Wheeling Gull Isle shouklaka

for @Caracal! making some assumptions! lmk if not okay! <3

heda had left @Aquillius in the hands of the lion's den, on a bed of heather and long sedgegrass, the shell of fresh water at his head.
the stars were high. she had asked caracal to look in on the boy, because she had no knowledge of plants. maybe he would pass. she hoped not.
"god keeps sending souls to us," she remarked to him. heda sat outside the den, not within earshot of aquillius but close enough to hear if he called out. she turned her eyes on the skies and was silent.

All good!

Caracal did as Heda asked and checked on the patient, though he only gave him a cursory examination and muttered to his friend that she’d already done everything there was to do. Truthfully, he couldn’t stand looking at the kid’s mutilated eye. He wanted to help but he’d totally lost his taste for medicine.

He found Heda holding vigil under the dark skies and took a seat beside her. His lips pursed at her words. He had no argument with them. Heda was right: they’d seen a lot of wayward wolves on the island’s shore lately, himself included.

What does God have against eyes? he wondered with a touch of humor. My uncle is blind in one eye, my sister is blind in both eyes, then there’s me… and this poor kid… seriously, what’s the deal with that?

"i don't assume to know the will of god, but," heda said, turning her golden eyes on each bright star in turn, "but maybe it's about inner sight."
heda bumped her shoulder against his. "or maybe it's all just correlation." finally she looked at him, truly did. "are you settling all right, caracal?" heda looked down at basic herbs between her paws: soapwort and dandelion root. she wanted to mix them for aquillius' wounds but wasn't sure how.

When she bumped against him, he pressed back, finding comfort in their casual familiarity. As for her comments, he wasn’t so sure what to say. He went still, his expression thoughtful.

That’s a funny word, ‘settling’… he mused, both eyes twinkling, even if one was duller than the other. I don’t think I’ve ever done that in my life. What does it look like? Feel like? How do I know if it’s happening to me?

heda grinned. "i think it looks like this. i've got a purpose and each night i can just sit here and look at the stars. i can do anything i want and what i choose is peace."
her throat constricted then; bartholomew filled her mind. "and this island can be where i put all my love."
now she was silent and still once more.

Heda took his jesting in stride, meeting him with a more serious but still lighthearted response. Caracal listened and hummed under his breath, pondering whether he could see himself actually staying here.

Then her remark about love earned a bit of a sharper glance. Something had shifted slightly in her demeanor. She seemed more solemn. It had been a hard day, tending to Aquillius. But that didn’t really explain her somber words.

Hey, what about me? Where’s my love? he demanded quietly, a playful note in his voice. Remember when you said you’d never have friends? And I said I’d never consider joining a pack? Caracal pointed out with a laugh. I guess things have changed, huh?

He definitely wouldn’t mind fostering a deeper friendship with her, though Caracal knew he was third in line, at best. There was Mireille, her best friend, and then Bartholomew, whatever he was to her.

her smile was swift and light. "i feel so different now than i was. it's like i hardly know that past me at all." and she liked it that way.
a redbacked ear flicked to listen for the boy, but when she heard nothing, heda stepped into the water that trickled in front of the cave, washing the herbs while she thought half-heartedly of what to do with them.
"you'll always have my love, caracal. you've known both sides of me."

As he mentally ranked himself, he realized he actually needed to drop himself down to the fourth position, since Heda was apparently in love with the island itself. Caracal inwardly snickered at the thought.

He felt a little honored when she pointed out he’d known both her “before” and “after” versions. Caracal had definitely felt a camaraderie with her former persona, though he was just as fond of present Heda too.

Right back at’cha, he told her, lowering his voice to add, wifey.

That made him think of something. He had intuited a special bond between Heda and Bartholomew. But the way she’d recently spoken about Mireille made him suddenly wonder. Sometimes people were attracted to the same sex, he knew. Caracal felt warmth creeping under his skin.

