Wheeling Gull Isle The promises were spoiled before they left your lips

Killdeer seemed to be enjoying himself and, at this point, that meant she was happy.

Maybe content was the better word. Happy might take a while yet.

Fennec spent most of her time on the island either sunning herself on the upper part of the beach or wandering about the cliffs within the central part of the island. She had no desire to get close to the water and obviously no desire to leave until Killdeer was ready; so she wasted time and tried not to think too much about anything. Pretty fucking hard to do on a vacation island with literally nothing else to distract her.

For the third or fourth time in her life, she was looking ahead and staring at nothing but a yawning void. Not the usual blindness variety, but potential that she had no clue what the hell she was going to do with. Start a pack near my ex mate. Fun shit. What the fuck was she thinking.

She wasn’t thinking. She was doing what her son wanted and this time she was doing it without the fucking identity crisis.

Even the ocean sounded dubious of that one as it lapped at the shore a number of yards away. Fennec sighed and rested her head on her paws, stretched out against the warmed sand. Her kid really knew how to give his mom enough time to spin out. Good for him, but fuck she needed to get her shit together if this was going to work. Because there was no way in hell she was giving that jackass the impression (or satisfaction) of knowing living nearby bothered her one bit.

Cool as ice. She could absolutely do this.

He went looking for Killdeer today, though he found Fennec instead. Caracal paused in his step, then approached his older sister. He knew she couldn’t see, though her eyes were open, so at least he wasn’t interrupting a nap. He let out a little yip to make sure she knew he was there.

Heya, he greeted, flopping down beside her. How’s island life treating ya?

Caracal wondered if she knew about the other arrivals. He made a note to mention them, just in case, even as he once again pondered whether this handful of wolves could possibly become an official pack. He didn’t want want to get his hopes up, though Caracal wasn’t above a little begging, either.

Fennec huffed out a breath but didn’t rise as Caracal approached and asked. No offense, but you can keep it. It’s just… Quiet? Claustrophobic? … remote.

True but maybe a little harsh. Seems like you have a good thing going here, though. Glad to hear it. It confirmed her position as the only relationship failure in the family but hell, she could hold that place with some semblance of pride. And maybe just a small hint of jealousy now and then.

What made you pick here? It wasn’t exactly the natural choice, swimming out and claiming a spot so isolated.

He huffed a laugh at her remark. She wasn’t wrong. Caracal sort of thought of the island as a getaway from the rest of the world. He didn’t mind being alone here with Heda—he could always hit the mainland if he wanted to socialize—but it would also be really nice to have a few more family members and friends around.

Heda picked it, he said. I wandered past one day and found her here. I asked to stay a few days but… what’s that saying? ‘The rest is history’? I feel settled here, with her.

It wouldn’t be just the pair of them much longer. Even if all their visitors left, Heda was very likely pregnant. Caracal knew the two of them would be good parents and that the island would provide for them. Still, it might be nice to have some help.

I’d really love if you and Killer considered staying, he said candidly. Our cousin, Vesper, is here, he added, not realizing that she was actually Fen’s half-sister. And Heda’s friend, Kilgitsuk, recently showed up too. With pups on the way, that’s enough for a proper pack, isn’t it?

Fennec felt a flash of annoyance as he pressed the issue. She’d figured a visit wouldn’t be the only reason but, unreasonably, she was tired already of explaining herself.

I can’t. She replied, tone set. Even if Killer wants to. I can’t live on a prison. I need a place I can come and go from myself. It was selfish, perhaps, but she’d taken enough shit these past few years that maybe she didn’t need to apologize. She’d at least tried to make the canyon work for his sake.

Consider it. Even being here now had her fur prickling, itching to leave. It was knowing she couldn’t that caused it.

Caracal’s head reared back as Fennec’s temperament suddenly shifted. At first the island was remote, now she called it a prison. She insisted there was no possibility she’d even consider it, citing a valid concern about accessibility.

He was so taken aback, he didn’t know how to respond. His stomach sank. If Fennec didn’t want to stay here, that was her call. Did that mean Killdeer wouldn’t consider it though? Her phrasing made him swallow thickly, her tone made him afraid to even ask.

In the ensuing silence, he thought of their previous encounter. It would suck if Killer left with his mom, though maybe it was for the best if Fennec didn’t stay here. Caracal felt a little bad for thinking it but his sister was kind of a moody jerk.

