Neverwinter Forest (m) he reflects hope and worry like a troubadour

The panther hunted today for sticks instead of game. He would need many for his current project, and they would need to be large and sturdy — and yet small enough for him to haul back home on his own.

He supposed he could have asked for help, but although he intended for the lodge to be of use to the whole pack, it still felt like a selfish endeavor. He wanted a lodge because it was where seal hunters lived, and he had a superstitious sort of idea that this would somehow attract them. He knew, rationally, that this was not the case — that he would need to invite them, which was no trouble at all. But perhaps it would encourage them to stay longer.

Lost in such thoughts, Dutch stood eyeing a large branch for a long, long moment.

I can remove this if you would prefer not to be involved with this kind of thing. Just let me know!

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: chemical pregnancy.

Towhee’s days were filled with dread and regret once her heat waned. Maybe her body was in fine form—and that still gave her considerable cheer—but otherwise she wasn’t in a good place to have pups. She also hated that she’d only managed a single bedfellow. There was no pretending she didn’t know who’d sired them, even if she didn’t know his name.

She spent the night at the edge of Neverwinter Forest, its quiet stretches of pine always a comfort to her. Towhee wasn’t sure what to do with herself next. She supposed she should start making the rounds again, maybe start with Meerkat since she was due pretty soon. She toyed with the idea of settling in the copse to have her own litter and started swearing loudly as she unfurled and slowly climbed to all fours.

Before she did anything else, Towhee needed a drink of water. She headed deeper into the trees, nose combing through all the scents on the cold February air. She thought she caught a whiff of a familiar one but became distracted by a sudden gush of fluid from her backside.

Did I really just piss mys— she yelled, expecting to see a yellow puddle spreading in the snow beneath her. Oh, Towhee exclaimed when she looked down and saw a bright red smear instead, shit.

Her abdomen suddenly clenched with a cramp she would rate around 6 out of 10 on the pain scale. She instinctively squatted as she passed something else, something solider. When she glanced down again, there was a small red blob melting into the snow. Towhee couldn’t help but think of her miscarriage a few years back.

This was not nearly as traumatizing. In fact, as the pain ebbed and the bleeding stopped, Towhee stood up to her full height again and felt… well, she felt relieved.

There was something unmistakable about Towhee's voice, even though Dutch had only heard it on one occasion. He swung toward the sound, his own pit of dread suddenly yawning, and headed quickly in her direction. Narrowly, he stopped himself from calling her name — what good would that do?

Finding her, the scent of blood in the air, Dutch was careful to keep his distance until he'd circled into her line of sight.

-Are you alright?- he signed in passable ptero, a faintly puzzled pinch to his brow. He knew that women bled sometimes, and that this was often the season for it — but this seemed different somehow, and he felt it would be remiss to ignore it as he had in the past.

She drew in a breath deep enough to trigger her vasovagal nerve, which flooded her with a sense of wellbeing. Towhee sidestepped the bright red stain in the snow, then looked up when she sensed movement out of the corner of her eye.

Towhee’s gaze flicked from Dutch’s face to the bloodied snow then back again, still wondering if this meant what she thought it did. She also wondered what the scene must look like to him. Concerning, she decided, judging by his expression. Her eyes lingered there now as she moved away from the schmear.

-“Yes,”- she answered his question. -“Just exorcising some demons.”-

That was a little crass, she knew, and Towhee felt a lurch of guilt. If she’d just lost an early pregnancy, shouldn’t she be mourning? She didn’t feel any grief, though, just that same sense of utter relief. Yes, it was heartening to know she could have had more children, though it was better this way.

-“What about you? What’re you doing here, Dutch?”- Towhee wondered conversationally.

The furrow deepened in thought when the answer came. He would not have understood if she hadn't spoken it aloud as well, and duly, he committed the word to memory.

Demons.

He understood, then, or he thought he did.

