Sun Mote Copse Let this moment be the first chapter: where you decide to stay

@Wraen and other like @Niamh and @Bronco :)

Yeah, the Frosthawks had been cool and stuff, but Nellie was finally over being a little brat and returned home with her tail between her legs. She was afraid her family, all of the Firebirds even, wouldn't recognize her anymore - which was crazy talk because she was the spitting image of her mother and her spunk gave away that she had some Blackthorn in her too. She'd grown dramatically, yet only in stature. She had processed the death of her father at the sanctuary the Frosthawks had provided, but her emotional growth had hit a rocky patch because of it. She'd missed mother and Bronco even though she could barely remember their faces at this point. She'd been debating returning ever since she had left, but every day she was absent brought more guilt which kept her from actually doing it.

What gave her the courage to do so now then, you ask? She had no clue, not even as she stood at the border of the Copse. The scent was familiar yet so distant, like the vague remnants of the smell of smoke even after a candle had been blown out hours ago. The scenery was even more dream-like, bringing back fractions of memories as if she had made up her time here. She bit her lip in silent preparation, but her howl soon rang through the pack lands, requesting an audience.

With her mind swimming, Niamh had pushed herself back into her usual duty of patrolling almost mindlessly as a means of distracting herself. Would she ask Bronco how he felt? And how did she still feel? She tried not to dwell on it too much...But in the end, she ended up dwelling on her thoughts for hours, moping about and more or less avoiding the others in the pack. Bronco was currently avoiding her because they'd had the talk and he probably was trying to get as far as possible from her so that he didn't have to think about how he and Nellie came to be. At least that made one thing easier in her life- she didn't have to avoid someone who was avoiding her. 

But when she heard a voice call from the borders, it wasn't one she recognized immediately, as it had changed, but the fur along her spine prickled, and for a moment, she staggered sideways. Had she heard it? Had she heard her daughter's voice? She waited for a moment for perhaps another call to ring out, to prove to her that she'd heard what she thought she heard...But she heard nothing. She waited for a moment, but she couldn't just turn away from the possibility that her daughter had returned, could she?

...But she hadn't slept. And she didn't really recognize the voice. She half-convinced herself that she'd heard nothing at all, but she couldn't be a sergeant-at-arms who ignored a call from the borders, even if she did think it might've been a trick of her mind. She was patrolling anyway- so she didn't race to meet Nellie, she simply continued along her patrol at her usual pace, until she caught sight of a wisp of gold in the distance. 

She'd convinced herself by then, of course, that she had imagined that it was Nellie- but seeing a wolf with her colour- save for perhaps a slightly darker, more reddish tinge to her dorsal stripe- on the borders made Niamh stagger slightly again. She bolted toward the stranger, eyes fastened upon the youthful, blonde figurine at the border, before she came sliding to a halt with her ears pricked and tail flagging over her back- as though to warn off this possible spectre that she was in no mood for mindgames. She reached out tentatively, silently, her eyes still stern and teeth lightly bared in warning- yearning to touch the tip of her nose to the golden girl's...Just for proof that she was real.

Nellie didn't know who was leading the Firebirds now that her dad was gone, but she wouldn't have suspected her mother. Her mother was kind and charming and everything, but Nellie thought she might not want to replace her now dead mate... Oh god, how was she even doing? Nellie hadn't known dad for very long, but mom... she had kids with him! She loved him, probably more than Nellie ever could now that he was gone... Her heart hurt just thinking about it, pulling her mind, body and soul away from the border - away from the pain and tragedy and the confusion her return must cause. She couldn't do this to Niamh, showing up out of no where... She'd lost both Colt and Nellie and she probably blamed herself, but Nellie was blaming her own dumb, young mind.

