Sun Mote Copse words of wisdom

@Fennec had been gone for a bit now, and Eljay wasn't too sure where she was at. He remembered she'd gone to visit Meerkat and Bronco, but since then she hadn't been back and he could not help but wonder if she was sticking around for a bit. There was a worry in his heart that she might stay out there; since @Weejay said that maybe they should go, Eljay thought that he would make sure that Fennec knew enough of what he knew before he felt that he left the pack in competent paws. He might not have been worried if it wasn't for Niamh and Fennec's fight; maybe if they got along better, he would not be so worried that maybe Fennec needed a place where she could be respected without having the feeling she needed to fight for it. It was understandable if that was the case; but at the same time, it meant that he wouldn't feel in good conscience to leave here.

It left him torn and unsure how to proceed with what he wanted from life. He'd made peace with the thought of leaving Wiffle's Copse behind and many good memories that he had had here. He'd never been so self-confident and happy as he had been in those fleeting months with Wildfire, and ever since it felt as though he'd been chasing the hollow shells of that dream. He loved his children and he loved that he still had Weejay here, but where was life taking him? And was it really a good idea to leave? Where would they even go?

Eljay sat quietly by Wiffle's grave, where her body was buried (or so he thought, anyway). If only she was here to share her gentle wisdom and courage with him. I miss you, Eljay murmured under his breath. But despite missing her, at least the raw edge was off his pain now, and he felt like he wanted to live again these days.

Towhee's eyes followed a leaf as it finally detached from the bough of a maple and twirled gradually to the forest floor to join its hundreds, thousands of brethren already dead and decaying there. Watching the seasons change inevitably made her think of the future. The copse still showed some signs of damage from the summer's flooding, yet they had restored their borders and their caches in plenty of time for winter. They were as prepared as they could possibly be for the colder months.

She resumed walking again, her mind straying further ahead. Her heart did a little skip when she thought about spring. Everything would be different next year, wouldn't it? She knew she could bear offspring now, so there was a sense of hope. But there was trepidation too. She had never been choosy about her partners of yore, yet she should proceed with caution now. They weren't just lovers, they were potential fathers, at least genetically. Towhee scoffed harder than ever at the idea of a proper romance, after dealing with @Pippin, @Arcturus, and even her fleeting attractions to @Bronco and @Perdition. It was all so pointless... and not for her.

But she definitely wanted more children, which meant she needed to sort out a baby daddy. A loud laugh escaped her as those words flitted through her head. She'd reached the river forming the far eastern boundary line of the copse. Towhee began threading south, letting out a sigh when she realized she hadn't even seen "Perdy" since that first encounter. Anyway, she couldn't bone him in good conscience, not with all his issues. Could he even get it up, she wondered? Even if he could, what if the lightning had zapped his swimmers? She snorted inelegantly.

It was impossible to be sure, yet Towhee had always suspected @Kaertok was Meerkat's biological father. She wondered if he was still around these parts. Was he up for a second round? It had worked out pretty perfectly; she'd been given an absolute treasure for a daughter and he hadn't had to contribute anything beyond his initial squirt. If she ever crossed paths with him again, she would definitely float the idea of a sequel. Of course, this all assumed Towhee would maintain any semblance of logic and reason during her next heat, which was not a safe bet, historically...

The sight of Eljay scattered her thoughts. Towhee paused, feeling her guts clench when she realized he was near the graves. She wondered if he'd ever noticed the disturbed dirt. They hadn't relocated Wildfire's remains very far from her original burial site, yet still... Towhee truly hoped he'd never find out about it. She could just see it sending him spiraling into a whole new round of gloom and woe. Even the most well-adjusted wolf should never have to see their dead mate's decayed corpse.

-"Hey, Eljay,"- she found herself saying as she approached, keeping it casual even as her orange eyes roved around the little cemetery. Everything looked, well, normal and peaceful.

