Sun Mote Copse Hidalgo

As the sun rose on a new day, Niamh took a moment of silence to think, considering everything which lay before her now. What she had begun unwillingly was life as a widow, left behind by her beloved after having only had a brief glimpse of what a lifetime full of love could have been. She couldn't believe it. Even though Colt's body now slept beneath the ground, and though she still bore a few small flecks of dirt on the feathers of her legs, she could not quite comprehend what had happened. Occasionally, the realization of some simple fact hit her like a wave of agony- at times it was the fact that her kids wouldn't have a father as they grew up. Sometimes it was the realization that she and Colt could have no more children together. Other times it was the fact that she would sleep alone, now, aside from the warmth of her children, she did not have her husband to lean on in the cool of night. She pushed the thoughts aside. It couldn't be possible. 

She forced herself to sober from these moments of unbelievable remorse and considered what the loss meant for the pack- where the young now outnumbered the adults. They had no defense against attacks, and it was an attack which had led to her husband's death. Colt had been incapable of defending himself, and as far as Niamh knew, no one had gone off in search of Kiwi to dispatch her completely, which she felt was unjust. Now, with Colt dead, she wanted justice more than anything. But they couldn't acheive any sort of thing when there were so many children, and so few adults. 

She took the day to think, and found each of the remaining adult pack members- @Elwood, @Finley, @Eljay and @Wraen, that when the sun went down, they should meet at the communal den area while the children slept, so that the pups would not have to hear their conversation- but they'd be close enough, sleeping, that none would have to worry about keeping a direct eye on them. She tucked her two in- before she left the den and sat in the dark, waiting for the others to join her. The moonless sky offered little aid for visibility, but she knew she'd be able to see the others' faces enough to read their expressions well enough. They had much to discuss- and she doubted any of it would be easy.

It was a grim occasion that drew them together this evening; in a way, Colt's death had been completely unexpected, when one considered the abruptness of Kiwi's attack. But he had never fully healed in the wake of the assault, and it had eventually taken its toll on him. Elwood was mourning the loss of his brother-in-law, but also knew that there were pressing matters that needed to be discussed -- such as the future of the pack. They had now lost two leaders in the span of three months, and the adults were officially outnumbered by the children.

Not only that, but this was Finley's brother that just died, and he knew that she would take it hard. Once the kids were soundly asleep, Elwood moved to meet Niamh, his heart and his feet heavy. He thought of Wraen, and what she had confided in him regarding Kiwi; what she had done had no bearing on Colt's demise, because Kiwi had acted independently. Whether or not Wraen had chosen to help her, she had still carried out her kamikaze mission. Still, it was on his mind.

He approached Niamh under the moonlight, moving close enough to press his crown against her shoulder for a long moment. He couldn't imagine the pain that she felt. He then stepped back to wait for the others, his expression drawn and somber.

She had wanted to be alone.

When Peregrine had died, she had gone to Elwood for solace. When Fox had died, she had mourned alongside Raven. With Wildfire, she had held her entire family tightly in her arms day in and day out. 

This time, though. This time, Finley wanted to be alone.

Fin had come into the world, chasing after her brother. She had been at his side in the womb, and she'd remained at his side for many of the happiest days of her life. Even when they had been apart, Fin had been comforted knowing he was somewhere in this world still. Even when they had hated each other, he had still been a living, breathing part of who she was.

But now he was just gone. Gone in a way he never had been before. Separated from her in a way that left her feeling like an empty shell. So many times in their lives, they had danced on the precipice of losing each other. So many times, they had nearly died. They had always laughed about it before. They had laughed about almost having had to face this devastation of going on in a world the other was no longer a part of. No one was laughing now, though. What a terrible, humorless joke this really was. What a bunch of bullshit this was.

She was angry, she was sad. She was nothing. And that's how Finley approached the gathering. There were so few adults with them now. It should've been concerning. But it wasn't. Fin didn't give a fuck. Stupid Colt. Stupid fucking Colt. All of her threats and all of his promises and the asshole died anyway.

