Stone Circle my beating heart grew still

It had been an excruciating trip home. Laurel had at first wanted to just leave the body, for it was nothing but a shell that reminded her of her sister's death, but in the end she had brought it. She didn't want to leave it alone with Xan, either. Who knew what that freak would do to desecrate her sister's memory. Laurel's mind was a flutter of many things. Disgust for Xan, who was just like all men, who she blamed for all of this, who she wanted back in her life, but who she knew she must stay away from. He'd made himself abundantly clear when they saw each other before, when she told him how she felt. She wouldn't let him trample all over her again.

And Indra, oh, poor Indra. How would Laurel ever survive without her dearest sister? The only one who had stood by her side through all of the hardships they collectively faced? Laurel was not quite so sure how she would ever manage. She just wanted to bury her face in Indra's fur and feel alright again, but she knew she could not. All she could do was return home to the children whose faces reminded her of Indra in all the wrong ways. Laurel'd always defended her children against their aunt's guardedness, the hatred she hid behind those glimmering eyes. It wasn't their fault what their father'd done. Wasn't their fault. But now, even just thinking about them Laurel did not know how she could look them in the eye every day. Somehow, Indra's death changed everything. She'd always doted on them and loved them, but now Laurel was not so sure she could care for Charles, @Riley and @Louie in the same way anymore. Maybe Indra was right. Maybe she wasn't. But regardless, Laurel knew deep in her heart that things'd changed. That she wouldn't be a good mother any longer, if ever she was.

With a final tug Laurel brought Indra's body onto the borders and she then collapsed by her sister's side, sobbing into the cold fur. It brought her no solace at all, only more pain at the reminder that her sister's ruddy fur would soon wither and die off, but she could still not keep herself from doing it.

@Marten @Valette and whoever else wants to join

Children Riley's age were often rambunctious and spirited -- they often were shielded from the cruelties of the world, and had so very few poor or miserable experiences to color their disposition. Yet whatever fates controlled the ledger that swung in Riley's life (and by proxy, Laurel and Indra's too) seemed inordinately biased towards misfortune. Already at nearly six months of age Riley had collected all manner of trauma and bad luck, and today seemed no different. 

Riley had seen his mother from a distance, and had been drawn close by the obscured carcass she carried. At first he had believed it food, and strode towards his mother with a cocksure swagger, salivating at the mouth with his tail held proudly. As the one to always eat first, Riley confidently went to seige the dead -- completely ignoring the distraught nature of his mother, and the oddly blazing russet fur that was all too familiar. 

Indra. 

He stopped midstride, hunger conflicting with confusion. There was no love lost between child and his aunt -- and he had little faculties for sympathy here -- but he could not understand why, if his aunt was dead, that Laurel bothered to drag her body back all this way.

Deciding the reason was unimportant, and his hunger paramount, Riley bullishly lunged for hide, gobs of scarcely withheld drool swinging from his slavering maw.

Valette trotted the sound of someone sobbing. The female had been high on alert to keep the members they did have and to keep them safe. The matriarch was putting all her effort into this pack. She saw Laurel with... Oh no. "Laurel!,"[b] she sounded mostly in her own shock to see her next to her sister's dead body. The leader trotted up to the female and licked over the top of her head with soft whines to comfort her. But Valette knew that it was never easy to loose a loved one and that comfort rarely helped.

[b]"Just let it all out," she spoke. Only then she noticed that Riley was hunger craved and biting into Indra. Valette tried to nudge Riley. "No, dear. Come. I will give you some real food," she assured him. She would make sure to have the pup being fed even though that would mean she would have to skip another meal herself. Laurel would probably be sick with grieve. "Mourn Laurel, we will give Indra a stone, for now I will feed Riley." She turned to Riley. "I will bring you to some food."

He had been out with Valette, trailing behind her on their stroll through the territory when her attention had diverted. And hastily, silently, he followed after her with a tense stature, unsure of why and who was sobbing. Easthollow had been a hassle these days, a constant worry in the man's mind. Between Valette, the quakes, the vanishing of his son, and the death of several pack members, the man was barely keeping his composure and facade on the outside, it didn't surprise him that perhaps others were falling under the weight of it all too.

He spotted Laurel, her frame bent over and carrying... something while her whelps trotted behind. Greyback hesitantly neared closer, his nose flaring as he greeted her. She was sobbing, crumbled to the ground with whatever she was carrying, and while Valette comforted her he turned his gaze to the baggage.

There, strewn upon the earth laid Indras body, and judging by the look and smell of the... carcass, it had evidently been a while since the woman had met her fate.

He sighed upon looking at his now-dead packmate, and with a pointed, stern glare towards Riley he leaned forward to nudge the boy away with Valette. He would let his mate tend the boy and Laurel. For now he would deal with Indra's body.

