Ouroboros Spine uivigginattuk ⋬

for mar 18th, nightfall :O

their breath mingled in the half-darkness. kukutux rolled away from @Raimo and sat up on one palestruck elbow, the curve of her spine facing him. 

yes, she had embraced him eagerly; yes, she refused to find shame in it. he had boasted of her, with what words she did not know. he must be punished for that, for she would not be shamed as the head of her people. tonguetip clicked against her teeth, ears falling back against her skull. "in my ear, a voice tells me you spoke of what i had asked. i told you i would make no choice now. but it does not sound as if you used those words."

shifting now to face him, her limbs languid, nothing closed to him save for her eyes. "you insult me by throwing what i had asked of you into the face of another. you boast of an honor i gave you. and you have spoken again of sialuk. not only to others but to my face." 

"and still, i wanted you." greenstone seeking to cut hard into the artery of raimo's anger. "i was filled with foolishness." he could kill her within the den. she did not think that he would. it would not serve raimo, for he lived with great love of his own ambition. "so now we are here. i do not feel that you have respect toward me. only for the fact that i am taqqiq."

" i will no longer say you are sivullik." eyes grew hot with the same zealous snap of anger she had shown him before they had embarked upon their wending path. "i should have spoken this when you said in anger that you would take sialuk."

Grats on 1000!

The warmth of their merged bodies dissipated when Kukutux moved away from him, propping herself up to think, to talk. All that Raimo wanted was to feel; this detracted from the experience for him, but he would never silence her. The sound of her voice filled the ulaq and he was silent as he listened.

She spoke of her fears. That she did not trust him, after all that he had done. Had he hurt her? Perhaps by way of his words, but he did not know how; he had done everything to please her, all that was asked of him. Never did he go against her. Raimo was perplexed by all that came flowing from Kukutux' mouth until the end — an insult she levied at him and a denial.

His lust hinged on his anger, and now that one was satiated the other took full form. Raimo pulled away from whatever embrace lingered between them and felt the cooling chasm of space, forcing himself to part from Kukutux before he could say or do something reckless. His jaw taut. The blackness of his shape serrating in mimicry of the spine-covered mountain that was their home.

Have I not done everything you have asked of me? He says this sharply, softly, through gritted teeth until the tension he feels can be controlled. He closes his eyes a moment. I have not spoken of our nights together with any— Oh. Oh. In his enjoyment of these nights Raimo had forgotten of his boast to Adrastus. Of course the man would try and use this against him. Pathetic.

You take Adrastus' word over mine. I have been here from the beginning, when you called to the wind for help. I asked for nothing in return you were not willing to give — and you abandon me to the jealousy of another man? He wanted my position, and I told him only what was required of that position. As sivilluk I am expected to bring about the future; this is all I said, which he took to heart. He pines for you like a boy for his first kiss. So many rhetorical questions. How he now loathed Adrastus; the man was not fit for the hunter's party and was corrupting Kukutux against him.

And Sialuk. Perhaps they were working together to ruin Raimo's story. He had known a good story needed an antagonist but he did not expect it to come in the form of a man and a girl child. Raimo looked to Kukutux and saw the anger in her gaze — he rivaled it in his entirety.

You think I would take your daughter from you before she was ready? I am not that kind of man. You should trust in me, you spend your nights with me while in the day I serve you, wholly. I only meant that in time, she may come around to trusting me as you do — as I thought you did. A hasty correction. He doesn't know what else to say, having said so much.

None of this mattered, now. Kukutux had been turned against him and as much as Raimo wanted to trust her, wanted to believe that what they shared was something deep and strong, he knew better.

ty! <3

"all that i have are your words, raimo!" she exclaimed. "i tell you, i give the respect of firsthunter. to your hearth i will bear children. and all of moonglow will know the trust i have given you. but i tell you, i will not have a husband. you are angry," recounting, recounting; "and then you say you will take sialuk, and make strong children. "that is what you have said." a breathless ending; she saw the shadow of him slicing upward 

"it would be a bad thing, but you have made it more bitter. i tell you, respect the choice and name of the star. so you put mine into a bath of mud. this thing," voice shaking now; she did not fear him, only the ire that grew and grew inside her, "atsinguak! i do not care that he pines. i do not —" a stumble, eyes welling with frustrated tears and misplaced anger. she did not want to hate raimo; she did not want to pull him from her bed.

he pines.

how did you not see this?

"you have helped to build moonglow. you are a skilled hunter. you made yourself first." it was hurt, kukutux saw now, welling against her bruised soul, hurt that she had finally allowed trust its eke into her corestone, and he had squandered it to pronounce his place among the hunters by bragging. "that is why i asked this of you. this offering was not yours to put dirt upon. sivullik would not boast. he would be silent."

abandonment. her jade-gaze skimmed his own, barren now with anguish "i made you my choice in all the ways that are known. now you are not respected by the other hunters. i told adrastus that this land chose you for firsthunter, for it is the truth. now he goes to make himself that. he will come back. this is not the circle for wisewomen to speak inside. and even if i had said no words at all, you have not caused him to see you as first."

a sob, curled outward from the edge of her mouth as the duck turned her face away. "do not have the thought that this is a thing which brings me peace. it does not. you have."

This was not how the story was supposed to go. He was the hero; she was the damsel in distress, when this all started. Now there was a true rival to Raimo's presence and the young man could not handle it. He did not know what to do to progress his story and fix this. Kukutux had her own perception of things — of him — and it was a component he had not considered in full.

