Sun Mote Copse The end of Troy.

She'd stuck close to @Pippin for the past few days, coupling with him as often as he was willing, and now she could tell her cycle was winding down. Towhee felt safe straying from her friend's side and wandering the copse this morning, no longer driven entirely by her hormones. It was nice being back in control of herself, though as that frantic energy ebbed from her, other feelings rose up to take its place.

She felt strangely desolate as her heat receded. She also felt weary, after the rampant goings-on this past week. Towhee found herself near the far eastern edge of the territory, peering at the huge boulder that had fallen into the river the season before, and sank to her haunches. She shifted her weight to one side to avoid putting too much pressure on her injured hindquarters and eventually flopped onto her side, weight supported by one crooked elbow.

Her thoughts wandered. It was time to face the reality of her own barrenness. Towhee had always felt a little conflicted, though never this intensely. She wondered if raising Fig and Fen had shifted something in her. She still didn't particularly desire a relationship (sorry, Pip) but she adored her kids. She loved being a makeshift mother, though of course she wouldn't wish for a repeat of those tragic circumstances. It was possible this had been her one and only shot at motherhood.

That thought made her chest tighten and her eyes prick. Towhee swallowed compulsively and took some deep breaths, blaming her hormones for the moodiness but well aware that this was profoundly real grief.

He hadn't meant to follow them home or nothin', but with the way their encounter had gone the last time Yutani felt it was his duty to keep tabs and make sure everything was hunky-dory with the weird sisters. That was a hell of a lover's spat to run in to; more importantly though, Yutani wanted to scope out the surrounding territories in case he could make use of their resources. Multiple birds, one stone, whatever.

It had been easy enough to follow the pair back to their home; they had stopped a ways back to tend to the dark woman's ass, and then passed over the obvious territory markers. All Yutani had to do was follow the alluring smell of the woman's heat mixed with her fresh blood. The days passed, he lurked like a creep just out of sight, and the scents faded. The border markers were like a wall of heavy scents and he could not pick out the woman's scent from the mess of it.

So instead of doing the normal thing and calling for an audience, or waiting to be intercepted by a patrol, Yutani took to scouring the surrounding territories. He visited the border of the claim every few days on the off-chance he'd encounter the angry bitch, or the wounded bitch, or some other bitch, all of which he would have happily conversed with just to dull the ache of his solitude.

When the vaguely familiar scent of the wounded woman caught on the wind and drew towards him, he was curious and surprised, and began to slink towards the borderlands again to chance fate. He wormed his way across the border on a few occasions where it was thin but did not penetrate too far (girls never liked it when you did that), and stopped when he spotted the shape of a wolf trying to adjust against the ground, and to be safe he withdrew a few feet so the border was still between them.

Hey! He called out to her, spooking something out of the tree beside him, not sure if she would hear him (she wouldn't).

She gave herself a moment (maybe several), then decided that sitting here and wallowing wasn't how she wanted to spend her day. Towhee heaved herself back onto her feet and began padding south along the riverbank, trying to clear her mind. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to move past thoughts of her empty, inhospitable womb. Did she even have a womb? Or had her body traded that for these little testes she neither needed nor wanted?

Now she was working herself toward anger, though all her feelings were put on momentary pause when she came near the farthest southern stretch of borders and saw a stranger there. She hadn't heard his shout, though Towhee stilled, her eyes narrowing as they fixed on him. There was something strangely familiar about him. It took her a few heartbeats to place him as the lurking stranger from the night Wraen had attacked her.

Just as she opened her mouth to ask why he was here, Towhee felt a surge of desire flash through her like a bolt of lightning. It wasn't nearly as powerful as earlier in her heat, though it was that same familiar itch. Unlike before, Towhee did not immediately lose her higher brain function and instead remained rooted to the spot, reigning in the impulse as she continued to peer mutely at the black lurker.

