Ouroboros Spine He's heading out the door

The gentle hunter had left the women to speak, turning away to stalk off toward the lake, and to the ulaq he had built for himself with words he wished to share, though the timing had not been right. He had assumed it would be best to speak with the Moon alone, as it was a fairly personal matter he wished to bring up. Discontent had settled into his breast, and he felt it growing every time he crossed the dark sivullik's scent, especially considering the fact that Raimo had continued to stalk the women, remaining close at hand to the ulaq they shared. It made him wonder if perhaps Raimo had been telling the truth- though in his heart he still had his doubts. 

He waited until the moon had risen before he headed back toward the area where @Kukutux lived, healing her wounded ankle. He crossed Raimo's scent and had half a mind to cover it with a marking of his own. The instinct surprised him, and made something twist within his gut. These were not good feelings at all- and they needed to be settled. So he approached, and thought he caught a glint of silver fur in the distance, not far from where the silver duck settled, ever the watchful Wisewoman. He chuffed lightly, hoping he might beg a moment of her time, after having gifted her the marten earlier. His features were sombre, perhaps moreso than usual, and likely hinted at the disturbance which had settled within him.

raimo's scent had clung to her until kukutux had hobbled to the lake. now she sat outside her ulaq, sweeping the droplets from her chestfur with a pink tongue. she was not ashamed of her dalliance, not before the eyes of any but sialuk. 

she knew the words she might use to explain — moonwoman uses her figure to sway the sun —

she closed her eyes, thinking of raimo again. he had left her lighter; she had come back to her ulaq in the darkness, flesh satisfied even while her mind continued to churn; it traveled to the face of aiolos, of the redsun — in her spirit the rose-hued blush of something she did not dare to name. but he was leader of yuelong. and he would be needed there.

and she thought of meerkat, who had only just departed. their ranks sharpened now to a handful, but she was determined to hold them together in this place. the duck heard the tread of adrastus, caught his scent, and turned. the marten's pelt had been stripped off, and lay blood-side down upon the earth. a thump of her plume beckoned the second-hunter close. "what has happened, adrastus?" she murmured, soft greenstone stare seeking to understand the solemn nature of his snow-chased features.

He heard the soft, hushed tap of her tail against the ground and moved closer, ears flicked back in a show of deference and appreciation as he approached her. He could feel her eyes upon him, but their softness had been stirred with what he felt was worry. He could feel her reaching out to him to draw his emotions from the concern in his features, the way the touch of willow branches might gently stir the surface of a lake when brushed with a gentle breeze. While he was unscathed physically, he knew it was fairly obvious that he had concerns. His alpha did not mince words; and he owed it to her to be honest. 

"I will not follow Raimo as sivullik." He stated quietly, though there was a firmness to his tone that indicated that he would not be swayed. There was more to it than that, but he didn't want to ramble on about his decision unless Kukutux invited him to explain. There was much to be said, so he came to a simple conclusion. "I do not follow one who is boastful, entitled and zealous."

adrastus spoke with few words but much meaning. the duck's ears fanned back. it seemed as if her personal favour toward raimo had inspired worse things in him. kukutux swiftly grew angry with herself. how had she allowed her wants to reign over what was best in her village? she was wise-woman. she should know better.

did you choose the wrong hunter, little sister? the inner spirit whispered. you are moonwidow. replace raimo with another. show him that he is not special without your eye. teach him.

but could she be so cruel? these were not things for her to settle. or to question. "i hear your words, adrastus," the duck murmured, thoughts working swiftly as she tried to think of how this might be mended. her jadegreen gaze pondered the resolute edge of his mouth. "you will take from him the name sivullik, then?" the taqqiq inquired gently, unsure of her footing in such matters. 

or would the ice-man leave their village?

He wondered at first if this would spell the end of his pledge to Moonglow. If he refused to follow the man she had chosen, he suspected it might reflect poorly on her decision, and come across as a show of disrespect to her also. He suspected she might inform him that he did not belong if he could not follow the man she had put in charge of the hunters. If she had more faith in Raimo than she had in him, then he felt certain that she would not change her decision. He recalled what she had told him- that there were two circles, and that the hunters chose their first hunter...But also, that she was Wisewoman, and that she also had some sway in the decision-making. What had transpired, though, was that the chosen sivullik had been rejected by one of the other hunters. What would happen next was anyone's guess. 

