Redhawk Caldera Jet Song

Not long before nightfall, Bronco found a rabbit's trail and had managed to track down and catch the prey, which hadn't quite switched its coat out to match the wintery scenery just yet. It still had patches of brown trailing down its back, and its ears were still somewhat brown as well. Perhaps it was older, but it hadn't done much of a job outrunning or out-maneuvering the male as well, so Bronco caught it and carried it with him as he finally happened upon a set of pawprints belonging to Fennec, meandering through the Caldera. He wasn't sure where she'd been, but he was glad to see that she was more mobile now. 

One of his feet was still slightly sore from where he'd cracked a nail over a week ago, but for the most part it had recovered, and he trotted alongside the pawprints @Fennec left behind in the snow until he caught sight of her up ahead in the distance, through the trees. He chuffed- hoping to catch her attention, and that both his presence and the offering of a meal might be a pleasant surprise for her.

Fennec was certainly surprised, but it wasn't an unpleasant one.  She'd been contemplating when she'd make the trek to the Glen, though she was uncomfortable with the idea.  It wasn't that she didn't want to, it was just... 

Anyway.  She turned around, ears swiveling to meet the sound of his chuff.  Her tail waved once, but that was the only sign she gave.  Hey.


She didn't really know what else to say, and fell quiet, waiting.  For some reason she felt a little awkward, maybe because last time they'd met she hadn't really been able to talk things out.  She'd dropped her abandonment on him and then failed to explain, and now, did she even bother?  Probably not.

When she paused, he assumed that was simply her way of saying that she would accept his company, even if it meant she'd merely tolerate him. She didn't look overjoyed, but she didn't look terribly upset, either. It was kind of hard to read her expression, but he'd never been terribly adept at reading Fennec without viewing her through a set of rose coloured lenses. He trotted the last few paces toward her before he flung the hare's carcass up into the air, where it rose, and then fell to the ground with a thud not far from Fennec's feet. "Brought-cha somethin'," He said, dropping into a play-bow which she wouldn't see, but might hear the sound of his forepaws slipping forward in the snow. 

"Unless you don't want it. 'Cause I'll eat it in like...Two seconds if you don't want it," He said. How kind of him- willing to allow her to eat first, but not without the threat of snatching it for himself if she didn't make her mind up quickly enough.

She huffed out a soft laugh, finally letting her expression break when he broke the silence.  It was a gift, yeah, but... that was just Bronco.  And she was starting to figure out that was how he worked.

Half n half?  She asked, after she detected the scent of rabbit.  It wasn't likely huge, but she wasn't that hungry.  Mom's on a hunting tear.  She'd been plying her with food constantly last few weeks.

She took a few steps closer and nosed it, waiting.  She'd heard him shift and slide, but couldn't picture the cues.  He didn't sound unhappy to see her, though, which was heartening on her end too.

"Half 'n' half," He repeated in agreement, glad that she'd given him the opportunity to share because he was quite hungry. She stepped forward to sniff at the rabbit, and had made a comment about Towhee, but Bronco'd fixed his gaze upon the rabbit, and when she didn't immediately set upon it, he bounded in exhuberantly and snatched it, flipping it in his mouth so he could crunch unceremoniously through the middle of it. He was glad to hear that Towhee'd been stuffing her full of food too- it certainly showed in her recovery. 

"Head at your left," He said, having dropped the halves at her feet, "And the arse end is at your  right. And...Directly in front of you." He chimed, as he sat down- only a foot or two away, but unmistakeably placed where he'd indicated. He allowed her the choice of which portion she wanted, as it mattered very little to him. "S'good to see you out and about." He commented. "S'about time, I mean," He added.

Mmmmm. She agreed as she snagged the rear and dug in.  So she was quiet for a second while she ate, then surfaced, licking her chops.

S'been a time, she said, agreeing wholeheartedly.  But it was done and fuck that ever happening again.  Her side still ached, and her breath still caught occasionally, but she was mobile and manageable.  And she wasn't wasting the time because she was sick to death of staying stationary.

How's things? And Meer, and all?  she asked, before leaning down and snapping up another mouthful.  She both wanted to hear and didn't; she missed it.

Eager to get something in his belly after having travelled to the Caldera, Bronco snapped up the other half of the rabbit hardly conscious of which end it was he ended up with. Little to nothing was wasted- he'd let his insides do all the tough work of digesting fur, bones and meat alike. Half of a rabbit was hardly a meal, but it was better than nothing and he was glad Fennec hadn't refused the offer. It was a win-win situation in the end, proving to put a little happiness both in his stomach and in his heart. 

