Hideaway Strath 20 going on 50

For @Towhee but AW :)

It was only getting worse, the coughing, the snot, the phlegm, everything. Rye felt dead tired, like the life was draining out of him as the suns passed. He strayed away from the main pack areas, unwilling to share what he had going on. Especially cautious of the little ones. It wasn't completely debilitating but it was getting to be annoying, like fleas or a well embedded tick. With the shake of his fur, Rye dusted off the drowsy from his bones and out himself back to work. Border patrol, if he couldn't hunt for the pack he could at the very least keep track of the borders health. While he was upright the phlegm in his lungs shifted, which was a good and bad thing. Rye couldn't wait til the bug left his system, he hadn't be sick in ages, he missed being able to breath.

Rye paused to stretch his tired legs, leaning down with his front legs stretched outwards. Earning a few satisfying pops from his lower back. He sighed with feel good relief, feeling his back ease out of its tension. After shaking away the shivers, he continued on his way, his mind drifting to different subjects as he patrolled. The hot topic of the day? Towhee.

When someone or other came to relieve her of her watch, Towhee plodded in the direction of the rendezvous site, looking forward to a meal and hopefully a conversation with her brother and the kids, if not any other pack mates loitering in the area. Despite a very routinely boring patrol at the pass, she felt tired and hoped to catch some winks soon after supper.

When she caught a whiff of Rye's scent, Towhee couldn't help but veer off course. "Rye?" she called out, orange eyes scanning the woods for any sign of him.

The sound of her voice laid softly within his heart, it warmed and he turned his head to the origin. He caught sight of her, though he wasn't entirely sure she saw him given he was tucked away behind a tree, camouflaged by the wood. He revealed himself, a smile ever present on his muzzle. As he trotted over to her, he kept his smile but also kept his distance. Still unsure whatever he had was contiguous, out of everyone in the pack, she was the last he would burden with illness. 

"Hey Towhee," He greeted, albeit with a little trouble thanks to his phlem infested lungs."How's X? You two getting along?" He was genuinely interested to hear what came of their reunion, and was even curious where the bird had gone off to. Feeling his muscles tire from the walking, Rye planted his bottom to the ground, and slouched. Getting that much needed break from patrolling.

He appeared out of the underbrush and trotted closer. Towhee took a few steps to close the distance. Mindless of his illness, she reached forward to sniff noses in greeting. She did detect a faint trace of something off, though she didn't mention it, nor did she hear the phlegmatic sound of his voice, naturally.

-"Hey, yeah, things are good on that front,"- she said, touched that he'd ask about the bird. In a lot of ways, it was like no tragedy had struck and no time had passed at all, though there was an unfathomable distance between them that had never been there before and which Towhee hoped to bridge with time. She didn't bother mentioning this to Rye though.

-"How're you doing? You hungry? I was going to get some dinner."-

The nose sniff was pleasant addition to seeing Towhee again but then he remembered he was sick, and some panick started boiling in his belly. He probably just got her sick, oh boy. "Uh, Towhee, I probably should have mentioned this before but I'm sick and I probably just got you sick with that greeting." Rye looked sheepish, feeling the guilt creep in as he realized she might get mad. Although it was a simple nose touch, he knew that illnesses can spread fast, from anything to anyone. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been keeping outside the main pack area for this reason. I'm not entirely sure how this stuff is gonna spread, so you might just be my guinea pig." He chuckled, trying to lighten his own nervousness.

Truth be told, she hadn't noticed. Despite her fondness for Rye, Towhee tended to keep pretty busy, between her leadership and parental duties. She felt a little jab of guilt, followed soon after by a stab of apprehension. Rye was sick? With what?

-"Sick? Like,"- Towhee inquired, flapping a foreleg uselessly, -"how? In what way? What're your symptoms?"-

Rye quickly chased down all his symptoms, and began listing them off, "Persistently tired, loss of appetite, runny nose, cough, and maybe a fever. However I'm not sure, it may just be hotter than normal." His mind swirled with worry, he would no doubt he responsible if he got Towhee sick and for a moment, he considered asking her to stay. Alas, he brushed off that thought, guessing she would decline. Guilt, by now, had staked its claim in Ryes' mind. He felt useless in his current state, he couldn't hunt nor could he be around the pack. The most he could was upkeep the border and patrol, no doubt that wasn't helping him get better but it was too late for bed rest being the cure all.

None of his symptoms struck her as particularly worrisome; it sort of sounded like he had a common cold. She thought briefly of consulting with Raven but discarded the idea out of hand. Her sister had infants to look after and Towhee would never risk exposing mother or pups to illness, even a minor one, which Rye's seemed to be.

-"I'm no doctor but I'm thinking you'll probably live,"- she quipped. -"Why don't you come with me and get something to eat, then we can rest? Seeing as I've already been exposed and everything,"- Towhee concluded with a shrug. She liked to think she had a powerful immune system and wouldn't catch whatever he had, though if she did, she'd weather it. She supposed that some part of her had already decided Rye was worth that risk.