He did not expect her to ask him if he would take the title. At first, he thought she might have been offering it to him, but he wasn't certain it would happen so easily, unless for some reason he had earned her favour over Raimo. Perhaps she was simply asking him what he would do, rather than bestowing the title upon him. So he nodded. "I will." If it was her decision, and if she could put him in charge, he would gladly accept the responsibility. The thought of that possibility made his heart race. "I have made it known. And was cast out of his hunting party as a result, though...I think he does not have a hunting party." He said. "He is sivullik to none." He said. When Adrastus had sighted the herd of mountain goats, both Sialuk and Raimo had come to his summon, though the latter had questioned him. Still, he felt he was proving himself.

It was easy enough for him to pledge himself, and tell Kukutux how he would dedicate himself to his pack. But what was more difficult to say, was something that made his chest feel tighter.  "There is something else, regarding Raimo." He said, though he was reluctant to bring such a thing up, as it seemed very personal, and improper. "How he speaks of you, and Sialuk."

her mind pulled to itself memories of the night. raimo was not worshipful; he was driven. ambitious. and it had been so, a tangle of paleness into shadow that left her wanting, even in the face of what adrastus had said. and would say. 

so he had not changed. kukutux felt somehow that she knew how the hunter boasted to other men, for he had done it before her very eyes. and now she had given him more a cause to do it, for she had allowed desire to rule her, and to rule her body. not again. never again — that. she must speak to sialuk quickly. and she must speak to her raindrop perhaps as another woman now. 

raimo had threatened to take the girl, to possess her. kukutux saw now underneath the anger was a great fear, a spreading hurt. maybe she had gone to the firsthunter in silent adulation, and now it had changed nothing. she had meant that they would take pleasure in one another. and now before her gaze, the snowhunter had come and described her new nulettukutik as boastful.

what had raimo boasted of? surely you know. his brashness addled your mind for an entire night, and even now. you must mend this.

"what does he say, of me and of sialuk," but it was not a question, not truly. she wished fiercely, angrily that there were more hunters within moonglow and that zane would take up the role of brother, for then she would not need to be so consulted. so ashamed before herself again.

Ice crept into her voice, the way frost might grow across the glassy surface of a lake, flaking out into silver ferns. He could feel the tension which he himself had breathed into being the moment he had crossed a trail left behind by the dark panther on his way to Kukutux's ulaq. The kind alpha was not without fangs, of course, and he had never believed her to be soft as a feather without also having a quill. He felt reluctant to speak, knowing that he might be fanning flames that he had kindled- but it would do none of them any good, he thought, if he chose to smother it all now with the weight of silence. 

Something had tipped him off about Raimo the first time he'd met him. Now, though, they had sized each other up, like stags raising their antlers to show off the sharpness of their tines. There would be no more whirling like cloaked toreadors- the sword had been unsheathed, and he had felt its edge nick his skin and draw blood to the surface. That blood now coursed through his veins as he was drawn forth to confess. Had he been more removed from the entire ordeal, he might have criticized himself for running to the alpha to tattle on his packmate...But when he was this deeply concerned, it felt more like delivering a warning, than anything else. 

"He stated his intentions to claim you, when I first met him." He said. He knew that he hadn't told this to Kukutux when they had spoken at length last, and he now regretted not voicing his concern earlier. "Both of you. I thought it...Wrong, as Sialuk is young." He admitted. If only he'd mentioned this earlier. Perhaps something might have become of it- perhaps Kukutux might have already been warned, and perhaps she wouldn't have allowed the shadow to persist the way they did in the North, where the shadows were long even at noon. "He claims, now, you have chosen him to father the future of the pack, through you." He said. But hurriedly, he continued, with more haste than he was used to speaking. "Though if it is true-" He said, realizing just then that speaking in haste often meant that thoughts weren't completely formed, and that he didn't have a conclusion set out. "I...This is your choice, as you have said. I am still learning your ways, and I do not know what is acceptable but..." He didn't want to tell her that Raimo speaking like that might ruin her reputation. He felt that that might imply that he would think less of her if it was true, and he thought it was best not to make those sorts of judgements. Instead, he posed a question. "Has he offered you a bride-price?" He asked. As far as he knew, that was the way of things. And it was the most subtle way he could think of to ask if perhaps, Raimo had stated his intentions, in the way he had been told to.