No one showed up for a while, and Nellie was already inching away from the border. Did they recognize her voice? Were they ignoring her out of revenge for what she had done? But then there was a flicker of golden blonde in the distance. At first Nellie thought it to be a stray clump of her own fur, but that was only for a millisecond. She squinted then shrunk and pressed herself to the ground. Momma? She whispered under her breath. The other was nearly storming at her now, but those warm, motherly eyes couldn't fool Nellie for long. This was momma and she was... happy? Angry? Both?

She let her nose touch her mom's and closed her eyes. M-Mom!... She said with a sob in between. She hadn't realized she had missed her mom so damn much - almost more than she missed dad. But she was here! To talk to, to touch, to smell... The scent of Bronco and the others clung to her, like a blanket she passed onto little Nellie. It had been so cold on her own, even though she'd deny it if anyone ever asked about it.

But Nellie wanted more than just a little blep on the nose, she was going in for a hug. She was too big to cuddle into her mom's stomach now, but she doubted that would ever keep her from trying. Fears of rejection melted away with every second her mom was here now and she wondered... How could she have ever let this happen?

HOLY CRAP THE TITLE IS FROM HAMILTON!! That's why "That Would Be Enough" is stuck in my head! <3<3<3

Those eyes...The shade of warm bourbon. The adolescent before her had grown out of the mold of a child that she remembered, but still bore traits she recognized. The more she stared at the reflection of her own features- albeit much younger, and perhaps with more spark, considering the added accent of slightly darker fur running along her spine, and the tinge of orange in her beautiful eyes. Those were Colt's eyes. That was the Blackthorn dorsal stripe. Everything else, though, was Niamh- but the combination of the two brought life to a creature that couldn't be anyone other than her daughter, so when she broke the silence and spoke, and with that simple, trembling, monosyllabic expression, she broke the stillness that had frozen Niamh into a statue. 

"Oh, Nellie!" Niamh cried, as her frame melted from stiff and solid to a frenzy of happy wriggles. Her tail waved so frantically that it thumped against her sides and arched in circles as she completely closed the distance between herself and her daughter, ran her muzzle through Nellie's golden and caramel fur and embraced her daughter, leaning her head heavily against Nellie's shoulders, until she finally convinced herself that her daughter was real- and that she was back. She steped back slightly and sat down, still unable to pull herself more than a hair's breadth from her daughter's side. She fretted about the fur along Nellie's shoulder and the back of her neck. "Where were you?" She asked, still looking for any sign that Nellie had been harmed or hurt in any way.

Hell yeah it is XD Thought it was fitting :p

The warm glow of her fur, the soft touch of it - it was just like she remembered. Though she didn't remember completely, Niamh had been the very first wolf Nellie had ever seen, and you know what? It was the most beautiful sight ever for her. She felt so save and loved, and just so happy she hadn't been disowned or forgotten for her actions. Liquid pride welled up in her honeycomb eyes when she heard her name - the one her parents had given to her. They'd given her so much, and what had she given them? Heartbreak and loneliness and worry.

Much like her mum, she couldn't let go and stayed within hugging distance. Embarrassed, her ears went down to frame her face. I'm sorry. Was all she could mutter for just a moment, the shame of her abandonment bubbling up as if someone was boiling her from beneath. I should've stayed - I-I should've been there for you and-and Bronco. She hated feeling this way so much. She was shaking, but to be honest even she couldn't come up with a good enough excuse for her behavior. I'm just so sorry.

Niamh began to shake her head the moment Nellie began to apologize, though she did let her daughter finish, as she did at least want to know where Nellie had gone. She didn't answer that question, but Niamh gently tried to shush her daughter and ease her guilt, preening the fur behind one of her golden ears to soothe her. "Hey, it's Okay...It's Okay," She said. She wanted to tell Nellie that it wasn't her job, to take care of everyone- to tell her that she hadn't done anything wrong, and that she wasn't responsible for anything that had happened. The fact was, Nellie had left- and it had effected both her and Bronco- and she was of course, immediately forgiven, given the fact that she was back, and Niamh had somehow had to come to terms with the fact that she might never see her daughter again. Whatever reasons Nellie had for leaving were unimportant, considering the fact that she had returned, alive. 

