Redhawk Caldera No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you gotta keep grinding.

She refused to touch the stockpiles lately. Whatever sparse food remained in them belonged to the Alphas, their pups and those who provided the meat in the first place. Towhee tried to contribute here and there but she simply wasn't the greatest hunter, and even small game bested her most of the time. On the rare occasion she did manage to capture something, she usually took it directly to the pups, only saving a scrap for herself.

Some might call it selfless, others stupid. Towhee didn't really think about it much. If she had, she might remember that she was technically still a puppy herself. She might notice that she was shrinking rather than growing. She might realize that she could walk right up to @Lagan and point out that she was living proof that there wasn't enough food to go around and that she hoped that stupid old man was worth the price.

She wasn't to the point of starving yet, though she was certainly getting weaker. Today, she found she couldn't finish her patrol without getting fatigued. She decided to take a break and slumped beneath the shade of a tree. Her stomach pinched but she ignored it, like usual. Her orange eyes slowly closed as she tried to summon the strength to continue. When they reopened, there was a strange cast to the sky that made her fur prickle apprehensively.

Fin had spent much of the famine in - what felt like - her own little world. The whelping den where she raised her four little pups seemed so removed from the rest of the pack and the troubles that plagued them. They too were suffering from the lack of food, but not nearly as much as the others, and so they existed on a happy little island beneath the evergreens at the Northern edge of the Caldera.

But, the whelping den was not really an island, so eventually, the news of Towhee's altercation with Burke had reached the alpha female's ears. Finley had taken brief pauses from being with her children up until then, but this particular event felt like it warranted a bit more of an extended leave. 
Leaving the den for the first time after having her first two litters had felt like stepping into the sun and being able to breathe again after months underground. This time, as she walked away from @Raven and the kids, it felt like the opposite. A dour mood had settled on the Caldera, and even the air felt somehow stale with it. She'd done a decent job of remaining optimistic about their circumstances before this. Suddenly, that seemed naive and unforgivably foolish.

She found Towhee near the borders, lying in the shade of a tree. Had she always looked so skeletally thin? Fin frowned as her heart clenched with worry and guilt. How had she not noticed that things were this bad? She strode to the girl's side and reached to nuzzle the soft fur just behind her ear, dropping to her haunches as she did so, ignoring the subtle shift in the sky above that foretold of some pretty epic science-y shit about to go down.

It was as if twilight had come early. Towhee's ears folded backward as she looked around uneasily, though she forgot all about the darkening sky when she saw a silver figure approaching in the distance. The Xi's heart jumped into her throat. She had seen her godparents in passing when paying visits to the den, yet nobody had spoken a word about the elephant in the room. Surely they knew what she had done (or attempted to do), but nobody had actually addressed it with her yet. Before the Alpha female even reached her, the Xi knew the jig was up.

There was nothing to hint at upset in Finley's body language, though Towhee nonetheless pressed herself into a submissive, sphinx-like posture just in case. When her godmother reached out to nuzzle her, she blinked and then hesitantly licked her chin in return. Meanwhile, her heart was thundering in her chest. She couldn't read Finley at all and it was making her extremely nervous. The odd, inexplicable lighting added to the ominousness of the moment.

Restlessly, Towhee shifted back to sit upright again just so she could sign, -Well?- She couldn't take it anymore. She needed to know what the Alpha pair thought. It was was a key piece of information to unlock the mystery of whether the young Redhawk herself had a future here.

Towhee sat up as Fin settled on her haunches, apparently anticipating the conversation to come. She could sense that the girl was anxious about this, and likely she had been ever since the altercation. Finley hadn't considered before that her niece might be feeling nervous about this, but now it was obvious. Of course she'd been worried, and Fin had just stayed on her happy island with her happy puppies, ignorant of everything.

-You're not in trouble,- Fin signed to her after a long pause. She'd considered it over and over again the past few days, and no matter what way she looked at it, she simply couldn't find fault in what Towhee had done. The Caldera was a wolf pack, not a homeless shelter. When food became scarce, the strongest survived, and sometimes that meant removing the dead weight. Truth be told, she did not hold Burke or his mate in very high esteem. She'd never had a conversation with the latter, and the former was just plain unpleasant, not to mention essentially useless. Given time, nature likely would have taken its course and caused the death of the old man anyway, which probably would have driven his mate to go her own way. Towhee had tried to speed up the process, and any anger she may have felt about that had disappeared the moment she saw her goddaughter's emaciated frame.