in her nostrils she still held his scent — even as adrastus sent his words carefully to her ears, she wanted the shadowhunter, desired him with a fierceness that even she could not understand. it was not love. it was something dark-red and sibilant, filling her waking hours with a new and guilty longing. 

she should put him away at once. she should make adrastus firsthunter. but she was swallowed by a thousand things, all of them mired in the pierce of desire. and so kukutux listened with heavy heart and judgement toward herself; oh, she must go to him, demand that he take from his mouth this talk of possession. but she had always known it, she had always known that raimo presented much of himself openly. she had not come together to dance change into him, she had —

"it is true. i made the words that perhaps he should be the one to be near when the time comes." her mouth tightened. "but i told him i was not ready for another husband. firsthunter is the right choice for a wisewoman. it binds all more tightly. the children have his status, which cannot be removed from them."

she felt her tongue flattening into a woman's knife. "because i do not want a husband i do not ask a bride price. he spoke to me of sialuk also. she would not have him. nor would i allow it." not after he knew the duck as he had. at last kukutux felt her countenance close; she drew steel into her back and inhaled, refusing to let tears so much as well behind her distant greenrock stare. "i have taken him to my sleeping-place. that is why he boasts. but i told him i would make no decision on who my choice would be. not now. i am not healed," and now she had set herself back through a series of poor choices. "and it is not time to choose."

and yet all she could think upon now was how alive, at last, she had felt, how vital, how living.

why does adrastus ask after a bride-price? how does he know what this thing is?

she looked firmly at the snow-spear, searching his earnest face for any sign of malice, the bare question in her eyes.

Dread settled in with the heaviness of thunderclouds peeling over the edge of a mountain and down into a valley. He refused to accept what she was saying, even though he did believe that both she and Raimo were now speaking the truth. Still- it left a sour taste on his mouth to know that the dark panther would boast of such things, when it meant that he was spreading rumours of bedding their alpha. He felt the vicious jab of jealousy, followed almost immediately by what he thought was sorrow. Not for himself, and a missed opportunity- but for Kukutux, who he pitied. Raimo was first hunter, he believed, because he had joined the pack first. Not because he had earned it. So, that brought a question to mind. He tucked it into his mind for later, and continued listening, his pupils narrowed but gaze distant. 

If Raimo sired Kukutux's children, they would also follow in his line as being sivullik. This idea did not appeal to him, as he believed that status should be earned. He had met wolves who had ascended through the ranks due to nepotism, who had not deserved to tread the same earth as those who had been honest, hardworking and dutiful but perhaps born to parents who had a lower rank. The realization that this might be a part of his life again made him clench his jaw. It was the way Kukutux ordered for things to be- and he had promised to learn her ways. But there was something that did not sit right with him, about rank being determined by birth-right. 

His startled gaze lifted suddenly when she mentioned that Raimo had sought to claim Sialuk as well, and he could not suffocate a soft growl that thrummed in his chest. So his suspicion had been correct and it made him dread what could potentially become of the young woman. Fortunately, Sialuk at least had made it clear enough that she would not have the zealous man that her mother was able to say with confidence that such a pairing would not happen. He was relieved that the women had final say when it came to wedding a man. Otherwise, Sialuk might have ended up claimed, when she was too young to have been sought for as a wife. 

When she drew in a breath he thought he could hear the sound of air whistling through the teeth of a cave; hesitance, he thought. And he understood why a moment later. She had taken him into her ulaq, and it all made sense. He wasn't sure how to feel about it, but he was deeply, deeply upset by that notion. Raimo would surely have confidence bolstered by the fact that their alpha had allowed for him to pursue her, even when she was not yet ready to conceive. He could feel a dull ache in his brow, and realized that he was still clenching his jaws together. He pulled in a breath and exhaled slowly. He knew she was watching him, waiting for a spoken response. Aside from being visibly perturbed at the thought of Raimo asking for Sialuk as a wife, he had been a block of ice. 

