Redhawk Caldera Although it hurts me so

Part of her wanted to shake off his touch, though Towhee suppressed it. She forced herself to look at him, pay attention to what he was saying. She felt bitterness and resentment roiling around in her gut, which she knew wasn’t fair. She couldn’t help the way she felt, only the way she behaved.

I can’t deal with your optimism right now, she had to admit. -Sorry,- she gestured quickly. It’s just that… Hotah, I’m so much older than you. I’ve been through more shit than you can possibly imagine. So you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t believe our son is alive. If I don’t believe there’s any goodness left to be found.

Gently, she backed away from his reach. Towhee didn’t resume pacing, she just stood back and looked at him a long moment. If he wanted to believe Peregrine was alive, why should she convince him otherwise? If he was convinced of a bright future, Towhee didn’t want to rob him of that.

Look, she began, only to fall silent for a beat before she could collect her thoughts and articulate them. I don’t want to drag you down with me. I shouldn’t have burdened you with this. Pretend I didn’t say anything and try not to worry about me. I’m not going to just up and leave. I won’t abandon the girls. But…

She felt like she was going to jump out of her skin. Towhee raked a paw over her face and picked up the pacing after all. Misery was an old friend of hers, though she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like this. It was unbearable.

Maybe I just need to get away from this place for a bit. Can you look after them for a few days…?