Sun Mote Copse spring's thrall

He had never longed for summer as much as he did now. It had been a tough fall and that had made winter all the tougher; while the prey returned, it was still winter, and Eljay found himself struggling to get back to a good weight after the famine and all the stress the earthquakes and such had brought him. He was trying, but it was a slow process. A little better every day, he supposed. He'd survived it last time, and he was confident he would this time, but it was a frustratingly slow process right now.

It wasn't easy to gather plants in winter time for healing, but Eljay decided to do a round. Maybe he'd be able to find new plants for @Weejay's plant garden. He was sad that Sugar had left and worried for her, but he also recognised that maybe she had just left to find a different place. It didn't seem like her, but then, it hadn't seemed much like many of his baby siblings and most of them eventually left.

Eljay was digging around in the snow near a tree, trying to find the remnants of plants whose roots might be good. It would be tough digging them out in the cold, but it would be good to know where to find them once the thawing set in.

When Towhee meandered back toward the rendezvous site following a patrol and spotted Eljay up ahead, she paused. She hadn't seen much of him since their last meet before the turn of the year, aside from his well-meaning intrusion on her grief a few weeks back. She couldn't tell if he looked better, worse or the same. She recollected their conversation about his son's fate with a twist of her lips. Even after all this time, Towhee let out a shaky exhale. So much blame rested on her shoulders for the events surrounding the grove's fall, which wasn't fair, but Towhee still took it. She had fucked up particularly badly by injuring herself scaling the wall, even more than she actually realized (see: Figment).

After a lengthy consideration, she began moving again, approaching her elder brother. "Niamh and Phox are expecting pups in the coming months," Towhee said in lieu of a proper greeting, "and we'll all be busier. So I think it's now or never, if you still want to try looking for Elfie."

There was a plant sticking out of the snow where he digged that looked a little like it might be what he was looking for, but it was hard to tell if it was the right one; Eljay scrutinised it deeply, trying to figure out whether it was what he needed. The ground was too hard so he wouldn't be able to find the roots regardless right now, but it was good to mark this spot in his head.

Zoomed into the plant on the ground, Eljay hadn't noticed Towhee's approach at all and he jumped up, startled, when she came up and started to talk.

It took a moment to register what Towhee was saying as he blinked and allowed his heart rate and adrenaline to sink down again. Niamh and Phox? he managed to stumble out before Towhee continued on about searching for Elfie. I didn't know they were mates. Eljay felt horribly out of loop, especially when it came to midwife things. First Towhee had gone to Raven and now it was Niamh and Phox who apparently were expecting children? Why didn't they come to him about these things?

Then, to the actual point. I looked for Elfie with Weej, Eljay said and he averted his gaze, frowning. We couldn't find anything. I don't know where else to look. Do you have any more ideas? Honestly, the thought of going out of the territory again was pretty disheartening, but if it gave an honest chance at finding back Elfie..? Yeah.

"Yup," she replied simply, ignoring his surprised reaction on both counts. Towhee tilted her head, wondering what he would make of the news once he processed it. He was a caretaker, after all, and though she couldn't quite remember, she was pretty sure he was specialized in midwifery as well as sitting. Surely he would look forward to new pups, for those and the general reasons for being excited about babies.

In regards to Elfie, he told her he'd searched with Weejay only to come up with nothing. That, of course, didn't surprise her in the least. Nonetheless, Towhee frowned as she regarded his downcast face and said, "Other than recruiting interested scouts to visit other packs and inquire, no. But I told you I'd help you and I'm good for my word." She paused. "Do you know Maia? Or Chanel?" she wondered, recalling the names Wraen had given her.

Towhee didn't seem to have many thoughts to consider, either. Eljay knew very little about the world at all, so he had no idea where to send scouts or what packs even were close to theirs. Their sister packs were all that his little world had enveloped, and he simply didn't know what everything outside of it looked. His world had shrinked considerably when their two sister packs had vanished, leaving only the Firebirds and the Copse.

