Redsand Canyon perseco

perhaps it was the rigour of the day. perhaps it was the extra patrols added since minne and tierra had been attacked. perhaps it was the good feeling of exhaustion, of stretched muscles and a body honed back to its prime by heavy work.

whatever the reason, when germanicus returned late to the den he and @Fennec shared, she would find his greeting silent and desirous, hunger and something else licking at all his veins. something that grew in strength.

the eagle had built his stamina for war but now used it for passion.

afterward, he looked out at the falling snow and silent trees. "it is time to go on our winter's march. and somehow i want only you and i to leave for a time."

It wasn’t rare for them to enjoy one another like this, but it was for him to seek it with the ardor he did today. She’d worried that the conversation with Reyson would bring his mood lower, and instead he returned looking for something she was just as happy to engage in. As usual, she rested against him after, pleasantly buzzing and enjoying his warmth against the chill of the falling night.

Oh? Oh. She didn’t dislike the idea. In fact, she liked it - quite a lot. But she wondered about the reason, because what might have been a romantic gesture from another she knew better than to take for granted here. They were more likely to be forward scouts than a honeymoon.

Still… the two of them. The only leadership in Mereo, both gone, wasn’t something that sounded like strategy.

Where would we go? She asked, shifting her cheek on his side so that she could better catch his words. There would never be a day that invitations like these wouldn’t make her stomach leap with pleasure.

tag for ref!

germanicus knew as soon as he said it this thing was impossible. at least for now.

and so the man let himself indulge, his breath warm against the fur of her strong shoulder. "at least two weeks' travel eastward, to the bracken forest on the taiga. there is a place i would like you to know."

celnes. the elk-worshippers. his first taste of freedom.

crowfeather.

he wanted to go, to cleanse them both from the silent stone.

because he did not yet know @Reyson's predicament, he said: "we have two officers. let them lead the march." his smile was quick. he thought of her time to come and his to be consumed, so far from mereo that there was no work to consider, only fennec.

Between the way he worded it and the mystery, Fennec was tentatively intrigued. A place I’d like you to know. She didn’t miss the adjustment.

Mysterious. Is that really proper form, General? She asked, but with a laugh that (more clearly than usual) would indicate a joke. Something about it had caught her and she didn’t want to know, now.

They’ll be thrilled. But if you are talking about Tierra, I’m not sure what shape we’ll come back to them in. Her sister wasn’t exactly a disciplinarian. Then again - neither was Fennec. Maybe a bit of lighter march would do them some good, and some time away would likewise give Germanicus the chance to relax. I’d like that. If you were asking.

germanicus grinned an easy smile when fennec called him general.

he liked it on several levels though he was unsure it was seemly to say as much. 

"i was," he said, and kissed the side of her neck, pulling the imperatrix closer until his nose brushed the fine hairs of her nape. 

who knew what affection meant to take him now? in the morning he would be collected as always but for now in the darkened, warm freedom of their den, germanicus was only a man.

he proceeded boldly, his foreleg draped across her waist. "i had thought when the time comes, you would like to share it with me away from the canyon."

Fennec made a sound, soft and low in her throat, as he drew her in closer.  At some point it had stopped feeling like a gesture he did for her and more like something natural.  Alone like this, any distance between them would feel wrong.

Fennec was a minefield in a variety of ways, but when it came to this, she was not hard to distract.

Will you be able to enjoy it, leaving your post?  She smiled, a glint of devilishness behind it, and traced to give his jawline and chin a light nip.  Or are you hoping to make me distract you.  Imperator.

She’d be more than happy to oblige, especially then.  She might let nerves get to her a bit later, thinking about the extended time alone together with no duties or distractions to occupy either.  Right now she was too close to entertain any potential downsides or effects.

the eagle did not know why his wanting had climbed. he supposed he understood on some level why it might. his dealings before had been very infrequent and once married, he thought it was a husband's duty to only be delicate and to rarely express his want.

fennec met him each time without questioning or words. in the soft light he saw her smile. her questing nip brought a satisfied grunt from the man. "i plan to be so thoroughly distracted that i cannot recall a single plan or battle."

he set his face close, so that she could feel how his features changed with a smile of his own. "i have not left mereo for more than tasks in quite some time."

She felt it. He surprised her weekly; she hadn’t gone into this marriage expecting happiness. Let alone this.

