Redsand Canyon Waiting for a sign

Fennec silently patrolled the southern end of the canyon, brooding with her thoughts. It was becoming more and more clear that just having Killdeer here wasn't enough, no matter how hard she tried to force through it. She was lonely, desperately so, and yet every time she thought about making friends she couldn't find the energy or desire in herself to try. Why should she? It wouldn't change anything.

No one here suited the role anyway. Towhee was her mom, but Fennec wasn't sure how well she understood her. There were so many things that were different about them. Her siblings were all too young, the leadership was all friends with Towhee and Rue, and Fennec just... didn't know what to do.

She'd promised to stay for him. But she was miserable, slipping further into a feeling that maybe this was just how things would be now. Maybe a part of her "curse" was that she simply never got to find happiness. Not in a way that felt complete, or filled that emptiness that gnawed at her.

Fennec stopped where she was and listened, ears fully focused southward. But the only sound that came to her was the slight wind that slipped through the canyon.

From miles away, Bronco could barely see where the canyon fell into the mountains, a slight slice of red against the grey of stone. He knew well enough not to come within sight of any wolves patrolling, and was too far to be scented- but his voice, however, could carry. 

Howls weren’t a private way to have a conversation, but it was the easiest way for him to reach out to his son, and check in on him from time to time. So he released a call for his son, knowing it would be heard likely by more than just Killdeer- though he would have had no idea exactly whose ears it might have reached.

Somewhere, something had to be mocking her. That was the only explanation why, at that moment, his voice would be there. Calling for Killdeer, of course - just like last time.

Fennec stood stock-still as the call faded. Killdeer wasn't going to answer, she knew, because Germanicus had him scouting another area. The last thing Fennec wanted was him nosing around here without their son to divert him away. She knew better than to think he gave a damn what happened to her, but that wouldn't necessarily stop him from showing up on the borders to ask where Killer was.

It would be easiest to just howl back and tell him. Her jaw tightened involuntarily at the thought of it, though, and she spun to leave instead. Walked a few steps, then stopped and gritted her teeth angrily. Some fucking choice. Not for the first time, she silently cursed herself for giving him the opportunity to get close to his son. It would have been so much easier if Bronco had just disappeared.

He isn't here. Her howl lifted in response, short and clipped. Then she continued to walk away from the border, the tension she carried evident in every line of her posture.

The voice that rose to meet his was about as congenial as he could’ve expected any Mereo wolf to be with him (save for Killdeer) but he was shocked to realize that it was Fennec who had responded. It had to have been Fennec- he’d recognize her voice anywhere, but still-

”Fennec? You’re here too?” For a moment all he felt was relief, knowing she was somewhere, alive and safe, so his tone was light and inquisitive, though he realized once his voice trailed off that he shouldn’t have been so surprised. 

This was exactly the sort of place that Fennec belonged.

She hadn't expected anything he could possibly say to surprise her, let alone stop her in her tracks. Of course she was wrong.

The reply that came back was so lightly casual. He sounded happy. Something in her cracked, hearing him respond as if the past few months hadn't even happened. As if he hadn't shattered her to pieces and left her behind, wondering if it was even possible to put the pieces back together again.

All of the sudden she was crying and, despite the immense feeling of shame that followed, she couldn't stop. She thought she was done with this. She needed to be done with this. Yet he did one simple, stupid thing and she immediately crumbled beneath it. It was pathetic.

She couldn't answer. Most of her hoped he would take the hint and leave. A part of her hoped he didn't,and she hated that part the most. She should know better than that.

Silence drifted in like a thick haze, darkening his vision. She’d sounded curt, and perhaps that was meant to be a message- but the fact that she’d answered him at all had to have meant something. 

He wasn’t sure why the silence hurt so much, in the wake of that momentary flutter of relief, but it did. Maybe he was foolish to feel the impulse to call out again, given the fact he’d been the one to walk out on their relationship. Maybe it was selfish of him to want to talk to her- but it felt worse to think about turning away from her yet again.

”Fennec…” His voice trailed off. Anyone could be listening, anyone could overhear simply by being in the vicinity. It felt wrong to try to explain publicly how he’d felt to hear her voice again.  ”I’m with Brecheliant, on the Caldera.” Perhaps she already knew, if Killdeer had told her, and he wasn’t sure exactly what he was implying, but nevertheless, he felt compelled to tell her, whether it was an invitation or not.

She hadn't wanted to believe, deep down, that it had been as easy to walk away as it had seemed. She had fueled her anger, the drive to try and hate him as much as she could, on thinking he didn't care. But all the while, there was that slight hope that maybe he was as affected as she was. His howl had all but confirmed for her this wasn't true, because there was no way, in any universe, she'd be able to call to him like that.

She couldn't do this again. All she had wanted was for him to see her. She had to remember that even that had been asking too much.

Fennec tried to summon some of that anger now, but like usual these days, all she felt was nothing. After the crying her energy was gone, replaced with resolve that was tinged with despair. She'd avoided him, tried her best to never have to hear his voice again, knowing that this moment was coming. After all that had happened, and the way he'd left things, there was nothing else for her to do.

Then go home. I won't answer again. She managed to get the call out, but only barely. It was sharp and, as she finished, her tone cracked. She felt something crumple in her, as if echoing it, and she shoved her forehead into the ground between her paws.

It was done. If she could take it back, she would, but that's why she needed it in the first place. It was just too bad that knowing that really didn't help.

Her tone was clipped, and he could tell she was upset. Had she been upset before he’d arrived? There was a small possibility that something had happened, and he’d managed to catch her at a bad time…Though it was much more likely that he was the primary cause of her pain. 

He might’ve used humour, in earlier days, to pull her out of this slouch, but through a howl he knew it would fall flat. If she wanted space, he could give her that. 

”Okay, I’ll go. But you know where I am.” He howled, before adding ”It was nice to hear your voice again.”

Fennec waited where she was, both hoping and dreading hearing nothing but silence following what she'd replied. She wanted to close that door entirely so the aching temptation to open it again would die. That wasn't what happened.

Fennec gritted her teeth as his response came, just as measured and pleasant as the ones before it. It was nice to hear your voice again. She couldn't believe he could say that. She wanted to hate him. How could he say that?

Now she knew where he was. Now her loneliness would ensure a constant battle over it, one that her pride would keep waging over and over again. She never wanted to speak to him again, but she wanted closure more than anything else. Closure she knew she wouldn't ever get, even if she did go.

But she also missed him. That was the most dangerous factor of all.

Fennec didn't reply. She stayed where she was, struggling to work through at least some of it, until well after nightfall. Now she had reason to be glad that Killdeer wasn't here. He didn't need to see her like this.

last for me! <3

The silence was colder than a brisk winter wind, contrasting with the warmth his body felt. He couldn’t know what to expect from her, whether she might come by or not. He knew he wasn’t welcome at Mereo, not only by Fennec but by the pack in general- so he would be forced to keep his distance. 

He waited for some time, in case she was testing to see how patient he could be. But it seemed as though she’d meant what she’d said- that she was done talking. 

With a heavy heart, he turned and left, returning to the Caldera. He’d have to try another day to get a hold of Killdeer, which troubled him as well, though all he could do was hope that Fennec wouldn’t drive a wedge between them out of spite.