Unsuspectingly, Eljay turned his head when Towhee greeted him. She glanced around the cemetery and he followed her gaze. The slightly disheveled dirt didn't bother him too much; everything here had been flooded, so he guessed that it was just from that. Hey, he greeted back to her. Though his and Towhee's bond had changed a lot over the last year, Eljay couldn't help but feel a little.. well.. judged, whenever she was around. He'd always felt like he wasn't good enough for her standards because they were so different. He had felt that way up until the point where Towhee had had Meerkat and he'd been there to help her through the beginning of it all. In that period of time he had been so over-doting on the new parent and child and he had felt that Towhee appreciated his expertise. Of course, it'd all changed when his parents had died and that had sent him spiraling back into not only grief, but insecurity. Now, he wasn't sure how he felt around Towhee. He didn't feel as insecure as he used to when he was younger, as he had come to realise his own value in part, at the least, but it wasn't that he was completely comfortable, either, always expecting to some degree for her bossy, un-understanding and disapproving side to return. Even despite how they each had grown over the last years.

Do you know where Fennec is at? he asked, thinking that Towhee might know more than he. I had some more things I wanted to show her. She's really becoming quite the — He halted suddenly as he realised that he had promised that he wouldn't tell anyone about Fennec becoming a caretaker. But after what'd happened with Niamh, surely Towhee might already know? And Fennec seemed to have grown into the role more and more herself, lately. He studied Towhee's face, hoping to figure out whether she knew what he was about to say.

Her eyes drifted back to his face to catch his question, after which he cut off mid-sentence. "Medic?" Towhee supplied helpfully, smirking, but not in an unfriendly way. She nodded. "Yeah, she's hanging out in Firefly Glen for a little bit to catch up with Bronco and Meerkat. I'm not sure when she'll be back but I doubt she'll be gone too much longer." As she spoke, she folded into a sit a few feet from him, mindful of the graves surrounding them. "They're founding a new pack there. Moonspear, I mean. The kids were invited to take part."

She stole another glance around the little cemetery plots before clearing her throat and focusing on Eljay again. "So you think Fen's doing really well? That's high compliments, coming from the master and all." That made her think of their last conversation and she added, "I think she and Niamh settled their differences, by the way."

Towhee quickly supplied the follow-up to the question, and Eljay found it hard to tell whether she knew or whether she had simply filled in the missing pieces of the puzzle and figured it out herself. No matter, he was rather glad that she already knew so that he didn't have to come up with a fancy lie, or worse, spill the beans about Fennec learning to be a medic. After all, he was a terrible liar. Yeah, he said with a relieved sigh.

Then Towhee supplied that Fennec was hanging out at Firefly Glen. He didn't know about the new pack (which wasn't a big surprise, as he wasn't very up-to-date with anything going on in the wilds at large) but nodded understandingly as Towhee supplied her visit to Meerkat and Bronco. Ah, that makes sense. Eljay pondered if Towhee didn't miss Meerkat terribly. She was so young, and Towhee's only child this year... At least she knew where Meerkat was, but considering what'd happened to Elfie when he had been gone, Eljay couldn't help but worry a bit in her stead.

Before Eljay got to ask about Towhee's potential worries over Meerkat, though, she asked if he thought Fennec was doing well. Yeah, Eljay said with a nod. He wanted to supply that it might in part be her drive to prove herself that made her work extra hard, but he decided not to when Towhee instead said that Niamh and she settled their differences. Yeah? I'm glad. Eljay hoped that whatever had helped to get their fight resolved -- time, possibly -- he had maybe helped out a little bit, at least. Fennec's working really hard to learn the ropes, he supplied as an addition to his previous comment about how well she was doing. His mind now wandered back to Towhee missing Meerkat, but he decided to wait if she had anything more to say about this first, before suddenly hopping into the middle of another conversation.

She wanted to say she knew, though Towhee only smiled, aware of and proud of her daughter for carving out her niche in the world despite her blindness. She had never thought Fennec should or would let her missing sense hold her back, just like Towhee hadn't. The Sovereign supposed being blind was a lot more challenging than being deaf in a lot of ways. In either case, there was often a belief that a disabled wolf couldn't function as well or contribute as much. Towhee hoped Fennec took as much satisfaction in proving the world wrong as she did.