She claimed that he had hurt her with words, when action was all that mattered to him. Words; a script, he had never been very good at that part of his imaginings. This story hinged on words and he did not know what to say. Would it matter what he said, in the end? There was no ignoring the way she watched him; the shaking of Kukutux' voice, the pain he had somehow caused her.

You do care. You care or you would not have sent him against me! He tried not to raise his voice. The timbre of it remained, the hurt he felt, cold and hard as he did sound. I asked him to be a part of the hunter's circle and he refused me. You put it in to his head that denying me would bring him power, and so he denies me! What am I supposed to do? These are not my ways. I am learning as fast as I can. He was fuming, bristling, but his tone became more level. He could not look at her.

she hated to see raimo like this, and to know it was her voice that had shattered their desires into something more hounded by residual anger and her own lingering grief. "and i must learn faster." she was moon. he was — she had no word for him now, only the nameless gnawing desire she had borne him always. "i told him our ways. i told you the same. i said you are sivullik. even your title i have respected."

"and now, i will lose the one i have lain with." the tone of him colliding against the delicate ivoried sound of her own. "because you are too proud to be kingullimik. that is all he has been since he was taken into moonglow."

"the circle of hunters might shift each day. it is the task of the first to know this, and to be ready." if he did not stop her, kukutux would slip from the ulaq now; some paces until she sank down upon the ground and wept the stream of tears she could not longer hold back, bitterly frustrated and seeking now in selfishness to keep raimo close; i will give you always an honored place, but was this still her choice?

She stood and slipped away, out of the ulaq, to be alone. Her words faded to silence in her absence and Raimo sat witht he silence as he often did, feeling a weight to it now. He was angry with himself for becoming so lost in his own story that he failed to see what was right before his eyes: his greed, his ambition growing beyond himself.

He sat there in the silence until only the sound of Kukutux' nearby crying drifted to him. In time his anger would cool — it had started already — but he still felt wounded, raw and vulnerable. These were aspects not fit for a sivullik.

When eventually Raimo moved to leave that place, he lingered behind Kukutux. He did not touch her; he did not think she would want that. In his low voice, still ripe with the tension of emotions he was trying to contain, he murmurs: If you ask it of me, I will step down.

He would give up the role — and give her up as well — if it would fix this. Besides, what was their connection but an expression of her grief? She did not love him; she was not ready for that.

in time, raimo's voice sounded behind her. kukutux wished again to feel his breath upon her nape, the snowfall of her shoulders. but it did not come, and she was tangled in desire and resistance when he spoke of surrendering sivullik. 

he has learned a swift lesson. manigotinik.

the moon turned to face the spear; she drew her gaze slowly across his features, mouth still touched by his kiss and her own tears. something bitter and something sweet. and there existed in the duck no sense of mistake, only a growing acceptance for the choice she had made and the burgeoning wisdom that she must mend this for the good of her clan.

"all this has happened because i am not yet — this is a role for one who has achieved many years. not a woman who is so newly without," voice trailing off.

the blackfox. kisuk. first in moonglow, now, offering what she knew was the right path for their village. "step down, for we must have peace between each of us. learn to be second. sivullik changes many times. i —" want you close, want you near, do not want you to leave, do not leave

something yet unknown tied into every corner of her desire for the shadowhunter, at whom kukutux now stared, mouth-tied and sick with the weight of all she had never wanted to bear.

If he ever had the power, he would make sure Adrastus would suffer for taking this away from him. Raimo had never had this before — the position, the respect from his fellow hunters, the attention of a good woman. He had gained all of this, he thought, as a reward for hard work and just as he obtained it, it was taken by this rival. Raimo did not think of himself as a person who held grudges but this story he had built around himself, that he gathered from Moonglow, had changed him. Brought pieces out of him he did not know existed. A possessive quality; a lust for everything that a true hero deserved.

There would be time for him to rise again. The next time he did, Adrastus would fall. Raimo pledged to himself that he would succeed no matter how long it took, or what he must do. It was not only his own role in the story that was under threat — but Kukutux', and any future they might have together.

So when she spoke, he listened until her voice broke. Then he sullenly turned and prowled from her side, choosing not to linger where he was not wanted. In time he would find his way back to her.

long after raimo had departed did kukutux sit rigidly as morning rose, feathering the sky in a palette of watercolor brushing. 

her mouth tasted of metal, and the duck realized that she had bitten the inside of her jawline. but she sat with the tang of it souring darkly upon her tongue. she cursed herself for a fool, and heard at last the tread of tooteega just behind. 

daughter.

i am not a daughter any longer. i am anaa to moonglow. 

the grey muzzle of the first wisdom among women, dipping, though the eyes glowed with an ageless glint. 

how will you keep him close? what will bring him back? you must choose one or the other.

no! and the thought seared fiercely through the edge of her mind, a thrown spear that lanced and drew a purpled rush of pride. i will not choose.

tooteega scoffed, offering no more words, but she did not leave kukutux. the old men said that the power of a woman in certain times could corrupt even their spells, mother, the moondrop breathed to the ancient one. this is a secret of theirs that is known to me. so i will guard our secrets. and i will discover theirs.

but i will not choose.

selfishness, choking her salt-hot and welcome; kukutux cut a hole in her spirit and poured the sensation dull and low beneath her own skin. i have lost much. i will make no more sacrifice. i choose moonglow. i choose myself.