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All Welcome 
by now, bat had arrived and settled and gotten a good bit of rest. tegan had spent the last however long taking care of her -- getting her food, keeping her entertained, and guarding the den when she was sleeping. granted, he still did find some time to take a patrol. he felt like a good routine by now, he kind of didn't want to give it up. he wondered if bat would want to patrol with him -- or if she'd want to scout again. tegan hadn't left the territory in a long while, and it was probably time he gave the ole legs a stretch.

on today's patrol, tegan caught wind of @Towhee's scent and sucked in a heavy breath. time to get this over with. he was pretty well prepared for rejection, just knowing how often wolves of the world said no to him (despite his powerful charm and charisma?! yeah, i don't get it either, tegan). either way, tegan had done a lot of things in attempt to fill the big ole hole in his chest the last few weeks, and now that the hole was filled he just felt this giant calling. pfffft. a calling. whatever, fuck you, you find a better name for it. 

he spotted his older cousin along the border, as she often was, and padded up to her. X, resting on her shoulder, gave her a soft nudge to indicate that someone was behind her. when she turned to look at him, tegan tried his best to tone down his shit eating grin. 

phew, feels good to be back. 

hey, tow, i wanna talk to you.
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Although she wasn't particularly close to Bat, her reappearance nonetheless cheered the surly Beta. She hadn't seen Tegan except in passing, though she could sense it: he was back too. That put a smile in her heart, if not on her face, as she plodded along the same ole circuit as always. X was along for the ride today and she enjoyed his company, even if he was the strong, silent type.

She turned at his nudge, orange eyes clapping on Tegan. If she'd known he was holding back a grin, she would've given him a sisterly knock upside the head. "Hey," she replied, smiling at the marked change in his demeanor. Towhee meant to make some sort of good-natured comment about it, though he beat her to the punch, leaving her to say, "Oh yeah?"
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towhee looked upon him with a smile -- one tegan recognized was filled with relief. yeah yeah, sad boi hours were over -- time for menacing. but that wasn't the point of this conversation, and tegan would gloss over that if she tried to say anything -- but she didn't. maybe she knew how much tegan hated talking about his feelings. good, about time someone learned. 

she said something, instead, that implied she was ready to hear him out. not really feeling nervous, because he already kind of knew the answer, tegan puffed up a little bit, his ears pressing forwards. expecting rejection, but entirely ready to at least speak it into the world (because he didn't hold much back, this was a known fact), tegan said, "i think i've matured a lot in the last month." he paused, but that wasn't it. he was more or less expecting a reaction on towhee's end. like a 'yeah you totally have you're like the most mature wolf i've ever met' or maybe a 'no fuck you you infant'. he wasn't sure which one he expected more.

and then he continued. "i want a spot in the hierarchy -- next to you," he said firmly, his gaze lighting up with something like ambition? or something? we don't often use that word ambitious when it comes to tegan. "i think the pack need an actual ambassador in leadership to represent us, and i think i've more than earned it pulling my weight. i'm ready for it." his tail flicked as he realized, oh fuck, he actually was a little nervous. no no, no nerves. just bad ass steal and coping mechanisms. "i think the redhawks need a blackthorn in the leadership again." cause, ya know, the rest of them fucking left.
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His opening remark only elicited a blink from her. She wasn't sure she'd call what'd happened maturation (not to knock Tegan), though if that's how he wanted to spin it, then she wasn't going to argue. Besides, Towhee knew there was more to it. She gave him a look to prompt him to continue when he paused, her expression remaining carefully blank despite the twitches at either corner of her mouth.

She wasn't entertained by his bid for leadership, simply his presentation. Towhee cocked her head and spoke finally, saying, "You don't think I'm a good ambassador?" She paused, clucked her tongue, then winked. She then shook her head slightly. "If it was up to me, I'd give you a shot. I mean, I've talked to you about this before." Granted, it had been a while. Meanwhile, others had rotated in and out. Still, the sentiment remained. And Tegan wasn't wrong.