He paused in thought for a moment, trying to sort out if there was anything notable that Fennec would have missed that she hadn't heard from him or any of the others already. The only thing that had preoccupied him for what seemed like the longest time, was how worried he'd been about Fennec when she'd disappeared. Now that she was safe and sound...Everything all seemed so quiet, so normal. Nothing but white noise. He shrugged. "Y'know, it's...I don't really wanna say it, 'cause as soon as I do, thing's'll get inevitably fucked up, but. I guess it's been kind of...Normal, or whatever." He said. He didn't want to say that things had been boring, because that was a sure-fire way to jinx it. One thought did leap out at him, though, and caught him by surprise. "Oh! Did you know that Meerk has like...A boyfriend?" He half-whispered, partially horrified at how it sounded to say such a thing out loud.

Luckily Bronco didn't get into any specifics, and she was able to finish up the meal without any real twinges of regret.  She hormphed it down with zero self-consciousness, then set about cleaning the gore off.

Normal's overrated.  Honestly, I could use something happening after all that sitting.  She complained, a tidge of teasing behind it.  There was less to it than usual, though; she was still exhausted, and being able to just kinda rest a few more weeks didn't sound as horrible as it might have a few months ago.

Seriously? Damn, good for her.  Who?  Fennec was impressed (but unsurprised) that Meerkat had managed to snag someone.  She hadn't said anything about it during their last chat, but she guessed she wasn't exactly advertising herself for relationship advice.  Too bad, she could have given a killer reading on their future together.  Oh.... now see, that would be fun.  Maybe she would need to visit the Glen after all.

He supposed there was a chance that even though he'd been pacified, knowing that Fennec was safe, that he'd allowed some events to go over his head. Maybe there was a romance blooming elsewhere within the pack that he hadn't stopped to notice because he'd been trying to plan out when he would go and see Fennec next. Maybe there'd been a small group hunt he hadn't been a part of, because he'd been haunting the borders, barely able to keep himself tethered to the glen, like a dog kept within the confines of a fence for too long. But he had definitely noticed Atlas and Meerkat. He'd even nearly bumbled in on their first date- before retreating, hoping he hadn't been seen. 

So now that he had information Fennec wanted, he decided to play coy and make her work for it a bit. "You're the witch." He explained, arching his brow as he looked at her with a funny expression on his face. "Guess."

She didn't want to guess, she wanted to know.  And her expression made that clear as she wrinkled her nose at him with annoyance.  It was mostly affectionate, but there was an underlying thought behind it.  Something she'd heard resurfaced, and with how long she'd been gone, no doubt it had progressed.

She knew exactly two guys who were options.  There was no way it was Osiris and no way it was Bronco, which meant it had to be either screaming boy or brother dearest.  And one of those definitely fit Meerkat's style more than the other.  

It's the one who told me my eyes were going to fall out, isn't it?  Awkward yelling one.  She answered, smirking.  Then she amended it before he thought she was serious.  Kidding.  My money's on Atlas.  How would Meerkat feel about being queen one day, she wondered? Because he'd definitely shown interest in becoming king.  

And I hear you've been on a date yourself.  So does that mean you're double dating?  Or are you actually letting her off on her own with scandalous young men.  She said this past part with some mock affront, mainly to cover for anything else that might have slipped through in it.  As if she should care how he spent his free time.

He revelled in the moment following his jest, and liked it when Fennec showed a little bit of scrutiny. It was kind of cute when she scrunched her nose up like that. He did reconsider his comment, though- and wasn't sure if he'd put her off by simply not telling her outright, or by making a light joke about her being a witch. Nevertheless, she hit the nail right on the head which surprised Bronco. Atlas hadn't been his first guess, when Meerkat had admitted she'd had a crush, but had refused to name who it was. He'd thought it might have been Altair, who would've been close enough to her in age. 

He had no idea someone had told Fennec that he thought her eyes would fall out...But like Fennec, he wasn't too bad at guessing games, and when she mentioned 'awkward yelling one' only one male wolf in the pack really suited that description, and that was Charles. "Atlas it is," He chuckled softly. "I think he's alright. I don't dislike the guy, I just...Wasn't really prepared for Meerkat to start dating, I guess." He'd also thought that the age difference had been a bit strange- but then again, he'd always failed to see Meerkat as much more than just a pup. Here she was as an adult now, all of a sudden. She'd grown up too fast. 