-"Looking for nice sticks,"- he replied, just a little stunned by her blasé reaction, but his worldview was quickly adjusted. He wondered, though, if she would do what his mother had done to save the spirit — perhaps she had not had time enough to grow attached, and was content allowing the spirit to move on.

He wondered if this, perhaps, was the more loving and selfless act.

-"What do you do with it?"- he asked, unable to help looking back at the... whatever it was. The beginnings of what would have been new life, if he was correct in his assumptions.

She didn’t expect the question. Towhee hadn’t planned on doing anything with it. She glanced at the blood clot congealing in the snow, then back at Dutch. She thought about telling him she wouldn’t stop him if he wanted to eat it, though Towhee managed to restrain herself from being abjectly terrible.

-“I let nature reclaim it,”- she said instead. -“Sticks? What for?”- she added in the next breath, keen to move on from her body’s expulsions.

The answer was sufficient. Dutch made an effort to dismiss the event from his mind, slowly internalizing that this, too, must be a natural part of life. If anyone knew how to react to such things, it was experienced women like Towhee.

"I want to build a lodge, like the seal hunters have in Moontide."

He didn't know the signs for lodge or seal or build, as it turned out.

-"For the whole pack to use, but for visitors, too,"- he said, glad to be back to words that he knew. But thinking about ptero in general, another uneasy thought came to him.

-"I have not seen Junior around lately,"- he said, wondering if Towhee would find this to be cause for concern. She was a wanderer, he understood, but he'd expected more word before she departed. -"I suspect she may be looking for cloudwoman and Kaluktuk."-

Which was not unexpected, and Dutch had no mind to try and stop her — but he thought that it might be worthwhile for Towhee to talk to her about the loss.

His answer inevitably evoked a negative connotation, though Towhee stomped on and ground out the thought like a weed before it could grow. It was, of course, a clever idea. It was too bad Dutch had to go through all the effort of gathering sticks and building it from scratch, rather than finding something readymade like the Hobbit Hole or The Taigh.

He changed the subject before she could comment. Towhee met this news with a slow blink. She knew Jr had bounced from place to place, though she felt a jolt of guilt over their last conversation. Of course, she wasn’t her daughter’s keeper, though her brow furrowed as she really realized the implication.

-“But she didn’t say anything to you?”- she questioned, wondering if she should feel disapproving or worried.

The panther gave a regretful shake of his head; it was clear that his thoughts veered toward worry. He knew she was capable, but she was still young to be out on her own, deaf and mute, with only a bird to watch her back. Dutch kept an eye out for it above the trees, and called out her name every now and again to see if it might flit up into the open, but it never did.

-"She walked south-east,"- he said, point out the last direction he'd caught her trail. -"She did at first, at least."-

He hadn't looked for her for very long. At first, only because he assumed she would soon return, and then later on because his headings no longer held her scent. There were few he felt comfortable sending out. Fallen Sun could not communicate well. Sulukinak was too precious to him. None of the newer members knew her scent. He should have gone himself, then, but he had not.

She’d left the territory under her own power then. Towhee was relieved to hear this, though that pulled her lips into a deep frown. Jr had been so angry at Ariadne and her mate for walking out on her, why would she do the same thing to others?

Her eyes lingered on Dutch’s face a moment. She could see concern and regret. Towhee appreciated that he clearly cared about her daughter’s well-being, even though it seemed a bit like she’d unceremoniously walked out on his pack.

-“I’m sure she’s fine. I’d go looking for her but, in my experience, that’s a fool’s errand. Besides, I trust she can look after herself. We just have to wait and see if she makes her way home,”- she said, sagging a little as she sighed. -“I’m not going to take the blame but she did ask me to start a pack with her and I shot her down, so that might be part of it.”-

Before she realized what she was doing, her eyes strayed back toward the puddle of red she’d left in the snow. As relieved as she felt, she also felt a sudden and poignant melancholy. Towhee Jr was her last child from Maxim—possibly her last child ever—and her brother was already in the wind…

-“Maybe I will search for her, since it’s not like I’m doing anything more important with myself. You said she went southeast?”-