At first Riley's approach went unnoticed through her grief and sobbing. She might've not noticed at all if it weren't for his sudden lunge and the drool that hit the top of her head as he dove for something. It made her look up. Her? Did he lunge for her? Laurel watched, the tears and sobs gone as she stared at him, her reactions feeling as though in slow motion. It was only when she realised it wasn't her, but Indra that he was going for Laurel responded. Just as his teeth reached Indra's hide Laurel snarled loudly at him and bared her teeth. Laurel was hungry too, but she would never let anyone destroy Indra's body.

No! The scream was feral and loud and Laurel lunged forward to stop Riley from what he was about to do. Stay away from her, Laurel snarled loudly as she threw Riley to the ground. She was not so sure for how long she would be able to do that; for how long she would be the one with the upper hand. Then, all she could rely on was her dominance as their mother, but she was afraid of what the truth might be.

Valette and Greyback soon arrived, although Laurel hardly saw the latter. Laurel's focus shifted from Riley to them. Valette immediately started to treat her like a mother -- or so Laurel supposed -- but the care was so foreign to Laurel that she just froze at first. Every muscle in her body tensed as she allowed Valette for about ten seconds, before she screamed seemingly suddenly, with teeth bared to give meaning to her sudden warning: Don't touch me!! Valette said she could let out all her feelings, but it seemed like an impossible task to Laurel because there were so many more than one could ever express.

She wanted to cry and scream and fight and kill and tear apart -- but instead she did none of those things, her face hardened. The only thing that gave away her hurting was the way that her muscles were all tensed and the way her hardened expressions occassionally twitched, as if there were cracks that were letting mere drops of her actual feelings trickle through every now and then. The tears were gone now, in the presence of others, and it was unlikely that they'd return until after she was in her safe space: alone, where nobody could see what things got to her and use them against her.

The only thing that offered some kind of consolation was that Valette took charge and said that they would bury her somewhere by the stones and that she would make sure Riley was fed. Laurel nodded numbly at Valette. She tiredly got up and looked at Indra's body. Tears threatened to spill again but she held them all in in the presence of her pack mates and her son. Looking at Riley made her feel sick. She just wanted him out of her sight, and she was grateful that Valette provided that for her. It wasn't until then that she noticed Greyback truly, and she stood and waited, not really sure what it was that she was waiting for.

To wake up, perhaps.

pm me if the pp isn't ok, lauren <3

PP is always ok between them! <3

Riley's jaws were just about to seize the forbidden russet of his aunt's coat when suddenly, he was upside down and pinned. He had no time to react, no time to even mount a defense - one second he was about to be fed and the next second he was pinned under seventy pounds of hysterical fury.

His reaction even to that was woefully sluggish; he yelped, paws curled over his chest as he shielded his throat and turned his head away, feeling a sudden burning need to pee in fear -- followed by a sense of deep and unsettling shame and betrayal. His own mother had hit him -- had struck him down in front of an audience -- humiliated him, even.

How could she be so cruel and hit her baby? Riley was straddling the thin toddler-line between absolute hysterics and absolute hatred; he could not decide which emotion took precedence -- his feelings of betrayal, his feelings of terror, his feelings of rage, his feelings of shame -- all of them vied for top-dog position, leaving Riley blustery and bewildered.

Managing to worm out from his mother rather roughly, Riley felt tears burning hot on his face and cheeks. He did not even acknowledge Valette and her kind offer of food, nor Greyback as he arrived shortly thereafter -- all Riley could think of in that moment was his mother, that terrifying image of his mother, searing ugly and horrifying in his head -- the boy bolted into a flat run away from them, refusing to let them see his humiliation a moment longer.

Valette respectfully tipped back when Laurel demanded not to touch her. She could imagine that comfort was the least what she wanted. "I'm sorry, she spoke calmly. Laurel was a pack mate but perhaps one that wasn't much into the family way of how things went. Valette should have realized that and respected her wishes. She only wanted Laurel to let her know that she was there for her.

Valette intended to lead Riley away when the boy rushed off. Valette frowned at the sight and let out a soft oh. She looked at Laurel wondering if they should go after him or if she would go after him. However, Laurel seemed sick with grief. "Do you want me to go after him?," Valette asked, not wanting to overstep again. Her eyes fell on her mate that seemed to tend to Indra's body. "Let's move her to the circle. She should be put to rest."

Greyback twitched his ears back in attempt to buffer the sound of Laurel's scream. That woman sure could yell when she wanted to. He watched silently at the exchange between the mother and her son, and as the boy ran off the man couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy. Clay used to do the same.

He turned back to Laurel and studied her, her stiff posture and hardened facial expression. The woman was surely hurting and struggling to keep herself together. But they needed to bury Indra soon. "Laurel, we need to bury her." He spoke curtly while eyeing Valette. She was asking if she should go after the boy, and Greyback nodded to her. The tears that wet the boys face did not go unnoticed by the Patriarch, and he couldn't imagine what was going through the boy's head.