Phox wasn't unaware of Towheat, but he'd given her all the space she needed with Pippin. The two had been (quite literally) attached at the hip since she'd gotten back from... wherever it was she'd gone off to. Phox couldn't recall. Just now, he was making the rounds on the border, idly day-dreaming about Niamh and wondering if he and she would get together. He knew he shouldn't put too much stock in it, of course, but he really couldn't help himself.

A "hey!" derailed his train of thought, and it wasn't a voice Phox recognized. Bristling without really meaning to, he spotted Towhee frozen just up ahead. The Redhawk gave chase then, knowing Towhee could handle herself just fine, but wanting to get a head start on this stranger anyway. He didn't like the looks of him, and they only had so much food to go around. Phox should know, he checked on the caches regularly (or what little pittance was there these days).

The other guy bolted, and Phox snorted, watching him disappear into the distance. Satisfied, he turned to see if Towhee had given chase as well. The strong smell she'd brought home with her was still there, though less than it had been when she'd first gotten back.

In the blink of an eye, the lurker bolted and Towhee turned to see the cause, orange eyes clapping on a prickly Phox. She gazed at him for a beat, then looked after the retreating stranger, feeling a mild pang of disappointment. The key word was "mild," however, and soon she turned to face her brother again, squaring her stance. She wasn't upset with him for chasing away the potential suitor, nor did she feel any particular danger in being this close to him despite her condition. Her instincts prohibited her from mating with her own blood and, besides, her hormones were losing steam with every passing moment. Possibly, she could ignore it altogether, as long as he could.

"I'll be back to normal soon," Towhee said, "or as close to normal as I ever get, anyhow." She huffed a dry laugh, still eyeballing him speculatively, curious and a little wary about how it all affected him. "I've missed you and the kids these past few days." And just like that, she was reminded of her heartache. She swallowed thickly, realizing she had never told Phox about this. Here was a perfect opportunity, though Towhee didn't want to bring it up totally out of the blue. The subject deserved more respect and tact than that.

Like Towhee, Phox was bound by nature not to lust after her, even if the smell was beyond pleasant. If anything, it only made him think naughty thoughts about Niamh, which he quickly brushed away in an attempt to keep that relationship on the friend level. Phox swallowed, doing his best to keep his attention on Towhee and not let his mind wander too much. She mentioned missing him and the kids, which filled him with delightful warmth. Even if he never took another mate, Phox knew he could always, always count on Towhee. He hoped she knew that was mutual.

Awww, how sweet of you, he said, teasing her just a little bit. Noticed you've been spending an awful lot of time with Pippin, eh? Been bumpin' uglies? He wasn't sure what their relationship was like, and now seemed like an opportune time to ask. It wasn't like Towhee had ever been bashful when asking about Camilla. Besides, it might segue into Niamh, which was another topic he wanted to broach at some point. Towhee was his closest confidant, and he wanted her approval.

When he teased her about her recent activities, Towhee suddenly wondered: had they ever had a meaningful conversation about any of this stuff? Maybe it was weird to discuss your love and/or sex life with your brother, though she didn't remember feeling particularly awkward when observing Phox and Camilla. In any case, she appreciated the playfulness of the question and preferred their comfortable banter to anything too serious, especially when she had something so heavy to tell him.

"Yeah, can we talk about how ugly genitals are?" she quipped right back, thinking to herself, Especially mine. There was a flicker of angst there but she quickly continued with the joke. "Actually, I've bumped into a lot of them lately. Pip's just happen to be my favorite. Plus, they come attached to a cute face." Had she known about her brother's attraction to Niamh, Towhee probably would've found it hilarious that they both had a taste for blondes.

Towhee's tail twitched, her heart suddenly thudding as she thought of something else. Phox didn't seem the least pissed about her quite frankly irresponsible behavior, which made her wonder: did that mean he was totally open to the idea of Towhee popping out some puppies, even if they were bastards? Of course, that made sense, considering the nature of their relationship and the way they would step in for one another without a moment's hesitation. If she bore young, Phox probably wouldn't think twice about stepping up as their father figure, in the absence of a proper one.