"What?" Bronco asked, when Fennec asked him about some date he'd supposedly been on. At first, he thought she was just making that up so she could pry some information out of him- but it took him a couple moments to actually remember that yes, technically, he'd been set up on a date. "Oh, right, hahaha, that," He said. "So, Meerkat told me she was gonna set me up on a blind date with someone, who I didn't really know at the time, so we did. And Meerkat came along, aaaand I nearly got gored by a deer. But the best part?" He said, hovering for a moment on the next fact, "Turns out the wolf Meerkat picked is...Actually my aunt." He said. He paused again for a moment. "Wait- no. She's not my aunt, but I think she might be yours. I dunno. But...Safe to say, I...Pretty much only think of her like...family...So I think that date mighta been sorta kinda a failure." He chuckled.

She couldn't imagine why it was weird for Meerkat to be dating.  But she often forgot how much Bronco considered her a sister... until he said things like that, and explained why the date hadn't gone well.  She snorted.  Thats such bullshit.  She answered.  First, any girl Meerkat finds for you is going to be super nice and super boring.  Unless that's your type?  She asked, clearly amused now.  She was messing with him, but also digging a little.  Second, it isn't like we are family.  She's my aunt, not yours... you know as well as I how weird it is.  The whole... Niamh Phox thing.  Though maybe not.  Did he think of her as a sister?  God, now that was weird.

But as your friend, and someone she doesn't seem to like, I definitely think you can do better.  And so can she.  She answered finally, with a small and careful breath of laughter.  She and Toad hadn't fought, but they hadn't parted as friends either.  And any girl Bronco ended up with had to be someone she could hang out with too, because... well... she wasn't willing to have him leave her behind.

Leave it to Fennec to call bullshit when it was necessary to do so. He hadn't expected her to give much of a damn- but at the same time, he knew that he could always count on her to have either a sarcastic comment or a strongly-worded opinion. Sometimes both, as was the case this time. And she made a good point- Meerkat would never have chosen someone for him to go on a date with that she didn't personally like- and he supposed that Meerkat would generally be drawn toward nice, friendly wolves. He laughed ashamedly, but he wouldn't give her the complete satisfaction of admitting that she was right. "Fair. BUT-" He blurted, only to have her continue, and make a comment about what his type was. He rolled his eyes back so far in his head it was probably audible. "Nice isn't always boring." He objected. She continued, pointing out that Toad was, indeed, not related to him by blood; and truthfully, he'd never considered Figment or Fennec blood, either. But Meerkat? Somehow, it felt like she was. Fennec was right- it was complicated. But he'd also known Fennec and Figment both before Phox and Niamh had become mates- so they'd always been off the 'blood family' list, and had only been added to the 'through-marriage-family' after Phox and Niamh had had kids together. 

So she thought Toad could do better- she probably could. Or, at least, she might do better in finding someone who was a better fit for her. Perhaps it was the age difference (not so significant, but a difference nonetheless) or the circumstances of their meeting, but something simply hadn't fallen into place the way he'd thought it should, if they'd been a match. "She probably does," He admitted with a shrug. He'd give Fennec that one- and didn't bother to comment about the state of his own affairs. He contemplated for a moment, before a wry smile teased his lips. "Y'know, I don't think I'd know what to do if someone was nice to me all the time. I've gotten so used to growing up with you," He said, reaching out to nip at the fur of her cheek, where it curled slightly.

She disagreed... heavily.  Nice was always boring.  She didn't always mind boring, but the variety of nice that Meerkat brought never did it for Fennec, as dearly as she loved her sister.  It was the same reason she preferred the company of wolves like Towhee and Niamh and Wraen.  You could argue the latter was nice, but she was also blunt and had a sarcastic side a mile wide.  

Not that Bronco would get that.  He was the king of nice and it drove her absolutely batty sometimes.  There'd really only been one time she could remember him getting upset at her, and that one time had been more than she could handle because it had come at such a bad moment.  Plus - it hadn't been in fun. 

Her lips twitched up at the nip, and she turned in retaliation and blew a half-hearted gust of air at his face.  She wished she was up for a tussel but she knew that would be royally effed up decision right now.  She wanted so badly to trounce his butt into the dirt but couldn't trust that her own butt wouldn't end up right back where she'd started this month.

