Swiftcurrent Creek Now you know I'm paper-thin

Let me know if I should change anything! Set a day or two after Rev brings Blossom home, or something like that. As always, Box you're welcome to cameo <3

Reverie felt… stuck. Not physically, but emotionally; mentally. She had thought, when she first returned to the Creek, that it was only exhaustion which left her feeling dulled and detached from the world. She had expected to wake and feel it all melt away, feel herself again. But she didn't. It wasn't an absence of emotion, not really, just… a weakening. She was content, and she loved her daughter, and she thought she might love Moss in her own way too. Not the same way she loved Lestan, but did that really matter? Either way it was far too soon to think of such things, and so she was happy to leave that problem for the future.
All of it just felt so far away. Or maybe it was her who was far away? Reverie was settled in a new way, but she would always be a dreamer, a drifter, so maybe this was only to be expected. Her own sort of normal. Only, it didn't feel normal. It felt like reliving trauma, over and over and over and over.
Because @Blossom's birth had been traumatic. It hadn't been meant as a life-giving experience. Reverie had meant to rid herself of her daughter, and even though that was not what had come to pass, she still had to live with the memory and the guilt of it. So it was a welcome distraction when, not long after she returned home, @Arric appeared for a visit.
He'd brought food. Reverie had chosen a new place for her den, somewhere more confined than the space she'd shared with Lestan. Safer for Blossom that way, she figured, but it meant that any visitors would need to be invited in. Come in, She said softly, tucking her golden daughter closer to her in a surge of protective instinct. She trusted Arric, but only had so much trust to give. Ultimately, Reverie would not let anyone too close to Blossom until she was older.

Arric had never had children. He was certain he had some out there, at least from the sea queen herself, but other than that. He didn't know if he had any others and he wasn't that concerned. If he had  relationship with any of the mother's maybe he'd worry about it, but he had known what they wanted, and he was not part of the deal. No matter how often that smarted a little. He was never part of the deal, but that was okay.


He saw the movement, so he only moved close enough to lay the food and then he backed up as far as he could go while still able to speak with her and see her and he sat kind of stiffly honestly.  Reverie had betrayed his trust in a way, by leaving. By not speaking to Lestan as she had promised and it smarted. Now Lestan was gone, Reverie had left and now what? She was back with a new mouth to food and she was super protective anyway of it. It was clear she didn't trust him as he had thought she did.

He shifted and studied her with assessing blue eyes. Are you recovering well? The baby's cute from what I can see.

Reverie could see the stiffness to Arric's posture, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. Did he blame her for Lestan's departure? She couldn't imagine another reason, but it hurt to think that he might. She had tried, after all. She'd tried to speak with him, only it had felt like they had somehow come away from it with more unsaid words between them. Like they'd each started flipping through pages of the book, trying to land on the same one, unaware that they were moving in opposite directions.
But how could she explain that to Arric?
She only smiled a little sadly. Yeah, I am. Thank you for bringing food, Reverie shifted, aware of the tension between them but uncertain how to dispel it. Her name is Blossom. She added after a moment. And then, finally —
I did try, you know. To talk to Lestan, The elephant in the room. Reverie's voice was soft and careful as she spoke, and she only let the words sit in the air between them.

Arric was not stiff because of their drama. Honestly, if Lestan felt he needed to leave without speaking to management as it were. There was no two weeks notice here. That was on him. Not them. He had said he would be back, but not when. Then Reverie had gone. Ran away again. Even if she had come back, she had run away again.

A smile lighting up his eyes. You're welcome. Fish is supposed to be good for you. At least that's what dad said. But he wasn't a healer either.

Arric bent his head a little further and eyed the little one at her side. Hiya Blossom.

Blue eyes met her's and he stared for a minute. He took a deep breath. I'm not upset. Okay yea I'm a little upset about that, but mostly because this is a shit show you know. All of it. Everyone left, didn't speak to Akavir or me. Moss went looking for you. That wasn't fair to anyone, what either one of you did. But my problem is that you don't trust me, even though you said you did. And i know trust isn't easy, but you acted like you trusted me. When really you didn't trust me all tha tmuch at all did you?

