Neverwinter Forest They said, “Love is only equal to the pain.”

The sun was hidden behind a veil of clouds. It began to set, evidenced only by the brightness slowly leeching from the winter air. Towhee sat beneath a tree, keeping an eye on @Jack Snipe and waiting for @Killdeer to return with @Maxim and @Phox or, at the very least, word from her mate and brother.

She was so tired, she sank to the ground and found herself fighting to keep her eyes open. Towhee didn’t want to lose track of Jack. She didn’t want to miss out on her loved ones’ arrival. But more than anything, she knew that only nightmares awaited her if she slept.

out of breath! and it still felt like his chest might explode with the harsh pounding of his heart. it had felt good to sprint, though. to not think about anything and be tousled by the freezing winds.

yet now he was tired and slowing.

the sadness crept back in with cold fingers. it always would, he imagined, but it did not make it any easier.

at least — -towhee.- even if she could not hear him, perhaps she might see him coming. a dark spot in the snowy world.

She lost the fight, falling into a drowse. In that liminal space between sleep and waking, Towhee found herself back at the caldera. She buried Leona’s bones beside Blackbird, Butterfly and Marten. She cried bitterly, wondering why her daughter was only a skeleton. Where was her flesh, her fur? She hadn’t been dead but a few days…

Towhee started awake, tears clinging to her eyelashes. She saw Maxim standing nearby and lurched to her feet. Shakily she trudged to him and thrust her snout into his ruff, one foreleg coming up to clutch at his neck. For a long moment, she just held onto him.

Me and Jackie, we couldn’t stand being there right now, Towhee babbled once she drew back, but I didn’t mean to leave you there by yourself. I’m, she tried to say but her voice failed her.

he cried when she held him. for it felt right in that moment, to loosen the shackles that they both shared and freed the emotions from the eyes of epoch.

he could have stayed like that forever. until they could not cry anymore or until they fell asleep in a heap.

i'm sorry. he said, blinking his eyes to try and see a clearer image of her. i do not know why i stayed behind, but... i was glad you and jack could go. find a place to breathe and the energy to walk beyond epoch for it.

he knew he did not need to explain that the air in the vale felt thick with their loss.

She wanted to grab onto him again and just cling forever. But her deafness meant she must maintain enough distance to read his lips. In lieu of another embrace, she reached out and set one of her paws on top of his.

You were staying with her, Towhee countered him, the words coming out on a sob when she realized Leona was back in the vale, alone.

Of course, those were only her earthly remains. What had made her Leona wasn’t there anymore. She wasn’t anywhere anymore. Towhee had buried three other children—thinking about them made her recall her dream with a wet breath—borne of her body and one other besides. She had lost so many other loved ones over the years, it didn’t make sense to get attached to their final resting places.

It still made her sad in a profound way. On one hand, Towhee couldn’t bear being in the vale. On the other, she couldn’t bear leaving Leo’s grave behind. It was an emotional impasse, breaking her heart in two. She could only hope that a few days here in these woods might help mend the halves.

his lip trembled, quivered. whatever tears he blinked away had quickly been replaced. he recalled the kindness of arsenio, the work that the man was surely doing now.

he's there now. arsenio, he's — keeping leona company, but she wasn't there. not really. not beyond a body and the grief that body bloomed. he said take our time. warmth will be there when we go back.

but now he did not wish to be any distance apart from towhee and sought to pull her back, so that he may hold onto her.

Perhaps it was silly but she found comfort in the image of Arsenio minding their daughter’s grave, keeping her spirit company. She could see that it meant a lot to Maxim as well. Towhee regarded him sadly as he spoke, aware that he had never known the pain of losing a child until now.

She wondered what would happen if she couldn’t bring herself to go back there, just to be haunted by Leona’s ghost. It was unseemly to bring it up now, so she put the thought aside. Towhee could revisit it in a few days’ time, see how she felt before she broached the topic with Maxim. She wouldn’t want to put him through any more heartache unless absolutely necessary.