"If I had come to Moonglow at the same time as Raimo," He said, "And you had waited until now to choose, knowing neither of us would yield to the other- who would you choose as sivullik?" He asked, and lifted his gaze. Raimo, it seemed, had been bold enough to take advantage of a woman still in the wake of grieving the loss of her family. He knew not the details- but he knew the signs of pain when he could not see past the vague, distant look of mourning in a wolf's eyes. So he lifted his cool, taupe gaze to meet hers, and seek within them something that actually made sense.

kukutux saw his face change at the mention of sialuk, and took it for something not dark, not dour, but thoughtful. in this place the raindrop was too young, and in both she had many, many moons yet to pass before she would be ready to be anaa herself. that was why raimo's hungry, cunning gaze choked kuktuux in sickness now. 

but she was more than old enough for an ugi, and now sialuk had outflown the age of girls. she led alongside her mother, she was trained in all medicine, she knew the secret and holy words, the prayers that sang in the back of the throat — as had the snowhunter's low, grating sound of displeasure. yes she had heard it, had seen his ice-hewn face shift in that way of men, where they share all of their thoughts in one moment and then not at all.

misreading, perhaps. 

but she was willing to be wrong.

sialuk was of an age where she might already have met the boy who would be her husband one day. adrastus was beyond that. would it be right to suggest him as ugi? there were no expectations inside such that sialuk change her days, live elsewhere, or prepare to leave her mother. only that her name would be spoken for, and in this way perhaps she might be granted protection.

she could not toss aside raimo until she had gathered all these things and spoken to him. but he had no attunement among the hunters because of his open jaws. sivullik could not be defined by this. kukutux had given him an honor and now he spoke of her body to other men. surely, she assumed, for she did not know word for word what he had said, and so believed them now to be the brash, raw commentary of hunters to one another.

raimo did not respect her.

"it is not decided that way." an answer, at last, feeling as though it came from another's throat. "there is the circle of hunters — aya," she exclaimed, frustrated with her inability to explain. face tipped heavenward; she shut her eyes and sought to breathe steadying stardust down upon them both. calling peace as if it were rain through blossoming plains —

you know him. he is also from a cold place.

"moonglow is unbalanced. i am too new a wisewoman, and i cannot choose sivullik. i only respect who was chosen. this land chose raimo first," kukutux breathed. "go and ask for wisdom in the mountains. if you will believe as i do, adrastus, then you know silent things walk in the forests. go and learn to be angakkuq." this time she did not translate, for there was no word in the common speech that could fit the true meaning of what she had said. man who walks with spirits. man who speaks with the caribou. man who calls the creatures beneath the sea-ice. 

show yourself to the earth and let her be the one who measures you.

"i will speak to firsthunter."

she meant to commune silently now; she was exhausted by all that had gone on and could speak no more.

gently her jadeglow gaze smoothed over every edge of his own.

The fact that she could not answer him with a name was indication enough that in the very least, she was conflicted about the sivullik that had wandered across her path and claimed his place due to timing. He did not like seeing Kukutux so frustrated, and knew that a part of it came from the fact that he did not completely understand how exactly a sivullik was to be chosen, if not amongst the hunters themselves. He had been led to believe that if he refused to follow Raimo, then he could contest the male's right, and potentially take his place. But what he did not know was how to follow through with doing so. He had done everything he knew to do. He had stated his desires to both the dark hunter and the pale leader- but nothing had become of it. It seemed, then, that there was another course of action which needed to take place. 

He wondered if that meant a direct challenge for power, based on physical strength- or if it would require for him to summon the others who had hunted with him, and seek out their willingness to follow one of the two who now vied for the position. Perhaps one of the wolves who had come from the Glen would put in their bid- which would be a surprise, but a welcome one, he thought. Adrastus wished to be sivullik, but the desire that burned in his chest even more was for Raimo to be displaced...And kept far away from both Sialuk and Kukutux. 