"May I carry her Laurel?" he questioned, looking to Indra's limp body. It would be tough for most wolves to carry that type of weight, and Greyback feared that dragging her would only do damage to the body and fur. He would be able to carry her on his back to avoid that. It disturbed him slightly to do so, carrying the near-decomposing body of a packmate on your back. Greyback would have to wash himself afterward. "You can come with me to dig a grave at stone circle."

There was no satisfaction in the punishment she gave Riley, but she was just happy that he took it without question. Valette apologised for the touching, but it was the absence of the touch that was more important to Laurel than how her leader felt about it. Later she might put it all into a different perspective, but right now Laurel didn't have the energy to deal with anyone else's feelings and so the apology was mostly just ignored.

After Riley ran off Laurel felt relieved... And a little guilty. It was nice that she no longer had to deal with seeing him and worrying for what he might do -- to Indra and, to her shame, to her -- and she felt safe in the presence of Valette and Greyback, even if she didn't show it as much now. No, leave him, Laurel said, a silent admission that she needed Valette to be here instead right now.

Greyback said they should bury Indra's body and Laurel nodded. That was why she had dragged it all the way here. Yes, she agreed and when Greyback asked her if he should carry the body she nodded again. Please, yes, she answered, her voice shaky as she looked at the body and realisation was starting to really dawn that her sister was dead. She nodded as he said she could help dig, chewing her lip while trying to keep herself from falling apart altogether, and getting ready to follow to the stone circle.

Riley's last post

Riley did not run for long. The rage he felt in his blood had yet to subside, but he felt control soon ebbing its way back into his limbs. He made for the trees until he was out of view, but then once he was sure neither his mother nor Valette and Greyback saw him, Riley turned back.

For a while he watched them, his gaze hard and heart harder. There were all manner of ugly thoughts coursing through his mind as he observed them drag and then dig his aunt. Which course of action he would take was yet undecided -- but Riley would never forget how quickly his mother had turned against him, and it was that image that followed him like an unhappy ghoul as the boy quit their company entirely, and made plans of his own for that night.

Valette watched as Greyback lifted Indra with Laurel's permission. She turned quiet as she could just feel the sadness come from Laurel. This was something she could relate to as she had lost a lot of loved ones. She had grown from it but it was still tough every time. She walked quietly as her mate carried Indra. She could barely watch the sight. It was so strange to see Indra like this. Valette guided them to the circle and then looked around. What would be the best stone for Laurel?

Valette decided that she deserved her own stone. They had the Father with steady, The mother with Scarlett, the warrior with Illecebra, The maiden with Keoni and then one without a soul, which was the one that represented the ones that had been lost or vanished. She turned to another stone and pointed it out to Greyback. "This one. She deserves her own. To remember her by," she spoke. Valette looked at Laurel. "The sister stone, unless you would want it to have another name, to represent her loyalty to family and her wisdom."

With the heavy weight upon his spine Greyback settled behind the group, trailing quite a bit aways to avoid anyone having to look at the body. He followed Valette silently, his head hung low as thoughts whirled around in his mind. He nearly didn't notice they had come upon the Standing Stones till Valette's voice broke him out of a trance.

He nodded as Valette picked out the place, and made haste to put Indra down before moving over in front of it. He gazed upon the rock with concern, taking in its grooves and cracks, its features so defined and unique. The air in this place was always thick to man, heavy with something he couldn't quite explain.

It didn't bother him, it was quite comforting in fact.

He didn't say much as he bent down and scraped at the earth, beginning to dig a grave. His large paws were useful when it came to this, the muscle in his legs working in tune with his claws. Together they decimated the ground, carving a ditch that would soon be home to their deceased packmate.

Laurel followed with a blank expression on her face towards the stones, not sure what she should feel or think. It was hard to do either at that moment, so taken by the grief was she. She was just moving on automatic pilot as it were, not by her own device or wishes or control.

When they reached the stone circle, Valette announced that she should have her own stone. Laurel glanced at the stones, lifeless clumps of rock that meant nothing to her, filled with an energy that she seemingly was the only one who could not sense it. She nodded numbly as Valette said that she should be the sister stone. Laurel couldn't think of any better name. Yes, she said in response while she blinked away a few tears, unwilling to show her weakness in front of her leaders. Thank you for everything. The words came out blank and void of emotion, for the only way to not crumple entirely right then and there was for Laurel to turn it all off and shield herself from it all, the good included.

She just stood and stared at the stone for what felt like the longest time, not realising that she should dig too until Greyback was already well on his way. Only then did she force herself towards the shallow grave and helped dig, mindlessly, her head swirling with all sorts of emotions, but unable to fully comprehend them or process them in any way. Then when the digging was done they moved the body into the grave and Laurel cast one look at the shell of her sister, feeling empty inside.

we can fade it here, unless you guys wanna post more :)