On that subject, we can talk about anything, right? At least, he’d like that sort of friendship. Do you have any romantic prospects? Or are you really, like, planning to make a move on a whole ass island?

something about the moniker heated heda and made her feel wrong simultaneously. but the feelings weren't strong enough to ask him to stop; besides, she liked the way his eyes looked when he said it.
heda swallowed when her friend circled the raw seat of her deepest pain. "the island," she declared. "it has to love me back." a laugh swelled the air between them. "though you should know mireille has offered me her brother, just like that." heda giggled. "that's just the kind of person she is."
heda peered at caracal. "and you? looking to make a move on someone soon?"

She insisted she was paired with the island, that it loved her back. Caracal couldn’t refute her, nor did he want to. If that’s what made her happy, he supported it.

She laughingly informed him of Mireille’s offer of her own brother. Caracal wondered what said brother made of this. Heda didn’t seem to take it too seriously. Well, she was with Wheeling Gull, after all.

Of course, she turned the question back on him. Caracal’s mouth opened to offer a playful retort of one kind or another, though he closed it. His eyes sparkled in the darkness. His skin felt too tight.

He’d had some time to acknowledge his feelings. More accurately, he’d become unable to ignore them. Caracal hadn’t fully come to terms with them yet, though he wondered if talking about them out loud to someone he trusted might help him make sense of them.

No, I… I’m still trying to figure myself out, he replied, voice gone a little quieter. Caracal drew in a breath and breathed out, I like boys. And girls. But definitely boys too. Both.

it felt monumental when caracal spoke again. heda reached out to cover hsi paw with her own a moment, offering a little squeeze. "more to love, right?" she said softly, wondering now what sort of issues he had faced.
she studied his sweet and earnest face. "do — have you tried to date before? boys, i mean," heda asked.
and as she spoke she wanted very much to tell him that it wasn't the island which kept her rooted.

When she reached for his paw, he realized he was a little shaky. Her touch grounded him. Caracal brought his free hand over to lay it on top of hers, so that he held her pale paw between both of his.

Right, he echoed a little faintly, grateful for her open heart and mind.

But even her gracious reception didn’t stop him from looking away at her question. Caracal still held onto her, though he felt heat crowding up under his throat. His ears burned. He felt prickling along his shoulders.

No, he managed. I’m not even sure I want that? I don’t know. I haven’t, like, courted anyone though, like, no girls either, Caracal awkwardly admitted, I mean, aside from marrying you.

the touch helped her as well, heda was realizing. so she kept their contact and watched as he looked away.
"there's time. no rush, wifey," she joked back at him. and then her own throat was scorching.
her eyes burned.
"if it helps, i've been in love with bartholomew for a long time but —"
caracal could fill in the blanks. "and i can't — i don't know what it's like to not want him."

He knew the joke was made with good intentions, though it made the tips of his ears burn as red hot as they looked. Caracal steadied himself with a breath. It was so stupid to feel emasculated by such a small, well-meaning comment, he was just feeling so vulnerable…

Heda distracted him with a confession of her own. Caracal blinked at her, returning her earlier squeeze. So, his suspicions had been right. More than anything, he was honored that she’d decided to actually share this with him. Caracal didn’t enjoy this feeling of vulnerability but at least it was mutual.

Shit, that’s hard. Have you considered yeeting him off the island so you can focus on your one true love? he asked lightly, leaning into her. Wait. Do you know how he feels?

It sounded like it was unrequited, else why would there be lines of pain around her eyes right now? He waited, hoping for her sake that his initial impression was wrong.

"he knows how i feel," was all heda said. bartholomew had been particularly hard to figure out when it came to his exact feeling on her, but from the looks of it he held no romantic sensation, just a deep love for the pale girl who had been at his sides for some months now.
heda told herself to be contented with it.
but a smaller part of her cried out against the unfairness of it. wouldn't it be easier if she had fallen for ensio or caracal or even sobo? if she weren't bound to this good earth not only by her want but her desire for the darkfurred man?
grinning belatedly at his joke, and making no move to pull her paw away, heda sighed. "i — ive decided to have children and raise them here, caracal." she looked toward him and his redstained ears, and smiled in resolution. "blueberry said she'd stay and help me. would love if you — didn't stay a stranger." but this was becoming his home, wasn't it?

His heart sank for her when she confirmed Bartholomew knew how she felt and clearly did not reciprocate. Caracal gently extracted his nearer forepaw and leaned back so he could throw that leg over her shoulder in a loose, companionable hug.

