Sun Mote Copse Mixed feelings

attn: @Towhee

To say that he and Niamh had reconciled would be very much an understatement. He still wasn't quite sure where they stood long-term, but if they didn't end up together, their actions on the beach (and along the way home) would certainly complicate things. Somehow, during their journey home, the topic of Towhee had come up, and Niamh had spilled three bits of news: two good, one bad. Towhee had been promoted to Regent, Niamh to Honoree, and Raven had given his sister the news that she would never have children. Phox couldn't even begin to imagine how Towhee was feeling, especially after she'd been so hopeful that maybe one of her suitors had given her a chance at children.

Parting ways with his... Niamh, Phox changed his tone completely and set out to track down Towhee. For the umpteenth time, he was frustrated that he couldn't count on X to give him a helping wing, but thoughts on how to acquire a new helper were fresh in his mind after his encounter with Quellcrist. Once on her trail, Phox kept his nose to the ground, his eyes up, as he ambled forward in search of his sister, hoping he could be the shoulder she needed to lean and/or cry on.

She woke from another dream where she'd given birth, this time to two healthy baby boys. Although the details began to dissolve as soon as her eyes opened, Towhee lay there, simply recollecting what she could and holding onto it for a few moments. It had been a brief but happy dream and it weighed more heavily on her with each passing moment. She told herself to forget about it, to get up and go patrol.

Instead, she just laid there. When her shoulder went numb, she rolled onto her side to relieve the pressure and found herself staring dolefully down at her belly. Perhaps she had extrapolated on Raven's assessment, yet going through two heats now with nothing to show for it was pretty damning evidence. It had been a solid month (or close enough) and she would be showing signs by now for sure. Yet her belly was flat, her nipples were the same as ever and she certainly wasn't experiencing any of the other symptoms, like morning sickness.

Get up! she hissed at herself. Go do something useful! Instead, Towhee closed her eyes, shutting out the world. Great, now she could heap guilt onto her pile of awful emotions.

When he found her, Towhee's eyes were closed, although she didn't exactly look asleep. There was something about her expression that didn't scream "I'M SLEEPING" to Phox, and he frowned. The moment Niamh had told him the bad news, he'd been distracted by it, although he'd managed to sprinkle in enough good moments with his new lady beau that it hadn't consumed him. Seeing Towhee now, expression pained, was a whole new level of oof for Phox. Thoughts of Niamh were now on the back burner as he watched his sister from a few paces away.

Normally, in situations like this, he might've cleared his throat or expected her to wake up from the sound of his footsteps on the snow that still lingered there. Unfortunately, this was another one of those times when Towhee's lack of hearing was a disadvantage. He didn't want to spook her by prodding her, but Phox also knew the sight of somebody frowning at you probably wasn't the best thing to open your eyes to, either. Instead, he opted to approach slowly, hoping his scent would be enough to rouse her. If not, he would lean in for a gentle nibble on her shoulder.

She felt the subtle vibrations that could only be footsteps. Anticipating Fig or Fen, her orange eyes popped open to find Phox leaning in for a nudge. Towhee stared at him for a beat before launching herself at him, her forelegs reaching to sling around his neck as she shamelessly clutched against her brother.

"I'm glad you're back," she said unnecessarily, her voice sounding thicker than usual and partially muffled by the fact that her face was digging into his neck.

Grateful that he hadn't startled her, he succumbed to her hug with ease, realizing only now how much that he, too, had missed her. As much as he had enjoyed his time with Niamh, he was glad to be home, back with Towhee. She would always be his rock, and he was lucky to have her. When they'd embraced for a good long while, he pulled back, searching her face and trying to read whatever was going on beneath the surface of her expression.

-Niamh told me about your visit with Raven. I'm so sorry, Towhee.- He didn't mention her promotion in the same breath, let alone his own good news, letting the silence fall between them (or with whatever words Towhee wanted to say). Right now he just wanted to be there for her, wishing he hadn't been gone when she'd gotten the news. It could not have been hard to tell others, especially when she had seemed so hopeful and cheerful about the prospect of birthing her own child.

He let her cling to him for a while, which Towhee appreciated. But in order to converse, they would need to let go. She reluctantly let her legs drop and withdrew from his embrace, studying his face for any sign of how his little sabbatical had gone.

She had not expected him to already know about her bad news, nor to have spoken with Niamh. "What?" she blurted dumbly. She should've been grateful, she supposed, that she didn't have to hash it out yet again. But, strangely, she felt a little weird that he'd already heard secondhand and from Niamh, no less.

After taking a moment to process and get her bearings, Towhee asked, "I thought you left to avoid Niamh?"

Phox wasn't sure what she was "what"ing about, and he opened his mouth to ask a clarifying question, but by that point Towhee was already explaining what she meant. Oh yes, that. Nothing ever went exactly as planned, did it?

-She followed me out there,- he explained. At least, that was what he figured. Niamh hadn't outright said it, but he doubted she had been out at the beach by chance. Phox had tried to be mad at her, but alas, it just wasn't the kind of person he was. And with her steam apparently boiled off, their argument had fizzled out, and they'd come back on better terms than they'd ever been. Phox did wonder if it was bound to happen again, but for now, he clung to the hope that things would even out and be better.