He was not pleased with the answer that the land had chosen Raimo. He was not an exceptionally spiritual wolf, though when she asked him to go to the mountains he reflected on the star which had fallen. It was what had drawn him to this place, and he did believe that there was something about it which called to him. He did not understand exactly what it was that she wished for him to discover in that place, unless this was her way of asking him to go searching for the star...He suspected, though, that that wasn't the case. She seemed to want him to go search for wisdom, rather than an object. Needless to say, it was a thorn in his side to be told to leave her now- when he knew that Raimo had been chosen to warm her in her ulaq.

When she mentioned the role of firsthunter again, it stirred something within him. He did not wish to be turned away, and he had been respectful of her space- but he had determined within his mind already that having not been chosen by the hunters, that Raimo was no longer suitable for that role. Kukutux herself confessed that the land had chosen him- and that she had not. "If the land chose him, then the star that fell chose me." He said. "And when it fell, it moved the land." He said. "You are speaking to the one who will be firsthunter. I will do what you ask-" He said, "But I will return."

kukutux knew she had not spoken well. but these were not holy words she could pull from memory; they were plain words. and yet she did not have them. if she were a man, she might have come forward at once to nudge him with reassurance. but she was not, and so kukutux could only remain as she was, helpless, watching the ice-giant stir. from the cavern of his throat came the thrum of words he believed in the marrow of his bones. 

the star.

she was assured. she believed that he would return. "i wish that i had the knowledge to say what must be done. but i do not. i do not know all things of what it is to be wise-woman. i learn as you do."

the star.

moonspear.

the duck's features tightened and then the greenjade eyes were misting, as much with frustration as grief. if the star had chosen him than he could not be for moonglow! it had destroyed her world; it had taken her husband and her son; he was wrong to say such, wrong —

daughter. do not be a fool. you know that is not what he means.

kukutux, head bowed before the snowhunter in desperate, wordless communion with herself. all that he had said to her since the beginning had only been true and just and good. she felt his concern for herself and sialuk to be genuine, and in light of such unveilings about raimo, she had no reason not to believe his voice. she did not want him to consider her — now you are being honest — she wanted him in his light to lead a better life. for moonglow would now always be first, before her desires.

it was the way of things. 

the one who will be firsthunter.

"for me, or for moonglow?" head lifting; raimo wanted both. let adrastus speak directly now. she would hear.

As he had thought before, the weight of the mountain and its demise weighed upon her to have been thrown into both leadership and into grief simultaneously. She lowered her head and he moved forward with the intention of tracing her jawline, and lifting her muzzle up so that he could seek her gaze without having to bow before her and peer up. 

"All wise-women must learn to become wise. You are all the more wise for knowing that you must learn. Pride and zeal come before a fall," He said, repeating words which had been spoken to him once before; but be was determined not to follow that path again. He was not the same man he had been once, and he believed himself to be on a better path now. More assured, more confident. 

But when she asked him which was the object of his desire, when he returned, he was surprised that she separated herself from the pack, as though to expect to have her as well was a separate desire. She had stated the fact that she would not take a husband- though she had taken a lover. A lover who rooted himself inside her like a weed. When he returned, he was determined to do so with toughened hands to pull him out. 

"I will return as Firsthunter, for Moonglow." He said. "You feel you are not yet ready for a husband, and this I respect. I would not claim someone who would not choose me as well...But I would be firsthunter. And if that qualifies me for the family you wish to start, then I will be for you what you need. I have an Ulaq," He said, "By the lake, where two mossy stones meet and make a shelter fit for all seasons," He said, "And sized so that another may share in my warmth." He crooned.

kukutux felt as if she would be very ill. she felt as if she were transpiring against raimo after having only just come from his arms. he comforted her pain; he sated the wild hungers in kukutux that grief and freedom and their overwhelming convergence had started. and here was adrastus. he would obey her laws. he would respect her ways. he meant well for sialuk. he honored her by speaking of bride-price and not possession. he would go up into the mountains; he would come back as firsthunter.

 adrastus raised her up; she felt her heartbeat quicken, and this time she did not look away from him. wise-woman, he had assured. the place upon her visage that he had touched felt smooth, cool.