Towhee could talk about Fennec or any of her kids for ages, though she didn't pursue the subject any further. She relaxed a little more in her seat, then looked speculatively at the master medic. She wondered if he was teaching the yearling anything about midwifery. Would Fen be able to help her prepare for next year's hopeful batch of pups? Hell, Fennec herself would come of age soon and could possibly use the knowledge firsthand. That was kind of a mind job, though Towhee thrilled at the thought of being a grandmother one day. Meerkat's surprise arrival—and her hopes for more children of her own—had not tempered her joy at that particular prospect whatsoever.

Between her earlier thoughts on baby daddies, this new train of thought and their history of bonding the most over pups, Towhee found herself saying to Eljay, "Hey, so... I'd like to have more kids next year. Is there anything I can or should be doing to prepare?" And then, because it was relevant and tied these two conversations neatly together, she gave voice to her earlier thought: "Are you teaching Fennec about being a midwife too?"

Eljay blinked when Towhee asked how she should prepare for having kids again next year. Honestly, Eljay was rather surprised; she hadn't had a mate this year and he thought that maybe that was just, well, a mistake. Meerkat was a happy mistake, of course, but still... To hear Towhee say, without a mate, that she was looking to have more children was a big surprise. He gently asked, So is there ah... Is there a man in the picture? He carefully decided not to ask her if she had a mate, because it was obvious that she didn't, but instead keep it more open-ended and mention 'man' in any form.

As for what he was teaching Fennec: We haven't spoken about midwife things yet. I'll ask her if she's interested in it. He hadn't given it much thought, since Fennec hadn't listed pups in the list of things she was interested in learning. She seemed more interested in learning about plants and how to fix up wounds. However, it was worth a shot. He hadn't even really considered yet that it might be important to have someone who was a good midwife present. After all, before he'd taken it up there had not really been one and he had always felt that his job was very.. extra in a lot of ways. Niamh'd done fine without him this year, and that was just a testament. It was only necessary if something went wrong, or for extra comfort, and even when something did go wrong with his mother, Eljay vividly remembered he had been completely unable to do anything to fix it. He'd been much younger and inexperienced at the time, but still... He wouldn't really know what he'd do if he encountered such trouble again and he dreaded the day.

Although she couldn't hear the hesitant tone, Towhee could pick up easily on the halted words when Eljay asked her about a man. It was a personal question, though she found she didn't mind. Actually, she kind of smirked inwardly as she wondered if her approach to building her family might strike some as very strange. It was weird, though Towhee felt no shame. It was a good thing she didn't need anyone's approval, though she certainly wanted Phox's and Niamh's.

"No," she replied, "and there won't be. Phox and Niamh will help me raise any more pups." Towhee hadn't asked them about it yet, but she also didn't doubt they were up for the job. "I plan to seek an eligible... sperm donor, I guess you could say. Now that I know I can get pregnant, I'll be more careful and make sure the dude understands he's contributing his baby gravy and nothing else." She wondered if that was too much information for Eljay but, to be fair, he'd asked.

"But that's not really what I meant," she continued, though Towhee really didn't mind discussing any of this. "I want to make sure my body is as prepared as possible. Is there anything I should be doing? Any herbs I should be taking? Anything at all to make sure my babies and me will be as healthy as possible?"

Luckily Towhee didn't get angry about his question. Was a matter of fact, she instead seemed amused. She explained in -- a bit much -- detail that she didn't intend to get a mate but instead wanted to start a family alone again. Well, Meerkat had turned out alright, and of course the pack would help raise the children, but Eljay still couldn't help but worry about this less than traditional setup. He just nodded at her words, though the look on his face spoke of his disapproval.

Before he had a chance to verbally respond though, while he still processed this in his mind, Towhee already continued and explained that it was more about health than the practical logistics. Deciding to ignore the feeling in his gut that this was wrong, Eljay said, Oh, uh, and he thought quickly. Raven had told him about some of this. Yeah, there's some things you could take -- herbs for fertility, if you worry about that... He considered a moment before adding, After that, mostly make sure you eat and drink enough and stay healthy.

He made a face and Towhee wondered if he realized it. It could've irked her, though she knew the arrangement was strange and didn't expect everyone to understand. It simply didn't matter what anyone else thought, though, and it didn't seem any misgivings would stop Eljay from dispensing medical advice and, hopefully, providing any necessary care.

