Neverwinter Forest Hold 'em tight

He wasn't sure how far Jack would wander from his mother, even after his father came back, but Killdeer lingered at the periphery. He was here if and when anyone needed him.

It was a loss that touched him—definitely not as close as the others, but still it did. Leona was his. . .aunt, but felt more like a cousin, due to her youth. Even beyond labels, she was family.

He settled upon the edge of a clearing, laying down upon a bed of frosted pine needles. Silent, thinking.

He watched his breath fog out in slow, even billows. He wondered what had happened. And he wondered what would come next.

tagging @Jack Snipe @Towhee @Maxim but AW!

The hour grew late and all she wanted to do was curl up and sleep. Yet she feared the nightmares, so despite her exhaustion, Towhee rose from her little nest and restlessly wandered the woods.

She didn’t have to go very far to find Killdeer. Towhee shuffled over to him, dropping beside him like a sack of potatoes. A pine needle dug into her hip. She shifted until it stopped poking her.

She considered asking about Phox but trusted that someone would eventually make him aware of the situation. If there was one thing Towhee could count on in life, it was she and her brother coming together like a pair of magnets, no matter what time or space had to say about it.

She fell, Towhee whispered into the winter night, eyes falling sadly to her paws, I think.

Towhee emerged, and he made room for her, letting her curl up next to him. He noted her words, nodding solemnly, and turned toward her, allowing ptero to bridge the gap between them.

-I'm sorry, Gramma,- he said and signed. -I can't even imagine. And Jack. . . must feel awful.-

He didn't have siblings, but he thought, briefly, about Caracal meeting a similar fate, and his stomach fell into his butt. It was unimaginable. 

And he curled close to his grandma, ptero distance closed.

They only needed embrace, here.

Towhee nodded her head at his condolences, appreciating them even if she didn’t necessarily know what to say. “Thanks” seemed like a really gauche sentiment at the moment.

Killdeer moved closer and embracing her grandson came much more naturally than words at the moment. She hooked her head over his shoulder and found comfort pulling the young man closer to her chest. Towhee could feel the urge to cry, though she bit it back.

Slowly releasing him, she sat back to ask, -“I don’t think I can talk about it anymore, not right now, not without losing it. But I’d love to hear about what’s going on with you, if you don’t mind? How’s Mereo treating you?”-

He sucked in a breath, caught in a pocket of his cheek, then down. He didn't know how to answer Towhee. How did one talk to someone experiencing such a clusterfuck catastrophe?

-It's good, Gramma,- he told her, nodding. -Getting along just fine. But God, I miss you. It's just not the same.-

And now here he was dumping his emotional baggage on Towhee.

-Sorry,- he amended, shaking his head. It was fine, but—

He came into her again, in a hard embrace, not knowing what to say. He knew she was trying to get away from the pain, but he wanted to heal it, to make her better again. Not possible, but he'd try.

A little guilt was actually a reprieve from the excruciating pain of losing a child. Towhee frowned thoughtfully, immersing herself fully in this distracting comment of her grandson’s. She thought about his strange exit during her last visit. Was he happy in Mereo? Was the new regime working for him? Would he be happier somewhere else?

I miss you too. You know, I have other grandkids now and plenty more to come, I’m sure. But you’ll always be my favorite. Don’t tell anyone, okay?

That made her think of something else. There was something she wanted to get off her chest but it was a burden she didn’t want to put on her mate or son. But perhaps talking to another trusted adult—even a young one, her grandson—might help Towhee figure out what to do.

Can I tell you another secret?

As she spoke, his mouth spread widest that it could be, arched into an unbreakable grin. He loved her for it. He gave Towhee a quick and fervent embrace, before pulling back—

And that was just as well, for now she was imparting a secret upon him?

Killdeer shifted his forepaws, looking a little sheepish. What, Gramma?

He didn't think he was worthy. Even before she spilled the beans, the weight of said legumes rested upon his shoulders, and he hardly could cope with what came next.

He answered by way of another quick hug, then sat back and looked at her expectantly. Towhee’s ears drooped as she pondered how to word her thoughts, how they might come across. She trusted him with her secret, though he would be receiving it through a particular lens, Towhee knew.