You should really try it sometime.  It's freeing, not being nice all the time.  She replied unapologetically.  Besides, someone has to keep it real.  If all anyone ever said was nice things, how the fuck would anyone ever know if they screwed up?  Funny enough, that was probably the part of "mean" she dealt with the least - blunt honesty.  She liked to imagine she was honest, but when it came down to it, Fennec tended to avoid if engagement extended beyond banter or messing around.

You ever talk bad about anyone outside your mom?  She asked, genuinely wondering how he saw himself.  Was there a reason he felt like he had to be so nice all the time?  And if there was, was there a way she could... kinda... short circuit it?  Things would be way simpler if she didn't feel, so often, like she was crossing lines and then being left (literally) in the dark.

It was amusing for him to think that Fennec saw him as a completely, 100% nice wolf. He squinted when she blew a puff of air into his face, wrinkling his nose in playful distaste. She then offered what he considered to be a defense for taking a walk on the not-so-nice side, and being perhaps a bit more honest and up front about others. It made him smile a bit, but he wasn't about to burst her bubble by telling her that he thought she was a nice wolf too. She seemed to take some pride in being more 'real.' 

"What, you really think that I don't have a shit-list? C'maaan, Fen," He said. "How 'bout this; I give you three names, you give me three names; and we can both count my Mom off the list because we both already know she's a bitch." He said. "Penn too," He added, spitefully. He was definitely near the top of their mutual shit-list. "I'd say...Elfie, Nyra and Mal." He said. He wasn't sure Fennec would know the second and third name, but he suspected she would remember Elfie. "Your turn." He said.

Ilu for this

Bronco was right that she knew one of three of those names (but didn't remember much about Elfie).  She didn't have much time to think on it either, because his mention of Penn drew a very visible reaction from her.  She recovered a moment later and tried to save face, but the damage had (likely) already been done.  She'd stiffened considerably, in very unwelcome surprise, when he said the name.

What makes you think Penn's on mine?  She asked, abruptly and bordering on confrontationally.  If she was less thrown off she might have realized it would be smarter to go along with it.  Instead she brought out a neon sign.

The truth was that she had known he would be on Bronco's list, but she had failed to mention him on purpose.  The first time she'd gone to him to vent she had ended up angry at his mom instead, and after that, it was just too uncomfortable for her to think about the two of them in the same context.  She'd tried to avoid it instead and been spectacularly unsuccessful (mainly to poor Bronco's detriment).

And now, rather than keep her mouth shut, she'd brought up a whole conversation that she really, really, really didn't want to have.  Nice going.

That was a look of surprise he wasn't sure he'd ever seen on Fennec's face. She became defensive and he began to sense that something was off. When she questioned why Penn should be on her list, there was true sincerity on her voice- masked with defensiveness. She was holding something back- probably something he didn't even know about, yet. He frowned and shook his head. "Why wouldn't he be on your shit list?" He asked, probably with a bit more hostility than intended. Perhaps he'd let his own view of Penn influence how he assumed others saw him too much- but he was fairly certain that Penn's being a little bitch was common knowledge- especially for Fennec, who had likely spent the most time with him. 

Unless- and it made him catch a searsing sensation in his chest to think so- she liked him. 

Maybe she'd had feelings for Penn all along. Maybe that was why she always kept him at arm's length, because she wanted Penn instead. Unfortunately, Penn wasn't one to be nailed to one place, as he was still too busy running away from everything that troubled him. He'd told Fennec that once before, but she hadn't listened. He burned with jealousy to think that perhaps there might have been  a possibility that she'd choose Penn over him, if that time came. 

"D'you know, when you went missing, Figment and I got together to plan how to find you. And Penn had been spying on us the whole time- so when he waltzed in, he was laughing, like some sick bastard, because we were worried about you and he clearly wasn't." He said. "He refused to help us. He just laughed at us. I would've choked all the laughter out of him if Figment hadn't stopped me." He admitted. "How could you not hate someone that just....Aggressively doesn't give a shit about you?"

He was so off base.  And the more he went on, the madder she got, though it was that ending statement that really set it off.  It wasn't the fact that she felt the need to defend Penn, but it was the fact that Bronco had no clue what he was talking about and still managed to stab her in the gut. 

It was news that Penn was in the area - but that wouldn't dawn on her for a while.