Heda’s next comment caught him by surprise. He still held onto her but he leaned away slightly to better see her face in the starlight. Caracal’s lips formed a questioning moue, though he let her finish, then gave himself a moment to process.

That was a serious ask. Caracal wanted to agree, though he knew he should check himself before he wrecked himself. He loved this island so far but what if he grew restless again? What if he wanted to leave to continue his rambling lifestyle?

I definitely won’t be a stranger, was all he could offer her for now, though he hoped he could one day promise her more in good faith. Can I ask… who’ll father them? Mireille’s brother? he guessed.

"i don't know!" heda laughed, then all of a sudden crazy, unwarrante tears were standing in her eyes and flowing down her face. she loved him and found she was focusing on his quiet and his words.
sobo was the logical choice, suggested by mireille and not far, part of an established and strong pack. but heda found herself shying from the idea, as much as she balked at the idea of asking caracal to —
no.
if heda found herself pregnant, she needed to provide a way for bartholomew to be their father. a stranger then was necessary.
she inhaled shakily but this time she could hardly look at her friend.

Now his other paw slipped free so Caracal could turn his body and toss his other foreleg around Heda’s neck, pulling her against him in a proper hug. He touched his nose to her cheek before slotting his neck over her shoulder blade, hoping the closeness would comfort her.

Over her shoulder, he said, Hey, we’ll figure it out, only realizing he’d said “we” rather than “you” after the words were already spoken to the silver sands behind Heda.

Pulling back, he kept his forelegs braced on her shoulders. Caracal gave her a brief, friendly shake, then freed his right forepaw to touch at Heda’s cheek. He brushed at her tears. It felt a little silly, a move that belonged in some cheesy rom-com, but he didn’t care.

caracal hugged her, wiped her tears, and they only came harder. the tension in her body was raw. this was what she had wanted from bartholomew: his arms around her and his gaze boring into hers, telling her she would be his and her own.
"caracal," and her voice was a slender study in trepidation and shyness. she looked at the handsome planes of his face and saw how striking he was! how strong he was despite his youth.
and how little she stirred for him.
"caracal, will you kiss me?" heda forced out before she lost her wit and bravery. perhaps if her friend unlocked something in her with that, perhaps there truly was a hope of being free from this wonderful, awful, aching love.

He meant to comfort her, though the contact only made her cry harder. Caracal was uncertain if he should pull away. If his touch was only making things worse, maybe he ought to give her her space?

“Caracal, will you kiss me?”

He genuinely didn’t expect that. His whole body went rigid as he stared at her, trying to read her expression. There was a look of naked vulnerability on her face that made his heart hurt for her.

Yeah, he breathed.

Gently, he slid his forepaws up her neck to cup either side of her jaw. He then leaned in, closing his eyes as he sweetly kissed her on the forehead.

it was not what she had wanted. but neither was it what she had expected. in a mixture of shock and affection she felt his lips brush her crown.
heda's smile was quick and definite before she said anything. her arms settled loosely around his waist, while something tense inside suddenly eased.
maybe not what she had wanted. but what she needed. the advisor felt her nerves at last settle, plunging her into a soft tiredness. "thank you."

She relaxed into an embrace, her smile returned. Caracal felt something loosen in his chest at the sight of it. He leaned into her, a gentle press of companionable warmth. In the distance, the surf pounded a comforting rhythm.

There was nothing to say but, Anytime.

His lips tingled. He wondered about the possibility of a romance between them, of course he did. Wouldn’t that be straight out of a storybook, if he settled down with her here and they started a family together?

Caracal wasn’t sure he could commit to any of that, though, and he wouldn’t breathe a word of it unless he knew he could follow through for her. He wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box but Caracal liked to think he had integrity. He would never make a promise he didn’t think he could keep.

while caracal considered the future, heda relaxed against him until she was asleep.
the long weeks, the gathering, and now the tending of aquillius: her acts of service had left her decimated in terms of energy.
caracal had provided her with peace and respite. heda accepted it warmly and gladly.
she would awaken if he moved or if the boy called, but for now — for now she slept, and thankfully so.