She might've preferred Phox in the rank instead, though she wasn't actually sure her brother was cut out for leadership. And if he proved her wrong, the three of them could always simply oust Quixote to make room. That thought tickled Towhee inwardly, though she scowled a little as she said aloud, "You are aware it's not entirely up to me though, right?"
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tegan scowled playfully (what juxtaposition) at her remark, his chin tilting up. "you know what i mean," he rephrased, though inwardly counted himself as the world's best scout / ambassador so. uh. yeah. towhee was not good enough by this standard. "you've got a lot of other responsibility, i could take this one off your shoulders," he added with a flick of his tail. he was relieved (and mildly surprised) to hear towhee's response. i mean, yeah, he totally remembered the conversation. but that was eons ago, and tegan had done some pretty fuck shit since then. no matter. 

at the comment about it's not up to me, and the noted scowl, tegan cocked his own head. "yeah, quixote," he said knowingly, green eyes blinking, "i just wanted your input before i went to the big guns." and then, with a gentle shrug, tegan signed, -quixote is really dope, i didn't wanna go guns blazing to him- but tegan always went guns blazing to towhee. duh.
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She felt X squeeze her when Tegan mentioned her shoulders and she turned her head to glance at him. She swore she saw amusement in the hawk's eyes. She rolled her own at him, then quickly turned to face Tegan again. She didn't want to miss anything he said.

She felt a ripple of resentment at the way Tegan spoke about Quixote. Admiringly, ugh. Towhee didn't hate the Alpha outright, though there was no love lost between them these days. We'll have to agree to disagree, she thought but did not say.

This brief conversation made her think though. She kept her interactions with the Alpha to a bare minimum lately, though perhaps she should rectify that. It wasn't really acceptable for two of the pack's leaders to avoid one another. And, well, a lot had happened since they'd last spoken in any real capacity. Towhee thought of Niamh and frowned.

"Why don't you call him here? I can back you up if you want," Towhee suggested.
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the joke went entirely missed by tegan, who wasn't aware that he'd made some sort of pun. or something. he didn't catch it, he was too focused on the actual topic at hand. not missing the resentment that towhee had in her eyes -- but mostly ignoring it because, tegan -- the yearling gave a quick nod. 

"aight, bet," he said, and then tipped back his head to howl for @Quixote, feeling even more nervous now! he didn't think he'd make it past towhee (and neither did i, to be honest), so he was not sure how he was gonna bring it up to quixote... who he'd had little to no interaction with except for extreme adoration from afar -- especially paired with colt. so, who knows! tegan wasn't gonna be sad about a no. 

he added, for good measure, and a little sheepishly. -thanks, towhee.-
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He honestly wasn't up to anything too interesting at the time.  It was just one of those days.  So, all things considered it didn't take him too long to show up on the scene.  And hey, Towhee was there too, huh.  Well, somehow he doubted this was a repeat of Phox and Camilla.  That just seemed weird.

Quixote was very live and let live, in case that wasn't super obvious.  Sure, he hadn't really talked to Towhee since everything went down, but he hadn't avoided her, especially after Niamh bailed.  Made it hard to try and make sure she was doing okay, but whatever, at least Raven had a much higher chance of crossing paths with her.  If things stayed calm, that was probably good enough for now.  

Anyway, he looked between them for any sort of clues what this was about, but eventually settled on asking Tegan (he was the one who called, after all), What's up?
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-Welcome,- she replied simply, rolling her shoulder and causing X's grip to tighten. In the next instant, she felt his wing beat against her neck as he took flight, quickly climbing skyward and then winging off to some unknown destination and leaving the wolves to their business.

Towhee's eyes tracked him for a moment before dropping back to Tegan. She didn't feel the need for small talk, though Quixote didn't make them wait too long anyway. When he appeared, she sidestepped to flank Tegan, albeit a pace or so behind him. She said nothing, though looked at him (Tegan) expectantly. She wouldn't be able to read his lips from here, though she would be able to gauge the Alpha's reaction.
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his tail wagged as quixote eventually appeared, looking quite excited to see his alpha! tegan always was. even though they'd never had any sort of relationship, tegan had always been fond of the guy. i've said that quite a few times by now, but just trying to get the point across that tegan really thinks quixote and colt are cool. quixote is totally winning too because the one girl tegan actually had a crush on colt went and locked down. rip. 

anyhoo. 

"hey, quixote!" barked tegan with a respectful dip of his head, "i had something i wanted to ask of you and towhee." towhee had already given her blessing but... whatever. still. "i think i'd be valuable to the pack as a beta, as an ambassador and scout. both representing and helping you and towhee carry the weight of everything," he said, getting straight to the point. he wasn't sure how quixote would feel about it, honestly, but it didn't really matter. even if he said no, the idea would now be in his head, and maybe tegan could work a little harder...
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I wrote this in a weird order and now it just seems clunky.  aaagh

And not everyone apparently hated him, score a point for Quixote right there.  He should still probably make more of a point to hang out with the other wolves of the pack other than his direct family.  Put it on the list.