I’ll be sure not to work you too hard. She teased back, feeling more playful than she had in a long while. When was the last time she’d been invited on a trip like this, unprompted? Penn. So long ago.

I’ve never planned this before. Killer was… different. A mistake. He couldn’t be called that anymore but at the time, she’d felt nothing but dread. It was hard to imagine what it would be like to actually look forward to it this year. It’s nice. But still a little nerve-wracking. I’m not sure parenting is something you can ever call yourself experienced with. Herself especially.

germanicus wondered if by different she meant unplanned. 

he did not think that she had not wanted the boy, who had proven to be a strong part of their ranks.

the eagle hmmed in answer. "you are correct. only valiria remains here with me, out of four." the thought hurt his heart, for now he considered cornelius and alivia, and even aquillius who had silently left.

"do not think you are alone in your trepidation. what we do have is trust." his eyes were warm in the dark, and then he closed them, relaxing easily against fennec. "it is important for me to say, again, that it is your choice. if that moment comes and you decide you do not want to bear children, i will not be upset."

they had come together in understanding. he would not see them bound by resentment.

Hearing his voice, she considered again how selfish it was to settle here and be glad that Bronco hadn’t. If he approached the borders, she wouldn’t allow him to join, and she was grateful he hadn’t tried. But it wasn’t hard still to draw lines between Germanicus’ regret and what her ex mate was likely feeling.

His children had chosen their mother. She was the last one to say they’d chosen wrong. At least he didn’t seem angry; just cut by it. She wasn’t sure what to say.

He relaxed into her and she played with the sand beneath one of her forepaws, still resting her head against his flank. Every time he reaffirmed the trust they had, it got perhaps a little easier to let down her guards around him. He was crashing through some of them with a speed that was slightly alarming.

That’s the one thing I’m sure of. She answered honestly. I didn’t know it before, but as soon as he was here, I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted anything. Last year, when Bronco… Did she want to share that?

She wanted him to know why she knew so clearly. It didn’t matter more than that. He ended things during my season. Because I wanted this, and he didn’t anymore. At least, not from me. Losing that future was the worst part. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone I could trust enough to try again.

This was about as close to an outright thank you as she’d get, but her voice was softly sincere as she spoke the last statement. She still didn’t know if she loved him entirely, or if she’d ever allow herself to the way she’d loved others. But she thought she might at least love him for this.

fennec then revealed to germanicus a very private thing. it explained a good deal of her reticence.

he looked down at how she was illuminated in his arms, this vital and fierce woman who had deigned to take him as her husband. he wanted to pull her into him and offer her comfort but the eagle was not sure she wanted it.

there was trust in fennec's voice, for the future. for a chance at what bronco had cruelly taken from her. and in the crucial moment itself. he could not imagine her humiliation.

"i want you now," the man said simply. "i will want you then." he would not wax about what a fool bronco was. 

he and she both knew that. it was a small part of why she was here with him now and not tied to a man who rejected her touch and the promise of a future she could carry.

There was a vulnerable moment and then it passed.  She wasn’t going to let it linger for long.  I knew a strategist like you would know better.  Her playful tone was back.

She didn’t doubt it and hadn’t, before. Children would come. It was hard to explain, but it wasn’t Germanicus she didn’t trust. Fennec wasn’t sure she trusted the amount of good she’d experienced these past few weeks. She spent every day with a part of her waiting for a turn that never came.

It all came from him. He could take it away in an instant. She knew he wouldn’t. But she waited regardless.

How did you become a General? She didn’t think she’d ever asked. But thinking of children reminded her of how little she knew about his practices and his past. He had the benefit of knowing her mother and father both. It couldn’t be hard to see where here better - and worse - aspects came from.

germanicus felt he had said the story of his origins multiple times.

but fennec was his wife and therefore he would not only recite the surface telling.

"i was born to the emperor of editum, gaius drusus. my mother was his wife agrippina. i was one of six. three sons and two daughters. cato, tiberius, servanus, julia, and livilla." his voice remained even but his eyes remembered, and his mind brought their faces into stark relief, though it had been the better part of a decade since he had seen any of them.