Caracal’s silence spoke volumes. Well, if he didn’t want honesty, he shouldn’t have asked, she thought tiredly. She’d been disappointing everyone around her for the past few years. Really it just made them even more of family. She hadn’t said it to be mean but it wasn’t her fault if he took it that way.

No offense, but I’m kind of at my limit for feeling guilty about fucking shit up. So if you are going to get upset at anyone about it, make it me. Don’t take it out on Killer, alright? She could handle being disliked but she didn’t want Killer to lose a friend and brother just because she had a thing about being trapped. She hoped he would tell her if he preferred to stick around, with or without her, but something told her he would be staying if she wasn’t in the picture.

He would never say it to her face, though any guilt he felt about it sort of withered when Fennec spoke again. He wouldn’t have used the word upset to describe how he felt, though what actually rubbed Caracal the wrong way was the implication that he would take it out on anybody, much less Killdeer.

Killer’s my best friend in the whole world, Caracal said, his indirect way of telling Fennec that her suggestion was absurd. I’d really love for him to stay but I’m not going to throw a fit or something, he continued with a dry, incredulous laugh. I just want him to find the same happiness and peace I have. If that’s somewhere else, then…

He shrugged, realizing she wouldn’t see it. It didn’t matter. It made him sad to think that Killdeer wouldn’t stay here just because Fennec didn’t want to give it a chance. But if all else failed, Killer could always visit. Caracal’s door would always be open to his pal.

She was his older sister and it shouldn’t have felt like they were strangers, but that feeling only intensified with his defense. He was Killer’s best friend, but for Fennec it wasn’t enough. If he would stay without her she would let him, but she wouldn’t remain here, trapped and surrounded by strangers, just so her son would stay. Making decisions for others never ended well for her.

I’m sure he’ll stay if he wants to. She replied back, sitting up as she did so. Fennec just wanted all of this to be decided and done with. Every family member they ran into was another happily settled into a life they wanted to share with her. None of them realized that they couldn’t. Not in the way she needed.

I really am glad you’re happy here. Even if I suck at all of this. If he stayed I wouldn’t be upset. I just can’t. It was as much of an olive branch as she could give.

Her tone thawed considerably now. Caracal didn’t really know what to make of the mood swings. He would definitely need to talk to Killdeer at some point, though Fennec’s momentary snark had really deflated his hopes.

I know it’s not the same thing but I actually lost vision in one eye. I remember being scared I’d get saltwater in the other one and drown when I first swam over, Caracal told her with a little rumbling chuckle. I totally get that concern. And I respect your decision. I was just asking.

Maybe don’t take your baggage out on me, he thought. Caracal wasn’t the smartest wolf alive, not by a long shot, but he wasn’t dumb enough to say that part out loud.

The thaw almost kicked right back into fire the instant Caracal tried to commiserate. Fortunately Fennec kept in mind that he wasn’t only her brother; he was Killer’s friend. There was a limit to how shitty she wanted to be here, no matter how frustrated she might feel.

It isn’t that. She replied, managing to keep her tone at neutral. I’ve almost drowned before, and there’s no landmarks in an ocean. I don't plan on trying my luck again, bridge or no bridge. One wrong step and she’d still be lost. All it took was going under.

He didn’t know her. None of them ever bothered to try, and it rankled her that he tried to talk as if he did. It wasn’t as if any of them had ever come to visit her when they’d come to see mom, after all.

Sure, maybe she wouldn’t have wanted the company. But it would have been nice to be thought of.

He nodded slowly, then remembered she wouldn’t see that and said, I get it.

Well, maybe those weren’t the right words. But he wasn’t sure it was possible to say the right thing when it came to Fennec, so he didn’t bother trying to clarify. Caracal just hoped she understood that he wasn’t going to argue or try to persuade her. He would do his best not do either of those things with Killer, either, though he wondered how that conversation would go.

If you need anything, just give us a shout. I’m gonna go check on Heda, Caracal said, sensing that this conversation had run its course. Later, Fennec, he tacked on before turning and sweeping up the beach.

Sure.

She listened to him go without another comment, knowing she’d likely interact as little as possible with them while she waited for Killdeer to be ready to go.

A part of her felt guilty. A bigger part reasoned that she didn’t owe them anything. And the biggest part fiercely, deeply, and uncontrollably missed Fig right now. She’d have given about anything to have him show up and ask if she wanted to ditch off to the shore for a while.

He’d always had her back and she’d ruined it. It was hard to ignore that with so much space to think.