"Too bad for him, I'm not really looking for romance. And there's another thing..." Her throat felt like it was closing all of a sudden. Towhee found herself compulsively swallowing again.

Phox stuck his tongue out at her when she mentioned ugly genitals. He personally didn't think they were that much uglier than, say, a toe. But he did like the phrase well enough to use it. Towhee's extra package had gone either unnoticed or uncared about for their entire lives. It wasn't like it mattered to him one way or another.

Apparently, Towheat had been off boning whomever she could get her paws on. That caused Phox to snort, amused that his sister was out getting plenty of nookie. It wasn't really his style, but Towhee was gonna Towhee. It hadn't seemed to bother Pippin, at least. He did wonder if she would have kids, but he figured with her place in the pack, it wouldn't be a problem. Wraen didn't seem like the puppy-murdering type, but Phox had been surprised before.

He did lift a brow at the "no romance" part, if only because... well, again, it wasn't really his style. Before he could comment on that, she left him with a real cliffhanger. Phox was dreading whatever came next, if only because he felt the mood had shifted to a much more serious one. Serious moods were not usually good moods. -Well?-

The sorrow seemed to bloom from the center of her chest, creeping upward and outward, pulling her body into its vise-like grip. Everything suddenly felt uncomfortably tight. Towhee tried to breathe through it, which did help loosen the sense of constriction somewhat. It left another and equally unpleasant feeling its wake, a sort of aching hollowness, but with a queer heaviness in the pit of her stomach.

Phox prompted her to continue and Towhee took a few more breaths, surprised at just how much it was affecting her, before blurting it out: "I can't have kids." Even as the words left her mouth, Towhee realized they didn't quite capture what she meant and she explained, "I did a lot of boning last year and nothing ever happened. I didn't think it mattered to me, at first. But somewhere along the line, maybe after Fig and Fen..." It was pouring out of her now. "I want kids. I want them and I can't have them." She'd never admitted that part to anyone outright, including herself, until now. "My parts are all messed up and it's not going to happen and it's really fucking unfair and—" But the rest was lost as Towhee suddenly buried her face in Phox's neck.

It wasn't what he expected, and he rolled the tension out of his shoulders. Then again, what had he been expecting? He could barely remember anything that had happened last spring, since he was so focused on a dying Camilla and two very lively children. This was one of those times he really wished Sequoia was around. She was so good at stuff like this, but Phox would do his best to support her. For now, it felt like that just meant listening and letting her bury herself in his chest. Nothing he could say would fix this for her, so instead he licked the top of her head in an attempt to soothe her.

Even if he'd said anything, she wouldn't be able to hear it. Signing while comforting her wasn't really an option, either. He realized she'd been holding this in for a whole year, which could not have been a great way to handle it. Phox wondered if Pippin knew this (or any of her other ugly-bump friends). Maybe that was a perk for some.

She expected to cry, to weep, even, but no tears came. Towhee did quiver a little as she smashed her face against the familiar warmth of her brother's neck, though when she withdrew some moments later, her face was entirely dry. A breath shuddered out of her and there was misery etched into the lines of her face as she looked at his, trying to gauge Phox's reaction to this information.

He looked chiefly concerned, like all he wanted to do was help and probably didn't know how. "Do you remember when you told me I'd always have a place with you, right after we moved to the grove?" Towhee queried softly, her voice a little choked up despite the lack of tears. "I want you to know how much that meant—and still means—to me. And I hope it's still the case. I know you don't have anyone right now and that when you do, she'll be your kids' mom, but... I'm really glad you gave me the opportunity with Fig and Fen." She sniffed. "And, I mean, no pressure, but I really hope you do have more. Even if it's not the same, it's..." It was as close to motherhood as she would come and Towhee would take what she could get.