Right, and of course, you do.  Because someone who acts like that has to be an asshole, whereas someone like you couldn't be.  The words came out dripping in sarcasm.  Fennec was fuming, but she knew Penn well enough to correct at least one thing.  Bronco's proof was bullshit, but it wasn't like she needed it.  If he was laughing then he knew I ran off, and he's a dick, so of course he's not going to tell you.  And y'know what?  Good.  Because yeah, he doesn't give a shit about me, but at least he doesn't pretend to be my friend.

She hadn't meant to say that last bit.  Thinking about what led up to her time away, and hearing Bronco diss Penn for the same shit he'd pulled just prior, loosed the floodgates entirely.  She let it stand and remained frozen.

Wow. All it took was a namedrop, and Fennec lost her cool in an instant. He should have known that to mention Penn's name would be to spark an inflammatory discussion, but he'd thought at least by now she could have seen past whatever rose-coloured glasses he felt she'd been wearing, and realize that Penn wasn't good for her. He wasn't good for much, in Bronco's opinion, but especially not Fennec. He picked her up and left her and everyone else behind as though they mattered very little to him- and all Bronco could see in him was a self-absorbed coward.

She seemed to think, for some reason, that he thought so highly of himself, and he found that to be somewhat offensive. Did she think that all of his kind gestures, the fact that he'd convinced her to move to the Glen, all of it- was because he just wanted to be seen as nice? "Fen, what do you even-" He blurted out, when she accused him of being incapable of being an asshole. He felt like she knew he was capable of it- and she should have known him well enough by then to know that he also knew that he was capable of being an asshole. The fact that they'd had arguments before was enough of an indication that there was some friction between them- but it also took friction to create a spark. 

He was gobsmacked into silence when she inferred, moments later, that he was pretending to be her friend. It winded him, and wounded him to think she could possibly even be so oblivious. Had she not noticed anything? Or had she simply chosen not to take anything seriously because she was too frightened of the truth? He wasn't sure. But he was about to set the record straight, to eliminate at least one of those possibilities. "You can't be serious," He said, his voice little more than a whisper.

"Fennec. I'm absolutely-
-fucking-
mad about you." 

There was honesty in his voice, but pain made it brittle. His admission crippled his self-condifence, and he couldn't bear to face her reaction. And so, he turned on his heel, and made to lope off toward the borders; his mind in a constant debate over whether or not she understood what he meant- and whether or not it would ruin everything.

Fennec's breath was coming quick and her face had heated up considerably.  She'd let this fester, and now right as she was on the verge of finally getting somewhere... he pulled back.  Just one phrase, one that took a lot of the wind from her, and then his footsteps were rushing away.

There was a serious disconnect in the way they worked and, just like before, Fennec was left without any ground to stand on.  When she finally registered what he'd said, she wasn't just upset.  She was furious.

Bronco, you FUCKING ASSHOLE!  If you run away right now I'm NEVER talking to you again!  She yelled after him, her voice cracking from a mix of disuse and emotion.

She took a step forward, then clenched her teeth and dropped her muzzle.  He ran every damn time.  He wanted to know why she had always gotten along better with Penn?  It was because when she fought him, he fought back, and didn't make her sit with this shit wondering how the fuck to keep it all in.

If he cared, then he had a shitty way of showing it, and she wasn't about to let what he said excuse the way she felt.  If he didn't face her then he didn't deserve her, and she couldn't let that go.

He would have kept going- but when she shouted a threat at him, he slowed and stopped. He wasn't sure if it was worse for him to face her now- after having confessed his feelings, or if it was worse for him to face her considering that he'd just tried to run off on her. The last thing that Fennec needed was for someone to walk out on her, and he felt ashamed of himself for being such a coward. He'd had words about Penn, before. He'd had words about Penn and about the way he'd gone off, running away from things he feared and now here he was, teetering on the edge of making himself a hypocrite. It made him angry with himself, but he was also angry at Fennec, too. 

He hadn't gotten terribly far- she'd screeched at him almost immediately, so he turned and stomped back toward her like a moody child after being chastized. His hackled bristled, but he obediently heeded her order, glowering the whole time. He sat back down, his shoulders hunched and ears pinned. This was possibly one of the worst feelings in the world- but he was, essentially, hers to command.  No matter how ashamed he was of himself. 