Quixote wasn't expecting the reason behind being called here though.  For whatever reason, he hadn't expected Tegan really had much interest in leadership -- going off on adventures, sure, but more of the leader types kept closer to home in his experience. Maybe he was just growing up or something?  But after what happened with Niamh, he wasn't really quick to jump right on that idea.  Shall we say, renewed caution?  The real question was if what happened with Bat (or what might have happened prior to that out at Blackfeather) had left any scars that might rear their ugly head at an unfortunate time.  Okay, in both cases it wasn't like things had ended badly in the end, even if at times it had seemed it would go that way.  

No denying you've done a lot for the pack.  That part was super clear.  And man, was he happy that Towhee wasn't the one running the conversation because chances were he was gonna ramble at least a little.  Gotta ask, though... Obviously you've had a few things happen that weren't just ordinary days.  With your trip to Blackfeather and then what happened recently with Bat... How do you think things surrounding both of those events would shape you as a leader?  It was like one of those interview questions where there was no good answer, but what he wanted was that awareness that might prevent that weird unexpected response Niamh had.

But before Tegan could start answering, he made sure to say, And I'm not saying you have to make up something to answer it now if you don't know.  But I want to know you've thought about it -- good and bad.  Because I'm not against it, but it's a lot more than if you'd just said you'd want to run the next hunt or something.  It's not something to rush.  Quixote seemed pretty casual about it all, but that was probably because he was being totally honest with what he'd said.  Tegan was perhaps a little odd, but no matter how outlandish he seemed at times, he might actually be a decent leader.  At the very least Quixote couldn't recall him ever really causing too much trouble (other than darting off to BFW without backup).  Not a responsibility to take lightly.
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quixote didn't seem immediately on board but... tegan wasn't sure he was off board. truthfully, this was way better than 'no', and he had made it much further than he had expected. at the question, tegan flicked his ears thoughtfully. i mean, yeah, tegan's thing was impulsion. like, duh. but he wondered how impulsive the thing about bat had been. had he done anything? is that even what quixote was getting at? as for blackfeather... whoops. for the record, that moonspear dude was with him. either way, tegan had totally thought about it, about all of it, and it was the main reason he was even here asking for this step up in responsibility. he voiced this -- not that he necessarily deserved it. 

"you're right," tegan said, giving a pause to sort through his limited vocabulary of words that weren't vulgar or fuckass slang, "but.. that's why i'm askin'. i learned a lot. and i think i got a lot put in perspective for me. i'm not saying i won't think the same stuff, but i'm gonna think about it differently." holy shit did that make any sense? or was that a riddle? he gave a small, almost sheepish, smirk at that statement and tacked on, "think about things a little harder before i act on them, i mean." 

and then, to quixote's second comment, tegan shrugged. "i've been making ambassador decisions -- even if they're kinda small -- for a while. i've been representing the pack for a decent amount of time. i mean, you're right, it's a big deal, i'm just saying i don't think it's been rushed." referring to his visits to drageda, his desire to form an alliance with moonspear, etc. etc. small things, maybe, but no way quixote and towhee had a 4 hour meeting every day to discuss their political actions. no way.
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Eh, that wasn't quite what he was looking for.  Points for enthusiasm, but he didn't want to have to wait for anyone else to have some sort of traumatic awakening in order to actually have some emotional maturity -- Towhee could already be enough of a loose cannon.  He shook his head slightly, No, I don't mean the broadest strokes.  Everything that's happened to you shapes your future actions, and leadership spreads them across everyone, when as just a very well-respected pack member, it doesn't have quite the same weight.  There was also the issue the thing that was rushed was also misinterpreted, but Quixote felt like clarifying that would just muddy the waters more.

Maybe Quixote was approaching it at too high of a level.  He'd had plenty of time to overthink everything, so maybe it was best explained with an example.  Like, I grew up in war, I know it can mangle and maim, even in ways you can't see, and that I don't want it to happen to anyone I know.  I aim to avoid dredging up enough ire to have someone coming for our heads.  I saw leaders that were cruel, some of my own blood, so I do everything to make sure I'm not the same monster as them.  He hoped it was obvious he was trying to make sure he was speaking on Tegan on the same level and not looking down on him or anything, but after Niamh he was not really sure if he ever did a good job of showing that.

