs of Heda's chest. She was quiet and content, snug and warm, yet fought her little body's yearning for sleep.

Her red-kissed caretaker breathed her name, and her eyes cracked open; she'd nodded off, missing the arrival of another adult. Kikimora tilted her head, blinking up into the Den Mother's warm golden gaze, then shifted to see the ashen features of a stranger.

She stared at him, curious, and there was no fear in her heart despite not recognising this newcomer to the den.

Heda's gaze communicated more than Anselm could stomach. He looked away as she kissed the head of each of their sons -- his sons -- feeling a lodge in his throat that would not clear by coughing alone.

One of the children had woken; the dark-furred one Heda introduced as Kikimora. The girl looked sleepily up to her caretaker, and then to Anselm -- no trace of fear in her gaze.

Anselm did not remember being so young. He froze and held her stare a moment, but then looked back to Heda. And nothing from Glaukos? He feared the man's return still, worrying not just for his own pelt, but the pelt of the children if Glaukos were to learn the truth.

Ironically, it stung Anselm bitterly to know and to remember Heda had slept with another so shortly after. He had no right to feel this way, and a part of him knew it -- still, his skin simmered.

heda licked kikimora's head with soft thoughtfulness. "i saw him a few days ago, out in the valley. a ways from here." she flicked her gaze only once to anselm this time, having felt a jagged twist in her chest when she saw him turn from the boys.
the boys. not his sons. and never their sons. 
"he was upset. he said druid just came at him. that she said he was breaking rivenwood and that she told him to leave. he feels — disrespected, i think. he says druid attacked first, he defended, and she got hurt, that it was not his intention. but he left. he doesn't intend to come back; says their arrangement is over."
another look; stolen, for heda could not resist the expressiveness anselm often held. it reminded her of what she had lost.

Feel free to skip  <3

A dark, flopped ear gave a small twitch as Heda kissed her crown, but she did not break the unblinking stare with Anselm. He looked right back at her, held her stormy gaze with his own gilded eyes; she wanted to reach out. Her little nostrils flared and she drew in the scent of him, committing it to the memory of his face.

The conversation between the adults meant nothing to her. Too little to understand the topic of the father she'd likely never know and with her curiosity proving short-lived, Kikimora shifted to tuck herself close to her caretaker once more.

Anselm felt a pinprick under his skin to learn Heda had seen Glaukos recently. First came a sting if paranoia — followed by a blade of betrayal — what good came of provoking the bear, what good came of pursuing him? Did Heda want him back in her life?

He looked away, unable to hide the sourness he felt cloud his belly. Kikimora had since pulled her gaze away, and now turned to nestle against Heda’s breast. 

Anselm wondered if Glaukos’ account of the events. It was strange to hear his version depicted — if there was truth to it, Anselm did not feel sorry for the man. Anselm only needed to remember Glaukos’ rough handling of both he and Etienne to keep his heart hard. 

Did he also not plan to hurt Etienne? Or me? His gaze cut back to the bundle of puppies. Fragile; too soft for tough handling. Vhat if it vas vonne of them?

"i don't know about you guys," heda said frankly, "but nothing ever told me he'd hurt the kids. he watched them sometimes, when they were first born." a sigh felt like it was rattling her jaw as it rushed out, and she busied herself arranging the bedding just so around kikimora.
"but he's gone. and if he comes back, he has to know he won't be welcome," heda said, tone evincing some regret at that despite what had happened.
a golden glance now, for anselm, silence stretching between he and she.

Anselm was not satisfied with such an answer. Heda may have her reasons for believing what she said was true — but when was the last time she felt Glaukos’ fangs against her throat? For him, he could not bury that memory deep enough. 

His mouth formed in a hard line. The children may never know that touch, but Anselm did — and he would not forgive it. 

Whether or not Glaukos knew he was welcome, Anselm was not confident it would matter. He did not seem the type to put others wants before his own. 

I guess ve vill see. Anselm concluded at length, not wishing to say anything that would fracture the brittle, tentative peace between them. He cleared his throat and gave Heda a brief, apprising look. I vill be outside.

a splay of soft ears greeted his words, but no more. heda bent back over the children, trying to ignore the way anselm turned to leave.
it did not sit right with her, but heda had no right to expect more from him.
the strains of a hymn would carry to his ears soon thereafter, a song for the babies she adored so very much more than herself.