Arric was a wolf of straight shooting. He told you how it was, usually with curse words. so the fact that he hadn't dropped the f-bomb on her made him kinda proud.

Reverie smiled to see the way Arric interacted with Blossom, but when he started to address all that had been happening lately, the expression died. Her eyes fell sometime around when he mentioned trust. That was everyone's problem with her, it seemed. She did not know how to trust, not properly.
I trust you - as much as I can trust anyone, She sighed, and met his eyes again. Which isn't a whole lot, no. I'm sorry, Arric. I didn't mean to be dishonest with you. I've been dishonest with myself, I think. I've spent so long telling myself that if I don't do what's best for me, no one will. But I'm starting to realize I never really knew what was best for me, and all I've done is push everyone away. Lestan most of all, and at that thought her eyes began to burn with tears.
I... don't want to hurt Blossom the way I've hurt everyone else, Reverie admitted. So I'm going to try to do better. She deserves stability. She wasn't sure she could ever provide that, but she would try. There was nothing she wanted more than to achieve this, now that she was starting to realize what parenthood really meant.

And now he felt like a grade A Asshole with all caps, but well it needed addressed.  One he was a leader and as much as it smarted, and the wolves under them didn't like it. The simple fact was he and Akavir needed to know what was going on, because they couldn't have inner pack fighting or power struggles or this kind of shit. It made for bad morale and well they'd lose members and possibly lose the creek.

Arric sighed and moved  a paw over his face. Alright, clean slate. And trust isn't easy Rev, but it's important. You have to at least trust me as a leader. That means you have to tell me when something like this is gonna happen. Like if you're gonna leave or not leave or what have you. I need to know this stuff, or Akavir does.

He studied her and nodded his head. Well i'd say your already one step in the right direction if you know you need to do better for her. That's all you can do as a parent is your best. You're gonna make mistakes Rev, you just are. Everyone does. The important thing, you own up to them and do better next time.

Reverie nodded slowly. I can tell you now that I'm not going to leave. Not permanently. I just... wanted to be alone for - well, you know. It wasn't pretty. The only one I wanted there was Lestan, and he... Her voice broke a little, and she swallowed.
Do you think he'll come back? The question came out as a whisper. It was unfair to ask this of Arric, she knew that, but she couldn't help it. He knew Lestan better than she did, had known him first — or so she assumed. If nothing else Reverie needed the reassurance that, if Lestan did not return, Arric would be here. She felt that Blossom would need some kind of masculine presence in her life, and to be honest, she did not want Akavir to fill that role despite his relation to her daughter. She felt no warmth from him. Good intentions, yes, but not an ounce of true friendship — and that was important.

Arric tilted an ear forward to catch her quiet words. The golden whirlwind that he had met was now subdued and rather sad. It was depressing, but he couldn't blame her. Not really.

Arric shifted. I'm not sure. He howled that he would, but we will have to see if it's going to be true. But i'm here. I can help however I can.

Arric looked her over. Speaking of. Do you or Blossom need anything? There wasn't much that he could do. And he hadn't been much help leading up to such a traumatic thing, but he had tried. Tried his hardest.

He didn't know. Reverie suddenly wondered if anyone truly knew Lestan and his thoughts, his wants. She certainly did not. If she had, then she would have been able to make him happy, and he would never have left her. But it often seemed as if Lestan himself did not even know what he truly wanted. He'd said he wanted her, after all — but that wasn't quite true in the end, was it?
Reverie realized belatedly that these thoughts of Lestan were the only thing that made her really feel anything. And that made her want to leave those thoughts behind as soon as possible. The numb feeling was preferable, she thought. So she focused on Arric. He would be here. He would help. Just as Moss had said she would.
Thank you, She said softly, and made herself smile. We don't need a lot - Moss has been here for me, since Lestan left. But if you could... try to visit often, I would appreciate it. I haven't been confined to a den since I was a child myself! Not as long ago as it perhaps should have been, for the fact that she was now a mother. I'm too tired to feel restless yet, but I'm sure I will soon.
And I'd like Blossom to know you, too, Reverie added, and at this her smile turned warmer and more genuine. I think she could learn a lot from you. Things she can't learn from me. Like... emotional control. She was joking, but only a little. It wasn't exactly a secret that Reverie was more controlled by her emotions than the other way round.