I don't know who's a scout, Eljay said lamely, clearly feeling unsure of himself. I don't know what other packs're around, either. I've never been good at navigating. He looked shamefully at his paws, feeling quite bad about this. But he vividly remembered his journey to Drageda and he hadn't had a clue where he was a hundred percent of the time. Without Wiffle and other companions, Eljay probably wouldn't have even made it back home to the Caldera. He knew the Caldera was past the mountains so he thought he could find that back, but that was about it.

I know Maia, he answered to Towhee's question. Was Maia a Scout, he wondered, since Towhee'd asked?

He looked ashamed as he admitted he didn't know much about their surroundings, though Towhee ignored this. "I'm not the greatest at those things either," she told him with a shrug of her shoulder, "so that's why it's probably best if we delegate some of this to scouts, like Maia and Chanel. Since neither one of us has ever met the latter—does she even actually exist?—let's consider calling on Maia. Do you get along with her?" That last part wasn't crucial, though the Regent was curious.

If Wraen told Towhee that Chanel existed, then Eljay was pretty sure Chanel existed. He didn't want to argue right now though so he merely nodded at Towhee as she said this. She then suggested they call Maia and asked Eljay how well they got along. Alright, I guess. We've met a few times and talked about stories and stuff. I told her about Elfie, when me and Weejay were out looking and she happened upon us. At least she knew the place, so it seemed like a good idea to maybe call her. Eljay contemplated if they should call her now but instead of asking Towhee if they should or simply howling, he ended up just kinda doing nothing.

They knew each other and, better yet, Maia already knew about Elfie. "Good, we should find her and ask her to find the closest packs, ask around, spread the word. She should probably take someone else with her for safety: Chanel, if we can find her too."

Towhee made no motion to call for Maia right this second, nor go looking for her. They could do it soon enough. At the moment, she steered the conversation back to a prior topic. "Niamh's not a first timer but is there anything we can do to make sure her pregnancy goes well?"

Towhee didn't call Maia or suggest they do, instead saying they should find her and ask her to ask around closest packs. That seemed like a good idea. I can ask her later, Eljay said to Towhee, glad that she was taking initiative in deciding what was the way to go about finding Elfie. It all seemed sensible, and it helped him a lot that Towhee helped formulate plans that might seem easy and logical to others, but weren't as much to Eljay who knew nothing about scouting or finding wolves.

Suddenly Towhee bounced back to the subject of Niamh. Oh. Yes, uhm, yeah. I'll look for Niamh, too, to see how she's -- to see how the pregnancy is going. It's a bit early for some of the herbs to grow so depending on when exactly she's due I'm not sure I'll have a lot for support. It wasn't the best of falls... Though the herbs had not disappeared as the prey had, the fact that most of his time was spent searched for food while attempting to process his grief didn't help his herb caches any. I'll see what I can do.

Then after a short pause, he took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge by asking something a bit intimidating. What about you? What did Raven tell you about your fertility? Was she sure you'll never be able to have pups? And you have -- You've been trying? I didn't know you had a mate. The last was phrased carefully, as Eljay didn't want to step on any toes. He was just used to a traditional family set-up and he hadn't heard of Towhee hooking up with anyone.

He pointed out that herbs weren't readily available yet, which made Towhee think of her conversation with Weejay not so long ago. It made her lip twitch. They were definitely father and daughter. He concluded by saying he would do what he could, including visiting Niamh himself, to which the Regent could only nod approvingly.

Then he questioned her about her own issues, which caught her so off guard that Towhee didn't even have time to feel the usual pain. In fact, she huffed through her nostrils as Eljay's question about a mate. She shook her head, wondering what she should tell him, one brow arched a little as she peered at him speculatively.

"Raven didn't tell me anything other than, 'you're not pregnant,'" Towhee explained. Even her own sister hadn't know the context of the assessment she'd given. "I don't have a mate but during both my heats, I f—slept with several males. I'm talking, like, six or seven," she decided to share, partly so Eljay could understand the scope of it, as well as a little bit for the shock value. "And, obviously, nothing's taken," she finished, waving a forepaw at her clearly not pregnant belly.

