Swiftcurrent Creek We could dance our tears away, emancipate ourselves

Hope you don't mind another <3

Reverie gathered the courage to slip away to a cache while @Arric was asleep, and returned with something for him to eat. It was some time before he woke up, though, and she found herself feeding Blossom again while she waited. Honestly, she hadn't known that she would need to eat so often! It was a little exhausting.
But it wasn't like Reverie had anything better to do. She glanced over at Arric occasionally, but mostly she watched Blossom. There was so much she still didn't know about raising children, especially young ones. It seemed to her that her daughter was a little too small, a little too fragile compared to Jakoul's children, though. Maybe that was only to be expected from such a young mother.

Arric woke up slowly, and foggly, he blinked in slow movements until his eyes adjusted. This wasn't his dwelling. He didn't panic, but he was awake pretty quickly after that. Slowly he realized where he was and stretched with a yawn.

He shifted and moved away while he woke up so he didn't hurt Rev or the baby. Blue eyes adjusting. 

Morning Rev. Sorry I fell asleep on ya.

Never <3

Reverie noticed immediately when Arric began to stir, and her tail thumped the ground softly as she waited for him to wake up fully. Good morning! She smiled brightly at him and reached out to kiss his nose if he'd let her. It was an unspoken rule that any wolf who entered her den would be subjected to her affections until they left.
I brought you food, She gestured to what she'd brought with one paw. How are you feeling? Her eyes flitted over his wounds briefly as she questioned him. He looked no worse than he'd been, at least.

Arric was momentarily surprised at her affection, but he handled it with grace. A soft smile. It wasn't unwanted, it was just a surprise that was all.

Thanks. He pulled the morning food towards himself and then took a small bite and chewed. Trying to be polite, because yep there she was asking questions. He chuckled. 

I'm alright. No worse for wear. Other than I feel like a jerk.

Reverie frowned. You're not a jerk, She countered quietly. Arric could be harsh at times, and Reverie herself had dealt with hurt feelings caused by his words more than once, but she didn't think he'd done anything to deserve this. Maybe he had made a mistake — but she felt that the woman who'd attacked him was ultimately the one in the wrong. She knew she was biased, though.
Honestly, she was beginning to realize that it wouldn't really matter to her even if Arric had done something terrible. Reverie thought, not for the first time, that she was changing; she wasn't certain she liked it. But there was nothing to be done for it. She lapsed into silence, and took to grooming Blossom while she waited for Arric to finish eating. She was lost in thought now, lost in the realization that things like stability and loyalty had become more important to her than what was right or wrong.

A soft chuckle. Maybe not, but I feel like one, Rev. If i hadn't mouthed off the first time i met her, maybe it wouldn't be so fraught with issues. But well you live and learn right.

Arric had a strict moral compass, most of the time. Sure he had moments of anger and disbelief and he could be harsh in his words, especially when pointing something out. Almost blunt, but he wasn't unnecessarily cruel.

Thanks for fixing me up Rev.

Reverie nodded in response to his thanks, feeling suddenly tired. Her own sleeping schedule was all askew now that she spent most of her waking hours confined to a den. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept, but — she hated sleeping. Somewhere along the way she had come to associate the activity with Lestan. Sleeping without him felt wrong and lonely in a way she could hardly stand, and even Moss's presence did not alleviate it.
Sometimes she dreamed of his scent. It was one of the things she missed most when she thought of him. Reverie continued to groom Blossom, falling deeper into thought and further into a quiet sort of melancholy as she considered the fact that she would need to sleep soon, and did not want to at all.

There was a quiet tension to Reverie. Arric could feel it. That if pressed to hard she was gonna break. He didn't now how to fix it. He didn't know where freaking Lestan was, and he couldn't go search for him right now, cause of the she wolf. The more that Arric was around Reverie, the more he realized .He could be a listening ear, but he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to fully help her. There was truly some sort of deep damage. From what he didn't know and he didn't ask, but he'd be here if she needed him.

Reverie was coming to her own realization:
As much as she wanted to believe otherwise, Lestan leaving had broken her in a way that no other tragedy in her life had managed to accomplish. Through fire and death, through so much torment at the hands of those who had brought her into this world, Reverie had always come out on the other side ready to pick herself up and dust herself off with a smile ready for the world. But not this time. Not now.
Now she was just so tired. Lestan promised he wouldn't leave, you know, Reverie said a little dully, after a long silence. She didn't often speak of Lestan like this, not in such intimate detail; more often she preferred to keep the specifics of their relationship private, even when she spoke of him to others. He made so many promises. I never asked for any of them, and I tried not to count on them too much, but I thought -
She let out a breath. I just thought he would have told me, if he was having doubts. But he hadn't, not once; she remembered vividly each time he had told her the exact opposite, that he wanted her, wanted this. Reverie had tried so hard to believe it. Now she was glad that she hadn't. She didn't know that she would have made it through this loss, if she had truly believed he meant what he said.

Arric didn't know all that Reverie had gone though. Truthfully he probably never would. She kept that to herself a good bit. Her history her own. She didn't like to say. And that was absolutely her right.

Ear twitched forward and he lifted his head to listen, clearly she had something she wanted to say.
Arric weighed his words carefully unsure exactly how to say what he wanted. First of all Reverie had brought this on herself in a way. She barely spoke to Lestan herself, so she couldn't expect him to speak to her on things if she didn't tell him things. But he also knew were he to say that right now, she may go into a tail spin. So instead he said. 

Well Rev. You don't know if that's the case. We won't know what his thinking was or his reasoning until we find him or he returns.

