Redhawk Caldera Die young.

When Towhee opened her eyes, the Hobbit Hole was still dark, though the sky was beginning to brighten outside. It was pleasantly cool and, for once, all four puppies were quiet and still. She considered shutting her eyes again and catching a bit more sleep, though she sat up instead. She rolled her shoulders and arched her back, then stood and dipped forward into a bow. She shook herself, bit back a yawn and blinked sleepily down at her litter.

Sleeping like this, they looked like little angels. It allowed her to stop and feel her love for them, rather than simply answering to their countless demands of her. Towhee smiled down at them groggily, then couldn't help but risk ruining the moment by bending down to place a lingering kiss to each soft, warm forehead and breathing in their babyish scent.

Only, when she touched her muzzle to @Marten R's fuzzy head, it was neither soft nor warm. He was cool to the touch and when she drew in a breath, there was something inherently wrong with his smell. Towhee's nose skimmed to his midriff as she checked for breath, though he was deathly still. And when she went to nudge him, she found he was stiff with rigor mortis.

Ruenna's emotions had been through the wringer since the children had been born. They were all so beautiful, so precious, and so absolutely perfect that Rue struggled to understand how Towhee could bear to share them with Reyes, much less herself. Even though the Hobbit Hole was cramped and did little to soothe her aching spine, Rue could hardly stand to allow the pups out of her sight. 

Harder still was the rooting and suckling behavior that inevitably occurred, at some point or another, when Ruenna joined the family. It was distressing to the would-be caregiver to see and feel the pups sniffing at her belly for food where there was none to be had. For all the love Ruenna had to give the pups, the one thing she could not provide them was milk. 

So it was these still moments that Ruenna cherished-- those in which the little ones slept soundly, and no one wanted for anything other than snuggles. She was often awake and watchful during these times, as the pain in her back prevented her from enjoying truly restful and restorative sleep. 

Something about this morning was different, though Rue could not put her paw on exactly what. It was normal for Towhee to stir in the wee hours, and to sniff or lick the children briefly. But there was something-- a hitch in her breath, or a stiffening of her body, perhaps-- that sounded alarm bells for Rue. 

"Towhee..?" she whispered, voice catching a bit as her heart jumped into her throat. Something was very, very wrong..

She blinked slowly at her dead son. That he was dead was an irrefutable fact, yet Towhee struggled to grasp it. Like his siblings, he had been so animated just hours before. Now he was so still. And he would never move again. The impulse to deny it was strong, prompting her to nose at him again, a little more roughly this time, only to recoil from how unnaturally stiff he felt.

Unsure what to do and unable to look away despite herself, the Sovereign took a step backward away from the whole brood, only to move in again and begin nosing the others almost frantically. She earned an unheard grunt from Caracal, he and the twins all squirming a little in protest as she verified their livelihood. Very likely they would begin screaming and wake up the rest of those sleeping in the Hobbit Hole.

Towhee couldn't care about that. When she thought of the others, though, she did look upward and spotted Ruenna silhouetted in the doorway. "Rue," the Sovereign breathed, making a wounded noise. She had trouble finding her words beyond that. She was still trying to make sense of the situation and simply didn't have the faculties to relay the reality to anyone else just yet.

But she turned her fiery eyes upon her youngest son's tiny body and sighed, the noise pulling from some deep part of her. Little Marten would never see or hear, never grow, never meet his family or the world. Like Primrose before him, he had died much too young. Towhee couldn't fathom what had happened to him, though she felt a niggling sense of guilt. She was responsible for all the pups, so his death was on her.

That knowledge sank its teeth into her and the guilt was intense, made even worse by a small sense of relief she couldn't help when her exhaustion reminded her that it would be easier to rear three pups rather than four.

All of Ruenna's senses were heightened and directed toward the litter, but even so, realization dawned slowly. The more the others began to squirm and cry, the more out of place the still little body seemed. Although it was only a moment in reality, it seemed like an eternity before Towhee looked to her, surrendering her efforts at reviving the child as she uttered her friend's nickname along with an indescribable sound of intense pain. 

Rue closed the distance between Towhee and herself swiftly, leaning into the Sovereign in an effort to provide support and comfort. The gesture was likely limited in its ability to console due to a shiver that lingered in Rue's chest, developing into intense shaking as understanding set in. 

Towhee sighed, drawing the gaze of her brokenhearted friend. Towhee looked exhausted. "I can.." Rue began, but her hoarse whisper was so laden with emotion that it was barely discernible. She swallowed, and started again. "I can get @Reyes. We'll.. take care of things. Just- just rest." Rue waited for Towhee's response before moving, to ensure that the Sovereign would accept the help on either or both counts.

That same exhaustion suddenly sucked the last bit of her strength and Towhee sank to the floor, her toes brushing her son's prone body. Abruptly, she remembered her miscarriage midway through the pregnancy, the remembered pain of it twisting the knife already plunged into her heart. At the same time, today's grief felt more like a faded echo of that day's pain. Though agonizing, it wasn't as brutal, perhaps because there was still a small, guilt-riddled part of her that realized that raising three puppies was more manageable than four six.

She could feel Rue's presence hovering at her shoulder, the warm gush of breath as Ruenna said something Towhee didn't catch. Her attention remained fixed on her dead little boy for several moments longer. She kept skimming her toes along his stiff little flank, wanting to touch but hating what she felt at the same time. Eventually, she sucked in a breath and drew her legs toward herself.

Towhee maneuvered so she could look up at Rue. "I don't know what happened," she said blandly. Maybe it's for the best, she thought, largely unbidden. She didn't say that out loud; it felt too crass even if it was very likely the harsh truth. "Will you look after the others while I go..." She knew right away where she would lay him to rest: beside his stillborn siblings at the cave. But first, she should probably... "Can you call for Reyes?"

Towhee didn't pay a bit of attention to Rue's offer, and the specialist remembered belatedly that her suggestion would go unheard so long as Towhee's eyes remained upon her loss. 

At long last, Towhee twisted herself around to address Ruenna, and her advisor's ears twitched to attention. Empathy filled her expression at Towhee's flat admission. "Sometimes--" Sometimes these things just happen, Rue meant to say.. not that it would have been all that comforting. However, Towhee interrupted her sorry attempt at consolation with her request for Rue to watch the children. 

Rue nodded. Towhee asked her to call for Reyes, and after only the briefest hesitation, she nodded again. She moved to the mouth of the Hobbit Hole to call for @Reyes, attempting to keep the pain from her shaking voice. Even if Rue had managed to keep her tone entirely even, it would be clear to any who heard the call that tragedy had struck, by virtue of the early hour and the urgency with which she summoned Towhee's mate.

I think I'm gonna fade this one. Feel free to post again or send directly to the archives.

Rue did as Towhee asked. Even as the Sovereign soberly observed the call, she realized she could not face an indefinite wait. Who knew where Reyes was right now and how long it might be before he returned? Towhee's entire being recoiled at the thought of lingering here for hours with poor Marten's little body, waiting for that instant when her mate showed up to learn the terrible truth.

"I'm going to take Marten to the cave," Towhee said a little abruptly. "Please stay here with the others and tell Reyes where I've gone when he comes." She threw Rue a very sorry look indeed, hating that any of them were in this position. Hopefully he would hear those words and simply come meet her there, without forcing an explanation out of poor Rue.

Without another word, Towhee ever so gently scooped up her dead son. His weight felt all wrong in her mouth as she strode out of the Hobbit Hole, tears soon flowing down her cheeks to dampen his small body.