Eljay didn't quite understand when Towhee mentioned not having a mate but still seemed upset or maybe even surprised that she wasn't pregnant. She.. knew.. about basic reproduction, right? She knew she needed a mate -- or at least a male -- for that, right? He looked a little confused until Towhee continued, luckily before Eljay could ask any further dumb questions about that, to say that Raven had only said she wasn't pregnant -- mildly disappointing to the Midwife, who had hoped he could learn decipher whether someone was receptive to become pregnant at all through the information -- and... she had actually slept with men, but she just wasn't pregnant.

After a short thoughtful pause, Eljay said: Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, or not yet. But Towhee, raising pups is really hard, and even more so alone, he wasn't sure where he got the courage to even say that to Towhee's face, And -- It doesn't go as easy for everyone. Especially if you're stressed about it. But I don't think there's a way to tell if you really can't at all. At least as far as I know. He looked at Towhee's clearly not-pregnant-belly and wondered, Does Wraen know about you... trying? He figured she did since Towhee wasn't exactly private about her escapades, but still. Maybe Wraen would help with raising it, Eljay thought, which was slightly more reassuring than Towhee doing it alone.

Eljay knew, after all, how hard it could be to raise pups alone. Then again, he was without pups this year too so maybe others like he and Wraen could chip in more easily. Still, part of Eljay found it hard to break free from the traditional picture he had in his head of a father and mother raising pups together.

His words eventually did trigger some strong emotions, though they erred more toward anger than pain. Towhee tried to control it, though the fur along her spine bristled as she reminded him, "I know, I've raised two kids." She hadn't done it alone, of course, but this wasn't the first time someone had made this mistake with her and she found it irritated her savagely. "Phox would've helped me, Niamh and the rest of the pack too. I wouldn't have been alone, just like you were never on your own," she also felt the need to point out to him, a little bluntly.

She said nothing for a moment before continuing brusquely, "And I know that." As far as she knew, there was no way to tell for certain, though Towhee had chosen to accept that her body simply wasn't capable of reproduction, based on the empirical evidence. "Not that it's anyone else's business but Wraen is entirely aware," she concluded. And with that, she suddenly wanted to be done with this conversation. The anger was already beginning to wear off but it left behind a sting she didn't want to deal with right now.

"I have to go," she said abruptly. "Find Maia and check on Niamh." Towhee didn't think she needed to spell it out any further, since they'd gone over it already. Without awaiting a reply, she turned and left in the direction of the rendezvous site.

Eljay actually knew very little about how much raising Towhee had done in the case of Fennec and Figment. Towhee looked annoyed, and Eljay decided he would just leave since he didn't want to pick this fight right now. She went on to say that she wouldn't have had to do it alone. Still, it didn't sit right with Eljay, being raised the way he had, and having seen traditional couples only (same-gender aside). It just seemed like the pups would miss something if they didn't have a second parent, to Eljay, even if the pack would help. It hurt him that Towhee would mention that Phox and Niamh would've helped her, as though he, as puppysitter, would have had nothing to do with it other than 'helping too', just like the rest of the pack.

Anyway, he wasn't about to argue it though. He just remained silent as Towhee continued to say that she already knew everything he said and that Wraen knew about it. He hadn't meant to be intrusive -- he just wanted to be sure that everything was alright, and he felt that as a Midwife, it was important that he knew these kind of things.

Okay, he just murmured. Before Eljay could make a quick excuse to get out of the conversation, Towhee ended it for him already. He felt that he had already made it clear he would look for Maia to ask her about the scouting and that he would check on Niamh (of course he would!). Eljay frowned as Towhee took off without so much as a good-bye.

He didn't want to question his father's words, but he couldn't help but think what dad would say if he saw these kind of interactions. Would he still think that Towhee's dislike of Eljay would never impact Elfie when he lived with her?

Eljay sighed and looked at his paws for a moment, standing out in the dirt that he had pawed snow from moments before. He just didn't have the energy to deal with this, on multiple levels. He missed Wiffle and he wasn't physically very fit, either.

He stood and stared for another moment longer and then left the ground be. He would look for herbs another time. Right now he just wanted to curl up in a corner and stop existing for at least just a moment, because that meant that he could stop hurting and being hurt for at least just a moment, too.