Reverie frowned. It felt like a cheap answer, and she wasn't sure what to do with it. Why else would Lestan leave without a single word to her? For the first time it occurred to her that Lestan himself might come back claiming that nothing was wrong between them, and that thought frustrated her.
She didn't say anything, lost in thought and wary now of Arric and his advice. It couldn't be a problem only in her own head. It just couldn't. Surely it wasn't normal, what Lestan had done — and Reverie wasn't normal either, she knew that, but she had tried. When the time came to have difficult conversations, they had always been of her own initiation. It seemed to her as if Lestan had chosen to run instead, when his own time came to initiate a difficult conversation. Whether it was about him or about her, it didn't matter. Whatever it was, he had left rather than speak to her about it, after Reverie herself had tried so hard to make the opposite decision each time it arose. And no matter what Arric or anyone said, she would not change her mind about this.

In a way it was a cheap answer, but he wasn't  sure how to answer without condemning one or the other and that wasn't fair.

And the blame didn't lie with only Rev it also lay with Lestan. Simply put they both could've done better, but so could have Akavir and Arric they could stepped in and mediated.

He sighed. I'm sorry Rev i just don't have answers. I don't know Lestan that well. Akavir knows him better than me.

Lowkey putting off replying to this because I don't know when our next one will be LOL cries

Akavir didn't know him either, though. Reverie wasn't sure what to make of that; did anyone really know Lestan? Suddenly she realized how selfish she was being, though, and let out a breath. I shouldn't - put this on you, I'm sorry, She looked away, down to Blossom, ashamed.
Everything just - it kind of sucks right now, Reverie glanced at his wounds. I guess I don't have to tell you that. There was a soft humor to her voice; an attempt at bringing some light to the dark situation.

H uggles <3

Lestan had kept to himself since he arrived, and Reverie was proving to be the same. Oh she talked to other's, she made friends, but Arric was beginning to wonder if she every really cared about anyone? Or if she grew obsessed with them only, but that was neither here nor there and he didn't wish to sully their moments with such dark thoughts.

He chuckled. Uh no Rev you don't gotta tell me that. He dipped his ehad to her and offered a playful wink.

There was certainly something lacking in Reverie's ability to form bonds; not a lack of compassion, but of trust and empathy and perhaps even a true grasp on reality. That was the thing about trauma: there was a before and an after, and everything after would always be filtered through that lense. Colored, but rather than rose-tinted it was something ugly and grey.
Love, for Reverie, would always be associated with the worst kind of pain. So maybe it made sense that she could only seem to cause conflict in those she loved. It was all she really knew. Swiftcurrent Creek seems to have a lot of problems with women, Reverie teased lightly, still quite determined to forget these worries, but even her own joke only reminded her of how broken she was. She herself was arguably the most problematic woman in Swiftcurrent Creek's orbit.

Arric knew trauma, and he knew it manifested itself in other ways. He also knew though that you could not blame all your failings or your choices on the trauma. Some of course, but not all. And that was perhaps where he was different than most. It was how he truly felt.

Chuckled he shook his head. Ah mostly just this creek wolf with women. Let's be honest here Rev. They either like me or hate me, there's no inbetween. He shook his head laughter on his face.

Reverie might have disagreed then, but she knew better than to voice the fact that she truly did not know how she felt about Arric. So it seemed she would be the exception in secret. Of course he was her friend, and she cared about him, but she didn't fully trust him (or anyone) and it often seemed to her that he was harsh. How many times had he picked her apart, pointed out every flaw of hers and told her to get over them all?
Still, he was stable and true to her as a friend, so she was willing to overlook all the reasons she could see why someone might not like him. Well, maybe they should try meditation, Reverie settled on, still teasing, because she couldn't think of what else to say. It was a moment of familial I love you, but I don't know if I like you, and it reminded her too much of The Gilded Sea to even consider addressing it.

Arric had not picked at her ways to cause her unrest. No she had to realize that there was such a thing as being selfish, and then being SELFISH one sure sometimes you took care of yourself and you didn't do something, because you didn't want too. Then there was so selfish that it hurt other's around you and that was the one you didn't want to be, and sometimes Reverie skirted that line.

A snort. Perhaps they should. And I should obviously do it more. There was a pit of shame and self-loathing deep in his stomach, but he didn't know how to voice it honestly. Well he did, but he did't think that Reverie needed to hear it.

It's okay to make mistakes sometimes, Reverie told him softly, and this time she was confident in her words and her sentiment. We all do.
In The Gilded Sea, we were always punished for our mistakes, She grimaced slightly at the memory. Harshly. It never helped anything. It just made us afraid. I think - being harsh with yourself does the same thing. It makes you afraid to make another mistake, when what you really need is to... to understand yourself better. Well, that's what I think, anyway. Reverie wasn't sure that her perspective was the best; after all, she'd made so many mistakes of her own, and couldn't seem to stop even now. But these beliefs were all she had. The only thing that got her through. So she held to them.

She wasn't wrong and Arric knew this and he'd get over the mistake eventually, but he always was harsh on himself by design at first, because usually it was a mistake that could be costly. This she wolf could bring her packs to the Creek. He didn't think she would and she had attacked him first, but she could. If she somehow knew his scent and could find it. he had been very careful, but one was never sure.

I can agree with that sentiment to a point. You don't want to repeat the mistakes if they were really bad, but you should learn from them. That's why mistakes are made tolearn.

Fading <3

Reverie nodded, although she couldn't help feeling a little disheartened when she thought of herself in relation to what Arric said. Had she ever really learned from any of her mistakes? Would she ever?
She wasn't sure, and she didn't want to think about it. Reverie went quiet after that, and eventually it was time for Arric to take his leave. She didn't try to stop him, but in his absence she felt terribly lonely. At least until Moss came back to her.