Lake Rodney Queen of knives.

She imagined both @Phox and @Niamh had noticed and wondered at her scarcity around their homestead, though Towhee couldn't be sure. Maybe they were too busy focusing on her pregnancy, not to mention her recovery. She still thought about demoting Niamh, though less savagely every day. Maybe sometime soon, she might even be able to talk to her, though she wasn't there yet.

There was @Reyes to consider too. Where was he? How was he? Towhee tried to push him out of her mind, yet she never succeeded. She was still angry with him—every time she pictured Reyes breaking Niamh's leg, fury seared through her—but there was room now for other feelings too. She missed... well, all of it: the cave, the companionship, the promise of a bright future.

The pups wiggled and Towhee's lips quirked into a wry smile as she meandered along the creek, idly scouting for someplace that might suit as a den. She'd thought it over and decided not to use the Blackthorn den after all. Her orange eyes roved to and fro, wondering if @Eljay was close by, yet unwilling to call for him just now.

Growing tired, she took a seat beside the water. She hadn't seen @Whip or @Zsuzsa lately. She might not have cared, except their ranks were thinning. Especially if Eljay left for the fen, that would leave only the Sovereign, the Regents, @Ruenna and @Lenny to hold down the fort, at least until @Fennec and @Alyx came back...

When she felt rested enough, she climbed back onto all fours and decided to search for the caretaker after all. She scoured the territory, which was a feat in her condition. She even spied on the Regents' den from a distance. Towhee couldn't find him anywhere and assumed he must be visiting @Maia then. She tried to count how many days had passed since she'd shooed him in her direction and felt a jolt of alarm when she realized that was three days ago now.

Her fruitless search had led her to the southern border. Since she was here anyway, Towhee decided to shuffle closer to the shore of Lake Rodney. Her orange eyes darted around a bit suspiciously the further she ventured from the foot of the caldera. What if her former mate appeared or something? Feeling on edge now, Towhee stopped beside the water and—aware it was an exercise in futility—howled.

now this i can make work *rubs hands together*

Maia wasn't planning on visiting the Caldera wolves though the thought had crossed her mind.  It felt like a boundary breach... she wanted to make sure that they were okay with things, and that she wouldn't be a source of issues between the two packs, but she didn't want to cross a line for Eljay.  She wanted to give him time to work through things on his own time.

So when Towhee's howl carried across the lake to where she'd been trying (in vain) to snag a fish, Maia's head shot up and she bounced nervously.  Okay.... so.  She could ignore it and go home and act like nothing happened... but then Towhee might come to the borders.  And wouldn't that be worse?  Because she didn't feel like it was her conversation to have, but she also felt like it wasn't one Eljay should have to have right now.  He was upset enough.

Look, maybe it's fine.  She might just have a message.  Maia said softly to herself, then started towards the source of the call.  It wasn't entirely convincing.  Somehow, even though he hadn't said anything, Maia got the feeling Eljay hadn't exactly closed things up at the Caldera before he left.  And, as she spotted Towhee getting closer, she figured this talk might end up all sorts of awkward if that was the case.  She took a breath, then smiled, forgetting entirely about the other wolf's deafness as she blurted out a cheerful Hey!

The sight of Maia's familiar face immediately calmed the alarm bells ringing in Towhee's head. She should've let the other she-wolf come to her, though she found she couldn't stand still. As she headed this way, the Sovereign trotted forward along the shoreline to meet her in the middle.

She saw the, "Hey!" and slowed to a stop, easily out of breath. "Hey," she huffed, managing a tight smile. It was still hard, after everything. Maia looked well enough, which further mollified Towhee's consternation. "I was looking for Eljay. I figured he might be with you..." Then again, he wasn't, so she felt a little of that unease again as she looked inquisitively at Maia.

Well, that was a quick confirmation on that.  Maia was immediately and uncomfortably aware of her own expression, hoping that it didn't show her nerves too much.  Meanwhile, internally, she was freaking out.  What do I tell her?  Should I tell her he's staying?  What if she wants to talk to him?  Do I tell her we are mates?!  Shouldnt... wouldn't he want to?  Or would he want me to because his telling her would be harder and he might not want to... oh boy.

Oh! Uh, yeah.  He came to see me at the fen, but I figured I'd do some fishing.  It's easier than hunting sometimes and I didn't want to bother him to come with.  That much was true.  She'd actually meant to surprise him with a nice dinner, but her luck wasn't shaking out.  She was about to give up when she'd heard the call.  She let her talk peter out after that, not sure still how much she wanted to give up.  Oh boy she wished he was here, only because she was terrified saying the wrong thing here could do a ton of damage.  She didn't know Towhee all that well... or even, really, much about Eljay and Towhee's relationship.  It felt a bit like whacking a bomb with a pipe wrench and hoping the thing wasn't live.

Maia offered an explanation, which was a bit of a relief. At least he hadn't fallen into a black hole or something, the only other plausible explanation for his no show. But it didn't settle Towhee's nerves fully, especially when Maia didn't ask what the pregnant Sovereign wanted with Eljay. She relived that moment of shock when she'd realized she hadn't seen him in three days, after he'd promised to stick close.