Of course he remembered that day, and he still stood by everything he said. The Redhawk nodded, his face serious with a bit of a warm smile lingering on the surface. He listened, realizing that listening was a skill he'd picked up when he'd stayed with the Frosthawks to recover. It seemed to have a profound effect on others, and he was grateful for the new skill, especially in times like these when it was the best way to support one of his loved ones.

-I couldn't have raised them without you,- he said. Doing it himself just would not have worked. He hadn't been that close to anybody in the Redhawks aside from Raven, and she'd been busy raising her own kids. -You'll always be their mom, and I'm so happy that you are. Whatever comes next won't change that.- A broader smile crept across his face then, and this time he went in for the embrace. Even if Towhee, Fig, and Fenn were the only family he ever had, Phox would be a happy wolf. Anything else was an added bonus.

She leaned in when Phox embraced her, snuggling against him shamelessly, downright ignoring the little warning bells in the back of her mind. There was nothing sexual about the way she clung to her brother, even if it was the hormones' fault she was being so emotional in the first place.

When they released one another a beat later, Towhee smiled sadly. "I'm sorry it meant losing Camilla. But she gave me a gift I might never have had otherwise." Now her orange eyes were getting watery, though she did her best to blink them away. That very same blessing had changed her in some fundamental way, making her realize she wanted more children, borne from her body, but Towhee didn't feel like hashing through that part right now.

"I guess I could always just keep an eye out for more strays," she said a moment later, trying to insert some lightness into the situation, though there was a sadness in both her face and her voice.

A sad smile swept over next when she mentioned Camilla. He did often wonder what life would be like if she was still around, but there was no way to know. Phox liked to think that she would have gotten better, more socialized, but he didn't know if that was true. Maybe she would have stayed the same, maybe he would have dealt with it poorly, maybe he would have grown irritated and bitter with her. Now she was just a memory, and he kept it at that. She was alive in Figment and Fennec, and he was beyond grateful for them.

Towhee shifted the mood with her next comment. He chuckled, then wondered if this was a good time to bring up the Niamh thing. Would there ever be a good time? The kids seemed very fine with the whole thing, especially since he'd promised them that Towhee would still be their mom and nothing about that relationship would change. -I may not even have to look outside the Firebirds,- he said, a mischievous glint in his eye. -It's not even a thing, but I told Niamh the other day that I've got a bit of a crush on her. She's, uh, still dealing with Colt's death, and I don't really know where we stand on anything. It's in her court now, although she's probably pissed I kept Nellie's secret.-

At first, Towhee didn't understand what Phox meant. He should never have to go looking for orphans; he could reproduce successfully. But then he dropped the bit about crushing on Niamh and her mouth fell ajar. She felt so many emotions in the following thirty seconds that Towhee couldn't possibly name them all. One, however, rose prominently to the surface of the strange mixture.

She grinned at him, smugly. "I told you so." Yeah, so her timing had been off back then but she'd still been right in the end! "What's my prize?" Towhee affectionately punched Phox's shoulder. "What secret?" she wondered absently but didn't give him a chance to answer. "I ship it, in case my opinion means anything. I think you two would be great together."

There was an elephant in the room all of a sudden and it wasn't really Towhee's style to ignore such things. "And," she said after a pause, "you guys would make great parents." She felt those same emotions from a moment ago, stirring inside her, and they included some fear, envy and jealousy (because those last two were totally different things), not to mention heartbreak. But she was genuinely happy too, as her soft smile and tapping tail demonstrated.

This was about the reaction he'd expected. He hadn't forgotten the time Towhee had wanted them to do a kissy-kissy time (although she'd lacked the ability to read the room at the time). Phox rolled his eyes at the mention of a prize. He opened his mouth to say that Nellie had been at the Frosthawks, but instead let out an "OOF!" when she punched his shoulder. The next thing she said, though, made all the difference.