Finley settled in somewhere, glancing around at the other faces. They all had a reason to mourn, Niamh most of all. But fuck her. Fuck everyone. Fuck Colt. She felt a lump in her throat rise and swallowed it down, averting her gaze elsewhere. Fuck it all. Everything was so haunted now.

Colt's death had not been entirely unexpected. Nature was not kind to old, weak and severely injured. Despite efforts of the best healers, there was a point, which was beyond their skills. You could not save everyone. Ever since Wraen's conversation with Elwood, she had watched him carefully, waiting for that right moment to confide in, what she had done. A week ago it had seemed that, if she waited just a little longer, she could ease her heart from the burden. Then had come the news and then the bad news had come and all her good intentions weren't worth a penny. 

She did not blame herself, did not regret helping her. She only hoped that, wherever Kiwi was now, she was suffering physically just as much as people, who had gathered here to mourn the death of their leader. Now it was more obvious than before that killing her would not have changed a single thing. Sovereign would have passed away regardless and the fact that the attacker would have been dead as well, would not have been much of a consolation. Sometimes the crime is too grave to even it out. After all justice is just another god that people believe in, but which does not exist. 

Wraen had not approached either Finley or Niamh, giving them time and space to mourn on their own. She kept the kids busy, did all the small, routine chores around the pack and spent a little time alone. Thinking about Maia and where she was now, and wishing so much that she could be far, far away from the copse, where she would not have to deal with all of this. The Nest, as she lovingly called her pack's territory, had never felt so cold and unwelcoming as it did now. Home and her heart had gone with her younger sibling. She sought out the sense of family among Blackthorns and yet even they were not safe. You could not predict, when would they leave as well, she realised. 

She was unsure of her future or what to do next, when she joined the assembled group of adults. The only thing she knew for sure that out of respect for Colt and his memory, she should stay with Niamh and help raise her children. That would not raise him from the dead, but it would give Wraen some sort of closure to the secret she never had a chance to tell him.

It hadn't been enough.

All that he tried and it hadn't been enough. Eljay blamed himself, of course, because he should've been a more competent healer. He should've been able to save Uncle Colt. It felt like he could somehow make up for not being able to save Wiffle. But instead of a redemption story, Eljay was just lost again, unable to save yet another family member that slipped through his grasp no matter how hard he tried to chomp down. It just wasn't enough, and it was a stark reminder that he'd never been enough.

There were so few left but that was somehow not something Eljay fully realised. The threat of disbanding the home that Wiffle had started, that he had joined, this place that was Wiffle's -- he didn't realise it. Of course they would stay; that much was out of the question for the caretaker. He wouldn't give up Wiffle's home. Eljay wondered why the pups were excluded; even though he felt responsible to make the decisions as an adult, he somehow felt that the children should at least have a say in who would lead them next. Eljay just knew it wasn't going to be him. Other than that, he trusted each one of the adults that had already gathered; and he trusted them all to respect Wiffle's memory enough to stay here.

As Eljay arrived, he saw Niamh and dad. He looked at them sorrowfully, not sure what he could even say to Niamh now. It felt like there were no words for this situation. He noticed mom, a bit further off, and took a few steps towards her but then was stopped by her aura of gloom, a silent mood that screamed loudly in the sensitive man's ears and his ears folded backwards as though she had just literally shouted at him, and he stepped away from her, too. He looked at Wraen, who also hadn't approached the others but seemed a lot more confident about it than he, and smiled meekly, a second or two, before the smile fell off and he waited for Niamh to start this meeting.

Now that everyone was there, she didn't want to talk. She'd called the meeting because she knew it was necessary that they figure something out, and because part of her wanted nothing more than to take her kids and run off, leaving the copse behind and beg Towhee to let her join her pack. She could state her intentions tonight- but she knew she shouldn't just dodge off that quickly. Everyone present was hurting- Finley especially. And it would dishonor Colt if she simply ran off when his sister was there, hurting so much. 