Just a heads up, I won't be posting for a few days as I, like Rye, am sick. Hopefully shouldn't last longer than a day or three

He had no doubts he'd live, but sometimes his body sure felt like death. Although, the sound of eating and then napping it all off sounded pleasant. He wasn't particularly hungry, despite all reason to be, considering he hadn't eaten much that day. He would have to force down food and hope it didn't come back up, thankfully there were no signs of nausea. 

With the nodd of his head, Rye agreed to Towhees offer, "That sounds really nice, I'd love to," He softly smiled and stood, waiting for her to take lead. However, his brain tugged on his heart and told it to chill, he shouldn't expose Towhee to further contamination. "Wait, are you sure you want to tag along? More exposure to me equals more of what I have and you've got two little ones running after you a lot. I don't want them sick." His expression was of concern and worry, and his eyebrows slighty pushed together with apprehension. It was different if a fully grown wolf gets sick, but younger ones? There was more worry to be had there.

Feel better soon!

He accepted her invitation but in the very next breath, asked if she was sure she wanted to keep company with the likes of him. Towhee smirked as she replied, -"We're a family. We're gonna share germs. It's kind of inevitable. Besides, the more we expose them, the more immunity they'll build. At least, that's what I think Rave told me once."- Her point stood: she wasn't going to treat Rye like a pariah just because had a common cold.

Her stomach growled and though she couldn't hear it, she could certainly feel the pinch of hunger. -"C'mon, sickie, let's get some grub."- She didn't give him any more room for second-guessing, instead just taking off in the direction of the rendezvous site.

Wheew, helluva lot longer than a few days but I'm back! Thanks for your patience!

Even with Towhees reassurances, Rye still felt wary but he did find her words endearing. Thus he wouldn't deny accompanying her, not that he had much choice anymore given she took off. He quickly followed and stayed to the left of her, taking sneak peeks toward her direction every so often. With each glance, there were those butterflies, trying too run amok in his belly. It didn't feel bad, actually it kind of made him laugh but it was still confusing. Did it mean what he thought? Or was if something else entirely different? For a moment he considered asking Towhee what they meant but feared he would give away something too personal. Instead he would have to be crafty (even though crafty wasn't a skill of his) and ask her sneakily. Rye had just the question, "Have you ever loved someone other than family?" Painfully obvious. Did he even try?! Rye never ceased to make himself a fool when the opportunity presented itself. With that blatant question, it would definitely raise an eyebrow from her. Though he was no the wiser.

Glad you're on the mend, friend. :)

As they roamed toward the pack's heart, Towhee flicked her gaze sideways every few breaths to keep track of Rye (and in case he wanted to talk). During one such glimpse, she saw his lips moving and caught most of his inquiry. She slowed, then caught herself and kept moving, as she chewed on the question.

-"Are you asking me if I've ever been in love?"- she replied bluntly after a beat, turning her face fully toward him to gauge his reaction and capture his response.

Sorry for the wait! Life stuff bogging me down!

As much as his stomach desired to back out of the question, with its butterflies tickling his belly, his thought processes disagreed strongly. Knowing full well backing down was out of the equation, Towhee would persue. However both body parts met in the middle and agreed to play it off as simple conversation if she asked. Although his poker face was lacking skill, is facial features would spell out nervous with his refusal of eye contact, darting eyes and inability to speak without a little stutter. Whether or not Towhee had the ability to see stutters was unknown to him but he wouldn't put it past.

" Yeah, you.. - you know, a crush or a love interest?" Without further context Towhee would probably begun to suspect something was up, and Rye wasn't about the let that happened but logic told him he already buried himself. That grave was dug ages ago, he finally just laid in it. Now all thats left is the tombstone, which he was about to plant right about.. "I know thats a bizarre thing to ask but I'm simply looking for answers to a question I can't seem to answer myself. So maybe you've got the answer." Rye was much more calm, collected while speaking, all because it was the truth. He really was trying to find answers, whether or not Towher could answer them was yet to be known.

No worries at all. :)

Rye didn't speak quite as frankly as her, though he eventually made his meaning clear. Towhee could sense his nervousness and was tempted to tease him, especially since he seemed to be playing dumb. Hadn't she made it pretty clear that she was into him? In retrospect, maybe she joked about it too much and Rye was genuinely uncertain about the nature of her feelings. That made Towhee suppress any urge to fling quips at him, though she was afraid she herself wasn't really sure exactly how she felt.