"My sweet little girl....I'm so sorry, love," She said, nuzzling the top of her daughter's head. "I thought you were gone...Oh, and Bronco-" She said, suddenly remembering, of course, that she had another child- one who hadn't bothered to show up yet, either, so she called out, demanding that he beat it to the borders pronto. "You're home...You're home, Nellie, that's all that matters." It healed her heart, knowing her daughter had chosen to return. "You're staying though, aren't you?" She asked, pulling back slightly in concern.

She really needed to hear that. She was just so darn happy Niamh accepted her now, even if she had been gone for moons. Never again would she leave without saying a word. Though she wanted to say it a hundred more times or so, no longer did she utter the phrase "I'm sorry" and gently wept into her mother's fur. Her ears pricked hearing her mother was sorry too... for what? She hadn't done anything wrong, neither had Bronco. She wanted to see him too, but brothers were almost meant to not care much for their sisters until it really mattered. Was this such a time?

She nodded frantically. Of course I'm stayin'! She sobbed. I-I didn't come all this way just to leave again, I promise! She closed the distance her mother had created with a nuzzle. I... I was with the Frosthawks... I told everyone not to tell you 'cause you'd come get me and I wasn't ready. She was surprised everyone had kept their promise to her... Would she need to thank them for it? ...I am now, though. She smiled then and her sobbing had ceased.

It was almost frantically that her daughter reassured her that she didn't intend to leave again, which made Niamh feel relieved- but she couldn't help but feel that inevitably, some force of fate might shake the small family apart again. As soon as the Frosthawks were mentioned, Niamh froze slightly, and he couldn't help but express her dismay and surprise  as her hackles lifted slightly. 

The Frosthawks had kept that a secret from her? True- both Quixote and Raven knew her to be impulsive, easily-angered and bull-headed...But to not even send word to her that her daughter was, in the very least, alive? That felt wrong, and Niamh was disappointed. She also felt something heavy press down in her chest as she realized that Phox, too, had known that Nellie was alive. He too had chosen to keep that secret from her. And apparently, he cared about her, but chose instead to allow her to believe that there was a chance her daughter was dead? 

She clenched her teeth together for a few moments in stunned silence. A proud, emotional creature, Nellie's return had once been all that had mattered- and the fact that she was staying. But now, knowing wolves she'd known and trusted for most of her life had simply allowed her to go on, living a tormented life, not knowing whether her daughter lived or not...She felt betrayed. "I..." She said, aware that her disappointment was painfully tangible. "I just wish you'd sent a message, Nellie," She said softly. She felt distanced, by her daughter's decision to keep her in the dark. "I thought you were dead, or kidnapped, or..." She said, and shook her head. "When wolves disappear...They're usually dead." She said. As grateful as she was to have her daughter back, she had been traumatized already, earlier in her life, upon having both of her brothers disappear- and turn up dead. "Maybe you'll understand someday...But I wish you'd told me."

Her ears moved down, regretting telling her mother all of it. Yes, the Frosthawks had kept something from her, so had the visitors, but if they had said anything... They would've hurt Nellie. She couldn't figure out what was worst, if she was being honest. Would she have told Niamh in their shoes, or would she have kept her own secret? God, she felt bad now, worse than before.

I thought about it. She quickly interrupted, letting Niamh continue after. She wasn't lying either, but every time she had thought about sending word about her whereabouts she was sure Niamh would stomp down to grab her by the scruff and bring her home. That's what mothers did; protect their children, even if it meant hurting them. And Nellie didn't want to be hurt anymore.