he made himself too good. too pure. too kind. she did not trust it, and so she would send him into the teeth of sedna. let her devour adrastus' pelt and test his spirit. it was not a test to which she had put raimo, and now the ripple through moonglow would be realized. sialuk would be angry with her; the raindrop would not understand. by now the hunters should have been united, and through her desires they were not. they had divided.

and yet for all of his faults she was not ready to put away the shadowhunter. the cold mountain before her wished to take his place, and she did not think raimo deserved it now. but it was not a choice she would make. briefly she thought of the place the snowhunter had described; belatedly a pinked nature flowered beneath the short pale fur of her face, and she ducked her head.

why did he tell her of his sleeping place in such a way?

but she was pleased that it seemed he might want her despite the fact that she had chosen raimo first. and she was not sure why even now she fought against the idea of him as sivullik. she did not wish to seem greedy, unsated; she did not wish to be the one to upset moonglow with her body. so she must choose wisely. if he came back as she expected he would, then it would be so. "you choose a widow who will be wife first to the needs of moonglow." had he not wanted a wife? children of his own? he wished to live only in this arrangement? she did not understand why.

It seemed she sought to pus him away despite offering again and again to choose Moonglow, and to choose to dedicate himself to the pack. He would not follow the male who had so hungrily set his eyes upon both mother and daughter. He would not follow a man who made cutting remarks and still expected his subordinates to follow him without question.  And it was because he would not follow the man he saw as an unfit leader that he sought to upseat him, and take with the exchange of role, all that came with it.

He felt she had not put the needs of the pack before all else when she had taken the first male to cross her threshold into her ulaq but she had just confessed to him that she was still learning how to be a wisewoman. He could forgive her for her choice, so long as she proved herself willing and able to put her carnal desires to rest. 

Something of his thoughts might have shown. He contemplated speaking them- but he held back, feeling it was better to rein them in at least for now. "I choose to be firsthunter, and put the needs of Moonglow before all else." He said. He felt that in refusing to follow Raimo, he was doing just that. "I will go to the mountain, and I will return as firsthunter." He had made an offer before- and if the mountain found him worthy, he felt he would be able to make good on the offering he had made her before. 

Regardless of what happened, though- nothing, he felt, would shake his desire to do right by Moonglow and shake free the weed which had grown in amongst the roses.

she placed distance between herself and adrastus because she did not know what else to do; she had not expected this, his determination to follow in the ways of her people and become sivullik. his determined fawnskin gaze settled upon her, and kukutux caught breath in her throat. his face had begun to show her the quiet things which adrastus kept silent in his spirit.

his own inner spirit was truth, but she would have wilted to know it; she had taken raimo for his role but it was more than firsthunter: it was honoring correctly the right man to lead the others, to be counterpart to wisewoman within moonglow. alabaster ears shifted backward. it was good that adrastus would walk within the mountains and seek his way.

a nod given. a sigh expanded her flanks. "we say 'aqaguttauq.' i will see you tomorrow. tomorrow may be day next or it might be many. it is to say, 'i will return to this place."' resolution was written into every line of him.

he would come back. he would be sivullik. and while he was gone — she did not want to think of this now.

"aqaguttauq, adrastus."

He was prepared to leave. She gave him time, to tread upon the mountain, and he decided that he would take that as he needed. She did not set a timeline, and explained that in her tongue, 'tomorrow' was more of a way of saying 'sometime in the future.' Indistinct. While it did not give him a frame of time that she might've preferred, or told him exactly how long she wished him to be away, he challenged himself to shorten that timespan. He would not be gone from the Spine for long; not when he had hunts to do, and not while an unfit man shared Kukutux's bed. 

Some time to reflect if the path he had offered to follow was one he wanted to take. He had pledged himself to a pack, and an idea, but was now not sure that what he had thought was what actually existed. So he nodded to her. Knowing that this conversation must have been draining on her, he stepped forward to offer her what little reassurance he could, by passing his muzzle softly along her cheekbone. "Soyez fort, wisewoman." He said. It was one of very few phrases he knew from the language he had heard in passing, brought from wolves who had travelled from the Eastern parts of the northern tundra. 

He dipped his head, and then repeated the word she had given him. "Aqaguttauq, Kukutux." He declared solemnly, and turned, headed toward Moonspear.