Honesty was the best policy, right? -"I've never been involved with anyone romantically, no,"- she answered slowly. -"I like you and I know you like me. Is that what this is about?"- Even though that was a simple and straightforward question, Towhee continued before Rye could answer. -"Tell me what the question is and I'll do my best to answer it."-

He knew she liked him, but as far as he went, well he was on the fence leaning in. Clarity was what he wanted most, to be sure in himself and his feelings. To know they aren't just going to flake away as did his fur in summer. Much like his symptoms, he wanted to go down the list for Towhee and be honest about it all. However the secrecy he had wrapped around his feelings still held firm, pushing doubt into his mind. She said she knew and if he was honest with himself, duh, he wasn't good at hiding it. That didn't make it easier to fight off the doubt, worry and truth be told, fear stuck in his heart. 

He breathed in deep, exhaling all the things holding him back from expressing himself. He looked to Towhee, softness within, and spoke. "Towhee," He breathed deep again, "My problem is I'm not sure of myself. I'm concerned these feelings might take off one day as if it was a simple crush. But I don't feel like it is, this feels much more than that. I don't have the words to describe it but I know I feel strongly about you." Was he the only one in the world that got concerned about this kinda stuff? It felt like it.

As Rye spoke, Towhee felt a strange prickling sensation at the back of her neck, a flare of heat that spread to her shoulder blades and down her spine as he essentially confessed his love to her. But it wasn't a flush of pleasure, it was a rash of discomfort. She truly liked Rye, enjoyed flirting with him and playing on their inside jokes, and she possessed a deep affection for him. But only now, as he revealed the intensity of his own feelings, Towhee very sharply realized that she simply didn't feel that strongly.

She wasn't sure what to say or how to proceed, as stupefied by her own feelings (or lack thereof) as anything. Towhee felt another wave of unpleasant heat wash through her as she suddenly realized she would have to just tell him the truth. She'd told herself she would be honest, hadn't she? But how could she let him down easy and still preserve some semblance of their friendship? She dearly valued it and slowly realized that it might be coming to an end right here.

He moved here for you, she thought a little dismally, now worrying that he would leave the grove entirely if she rejected him. Towhee bit her lip, the thought painful, and briefly wondered if a "fake it until you make it" approach could possibly work. But she nearly instantly discarded that notion; it was cruel, insane and unfair to Rye as well as herself to pretend she loved him back.

-"Rye,"- she began, finally finding her voice, -"I care about you and you mean a lot to me. And I love spending time with you, messing around and having fun."- Having started with the upsides, she now steadied herself with a deep breath before continuing. -"But I'm just not sure I'm really built for the sort of love I think you're describing."- Even as the words left her lips, she thought, Shit, what a cop-out. -"I don't think—I don't feel the same way,"- she added hastily, with an inward cringe.

To say Rye felt better was an understatement, with the pressure out of his mind and out into the open, he felt happy. Towhee liked him back and that was more than he could ever hope for. It was a start, one he never thought possible but hey, he was just really happy she liked him. As she began to spoke, Rye felt like it was leading up towards soemthing. Something good. His tail swayed in joyful anticipation, until he heard the second part. His body stilled and suddenly he felt like a fool, that burning warm tunred into nothing. Not a thought in his mind ran rampant, instead, it all walked at an agonizing pace. 

He dared not look at Towhee, knowing the hurt in his eyes would pull her down. He didn't want that, he didn't want anyone knowing he felt hurt because he felt too foolish. He felt lied to but that was only because rationality was out the door in his muddled mind. He needed to suck it up and deal with it now but a few words of Phox's echoed in his mind, "do not hurt her". Did that count? Surely not but he didn't know for sure. With a deep breath he looked at Towhee, putting on the best brave face he could but it would crack, and break down as time went on.

"I understand, thank you for telling me. I'm sorry if I over stepped my boundries or anything." He was sincere, he meant every word but he didn't know what else to say. There wasn't much else to say. So, with one sad smile given, Rye turned and walked away. He really didn't want to hear what Towhee had to say. He wanted the day to be done, to go off and be alone. While walking he remembered a similar dilemma, one with Quixote and his son, Owen. Only exceptions is he wasn't wounded, not physically at least, "And don't worry, I won't leave the pack, I won't abandon our friendship."  He repeated himself, said words close to what he did with Quixote. 

'I need to stop getting nmyself hurt over girls, I've got bad luck' He huffed, anger was lightly settling in. No anger at Towhee, but anger towards himself. He should've read things better.

!

He received her words with complete grace. Towhee couldn't explain why that made her feel even worse. She wasn't really sure what she would've done if Rye had had some sort of outburst, though she almost would have preferred it to this calm acceptance. It made her want to eat her own words, yank him back and tell him she was only kidding, of course she loved him back! Towhee actually quivered with the intensity of the impulse, though she held herself still, lips pressed firmly shut against any vile white lies that tried to spring forth.

Once she trusted herself to speak, Rye was already turning away and leaving. Towhee told herself to let him go, so he could process everything on his own, though she caught his words and answered, -"Rye, you've never been anything but absolutely great."- And I really wish I felt the same way, that I could've been the answer to your question. -"I'm glad. Your friendship means a lot to me."- And there was a lot more she wanted to say, yet she left it at that, letting him go.