His anger was still just simmering below the surface, but he did what he could to control his tone. In his experience, any fuel he gave Fennec could be turned into an inferno in a heartbeat, and he knew he'd already pissed her off enough. So he tried to give her what she wanted- and he figured that by returning, he was giving her at least somewhat of an apology. He should have spoken it out loud- but it was too hard; he had too much to say and he couldn't hold it back. He knew better than to egg her own, but he couldn't help himself. "Look. D'you want me to be an asshole or not? Because I can't get over- and don't interrupt me 'til I'm done- I can't get over why you still defend Penn when I do everything I can think of to make you happy, but it's not enough. Meanwhile, he's been nothing but an asshole to you- and everyone else- but for some reason you practically fucking worship him." He complained. It was an exaggeration of fact- but that was simply how he felt. Why anyone would give Penn any quarter at all was beyond him. "Is it because you actually don't like me at all, or is it because maybe you're scared that you do?" He demanded.

At first she thought he was going to actually keep going.  It didn't even cross her mind that he might be out of earshot; instead, she was hanging on a knife's point and wondering if, when all was said and done, she could actually keep the promise she'd just made.  Maybe after a while he'd have worn her down, but the way she was feeling right now?  Yeah, she could've.

She kept her mouth clamped shut as she heard him stomping back towards her, but the relief was undescribable.  For a second there, again, she'd honestly believed he was going to write her off.  Even after what he'd just said, because for some reason, she had a hard time believing it.  She wanted him to yell at her.  She wanted him to rip into her the way she had him, tell her what the hell she'd done wrong so that she could come back at him and then they'd be even.  No resentment, no dancing around the point.  And no more god-damn running.

Instead, he brought up Penn again.  Fennec could've choked him, and the darkening of her expression probably precluded exactly how this conversation was going to go.  If Bronco thought he was going to get some kind of confession out of her, he was sadly mistaken.

I want you to be YOURSELF!  FUCK.  Why was that so hard for him?  I'm not defending Penn.  But while you keep making comparisons, he never did shit for me.  He KNEW HE DIDN'T HAVE TO.  Because while you keep trying so damn hard to make me fucking HAPPY, why don't you stop and actually listen to me.  Fennec's ears pinned back and she bared her teeth in a growl.

I'm pissed off because you leave for a trip you don't bother to ask me if I want to go on, but you bring me back a gift, like that's what I want.  I'm pissed off because I try harder than I've ever tried making something for you, and not only can you not use it, you disappear.  Even worse, you take the fucking present back... for what?  To punish me?

If they were doing this, they were doing it full out, because she needed him to acknowledge this and she was sure she was doing a shitty job at putting words to it.  But she kept going because there was something she was getting at and, sooner or later, she'd land on it.  If you wanted it to hurt, congrats, mission accomplished.  So no, Bronco, I'm not afraid of liking you.  I'm fucking confused as to how you can stand there and say you like me so much, when everything you do says you don't know anything about me.  And you never really bother to ask.

She was challenging him and she had no clue what the outcome would be.  Maybe he'd run again, or maybe he'd actually stand for once and lay it back.  Either way, something about this was causing a shift in her, and even through her anger she could feel a sureness blooming within that she'd never really had before.

"I AM being myself goddamnit!" He yelled straight back at her but their words blended together in a cacophony of angst. He inhaled through clenched teeth which he opnly opened enough so that he could bite down on his tongue when she began to- yet again- defend Penn. Apparently, Penn hadn't been expected to do anything for her- but how had he acheived that status? It just proved the point he'd made earlier- that she still gave him a pass even though he did absolutely nothing. 

He couldn't believe that she thought he hadn't listened to her- he opened his mouth questioningly, but was supplied an answer before he could do so, though none of it sat well with him. He fumed as she listed off item after item, and could feel the steam broiling up inside of him. How was it that she could be so particular about what she accepted in terms of an acceptable gift, one that actually made her happy? How was it that the gestures he had made ran parallel to what she seemed to want- but were not enough? And he felt the cruel injustice of being blamed for running off on her when in fact it wasn't what had happened at all, and he felt frustrated that she still didn't understand what had happened. 

To be fair- he hadn't asked, he hadn't explained, and she was right- he hadn't listened. Not to the things she didn't tell him, and it seemed that it was those things that mattered the most. 

She did not want to be left behind- she'd made that perfectly clear when she'd told him how upset she felt when everyone else, seemingly, had gone off on adventures without her. So she was right- he'd gone for the coast with Meerkat and hadn't invited her along. Bringing her something back hadn't been intended as an afterthought or an apology; in truth, he'd gone out hoping that he could find something to bring back, not realizing that the trip would have been her desired prize. That much made sense now. 