So how would your history shape your leadership?  Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes it's really not.  If you haven't done that reflection, you should, and I don't mind waiting if you need to.  Quixote wanted to know that Tegan had awareness of self.  That if something went wrong, that he'd be able to fix his own failures without a huge blowout and again having to play bad guy.  Everyone always had good intentions (usually) and thought they could be amazing -- reality was that everyone was fallible.
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tegan stared as quixote tried again. he thought he'd answered that question really well, honestly, and if he hadn't then... maybe he just didn't understand? even as quixote continued to explain and reiterate, tegan became a little frustrated -- though he didn't show it. instead, his brow furrowed and his ears cupped forwards. his grey head took a single tilt to the side. tegan stayed quiet for the remainder of the monologue, giving towhee one glance just to see what she looked like (sort of pissed) and then back at quixote, who was wrapping up his big spiel. 

"i dunno if i understand the question," tegan admitted, trying to figure out what he said that wasn't the answer to the question... he really thought he'd answered it. maybe he needed to go more in depth? "i mean yeah, i've thought about what i'd be as a leader and how all the shit the last few months would affect that but --" oh. wait. okay. that's what he meant. he stared at quixote ass he regathered his thoughts and then gave a gentle sigh paired with a lil shrug. "i mean, in regards to bat, i don't wanna see that happen again. like, to anyone. even without the rank it's my job to protect the wolves that come with me on missions, and i'm gonna be much more -- uh -- diligent in taking care of them. that's why i've been doing so much patrolling, i wanna keep everyone safe." 

he paused, ears flicking. "and... as for blackfeather... i know i wasn't really the best wolf for that job, but i didn't have time to make the journey home and then back. it could've been too late. i sent bat back to keep her safe and to let everyone know... but they were smuggling ceara out of the territory as i was coming up. and i brought backup from moonspear... even though he pussied out." then there was a quick moment tegan was thinking... and then, "but i'd be smarter about it in the future. i probably could've gotten all of moonspear to come invade, or something." 

he made a face, a little wry. "is that what you mean?" or did i just write a god damn book for nothing?
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Towhee met Tegan's glance with a sour look. It wasn't directed at him, of course, but she definitely felt his impatience. She didn't say anything though, not wanting to disrupt Tegan's bid for leadership. Quixote had that pretty well covered, considering how much he was confusing the matter. At least, it felt that way to her. He was always so wordy, unnecessarily so. But that was just, like, her opinion, man. She wasn't quite sure what he was trying to suss out of Tegan here, though maybe something magical and profound might happen.
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He nodded.  Yeah, that was getting pretty close, Yeah, I'm no good at explaining things.  But yeah.  Because if you wanna do this, you have to keep up that reflection.  It's not just thinking you'll do good and assuming that then everything you do is right.  Gotta make sure you're not going overboard being protective or being too controlling or whatever either.

It's not necessarily doing what makes people happy, it's doing what's right.  Hopefully things are done being stupid as hell so you won't have to make any particularly thankless decisions on your own, but there's always that chance.[/q] He rolled a shoulder in a shrug.  That'd become quite clear to him, and even though Niamh seemed to eventually understand, he wasn't sure anyone else did, and he wasn't gonna go prancing around declaring how he'd been right, either.  Because honestly, if Quixote being negative about the whole experience scared them away, they probably weren't worth having as leaders anyway.  Or would they? Probably depended on specific reason for why they might not want to go through with it, but eh.

But really, there wasn't much of a reason to say no to Tegan... He'd done a good job as just an average pack member.  He seemed more stable than some, even if he was a little weird.  All of Quixote's reservations were mostly just being gunshy at adding anyone else any time soon.  That maybe he'd again be wrong and miss something that'd explode at a later date.  Can at least give it a try, see if it works -- just don't go doing anything crazy right out of the box so we have to kick you back down, right? Qui was going to at least try to put a bit of an amused spin on things.  Though all of this felt so awkward.

He did kind of wish there was more of a way to try to refine Towhee a bit more as well -- to tone down some of her more rash decisions, but considering the pack wasn't dead yet, it was probably more of a case of those few incidents standing out like sore thumbs.  And her probably not wanting to listen to him anyway.  It'd be like trying to convince a boulder to move out of the way.  Just as long as Tegan didn't turn into another off-kilter Niamh...
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"dope," said tegan in response to the first bit, "yeah i can reflect -- and be sane. for sure." fo shoooo was how he wanted to say it, but he refrained from saying it in that manner. milder. boy oh boy would tegan be bummed to hear quixote thought he was weird. tegan was the dopest of the dope. coolest of the cool. most menacey menace you'd ever meet. he wasn't weird... 