Yeah, dead... Like dad. She knew what it meant now; dying. She knew what had happened to her father, even if she was still wondering why it had happened in the first place. The Frosthawks had explained, their voices barely registering over all the sobbing she had done. I do understand... I know I must've worried you and Bronco... - but be honest, if I had sent a message, would you not have come to take me away? Her brows pinched together, forming a deep frown yet her eyes were hopeful. Not that it mattered much what would have happened, that time was gone now. At least they were lucky to have the here and now, unlike others...

Niamh frowned, still disappointed and hurt that Nellie would rather allow her own mother to believe that she might have been dead or kidnapped, than chance being found and dragged home by her clingy mother. At least, that was how Niamh read the situation, and it stung that her daughter would do something that she perceived as being so selfish, especially in the wake of her father's death. It irked her, and she could feel her cheeks becoming warm with frustration. Niamh knew that now was the time to use tact, and to conceal her true feelings- she couldn't afford to hurt her daughter and scare her away- but Naimh never was very good at keeping her true thoughts and feelings at bay. 

"I don't know. And neither do you." She stated. "But rather than chancing it, you let me believe you were dead. Like your father." She said. She intended for the comment to sting, the same way she'd felt slighted by her daughter's decision. "How bad would it have been for you, if I had come looking?" She asked, her throat suddenly warm, her voice deepening- not with anger, but with hurt. "I promise you, kid, it wouldn't have been as bad as I felt thinking you were dead. Or as bad as I feel now, knowing you'd rather I- and Bronco- that we thought you were dead than that we tried to bring you back to keep you with us." She said. Hot tears lined her golden eyelashes. She wiped her muzzle on her foreleg. 

A flash of brown caught her attention, even though she saw it only from the corner of her tear-blurred eye. She knew who it was. "Your brother's coming...Let's just...Talk about that later," She said, at least wanting to spare her son from the hurt that Nellie had just inflicted. She drew in a breath and barked for Bronco, who had begun to bolt toward them. "Better brace yourself," She admitted with a wan, but wry smile, and purposefully stepped to the side to allow Bronco to fly straight toward his sister.

The first howl made him halt and prick his ears. It wasn't a voice he recognized, and he didn't hear his mother's, or anyone else's in response. Still, it wasn't in his immediate vicinity, and given the fact that he and his mother often wound their way along the borders in opposing directions, he suspected that one of the two of them would happen upon the stranger sooner or later. Something about the voice made the fur along his back stiffen, and it wasn't until a few minutes later that the imagine of his sister worked its way into his mind, and he felt himself try and push those thoughts away. Nellie was gone- and with the way this winter was shaping up, he did not expect to see her again. 

So when his mother called out, demanding his presence, he huffed and picked up the pace. He'd beenunknowingly working his way toward the pair anyway, so when he saw the two golden wolves in the distance- sitting so close together that that almost appeared as one, two-headed wolf- he slowed and lifted his head, squinting. One was smaller than the other- and slightly darker, and he felt his breath hitch in his chest. Like his mother, he too could not believe his eyes- until she barked, a welcome that spurred him into full motion. He began to laugh- quietly at first- but louder and louder as he got closer, joy overtaking him for the first time in what felt like months. "WhatthefuckNELLIE!!??" He laugh-shouted, and lunged straight at her with every intention of smack-tackling her to the ground.

Yes, she had been selfish. She was young and dumb and still allowed to be a little selfish after the death of her father. That's how Nellie saw it, but everyone wanted her to be a grown up already. "Go tell your mum, she must be worried." "Don't you feel bad?" "Don't you wanna talk to her?" - Truth was that Nellie didn't feel as bad she probably should be feeling. The time at Frosthawks had helped her, probably more so than if she had stayed and moped around with her family.

She felt a little agitated, regretting telling anything at all. She expected questions about her time there, not her moral explanation for wanting to stay there - ALONE. Bad enough for me to not want it. She replied solely. She looked away, not wanting to see her mother actually say all those words. She guessed this was her punishment for acting selfishly, which was fine with her. How could she expect anyone to understand how it was like to lose a father at her age except... Bronco!