-I guess I was mad at first, but you know I can't stay like that very long.- Phox was still a pushover at heart, quick to forgive and move on, provided the misstep wasn't anything horrifying.

Phox didn't want the conversation to head in that direction, though. -Are you holding up okay? I heard Wraen promoted you to Regent.- He suspected that Towhee would throw herself into work in order to cope with the bad news.

She should've been happy about this news, she knew. Weirdly, Towhee felt at a loss. Phox hadn't been taking time to himself, like she'd thought, but had instead been with Niamh this entire time, when she'd needed him? And despite all the arguing back and forth, things were magically hunky dory with them now? They would get together, after all, and surely it wouldn't be long before puppies came along...

Towhee swallowed. On one hand, she was happy for her brother and her friend. On the other, she was hideously jealous and stricken about it. She didn't know what to say as her mind spun. Phox asked if she was holding up okay, mentioning her promotion, and she felt another blat of bother about Niamh apparently telling her brother all her news, good and bad.

"No," Towhee said simply, shifting away from him and staring at the ground as she tried to get control of her conflicting emotions.

Towhee kept quiet, drawing inward and away from him. It pained Phox to see her this way. He couldn’t know what she was thinking, but he knew that she was hurting based on how close they were and how she responded verbally. With her head down, he didn’t attempt more ptero or verbal communication. Instead, Phox wiggled himself down onto his elbows; his hindquarters followed shortly thereafter. He scooted himself forward, wedging his muzzle under her chin with a whine.

Whatever she was feeling or thinking, he wanted to be there for her in whatever capacity she wanted or needed. He wished, for the umpteenth time, that Sequoia was here for her counseling abilities. Maybe he would send for her soon, even if she could only stay for a few weeks. It would help not just Towhee, but Eljay too. And neither of them would need to travel if Seq could come here.

When his snout touched hers, Towhee stiffened and drew away slowly. "So you two are together now?" she asked a little hollowly, wishing she didn't have to look at him but doing it anyway, so she could catch his answer. "What were you two doing? Why did you stay away? I called for you." It was an accusation, though her expression wasn't angry, just hurt.

She realized she was being very negative about something that was honestly great news. "I mean, I'm happy for you guys. I'm just..." Well, Phox could probably imagine how she felt and why. Again, her mind turned toward the offspring he and Niamh might welcome into the world sometime soon. She would be their aunt. Not their mother. Towhee tried to be happy about that but she just couldn't, not right at this moment, with her wound so damn raw.

Her questions were unfair, but if there was anything Phox had learned from this situation, life was unfair. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have kids while he and Niamh could. It wasn’t fair that he and Niamh had smoothed things over while Towhee had been given the terrible news, nor was it fair that he’d heard the news (good and bad) from Niamh on their way home rather than be here with Towhee when she’d returned from her visit with Raven. None of it was fair.

-Yeah,- he answered, wanting to lower his eyes, but keeping them up so she could more easily read his lips while he signed. -I must have been too far away when you called. As soon as Niamh told me, I insisted we come back as fast as we could.- It had been the right thing to do, even though he had wanted to do nothing more than spend more time with her. Towhee and the kids would always come first. Surely Niamh could understand that. They’d shared their mother’s womb, and Towhee had given Phox a second chance at life when he’d come crawling back to the Redhawks last year.

He didn't take her pointed questions poorly, patiently answering them. Towhee felt guilt welling up inside her again, much worse than what she'd felt about failing to patrol. She should put her issues aside and express joy for her brother's and friend's reunion. She should welcome the probability of their children. She should stop being such a sourpuss.

But it was hard, so hard. "I know you didn't ignore me," she acknowledged. She swallowed. "I really am happy for you. I'm just having a hard time." That was downplaying it quite a lot, though Towhee didn't attempt to rectify her statement. "I swear I'll feel more celebratory in a few days. Now I'm the one who needs time." She paused and admitted. "But not space. I need you here with me, even if I have to share you with Niamh. If I have you guys," she finished, thinking of their kids as well, "I'll be... okay. Eventually."

-As much time as you need,- Phox replied, leaning forward to lick one of her eyes. He wondered then if Figment and Fennec knew about any of this. Phox didn't know if Towhee had shared her journey up to this point with their children. He didn't suggest that Towhee should adopt one of Niamh's kids, nor did he suggest the idea that Niamh should be some kind of surrogate. Phox knew there was something special and decidedly different about Towhee having a kid of her very own, born from her own womb.

He was prepared to lay of the gushing with/for Niamh for Towhee's sake, at least in her presence. It would be hard not to run away with her every chance he got, but Phox was determined to make sure that his sister was taken care of before anything else. He had told Niamh that she should talk to Wraen as soon as possible, considering their chances of having kids was likely. Hopefully that was where she was right now, solidifying that any puppies she did have wouldn't cause problems among the pack itself.