-Towhee... Do you trust me?- Fin asked suddenly, gazing thoughtfully at the girl's dark face as the sky darkened further, -Not as a parent or guardian. But as a leader of this pack? Do you trust me as your alpha?-

She blinked when her godmother signed at her, mostly to be rid of the moisture she felt building behind her eyeballs. Towhee hadn't realized what a weight she was carrying until it lifted right then. She exhaled shakily and nodded, feeling even weaker now, but with relief. She enjoyed the moment of solace, then drew in another breath to steady herself for whatever surely came next.

The Xi wanted to respond immediately, though she paused to consider what Finley was asking. -With my life,- she responded, signing slowly. -What I did has nothing to do with that,- she added a bit more rapidly. -I figured—well, I hoped—you'd agree it was necessary... but you and Uncle Elwood have other things to worry about it. And I'm a guardian of this pack, and of those babies. It's my job to do stuff like that, so you don't have to.- She felt hopeful that she'd made a strong case, but even so, she didn't hesitate to add, -I'm sorry if I was out of line.-

Towhee signed back eagerly, explaining her case and stating nothing that Finley hadn't anticipated already. She knew her goddaughter well enough to know where this attack had likely come from. It was the same place that drove her to try and run off any potential joiners at their borders and to reject the former wolves of Broken Antler Fen. She was a fiercely loyal child that lent her trust to no one that didn't carry the Blackthorn or Redhawk surname. She was the daughter of her parents, and somehow in never knowing them at all, she had become them. On steroids.

-It has everything to do with that- Fin answered promptly, signing with calm movements, -Trusting Elwood and I as your alphas means trusting in our decisions. It means trusting that we allowed Burke and the other Fen wolves to join our ranks for a reason and that we've kept them here because it was in the pack's best interest. It also means trusting that when we need something done that we can't do ourselves, we will ask for it. But most of all, it means trusting that we are always looking out for the pack's well-being, even when we seem busy or distracted.-

Fin paused then, watching Towhee's face for her reaction. There was more she wanted to say, but I don't like to do too much dialogue in one post as it just doesn't seem realistic that someone would talk for THAT long without the other person in the conversation replying.

Although pragmatic—perhaps to a fault—that didn't mean Towhee didn't sometimes give in to her emotions. She felt sorely misunderstood when Finley spoke to her, not unlike the way she'd felt trying to argue with Lagan. But unlike that altercation, the youth simply didn't have the energy to defend herself. Her mouth opened, then closed, opened and closed again.

She slumped rather theatrically to the ground to designate her defeat. "Okay," she said simply, closing her eyes and making herself effectively incommunicable for a moment. Finley could be shouting at the top of her lungs or gesticulating wildly but Towhee would be none the wiser. Her lips curved at the thought, though she only stole about thirty seconds before opening her eyes again.

"Can I ask you something?" Her heart resumed its earlier galloping. She hadn't been looking at Finley directly but now she made herself gaze at the Alpha's face. "Like I said, I trust you. With my life." Pause. "Would it be best if..." It was a lot harder to say out loud than she'd anticipated. "...I left?" Towhee couldn't hear herself, of course, or how breathlessly strangled those last two words came out.

Finley watched Towhee slump, defeated by her words. She frowned as the girl ducked her head and shut her eyes. The remainder of her words sat eagerly on the tip of her tongue, but she recognized that there was no point in saying them if Towhee wasn't going to look at her. She was tempted to tilt the Xi's head back up by nudging her chin with her muzzle, but resisted. This was obviously very difficult for the kid and Finley didn't want to make a mistake like she had with Liffey and push too hard.

The question Towhee posed took Fin completely by surprise. A bewildered expression passed noticeably across her face as Towhee spoke. She almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it, but she resisted and merely shook her head. "Don't you dare go anywhere," Fin replied slowly, emphasaizing each word to make sure her niece didn't miss a single one, "Ever."

She had seen too many of her children disappear to be naive enough to think they would all stay with her forever. She had already accepted that her latest four probably wouldn't, especially not if the pack remained as large as it was. But the kids that came before the last batch of Blackthorns were grandfathered into her old way of thinking, so not one of them was allowed to go. Towhee and Lagan least of all. Except she wasn't allowed to play favorites like that (she totally did).

She felt a little bit like she might puke; her mouth began to water tellingly and her stomach rolled. She wanted Finley to make the call for her and secretly hoped her godmother would forbid her from disembarking. But she couldn't be sure that's what would happen. The Alpha was a new mother, who needed to look after her newborns, no matter the stakes. She must know that Towhee wasn't among the pack's finest hunters. She was disabled, truthfully, and therefore one of the pack's weakest links—at least when faced with a food shortage.