"What herbs? Do you have any handy?" she asked. Meerkat was proof enough of her fertility but if she could boost it, she would. What if it produced more pups in her next litter? Was that how it worked? "Do they increase litter size? Or can they?" she decided to go right ahead and ask, eyes boring curiously into Eljay's face.

When Towhee asked about herbs, he shook his head. No, not until spring, if we're lucky. All my stores were washed away in the flood. He frowned somewhat apologetically, even though it wasn't his fault; but right now herbs were at all time low, unfortunately. Besides, he hadn't had much of these on stock to begin with; this was something he had learned of, but had never really needed to use because nobody had asked him before.

He shook his head at her next question. Not that I know of, but maybe..? It was hard to tell, really, but Eljay doubted it was influenced by the herbs.

Towhee's lips pursed thoughtfully at Eljay's responses. If they were able to get their hands on the herbs in question, she would absolutely take them, but without any particular expectations. She didn't really care about the number of pups. She'd loved focusing on one, then had welcomed the chiblings when they'd come along too. Between the three of them—and the rest of the pack—Towhee knew they could handle however many came their way.

"I'm not particularly savvy at plant identification or anything," the Sovereign said, "but I'd be happy to help you and Fen collect herbs when the time comes, especially since I'll be using some of them." Her tail swept over the chilly earth as she offered her services before a sudden thought struck her. "What about Weejay's garden? I guess it was probably wiped out, wasn't it? Does she usually grow these herbs there?" she wondered.

Eljay nodded when Towhee mentioned that she could help with the plant search. He thought forward to that time. He wasn't sure he intended to still be here when that rolled around, but he didn't have the heart to tell Towhee. Maybe he could stay a bit longer... But the herb wouldn't grow until spring. Maybe... Maybe he could return, if he did leave, to bring it to her. If he stayed for this one thing, then there'd be a next new one thing, and he'd stay forever. Eljay frowned as he thought of that, but quickly popped out of thinking mode to answer Towhee.

No, they weren't in the garden. And... Yeah, the garden's not doing well after the flooding. I'm not that good with names, but I know what they look like and stuff. That haven't actually been needed very much, uhm -- you're the first to ask me for the, um, fertility stuff. In other cases he mostly just checked how that were doing and then sometimes he'd give them herbs against pain or to sleep better or such -- but while he had learned of their uses, he hadn't been asked for fertility herbs for quite some time. No worry, I'll make sure you get them when they start to grow. Eljay smiled reassuringly while hoping that they'd grow in the Copse itself. That'd make that promise a lot easier to deliver.

They had rebuilt their caches of food, though Towhee hadn't honestly given much thought to their other stockpiles until now. She chewed on the inside of her cheek when Eljay confirmed the destruction of his daughter's garden, then reassured her that the herbs in question had never grown there anyway, that he would find them elsewhere. That was good news, she supposed, and she nodded to acknowledge as much. Still, her mind lingered on the topic of everything the flood had taken from them.

Inevitably, her eyes trailed down to the ground again, where she had much too recently interred Wildfire's waterlogged remains. That experience still low key haunted her. She was still glad she'd come across them, rather than anybody else, specifically Eljay or Weejay. She drew in a shivery breath and raised her eyes, suddenly wanting to get away from the cemetery and its morbid reminders.

"Okay, cool, sounds like a plan. I think I'll leave you to it," the Sovereign announced, pushing back onto all fours and giving herself a little shake. Despite her urgent desire to make like a tree and leave it, she paused to say, "Thanks, Eljay. See you around," and give him an opportunity for any last words before she departed.

Towhee seemed to be trailing off with her mind, though Eljay paid it little mind and pinned it on her thinking about raising more pups next year. It was a lot, alone, but of course the pack would help so she wouldn't be so alone; just as he hadn't been when Wifi was taken from him too early.

Towhee then excused herself, seeming confident that everything would be alright. See you later; Eljay said with a soft smile.

Once Towhee had left, Eljay was left with his own thoughts -- with Wifi -- again, and he stared at her grave with a frown while he tried to figure out what his future should look like, his mind swimming in the euphoria of his past.