Arric had not had more than one conversation with Lestan honestly. Akavir had more conversation with him than he had. He hadn't trusted Lestan when he first met him and he found him friendly, but different in a big way than Arric.

You're welcome, Rev.

Arric smiled. I'll visit you everyday. And I'll make sure you have food. I'm glad Moss is helping you too.

Arric chuckled. Well I didn't learn it quickly, so it may take sometime, but I'll teach her whatever you want me too. Sweet little golden bean.

Every day! Reverie felt as if a weight had lifted from her chest, and a rush of affection flooded in to take its place. She wasn't sure what she would name her feelings toward Arric; they were friends, and she didn't feel romantically toward him, but neither would she call him a brotherly figure — yet there was something more than friendship there too. She just didn't know what it was.
You can come closer, if you want, She invited gently, aware of the way Arric was still positioned at the far end of the den. It went against every instinct which had taken hold of her over the last two days — but Arric was worth the discomfort. I want you to know that - I really do appreciate you. I know it's not easy to be my friend, and I don't want it to be that way forever, but I'm lucky to have found friends who will stick around while I... try to get it together.
I think everything is going to be okay, She added after a moment. Of this she was certain, more than ever before.

A small smile towards her and a gentle nod. Reverie was just his friend. There was nothing more than that in his thoughts for her. Perhaps he could argue sisterly and brotherly affection, but he wouldn't know how that worked. He'd never had a sibling.

He moved very slowly. Unsure and not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but once he was near enough, he gently moved to his belly and then further down and pressed his nose towards the little girl, but he didn't touch her. He wouldn't do that to Reverie. He just watched with gentle eyes.

She was still sorting through how she felt about Arric when she started to hear it. A shuffling of sorts, she thought at first, as the Beta moved closer. But the distance dwindled and the sound clarified and Reverie realized what it truly was. A thousand voices, a thousand whispering threats.
Small gods.
Reverie fought the sudden urge to tense, to snap at Arric who she had only just invited near to her! She was shocked and horrified with herself, and that feeling was for now enough to immediately smother this uncharacteristic surge of aggression. It was fear that drove her, fear and the memory of fear. You will burn with me. She did not want to burn, not again, not ever again —
Somehow she managed to stay composed through all of it. Isn't she beautiful? I keep wondering if she'll have Lestan's eyes, The thought of Lestan stung, but not nearly so much as thoughts of that night in the cave. It seemed Reverie would forever be forced to choose the lesser hurt to focus on, just to keep her grasp on reality.

Arric didn't touch Reverie and he didn't touch the puppy. There was something off in the way Reverie spoke, wooden and wrong. She had her emotions there, but for a wolf whose whole focus was other's and how they reacted and what he had observed. Something wasn't right. He put it to grief at losing Lestan for a time and the trauma of her birth. That was what he assumed it to be.

He gave a sharp nod. That she is. Then he slowly backed back up. Even if she invited him, he knew that some mother's could be fickle it was their own instinct of self preservation and saving the lives that they had made.

Arric seemed to sense that something was wrong, but Reverie was determined to have a nice visit with him. I never really thought I'd be a mother, She confessed. I've never been against the idea. It just seemed so far away, I didn't give it any thought. Do you want children, Arric?
She thought Arric would be a good father, or at least better than her own had been. He knew how to stay calm, even when things didn't go as he expected. And he cared about what others wanted, something her father had never quite learned how to do. The only thing he had ever seemed to care about was possession.

Arric shifted and listened as she spoke. He'd spend time with the baby when her mother wasn't so tense and protective. Though with how Reverie was acting. He wasn't sure if she ever would be and it saddened him for a moment. Overprotective parents made unhappy children sometimes.