She gritted her teeth together and avoided looking at anyone in particular. Part of her wanted to break down and sob. She could feel the occasional glance from one of the others, and she pointedly stared away from them, knowing that if she made eye contact with them, and saw their sympathy, that she'd lose every single bit of her composure. She took a few moments to try and think of what to say- but she couldn't quite sort out what it was she wanted to bring up. Nor could she really say how she felt, as that too would have pushed her over the edge. And so, with a voice thick with pain and resentment, she spoke, shrugging one angular shoulder deftly as she did so. 

"Now what."

It wasn't voiced as a question, because she resented that it was something they had to consider. The leadership of their pack was up in the air, and the very state of it had been shaken with the loss of another adult. She also had to figure out how to go about raising the kids as a single mother, something she was not prepared to do whatsoever.

The others arrived, and the air was thick with a range of emotions. Elwood's attention lingered on Finley; he could feel the anger and pain radiating off of her, but she had purposefully not settled herself next to him and he recognized that she needed space. Long ago, he might have been hurt by that, but he knew her so well now. He would offer her comfort when she requested it, and in whatever way she needed it.

Wraen and Eljay were somber, and Elwood watched as Eljay started to approach Finley and then thought better of it. With his lips pressed together, he offered a thin smile in his son's direction, then turned to Niamh. She had called them all together, but the silence stretched onward. She avoided eye contact, and he could see the tensing of her jaw muscles. He couldn't imagine what she was feeling.

She did eventually speak up, and it was only two words that were uttered: "Now what." Those simple syllables summed up Elwood's own thoughts -- how were they supposed to pick up the pieces and move on after losing two leaders and family members in quick succession? What did that mean for the pack -- for the children? Who would guide them in Colt's stead?

Somehow, Elwood suspected that it would come down to himself and Wraen. Niamh and Finley were in no condition to step up -- and understandably so -- and he knew that Eljay wouldn't want to. There were other options, too, though; both Asterism Grove and Frosthawks were nearby, and the whole reason the three packs had been founded was to support each other. Perhaps they could lean on their family for help in their time of need. Mulling this all over, he cleared his throat. "Well, one of us can take the helm -- but I think we also need to consider the fact that there are only five of us adults," he said, his gaze shifting between his four companions.

Finley was quiet as the conversation began. She found herself irritated immediately that Niamh had called them here, only to be completely unhelpful. She swallowed the anger though and down the hatch it went with all the rest. How helpful had Fin been in the past few days either? She at least had left everyone else alone, though. But what did it matter. God, she missed her brother.

She didn't notice anyone attempting to approach her, nor did she see the glances cast her way. Her ears turned as her mate spoke. She felt a rush of affection for him that she also rejected. She didn't want to love anyone right now. She wanted to be angry. Anger helped her look away from all of this and allowed her the freedom to be unreasonable and irrational. She wanted to be out of control. It was easier to deal with the hurt when you didn't have to think so hard about it.

At that thought, Tegan came inexplicably into her mind, followed quickly by the rest of her kids. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why couldn't she just shut down and quit feeling? Why did being alive have to be so hard sometimes?

Finley said nothing to Elwood's comment, nor did she offer any suggestion of her own. She didn't know how she felt about someone stepping up to take control of the pack now that Colt was gone. She didn't know how she felt about staying here. Not just in the Copse, but on this side of the mountains in general. Their experiences since leaving the Caldera had been absolute shit. Titmouse, Fire, Wiffle, and now Colt. Fuck. Just... fuck.

Wraen felt truly sorry for Niamh and Finley, but their loss was not the same as hers. Colt had been more like a work colleague to her, fun-boss to have around. For her his death was an inconvenience (but, when had demise been convenient), but not a reason for grief, and she was able to look past this in the future with a cool and clear mind. Her mind had already been working on possible solutions for the situation and was glad that Elwood had gone straight to the practical matters. Had it been her to offer it first, others would have thought of her as a heartless bitch. 

"We are in a good place for the small game - we should be well-off for the next two months or so," Wraen glanced around, but mainly addressed Eljay and Elwood. "Winter - on the other hand - might prove to be difficult. We can ally with either of the sister packs for the big hunts, but - let's face it - what are the odds all of us having enough? Kids are not getting any smaller,"  all that she was saying now, probably fell on deaf ears to both of the mourning she-wolves. 