-Thanks, Towhee. That means a lot. I mean it.- He was pretty sure they were already excellent parents, even if Niamh beat herself up about Bronco and Nellie. As far as he could tell, both of her kids turned out just fine. It went without saying that Phox's own kids were the best in the universe.

-If we become parents, you know you're gonna be part of that, too. If Niamh isn't down with that, which doesn't seem likely, she's not the one for me.- He wanted to make that crystal clear. The kids came first, then Towhee, then anybody else.

Her blessing seemed to mean a lot to him, which made her smile brighten a little. She nodded as if to say, Of course. Towhee might've had a lot of internal turmoil happening, though her happiness was authentic. And she was determined to keep her other, less positive feelings away from both Phox and Niamh. It wasn't their fault she couldn't procreate.

When Phox signed and spoke the next few words, Towhee felt a lump form in her throat all over again. She was speechless for a moment, moved by this declaration. She supposed she'd known the sentiment was always there, though having Phox frame it this way made her feel, well, indescribable. She was sincerely touched, though at the same time, Towhee knew the idea of Niamh beefing was also absurd.

"That means a lot, I mean it," Towhee echoed him with big anime eyes. "But let's be real. Niamh's totally down for me to be a third wheel and I can't imagine the two of you wouldn't have kids." There was one thing though. "Wait, wait, wait. She likes you back, right?" Phox had explicitly mentioned Colt's death and Nellie's secret, yet Towhee had somehow brushed past all that because who wouldn't want her brother?

Uhhh, he muttered, mouth agape. -It's more complicated than that. I don't think Niamh is really in a place to be romantically involved with anybody just yet, but she doesn't not like me.- What a good use of a double-negative. It wasn't Phox's place to pressure her, and he hoped that she would just... come around on her own when the time was right. -I don't want to rush things like Camilla did with me,- he said. That relationship had fallen into his lap in the strangest of ways. The whole thing had felt rushed and chaotic, and he didn't want this thing with Niamh to be anything like that.

-I don't want to make any promises, or get your hopes up too much, but I do think she'll come around.- With time. Maybe a lot of it. Phox could be the patient type when he needed to be. He wished there was more he could tell Towhee, but that was pretty much all he knew. He didn't want to mention the whole dead mate thing, if only because it seemed something personal.

Towhee's eyes narrowed, not in suspicion but in thought. It seemed as if Colt had died long ago, though perhaps it didn't feel that way to Niamh. She really needed to check in with her friend and spend some quality time with her. Things would never be the same as before Colt came between them, breaking their faith, but Towhee and Niamh were certainly on better terms now. And with Niamh in the running to be Phox's mate and baby mama, perhaps their relationship could be even better than before, though only time would tell.

"I'll have to talk to her sometime. Don't worry, I won't tell her about all your terrible qualities," Towhee jested. "And I swear I won't get in the middle of things or meddle too much. It's your business. But she's my friend too." She smiled, hopefully reassuringly, then reached out and patted Phox on the arm. "It'll have to wait a few days though. I think I need some time to myself to think." Among other things. "I'm gonna lay low until this bullshit is done." She pointed shamelessly at her crotch. "And... thank you," she finished a little lamely, shooting him a fond, goofy smile.

Her reassurances worked on him, and Phox took them at face value. Whatever happened, he knew Towhee would be there for him, and he would be there for her. Yes, he was getting sentimental. It's fine! -I already chatted with the kids about it. Not about Niamh specifically, but in general. They both seemed fine with it.- Because of course, the kids came first. They always would.

Phox felt the telltale dull pressure coming in behind his blind eye, and he knew he'd have to get to—had Niamh called it "The Nest"?—soon. Darkness and quiet was what he needed now. -I'll catch you later, Towhee. Have fun banging it out with Pip!- He did wonder if her infertility was just a last-year thing. Maybe her body hadn't been ready. Maybe she hadn't been eating enough. But he wasn't about to put false hopes into her head.