I’m not sure I can go back to the vale. Leo… Her heart twisted in her chest and she couldn’t breathe for a second. She continued only after a few gulps of air. I kept seeing her everywhere I turned. I’ve lost kids before, though not like this. Towhee paused to steady herself again. We had the perfect life and now it’s just…

Gone. Like Leona herself, it was there one minute—alive, breathing, full of life, with a bright future—and then gone. She was dead; she was not breathing; she would never move again; her whole life had been wiped out in an instant.

He gaped at her, helpless to respond. Obviously, her own experience was unique. He couldn't give her advice as to the situation at hand. 

I'm so sorry, Gramma, he replied, his lips clear in her vision. What d'you. . .I mean, where would you go, though?

He was stalwart and patient, waiting for Towhee to respond. He couldn't pretend to understand what she was going through, but he was there for her. No matter what.

I don’t know, Towhee admitted quietly, I haven’t thought that far ahead. I don’t know… I might not feel this way in a few days. That’s why I haven’t told anyone, she concluded, except for you.

She thought about what Maxim had said just a little while ago: “He’s there now. Arsenio. He’s—he said take our time. Warmth will be there when we go back.”

Tears pricked her eyes as she pictured the Arche and his wife looking after Leona’s burial site and perhaps even their little roost while they were absent. Towhee hated the thought of turning their backs on Arsenio and Tamar, who had done so much for them.

I may just have to learn to live with it, she whispered to Killdeer, her ghost, I mean. She paused, then finished heavily, Waiting around every corner. Torturing me.

Killdeer listened, lips slightly parted. He couldn't really grasp it. He'd always gone where his family was—but then, he'd never had this sort of thing happen to him.

-What about back to Mereo, Gramma?- he signed, cocking his head. -There's me, my Ma, and others you know. . . different from Epoch. . . -

She'd left for a reason. But it didn't mean another reason could arise among tragedy.

He regarded her with wide, near-watery eyes, breath caught in his chest.

The thought had crossed her mind too. Mereo had changed drastically since she’d left it, though Towhee didn’t know if she would fit in there even now. Leona had lived there too; who was to say her ghost wouldn’t follow her mother back to the canyon? She hated to snuff out the hope shining in her grandson’s eyes but especially after speaking about this out loud, Towhee found herself drifting closer to a conclusion.

I need to talk to Maxim about it. I just don’t—I can’t burden him with this just yet, especially in case the feeling might pass. And I know it’s a lot to put on you, Killer, but I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re here. You showed up right when and where I needed you most. And I shared this with you because you are a great support. I don’t for an instant take that for granted. I love you, kiddo.

There was a lot of feeling in that little speech. And she was officially beyond exhausted. Maybe that’s why Towhee finally let herself cry, the tears slipping silently down her face as her shining eyes remained fixed lovingly on Killdeer.

He drank it all in, and gasped a little as she started to cry—but tucked her in regardless, the two Redhawks clinging to one another. One weighed down by grief, the other by bewilderment.

I love you, Gramma, he whispered, and hoped she would catch his meaning in the vibrations of his speech, even if the words escaped her.

He grasped her tighter. It'll be okay.

It would be. He'd make sure of it.

She felt extremely vulnerable, weeping in front of Killdeer. Towhee knew he wouldn’t judge her, though she couldn’t help but wonder how this entire situation might affect his image of her. Well, Towhee supposed it wasn’t terrible for her favorite grandchild to know she wasn’t just an irreverent hard-ass all the time.

For a long time, she just clung to him and let the tears run their course. She only pulled away because she thought she might cry herself to sleep on Killdeer’s shoulder. He might be okay with that but Towhee really ought to return to Maxim’s side.

I need to get back to Maxim and Jack, try to get some sleep. You’re welcome to huddle up, of course. But if you have to get back to Mereo, I get it. Just come say ‘bye’ first, okay? Towhee’s paw slipped against his shoulder, her touch exhausted. -Good night, Killer. Love you.-

He said his goodnights and let her slip away, into the arms of her mate and her son. Killer would remain alone tonight, though not too far afield of the grieving trio.

He'd sit awake, keeping guard.

He was good at that.