He was quiet for a few moments before he finally licked his lips and drew in a breath in an attempt to steady himself. His dull gaze was still sour, and his ears were still flattened; she would have been able to hear how much he struggled to compose himself in the tone of his voice, which was strained. He spoke more slowly than he might normally have, as though allowing too much air to slip past his lips might loosen another volley of shouts. 

"I imagine if I try to explain some things...It might just come off as excuses." There was a bit of spite to his tone, there; he hadn't really meant to accuse her of leaping to conclusions- but he was fairly certain she might not hear him out even if he did try to explain himself. "But will you at least let me try?" He asked, forcing calm into his voice.

The relief she felt after unloading a month's worth of shit at his feet was palpable.  She was sore from the yelling, and tension still lined her frame, but she felt lighter than she had in a long time now that it was all out and aired and no longer bottled up.  She let out a breath, tried to tug in some of the self-control she had let slip completely, and listened.

He was trying to control his tone, but she wished he wouldn't.  Whether he realized it or not, doing so cut out a lot of the picture - Fennec couldn't read his face, and his voice was all she had.  She could tell he was upset, but she couldn't tell in what way.  At least she could be satisfied in the fact that he'd let her finish and seemed to, for the most part, absorb it.

She wanted to cut in with an immediate insistence that he didn't need her permission.  She'd just told him she wanted him to say what he had to say... the whole of what he had to say.  But she'd also just finished telling him that he never bothered to ask what she wanted, and that finishing line was what made her bite the impulse back.  I'm not going to say all of that and not listen to why.  She said instead, finally speaking with an even voice again.  The floor was his.

He snorted and bit at his lip to keep a smirk from getting too big. As much as Fennec looked incredibly displeased and fed up with him, she was still kind of adorable. "Well lookee who's not such an asshole after all," He commented, feeling a shy glimpse of humour slide into his tone. It was impossible to check- but it likely came from the relief he felt that she'd stopped yelling, and was actually going to give him a chance to explain himself. She could have simply told him no and stormed off- but she hadn't. Maybe there was hope. 

But he still had a lot to say, and managing to explain himself without coming off as being defensive, or trying avoid blame, was going to be like walking through a minefield. "I...You're right," That was always a good place to start, right? "I should have known that...You would've enjoyed the trip to the- to Yuèlóng," He said, having almost forgotten the pack's name for a moment. "You told me that you didn't like being left behind and...You're right, I...Could've invited you, but I didn't. And I wish I had, because it...Would've been great, having you along with us, I just...It was Meerkat's mission, and I didn't want to step on her paws by changing any of her plans. I brought that coconot back because I was just...Thinking, while I was there, a lot." About her? Of course. But it was hard to say that again, when she'd already claimed he couldn't possibly have had feelings for her if he hadn't truly been listening to her. 

"The den..." He said, drawing in a breath. Oddly, he didn't feel quite as ashamed of the truth now as he had been shortly after it had happened. After all, he had visited her in her den here at the Caldera, and he'd been tangibly unstable. But he couldn't have expected Fennec to connect all the dots. "The one you dug, near the river. I didn't know it until I stepped inside but- I guess, I'm sort of...Terrified of being underground. I swear I didn't know it until then, I just fucking...Choked, and I stepped back and I fell straight off the ledge and into the river." He said. He hadn't seen her afterwards so now, he finally began to wonder if she'd seen him, or heard him fall. "You didn't come out so I just...Thought you thought I was pathetic, and yeah, I got...Pissed, and like the stupid idiot I am I kicked the damn coconot into the river and stormed off." He admitted. 

"So yeah, I guess you're right. I am an asshole." He said, defeatedly. And when he shrugged, something in his neck cracked quietly. "I do listen, but I just...I think I was tryin' to...I wanted to make you happy, I really did, I just..." And he let out a gush of air. "I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, Fennec." He said, and a sad, cackling laugh came at him then, from somewhere deep within his gut that forced a pain into his stomach, and brought tears to his eyes. "Ughhh, damnit, I have no fucking clue!" He said, his voice punctuated by shameful, but uncontrollable laughter. He wasn't sure he was even smiling as he laughed- something pulled his lips back into a pained grin. At least he could laugh at himself, a bit, and while the laughter felt odd, it did bring him a bit of relief.