She saw it just milliseconds after her mother did, a sprinting silhouette of a big and brawny guy. The golden flecks in his mane were unmistakably Bronco. He was running and running and... He was gonna stop right? She looked to Niamh who had backed off, not heeding her warning.

BRO- Was as much as she could shout before their bodies collided and she was flung to the ground with a hard thump. Whatthefuck - You wanna kill me now that I've returned alive?! She joked with a smile, pushing his much larger frame in an attempt to get him off her.

Bad enough, eh? She frowned, stung by her daughter's words. Nellie had never been this selfish- she shuold have known that Niamh would have understood...Regardless of whether or not that was the truth, she still felt slighted by her daughter's choice, and the fact that she had knowningly allowed her family members to suffer- evn more after having just lost the patriarch of the family. She would try not to hold a grudge, but her daughter's words stung so much that she couldn't help but feel as though she needed some time to herself to digest who exactly it was that her daughter had become. 

Bronco flattened her, and Niamh had stepped back to avoid the collision, and found her mood lifting slightly. Still, she wondered if Bronco might ask the same questions- but fortunately, he seemed too enthusiastic to care.

His mother sat back, and the tension between his Mom and his sister went unnoticed as he gleefully nipped, mouthed and slobbered at Nellie's cheeks and shoulders as he kept her pinned for a moment longer, growling and arching his neck victoriously before he graciously stepped off her, allowing her to get back to her feet. It was remarkable, how much she looked like a younger version of their Mom- but given the fact that she was now nearly an adult, the two would be difficult to tell apart from a distance. Nellie's caramel dorsal stripe and the slightly warmer, deeper shade of her eyes were dead giveaways- but the shape of her features and frame were still frighteningly similar and familiar. He smiled, looking into her eyes; they were just like his, and in being that shade, they were just like Colt's as well. The memory was slightly bittersweet- but the reality warmed him, knowing that at least this time, the one with the hot bourbon eyes had come back to life. 

"Missed you, dorkus," He said, straying from sentimentality for a second, before it caught up with him, and he reached out to gently touch his nose to her cheek in a brotherly way. "An' you better not leave us again," He said, pulling back, revealing the slight residue of insecurity left behind by loss.

Niamh's daughter had become an accident-prone, independent little disaster, and Nellie herself was fine with her being like this. She knew she had hurt Niamh, but treating her like a little kid wasn't gonna help anything - Nellie felt grown up and ready to take on the world on her own, even if she really wasn't - she didn't need a hover parent, she needed a friend she could confide in. The past moons Niamh just didn't feel like the mother to understand what she was struggling with, and even now she was proving that point.

Luckily those emotions were masked by the joy seeing her brother again brought, even if his slobber stained her fur. Wasn't planning on it, ya fopdoodle. She said with a wink, offering him nuzzles in return.

Just gonna tidy this up now that she's like...Officially here and all :3

Niamh was still hurt that Nellie had opted to keep her existance a secret from her, lest Niamh- as whatever clingy, desperate mother Nellie saw her to be- find out where she was and drag her home or chew her out for leaving. She felt like dragging her daughter around the borders of the pack by her golden ears simply so that she knew where the borders were, and that she was not to leave the pack again...But that impulse was simply from hurt and betrayal, and she realized, of course, that Nellie might have been right. Niamh might not have simply let her live with the Frosthawks had she known that she'd run off to join them. No one would ever know what would have happened- but there was more than one possibility. 

Bronco, at least, seemed overjoyed and without judgement, which eased the tension of the situation, and Niamh found herself at least temporarily putting her broken ego on hold and joined the two, growling affectionately at both of them as she joined the duo, giving them each a fond kiss on the head. They'd both been such horribly difficult children- from her headstrong, anti-authoritarian son to her runaway daughter who thought she was a clingy, overbearing witch of a mother. But they were her children- and she loved them regardless. And now she had them both, living, breathing and well, back in the nest.