"the practice was that you kept one son back to train as heir and put the other into the military. but my father put both tiberius and i there, when we could only just stand." that was the part the eagle always left unsaid: that the captain of his father's guard had received two half-weaned infants that day.

he cleared his throat. "the centurion who trained us, patrocles, was harsh but skilled. the other soldiers helped to wean tiberius and i with chewed meat and water and herbs. it was all i knew. i scarcely remember my mother now." it seemed that he had lived such a foreign life from the one he now led. "when tiberius and i were seven months of age, editum's enemy attacked. they were repelled by my father's army, for patrocles was a great general."

his dark jawline tensed, his words cooling. "tiberius did not live to see our victory that day. we pulled him from beneath other dead. patrocles looked at his face, to ensure that it was the king's son. we sent him home to be buried." germanicus could not convey the horror of war, the churned and bloody earth, the gasping soldiers. you could scarcely see in front of you half the time, and the other half was spent realizing that your enemy was little more than a rabble of boys itself.

"after that i never went home. i stayed with the army. i rose in the ranks. patrocles fell in battle a year later and the men urged me to take his place. within less than another i was tribunis laticlavis. and when my father died, and my brother cato became emperor, he made me legatus legionis over all the army. i did not even return for our father's funeral. my promotion was sent in a message."

one son for the throne. one son for the battlefield. 

germanicus had never regretted it.

Seven months old. Fennec listened carefully as he told his story and what he said was illuminating. The life he painted was as different from hers as it possibly could be, and it confirmed that he truly did only ever know war. What mother would give up her sons to battle before they were even weaned? Did she fight for him?

Fennec kept her expression as it was, though the story riled her. It made her think of Fig, and how she’d felt anytime they were separated. Even when she’d gotten lost she’d never had reason to think no one wanted her or was looking for her. She knew Towhee would tear down a mountain, if she could, to protect any of them. And Phox would die before sending them away.

Seven months is too young. she finally said, not sure she should say what she thought of his parents. If they were dead then that was a line she probably shouldn’t cross. How did you even know the home you were fighting for, if you never got to be there? Or were they fighting for strangers?

Mereo made more sense now. His family had been soldiers and he’d never had his own purpose. Her other question could have been rhetorical but this one wasn’t. Are you still here for them? Did he report back? Or was he left to his own devices now, and did he simply not know another way to live?

germanicus wanted to agree. "seven months is too young when you have the luxury of remaining a boy," he said softly. "by the time that i was born, editum had seen three wars and the beginnings of a civil war. all sons and daughters were sent to that aim." even the emperor's own were not above that fate.

he closed his eyes and sought her touch once more, for a tension had slid into all his limbs during the retelling. "i knew only that my sisters and mother lived there. the daughters of a king are little more than pawns. what i fought for was their right to retain the power of choice."

but who he had fought for was gaius drusus, the distant and cold father.

germanicus shook his head against fennec's fur. "no. i was discharged honorably to make way for cato's son." a boy. a child, green and frightened and not ready for the role that the eagle had earned through blood.

"after that i wandered, offering aid where it was needed." whitebark stream. kingslend. redhawk caldera. akashingo.

crowfeather.

Fennec felt him shift as he reached out and met it automatically, tucking her nose into the place where his shoulder met his neck and staying there a moment. She was glad that he recognized it, but she knew he was right. She’d learned that lesson in another way; sometimes you had to prepare for the worst, no matter how hard you hope it doesn’t happen.

But you were never given a choice. Until they didn’t need you. But by that time, how could you know? They’d never shown you anything else. She was upset on his behalf. Germanicus was far more understanding, and forgiving, then she would ever be. She’d have told their entire… whatever the leadership was… to fuck themselves if they’d tossed her out after taking her life like that.

No offense to your brother, but he sounds like a dick. I’m glad you get to choose now, but if that’s where you wanted to be, I’m sorry you had to lose it. She wondered if that was why he’d never seen Mereo as home. Maybe a part of him hoped he could go back and reclaim the position he lost. Selfishly, she hoped not.

a dick! he heard towhee's ribald nature in that and grinned despite himself. "i suppose he was," the eagle responded dryly.

"i am grateful that i was let go from the army before i suffered a permanent maiming." insofar, the scars carried by germanicus were all inside.

suddenly he felt quite tired and equally desirous of her, or perhaps this time he began to kiss her in the darkness to quell the bleeding sickly green memories that he had dredged up.

and later, maybe, he might sleep.

or perhaps he would only lay awake, staring at the stars and listening to the breathing of his wife.

There was more she would have liked to ask him about but Fennec sensed that the conversation had run its course for him. So she set those aside for another time and let him draw her in.

She would fall asleep easily a short time later.