Arric smiled sadly. I already probably have some that I will probably never meet. I met a female when i first came in. A sea queen. She only wanted one thing and I gave it to her. She probably had some little ones. Her and her family made it clear that I wasn't wanted anywhere near her or the babes.

He shifted. Though someday with the right one. Sure. Until then I'll just be the happy uncle to yours and Akavir's.

Oh. Reverie reached out to place a sympathetic paw over his. I'm sorry, She said softly, and for a moment she wished she could soothe this hurt. But it was not possible. She thought then of Lestan, who might never know his own daughter — by his own choice.
Arric could not replace Lestan, no more than Reverie could replace his sea queen and the children she kept from him, but at least they had this. They had each other. You'll be a wonderful uncle, Reverie told him with a reassuring smile. Then she was struck with a thought. You've been to the ocean? What is it like there? She still desperately wished to see it! But she knew she would not. Not for some time. If ever.

He shook his head. "No need to be sorry. I knew what she wanted from the get go. I just chose to ignore it. Hoping that perhaps if she saw that I was persistent she'd change her mind, but it backfired. I assure you. Those babies will be more than loved. So I'm okay with that."

Arric felt that Lestan would return. When he wasn't sure, but he thought he may. Lestan was difficult to read, but he seemed to care a lot about Reverie.

He furrowed his brow in thought. "Sandy. The dirt that is there, is fine and soft. You sink into it even when it's dry. But it doesn't pull you under. It's a bit like shifting dirt. Deep in the bottoms of the sand is cooler area. The sea itself is strong and surging. The air tastes like salt and it smells like fish. Lots of fish. And it's long as the eye can see. I don't know where it ends."

Arric seemed at peace with the situation, and that was reassuring to her, but Reverie was quickly caught up in his description of the ocean. I have to see it, she thought, not for the first time. With so much water all around, surely she would never need to worry about fire. She would never need to fear what she might do, what she might become.
I want to go there, one day, Reverie's voice took on a far-away quality. Akavir told me about a forest by the ocean, where he and Lestan's family used to live. He said he'd take us there. Her gaze drifted from Arric briefly as she lost herself in these thoughts, and for a few moments the whispers quieted and it was easier to ignore. But Lestan was gone, and so it was a sweet but fleeting notion. But Blossom is too small for that.

Arric was at peace with most things or tried to be. It was almost lazy how he didn't react always. But he had trained himself this way.

maybe someday you can it's honestly not far.

Arric studied her. ::she won't be small forever. More and more Reverie disappeared into herself and for the first time. Arric was a little afraid for the other babies, for the wolves. But he pressed it away disgusted immediately at himself.

Reverie remained blissfully unaware of any reservations Arric might have had about her, and perhaps that was for the best. Of all the things people had thought of her and her wandering mind, no one had ever feared her before. It was not them she worried about, when her thoughts scattered and panic gripped her. She knew she would not hurt those she cared for.
She was less certain that she could avoid hurting herself.
But for now she was focused on thoughts of the ocean. How many days of travel? Reverie wondered, perking up a little to hear that the ocean was not far. And it was true, Blossom would grow, but — well, none of it mattered if Lestan did not come back.

Arric just didn't know anymore. Reverie had been fragile anyway, and it seemed with Lestan doing the running for a change, it had broken something in here. But maybe it was good she got a dose of her own medicine for a change. Perhaps that would be the thing that made her realize.

He made a soft hmm noise. Maybe 3 or 4 days. Granted with smaller legs than mine it maybe longer. He joked.

There was no doubt that his longer limbs gave him a little more stride than most, and thus he got to places quicker than others did.

Fade here? I have an idea for a new one..

Reverie laughed at that, a playful sparkle in her eyes for just a moment. I bet I could beat you there, if I knew the way, She challenged lightly, fairly confident that she could. Reverie had spent her whole life ranging, up until the day she had decided to stay in Swiftcurrent Creek for Lestan. It was in her blood, woven into the bones of her, and she would never fully give it up. When Blossom was old enough, and when it was safe for her, she decided they would travel — with or without Lestan.