"Frankly speaking, we as a whole do not have many options in the worst case scenario. It's either splitting up and going our separate ways and joining packs that would have us, or we stay together and hope that it never comes to it," Wraen finished. "I would be fine with whichever decision you make," her gaze lingered at Finley and then at Niamh. "It's your choice really. If after all that's happened, you do not wish to remain here, I will understand."

Eljay listened quietly as others spoke. Daddy mentioned that there were only five adults, which was true, but then again -- they'd managed before, hadn't they? Eljay knew they had a lot of young ones right now, but the Copse was also Wiffle's, and what other options were there anyway? He listened as Wraen tacked on to daddy's words. She seemed torn between staying and trying to make ends meet, or... leaving? She even suggested that the others might want to leave after what happened.

We can't leave! The words were out before he realised it. Eljay had raised his head when he called that out, but now that it was out he felt like he'd said a bad thing and his ears folded back. He licked his lips submissively, hoping that no one was offended by his direct refusal of following Wraen's words. They were born here, all of them. We can't just leave just 'cause... We gotta make it work. We gotta. Eljay frowned thoughtfully, as though he was thinking of a solution right then and there. I'll work harder, I will. And I'm sure Raven will help us out, too. We'll make it work. Eljay's eyes shone with both desperation and confidence -- the latter a rare thing to witness -- but he knew he had to do this, for Wiffle's memory, and for his children. They needed this place. He couldn't just throw it all away.

Elwood answered the obvious question- that someone would have to step up into the leadership position- though he didn’t volunteer, and like Niamh, he too seemed to be aware about the fact that they were short in numbers. Finley said nothing, but Niamh could empathize. She didn’t want to say much either. She hated that they had to talk about these things. They shouldn’t have had to talk about choosing a new leader, because Colt was supposed to still be alive. She felt incredibly bitter that this needed to happen at all, and wasn’t the most engaged participant. Fortunately, though, others were, and the two women who grieved the most were allowed to do so.

Niamh was glad that Wraen didn’t directly step up to claim the role of leader, or volunteer to do so- but it was clear to Niamh that she was capable of doing so. She made several very valid points, and actually helped in easing some of Niamh’s panic. Her first instinct was to duck out, bail, and run to Asterism Grove without thinking twice about it- and though she still weighed that as a possibility, Wraen made her feel a bit more encouraged when shr suggested that they could possibly just join forces in the winter with one (or both) of their sister packs in the winter if necessary. She liked that idea, and nodded.

Eljay’s contribution seemed to come more from an emotional place than a logical one. He didn’t really seem to have solid reasons why he wanted so badly to stay in the Copse, but it was clear that he objected quite soundly to leaving. Given each wolf’s contribution- or lack thereof- Niamh felt she had a decision, for herself at least. 

”I like the idea of banding together with Asterism Grove, and maybe the Frosthawks, in winter. I’ll talk to Towhee.” She said, pausing to allow someone else the opportunity to volunteer to talk to the Frosthawks, assuming Finley or Elwood might, as their kids were there. She sighed. ”We should see what they think...Before talking about splitting up,” She admitted, though she still had the urge to simply go off and do so on her own. ”Until then, we need a leader. My vote is either Elwood or Wraen. Or both.” She said with a shrug. Finley, like her, wasn’t in a position to do so, so she was omitted from Niamh’s suggestion not because Niamh didn’t think she could do it, but because she got the feeling Finley wouldn’t want to. And she didn’t judge her- Niamh, as ambitious as she used to be, didn’t want to lead either, not right then. She looked to the others to see what their thoughts were.

The responses from the others continued to be varied -- Finley refrained from speaking at all, while Eljay's panic swelled at the thought of leaving Sun Mote Copse. Wraen presented their options rationally, and Elwood was thankful for her level-headedness. If she was right, the pack would be able to sustain itself while the weather remained warm, but they would likely need to seek help when the temperatures dropped.