):

but, to tegan's great surprise, there was a definitive yes. at least, a for now. which was a temporary yes, right? his ears pricked up, green eyes shining. he couldn't help but grin a stupid, toothy grin. "i won't let you down," he said firmly, his gray tail flicking once. gah damn.
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Yeah, no, nothing of the magical sort happened. Towhee caught it as Quixote said, "I'm no good at explaining things," and turned away, rolling her eyes dramatically at the empty plain over yonder. When she finally turned back, he was wrapping up his speech with a few last words that made her scowl inwardly. He was referencing the situation with Niamh and she didn't like it for a myriad of reasons, least of all because she resented him grilling her kid brother and then making such unnecessary and negative remarks right out of the gate.

Overly loudly, Towhee finally spoke up again, bellowing, "You're gonna do great, dickbreath!" She struck out a paw to clap Tegan on the shoulder, grinning at him. "You have more charm in your left nut than Qui and me combined," she added, not looking the Alpha's way as she made a dig at both of them. "Want to do anything to celebrate?"
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Let's be real, if anyone went and asked a stranger to pick the most "normal" wolf out of the pack, it probably wouldn't be any of the three in this thread.  They were all weird in one way or another -- or several.

Niamh was probably going to color his opinion others recently brought into leadership for quite a while.  It was the kind of thing that just lurked there in the back of his mind.  Maybe he'd get over it, maybe not, but it didn't help his other trust issues or his just-this-side-of-pessimistic views...  But damned if he'd make the same mistakes, even if his choices seemed to have put a wall between himself and Towhee.  At some point they probably did need to talk, but this wasn't the time or place -- not that he knew what would be.

Quixote dipped his head and was about to respond again when Towhee interjected.  Yeah, he figured she'd probably be pretty impatient by now.  She didn't do well with lots of words.. Or maybe it was also the waiting around.  Both?  Hell if he knew.  He did utter a single-note laugh, and finally said what he was going to, Good.  Then I'll expect great things -- no pressure.  His smile wasn't nearly as big as Tegan's -- Quixote looked that goofy, someone probably had clonked him upside the head and he forgot who he was -- but hey, he hoped things would work out.  He hoped Tegan would think about things, that he'd be a fair leader who made choices that were right, not just easy.  Well.  They'd find out eventually.
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"full send," responded tegan to quixote first in regards to the 'no pressure' thing. honestly, the statement didn't entirely make sense but... ah, fuck it, he didn't care. a wide grin was spread across his features, tail wagging pretty steadily at his hocks. to towhee's question, his expression dulled a little (because he had to think) and his ears pricked. 

he looked at her then so she could better read his lips, and said, "imma go tell bat." and then he dipped, because he had to go tell bat. "see ya!" he called over his shoulder, "lemme know if you need anything!" otherwise he'd be workin hard... or something.
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She'd hoped to do something together to mark the occasion, though Towhee could hardly fault him for wanting to go announce his promotion to his girlfriend ghoul friend, seeing as she'd only resurrected a short while ago. She smiled at him and made an affectionate shooing motion, though she made sure to toss on another, -Congrats!-

That left her alone with Quixote. Towhee immediately wanted to peace out, though she restrained her knee-jerk impulse and redirected her full attention to him. "While I'm here, anything else you wanna discuss? Otherwise I'm gonna shake a leg toward the borders."
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Well, hopefully it'd go well.  Certainly he didn't expect much trouble in the short term -- he was pretty sure everyone was on their best behavior for the first little while.  It was just a question of what happened once the shiny newness wore off...  Anyway, time for Tegan to go tell.. His girlfriend or something?  Probably a case where it would be more fun to imply that whether or not it was true.  Quixote dipped his head in farewell.

He feigned shock, What, you want me to talk more? I didn't come prepped for that.  There probably was something, but honestly he couldn't think of it right now.  The thread had gone on long enough anyway. I'll probably run into you on the borders in a while, if I can remember it I'll tell you then.  But first, he wanted to go get a snack.  Maybe drag one of the kids along for kicks.  For real, though, they should probably catch up, even though they weren't the best of friends.
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Towhee's expression remained impassive at his good-humored response. She dipped her head to acknowledge him, then prepared to depart. Before she could turn—while her muscles were only twitching with the idea of movement—a thought hit her. She paused and considered taking this opportunity to voice her curiosity and concern about whether he and Raven planned another litter soon.

Better to just ask her sister, she decided. "See ya," Towhee said noncommittally before striding away.
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