"Okay, well... he said he would stay close until I delivered, help me find a den and stuff. And I haven't seen him in three days," Towhee said. "Has he been here? This entire time?" she guessed, speaking a little more slowly than usual.

Maia really didn't want to mess anything up here.  But as Towhee mentioned Eljay promising to stay close and help her find a den, she felt a little bit of protective anger over it all.  He'd been so upset when she found him and this only made it clearer.  They'd expected him to take care of their families, just like he always had, without even thinking about asking if he wanted one of his own.  Maia would never have considered herself to be worth that to them, but the fact that Eljay wasn't was more than enough to get her heated on his behalf.

I think he needed some space, she said, a little bluntly.  I get the feeling something happened and I don't really want to talk for him or anything, but if you don't absolutely need him right now, I think you should give him some time.  There were so many more things she wanted to say but she was absolutely not going to get into it without knowing the entire story.  As tempting as it was.... and hoooo boy was it.  

Maia shifted uncomfortably.  I can... give him a message, though?  Maybe it'd help to tell him that it was okay that he stayed a while and took a little time for it. He still felt guilty over it all, Maia could tell, and she hated it.  She still wasn't entirely, completely sure he'd moved in with her for all the right reasons and until she knew that he knew, there was no way she was delivering that news officially herself.

For a long beat after Maia finished, Towhee did not speak. She stared hard at the woman's face, orange eyes boring into her pale silver gaze, darting between them as if seeking an explanation that actually made any kind of sense. The way she shifted spoke to her discomfort, which the Sovereign noted dimly.

"He needed some space," she repeated even more slowly. A heavy silence followed before she spoke again. "I guess you two sorted out your differences. You know, I supported him going to be with you." Here came another pause. "I only asked him to hang around because of the miscarriage... and only until I delivered safely. He said he would stay close. But... he needed some space..."

Even in her heart of hearts, Towhee didn't know what to make of it. It was so unprecedented that Eljay would go back on his word, abandon her in her greatest moment of need. Towhee flashed back to the day when she'd clutched him close and sobbed. She felt a flash of heat sweep across her skin, her insides slowly starting to feel like they were broiling.

At the same time, she felt her blood run cold. There was some part of Towhee that sort of understood his motives, though why had he jumped ship now? After everything she'd been through, Eljay's forsaking her and her litter was somehow the worst blow she'd been dealt, second only to the miscarriage itself. It was worse than losing her mate. It was worse than losing her best friendship. It left her feeling poignantly abandoned and bereft for it.

Maia wasn't sure if she was right, but she caught some insinuation behind Towhee's answer.  She'd hoped maybe Towhee would leave it at that and maybe give her a message, but nope.  Her discomfort grew considerably when she heard 'miscarriage' and she wondered if she shouldn't just kind of leave it.  But something in her couldn't.  She really didn't like what she read.

Look, I know I wasn't around much when I was in the Firebirds, and I really appreciate you letting me stay with you when I got hurt.  But I love Eljay, and he is, like, the least selfish wolf I know.  Obviously.  It had to be obvious to them too, yeah?  He never asks for anything, ever.  So when he says he needs something, it's important, and I have to trust him.  No matter what he promised, because that almost makes it even worse. Right?  She asked it more out of nerves than anything else, because even though she'd straightened up a little bit while talking (and her tone had shifted, not that Towhee would catch it), she still felt immensely self conscious talking to her like this.

I haven't really asked a lot because I want to give him what he needs.  And I don't want to make anything seem worse or bigger or different than what it is, so I can't really tell you much else.  She felt her fur heat up a bit as she began to feel flustered in the explanation, but she tried to keep her words slow and not let her mouth take off without her.  Maybe she really didn't want a message, especially if that message was just going to be even more pressure.

Maia launched into a soliloquy that reminded Towhee of her sister. It was tempting to let her eyes glaze over or look away altogether, especially because following this much rapidfire speech really did strain her eyes. But she heard out Maia in the only way she could, even if she didn't really understand much of what she said.

What if my pups die? Towhee wanted to counter. What if I die? All alone? Her chest suddenly felt very tight. Guess that's just selfish of me though, she thought bitterly, feeling certain she would either cry or scream in the very near future.

She didn't want to do either one in front of Maia. Without another word or any explanation, Towhee turned jerkily and left.

She'd hoped for at least an answer if not acceptance, but it seemed like she wasn't going to get either out of Towhee.  Maia watched anxiously as Towhee just turned around and left without a single word and an odd look on her face.  I mean, you don't.... oh shoot.  She cursed quietly, trailing off when she finally remembered that Towhee wouldn't be able to hear her.  She could chase after her, but what good would that do?

You shoulda just let it go, idiot.  Maia hoped she hadn't messed that up too badly, and at least now they knew where Eljay was.  If there was an emergency, surely someone would come and get him?  Maia didn't know much about birthing, not nearly enough to know how quickly things could go sideways.  So she didn't understand why Towhee was so angry about her mate coming and needing some time with her.

The more she thought about it, the more indignant on his behalf she got.  If they couldn't appreciate him, and if they always had to come first, then they definitely didn't deserve him.  Still, she couldn't help the slight dread that settled in her as she turned around to go back home.  She was definitely going to need to find food on the way to make up for this one.