Elwood shifted his gaze to Niamh when she replied after a moment of consideration. While she was still clearly devastated, she was able to articulate herself thoughtfully. "It sounds like, for now, it would be smartest to stay here -- until we talk to family," he agreed with a nod to Niamh, acknowledging her offer to speak with Towhee. He then looked to Wraen. "I think you should lead, but I am happy to help you," he said. He knew that she could handle it, but still offered his assistance nonetheless.

Fin listened quietly as her packmates discussed what they ought to do next, though her thoughts rebelled against allowing her attention to linger on the topic at all. She reminded herself that it was important; that she needed to care for the sake of her children. But fuck, did she not want to. She wanted to retreat again. She wanted to wander off into the Wilds and not look back. Not forever, of course. Just for a while. It was just too soon for all of this. He had just died, for gods sake.

Fuckin' Colt.

It was Eljay's protests that really brought her out of her own head. For the first time, she lifted her gaze to settle it thoughtfully on her son. He had no real suggestions for how to make it work for the pack here in the Copse, but he was adamant that they try. She could understand why. She had once upon a time held onto the Caldera when it no longer made any sense to do so for very similar reasons. That was where Peregrine and Fox had been. That was where she'd met Elwood and where their children had been born. That was where she'd once upon a time been happiest.

Maybe they shouldn't have left.

It was too late for that though, wasn't it?

Fin was quiet and listless again until Niamh finished speaking, at which point her anger flared for reasons she wasn't entirely certain of. It wasn't like she wanted to lead--she'd made it pretty damn clear over the last couple of years that she wanted nothing to do with leadership actually. Still, she was inexplicably irked by being overlooked, and also inexplicably struck by the wish that Elwood had stepped up. Did she not trust Wraen? She liked Wraen, but did the girl have it in her to lead three families she was just barely related to? Did that matter? Did Fin care? All good questions, none of which she had any desire to dig further into just then.

So, as usual, she said nothing. Let them decide and be done with it. Then she could return to her solitude and continue being angry and miserable until there was nothing left in her system to feel.

Just think, how fate loves to humour with us! Almost a year ago Wraen had left Sunspire, because she felt she had failed as a leader and it had been several happy and content months here, where she did not have to bother much with the crown, scepter and mantel of it. Now she faced the same career choice again and was neither thrilled, nor very willing to jump at the opportunity. Leadership meant responsibility and a lot of it and a selfish part of her shirked away from it. But did she really have a choice? 

Do the job that's in front of you. After all, would anything be different from, what she was doing now? There were children to teach, borders to watch, people to meet, alliances to be made. There were numerous little things that needed to be done and as a leader she did not have to do it alone. Finley might not feel like it at the moment, but she had a feeling that they were all equals here with valuable experience in different fields. It would never come down to her to carry the burden on her own. She had a team to trust and to rely on. 

"I think that we can be in this as equals, but I can take up the job," Wraen replied, indicating that she would not mind, if they decided differently in time to come. "And I will be honoured to have your support and advice," she told Elwood. "Our two top priorities at the moment are the defence and doing our best at teaching the kids to be as independent from our care as possible," she returned to the list of practical matters they needed to solve.

"I think that each one of us is qualified to either allow or forbid a person to join our ranks, when they first meet them on the borders - if I am not around, the rest of you can make that decision," Wraen said. "Niamh - with your experience in the mercenary trade, I would be happy, if you took the matters of this aspect in your paws. We can take turns to patrol the borders and the territory, but training the kids in defending themselves and being reasonable in the face of danger would be very important," she looked at Niamh, as she said this, then turned to Eljay.

"I know, how worried you are for your children's safety, but Weejay and Elfie are old enough now for you to treat them as young and capable adults," she said. "Elfie shows good promise at hunting small game and from now on both of them should be involved both in patrols with the adults, as well as in scouting outside the territory, when it is needed, and pushing them to train in hunting for themselves daily is a must. We are short of hands and we have to use everyone we have got," Wraen did realize that all points of the to-do-list might not be easy to fulfill, but still. 

"I will speak to Towhee personally as well - maybe there are some practical lessons we can carry out in collaboration," she finished her speech and looked around to see, if anyone else had something to add.