Towhee's lungs felt like they might collapse when Finley replied. "...really?" she breathed. Once more, she was boneless with relief. She wanted to jump up and shout, give her aunt a hug or something. But all she could do was sit there and tremble a little bit like a jello mold. "Even though..." She couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. Towhee didn't want to argue with her godmother at the best of times, and she certainly didn't want to convince the woman to punt her out after all.

Her throat suddenly felt tight and there was no way she could know if her voice was still working. So the Xi simply signed, -Okay,- and blinked rapidly, trying again to stem more tears. She wasn't entirely successful, however; a few escaped, getting caught at the corners of her mouth where her lips had curved upward in a wobbly smile.

Towhee wilted. It wasn't immediately discernable to Finley if it was done under the influence of disappointment or relief, but the answer to that question became clear soon enough. Fin didn't want to treat her like a kid in this conversation, but in the end, she couldn't resist scooting closer and wrapping her goddaughter in a wolfish embrace just after the girl gave her a trembling smile and a sign of acceptance.

Fin held her for a few moments before shifting away to make sure Towhee could see her before she spoke. -You're deaf,- Finley signed, bluntly, but she's totally going somewhere with it, -And that is a limitation that is difficult in a wolf pack. You have a harder time hunting. We have a harder time communicating with you - we can't give you commands during a hunt, we have to be careful during discussions to make sure you don't miss anything, we can't call you to us during a crisis. But, no one is perfect. We all have limitations. I, for example, am not great at conflict resolution. I mostly just make things worse, if I didn't cause the conflict in the first place. I also don't know anything whatsoever about nature - every time it rains, I'm taken by surprise. And even though I was a scout for a while, I really didn't have a good sense of direction. Honestly, I just liked to run around and get in trouble, and your dad was nice enough to call it 'scouting'.-

She paused briefly before concluding her speech, -The point is, no one is good at everything. Everyone has things they're bad at, but everyone has qualities that redeem them. You want to know why it doesn't matter really that we can't call you during a crisis? Because you'll already be on the front lines, calling us to come to you. It doesn't matter that we can't hunt with you, because while we hunt, you're guarding the borders, making sure no one sneaks up on us while we're distracted. Having flaws makes you normal. Being awesome at other things makes you... awesome. And we need awesome wolves in this pack, so once again I say... You are staying right here with us. For eternity.-

Towhee welcomed Finley's embrace. She leaned into it for a moment, pulling away when her godmother shifted to sign something at her. The Xi's mouth opened slightly as she watched the Alpha's every movement, taking in this important (and long!) message with a swelling heart.

Now she was fighting extra hard against the urge to burst into tears. -Thank you, Aunt Finley,- she managed to sign after taking a moment to compose herself. -You'll have my loyalty always. I only considered leaving because I thought it would be what was best for the pack. But if you think it's best for me to stay, then I'll stay.- Towhee paused, a breath gusting out of her. -And I'll keep doing everything I can to see us through this.-

That made her wonder: would Finley support Towhee if she continued on her campaign to oust those she considered dead weight? Or was there anything else she could or should be doing to help during this unfortunate situation? -I'm happy to keep doing what I'm doing...- She shot Finley a glance, hoping the Alpha female understood what she meant. -Or help in whatever way you need,- she added. -Just tell me what you need from me.-

Towhee's relief and gratitude was almost palpable. Fin smiled at the tears she saw the girl trying hard to hold in, finding herself pleased that she was making the effort to not be weepy. She listened/watched as Towhee explained her feelings, giving a nod of encouragement and a look that said plainly "Uhhh yeah it's best you be stayin'", but otherwise saying/signing nothing. She saw the pause in the girl's expression and her ears lifted slightly, wondering what had caused it. She explained shortly, to Fin's pleasure. She appreciated the level of honesty they were sharing at this juncture, and was pleased at the trust it suggested.

Still, the underlying meaning beneath her goddaughter's words was not lost on her. She hesitated before answering, not wanting to accidentally give the go-ahead for Towhee to pull another... well, Towhee. "I want you to keep looking out for the pack the way that you do," she answered slowly, "But when it comes to the big decisions like kicking out members, you need to bring your concerns to me or Elwood before acting. You catch a stranger entering our territory, then by all means take action to prevent it. But if they're one of us and carry the scent of pack, the decision to send them away is mine." Fin gave her niece a serious look for about 3.7 seconds before quickly adding, "Oh, and Elwood's." Obviously. Whoops.