Maxim shifted and she moved to intertwine their limbs. She at least had some experience with this pain, whereas her young mate’s schema must be absolutely shattered right now. She turned her head to smooth the crust of tears from the corners of his eyes and cheekbones with her tongue.

After a while, she pulled back a little to ask, Did Phox come with you? And Killer? Jack shouldn’t be far off. You should call for him when you’re ready.

Gloom gathered around them. She couldn’t hear the frigid January wind soughing through the trees, though she felt its bite. Towhee thought she smelled something familiar on the northerly, though she put it out of her mind. She wasn’t particularly interested in their surroundings. All she wanted to do now was gather her boys close and try to get some rest.

how had he forgotten phox? perhaps in the panic that killdeer had inspired with his frantic calling and rushing. perhaps in the sadness that had clouded most of his living now.

killer should be — somewhere! he knew that @Killdeer had come back with him and not returned to mereo after the message. i forgot phox! and although he laughed now, it was with a manic grief. bewildered by his own forgetting of his brother in law.

he gasped, blinking wildly for a moment.

i can go and get him. come back. or ah, call him maybe?

he had grown used to life with a deaf wife, realizing that others could be called upon from a distance offered some sense of relief. only just barely.

now he looked around. wondering where his son was. a sudden sense of overwhelming existence swept over him.

“I forgot Phox!” Maxim exclaimed with a laugh that hit as hysterical even without functional ears.

Although her stomach sank at this news, Towhee quickly grabbed at Maxim’s elbow and then rubbed his leg soothingly. She shook her head at his offer, her paw stilling to hold onto his leg. She didn’t have to speak or sign to get the message across: You’re not going anywhere.

I bet Killer has it handled, Towhee reassured.

With a sigh, she let her foot drop from him and used her head to gesture at the tree she had been sleeping against moments prior. Towhee slouched back to it and slumped to the ground, then motioned for Maxim to join her. When he did, she would hold onto him tightly.

And though no child could ever replace the one they’d just lost, Towhee would gently guide his paw to her belly, swelling now with new life.

he felt horrible, truthfully, that it seemed everybody else around him was handling all things. arsenio tended to the grave of leo, killdeer seemed to collect the family together. towhee had gone with jack to mourn in these woods!

his breath hitched and hiccupped for a moment.

even as he laid down beside her and convinced himself that it was all fine. that all of these faces he knew were happy to help.

but his paw was suddenly over her stomach, guided there by her. the quivering of his lips started again. to think that soon new life would replace — ah, no. nothing could ever replace. what a horrible word.

their family would only grow again when it had shrunk so suddenly by one.

he shuffled some, to lightly press his ear to her stomach if allowed. as if he might hear something in there. as if the future might whisper to him.

he deeply hoped she did not mind the addition of more of his tears to her coat.

He maneuvered away from her and Towhee tensed, then realized what he was doing and shifted to accommodate him. It was a relief to sprawl on her side and let her muscles relax, as Maxim gently pressed his face to her belly. The fur was a little sparser their now, so his warm touch was welcome, even if it was a little damp.

The angle was a little weird, though she placed a paw on the crown of his head and petted him soothingly between the ears. Even something as welcome as a new litter would not erase their pain over Leona. In fact, it stirred new pains, when Towhee acknowledged that Leo would never know the pleasure of being an older sister, that these new babes would never meet her.

But she hoped Maxim would draw comfort from knowing she was very much carrying his offspring again. Their present was bleak, though they would know happiness again one day.

we can fade or keeping going, entirely up to you <3

it was soothing. to lay here alongside towhee and the unborn life they had created together. a new batch of children to have worries over and raise together. he smiled, even if it was sadly.

a soft humming of a song he had not heard in nearly years now. from a mother who had loved him dearly and would most certainly love the grandchildren she did not know she had.

another thing to lose himself in thought upon.