The thought of banding together with Towhee of all wolves absolutely terrified Eljay. He was finally starting to feel a little more.. adulty, in some way, but everything Towhee did, every glance she would cast him, would reduce him right back to a sniveling pup. How could he ever teach his children to be responsible if he was being a pathetic loser himself? He was about to interject that they really couldn't leave!! But before he could speak daddy intervened and said that it seemed the smartest to stay here for now.

Eljay let out a breath of relief, just glad that the situation had diffused and they were making the decision to stay for now, it seemed. He felt the last of the weight fall off him when Wraen decided that she could be their leader and that she would do her best and would like the others to help her. Of course we'll help!! Eljay said with a broad smile, just really relieved that they were staying here. There was gratitude written on his face as he looked at Wraen. It'd been some time -- definitely before Wiffle's death -- that he had felt this happy about something.

Eljay nodded as his children were mentioned. He was so proud of them, even though Elfie was... a handful. Eljay just wished that Elfie would put his energy towards constructive things, but at least he was showing promise to be everything that Eljay was not: A strong and capable adult who could take care of himself. Realising this made Eljay's throat tighten as he felt he had failed as a parent. He would've much rather have had a happy child than a competent one.

That thought made him feel guilty and he quickly pushed it away and nodded. Weejay and Elfie had been forced to grow up too soon by losing their mom and moving in with their grandparents and a bunch of younger pups than them, but they would soon be able to help the pack flourish with the rest of the adults. They'd make sure that Wiffle's memory would stay alive.

Niamh wasn't surprised that Wraen was willing to step up, and that Elwood was willing to aid her. She could practically feel Finley fuming, but she did little to react, and as soon as Wraen confirmed that she would step up, Niamh more or less tuned the rest of what she had to say out- until she mentioned Towhee. Her eyes lifted, and she frowned. Oh, so now she was the best one to talk to Towhee? Niamh somehow doubted it. Towhee was her friend, after all, and she didn't particularly want to share her with Wraen. She'd already handed the leadership of the pack to her- which had once belonged to her mate. Niamh wouldn't tolerate Wraen taking over as Towhee's next best friend. 

Regardless, they were decided on the decision that needed to be made. She nodded once Wraen finished speaking, and once Eljay had confirmed that he was willing to go forward with life in the pack as it was, as long as it was staying in the Copse, and stood up. That was about as much socializing as she could tolerate. "Alright then. Guess it's sorted," She said. She more or less completely avoided eye contact with all the others present, as she did not want to invite company. "I better get back to the kids. I'll...See you all around," She said lamely, not knowing how else to end this meeting, before she started walking away.

It was settled without further discussion: Wraen would lead. She accepted the mantle graciously, and while Finley was clearly still angry, Elwood could intuit that it had everything to do with Colt and nothing to do with Wraen as Alpha. Eljay seemed to be happy with this decision, if only because it meant that they wouldn't be uprooting the pack anytime soon. And Niamh, though quiet for a moment, succinctly expressed her agreement, as well.

He listened as Wraen plunged into the details of her new position, sharing that, while she held the official title, each of them were essentially equal. It was true; with so few adults, they would really have to work together to continue to provide for the children. She mentioned more independence for Elfie and Weejay, and Elwood nodded. As soon as his own kids were a bit older, he would be doing the same. Finally, Wraen concluded that she would talk with Towhee, something that Niamh had also offered to do -- so their bases would certainly be covered as far as Asterism Grove.

With that, the meeting seemed to be concluded. Niamh excused herself, and Elwood suspected that Finley would go, too, not long after. "Thank you, Wraen," he said, but did not leave just yet -- he would wait and see if there was anything else she needed to say before departing.

The conversation was swiftly overtaken by Wraen, who went about making plans and setting responsibilities. Fin only half-listened as she quickly found her temper rising. Wraen, of course, said nothing wrong. Finley simply had no desire to hear about what life would be like now that Colt was gone. She didn't want to accept that this was her world now, and it made her angry to have to so soon. So, she tuned them all out, eventually nodding and then standing to disappear into the trees again without a backwards glance at anyone or anything.

She wasn't ready for this.

Fucking Colt.

exit fin.