Finley didn't leave any room for misinterpretation, which Towhee appreciated, even if she wished she could have that sort of agency. -Okay,- she acknowledged simply. -I understand.- And she would respect it, because she held her godparents in highest regard and knew their word was law.

A little thought sprang up in her brain, though, and the Xi deliberated for a moment before asking, -Has he talked to you about me becoming a leader someday?- She wanted to help and support the pack. But Towhee also wouldn't mind weighing in more heavily on issues like this one, if Elwood and Finley thought her worthy of such consideration.

The world around her darkened in spite of the brightness of the moment she shared with her goddaughter. True to her comment about how she never noticed the weather, Fin didn't pay the eclipse any attention. Her focus was absorbed by Towhee and the question that was posed. She answered with a nod before adding a verbal response to it.

"He did," she replied, "And I'm not opposed to it at all, but you have to earn it - We won't be handing it to you just 'cause we like you." Finley grinned. She was confident that Towhee knew already that they didn't play favorites with ranks. If that were the case, Lagan and Towhee would be beta male and female already, regardless of their age and inexperience. She wouldn't hand anyone a rank they couldn't hold by their own merits - both physical and intangible.

Towhee's jaw tightened slightly a bit when Finley responded, though she nodded and deliberated a moment before replying, -Of course.- Based on her godmother's grin, she knew better than to take it as a slight, though the youngster couldn't help but add, -Haven't I been proving myself as an asset to this pack already though?-

Just moments ago, she had been prepared to acknowledge herself as dead weight and leave. Now she was trying to make her case as as an asset. The contradiction occurred to her and Towhee laughed lightly at herself, shaking her head. -If there's anything I should work on specifically, you'll let me know, won't you?- she asked Finley before her attention was suddenly shifted upward to blink at a sky that had gone abruptly dark.

"What's happening?" she gasped out loud.

Fin smirked at her goddaughter's question, quirking a knowing brow. Towhee began to laugh a few seconds after as she too realized the irony. It was for reasons like these that Fin didn't consider her niece to actually be ready for the position she sought. She was young still, impetuous, and often ruled more from emotion than good sense. But these were the afflictions of youth, and and the alpha was certain her goddaughter would grow out of them eventually. Sooner or later, she'd grow out of them just enough to rise to the rank she yearned for.

"Just keep bei--" Fin began to answer, stopping short as Towhee exclaimed suddenly. She blinked at her goddaughter in confusion for a moment before looking skyward and seeing... nothing. "...The fuck?" she murmured in confusion, once again forgetting that you weren't supposed to swear in front of kids. Oh well, she was nearly grown.

Luckily for Finley, Towhee didn't pick up on the swear. Her eyes were directed skyward, squinted instinctively despite the fact that she was almost certain she could look directly at the sun right now. After a momentary deliberation, her orange eyes flicked toward it, only to widen and stare. The sun was gone, a black spot having taken its place. There was a ring of what looked like fire around it. Towhee couldn't make sense of any of it.

"Should—" she began, reluctantly tearing her eyes away to look at her godmother's face, "Should we be worried? What the hell's happening...?" Towhee herself wasn't really one to curse, though it seemed more than appropriate during this completely extraordinary event.

last post for me!

Her eyes shifted across the black hole in the sky, squinting as they scraped across the ring of light around it. She blinked and looked away, focusing again on Towhee just as the girl looked at her with worry on her face. Finley frowned, feeling a little uneasy herself. "I have no idea," she replied quietly, peeking skyward again, "Why don't we get inside though. Just in case..." She wasn't sure what this was in case of, but that part didn't particularly matter to her at that moment. She'd been away from her babies for long enough anyway, and now suddenly seemed like a great time for them to have a visit from their favorite older sister, Towhee. Her head ducked low, Fin gestured to urge her goddaughter to follow, then broke into a canter headed towards the den.

Finley was clearly shook shaken, which in turn made Towhee uneasily. It wasn't easily or often that anything struck fear into the Alpha female's heart. The youth simply nodded at her leader's words, falling into step beside her. She kept glancing upward, at least until it became too painful to do so again, the world beginning to brighten like sunrise. Her hackles prickled warily.

"We should ask Phox about it, maybe he knows something," Towhee said quietly as they scampered toward the refuge of the whelping den.