Redhawk Caldera I'm a phoenix in the water

Something was wrong in a way nothing had really been wrong before.  Fennec didn't think she'd ever felt pain like this before, and the worst part was, it was constant.  Every time she breathed it was agonizing, but she couldn't really stop breathing.

Every difficult breath made it feel as though a shard of stone were piercing deep into her chest.  She couldnt catch a full one, but instead gasped lightly, even when she slept. But sleep didn't come well.

It was hard not to see this as some sort of sick, twisted karma.  Suddenly, in a feverish haze, the words she'd said to Merrick came back to her.

But too much change can make this difficult.  Sometimes a course that looks fair leads to ruin.  Beware doubt.  Sometimes success comes in different forms.

Consider, otherwise you may find yourself underwater.

A snap decision and now she was here.  Despite it causing no change to her, Fennec let her eyelids sink shut.  She didn't sleep and instead did what she'd been doing for the past few hours.  She focused on breathing as steadily and calmly as she could, fighting the slight edge of panic every time she tried to suck air into a body that didn't seem to be able to take it.

It wasn't long after Meerkat took her aside and filled her in about Kaertok that the situation with Fennec abruptly escalated. Following this emergent development, the Sovereign didn't stray far from the yearling's side. While she rested, Towhee paced the area, battling with anxiety and a debilitating sense of futility. She couldn't even see Fen's injuries, though she trusted Eljay's assessment and, obviously, something was horribly wrong. But there was little they could do, practically speaking, and she felt utterly useless.

Every few minutes, she peeked at her prone daughter, to make sure she was still breathing. But then Towhee would wrench herself away from the sight of Fennec struggling to get air. A heated itch of sorts began burning along her spine as the leader continued to wear a trench in the ground nearby. She tried to turn her thoughts to other things—like Kaertok, who was evidently looking for Valravn—but Towhee simply couldn't focus on anything but the ailing Fennec.

Fennec would have sold her soul to about any one of her 'fates' or shades or whatever the hell else to be able to get rid of this.  She'd tried a couple times internally (and flippantly) but apparently none were around.  She could hear her mom pacing nearby and felt that selfsame guilt from earlier.

Don't - you have a - pack t run. Fennec said breathily, trying to smile and managing a small, tense one.  It was going to be hard for her to do anything sincerely until this pain went down, and who knew how long that would take.  If she didn't suffocate first.  Fuck, what if she died like this? What if she actually, legitimately died tripping over a rock?!

Winter was an unfortunate time for an accident.  Eljay's stores had already been gone when Maia was here and the stuff she'd sent over she'd burn through quickly.  She knew what she wanted... the only thing that might make this easier.  But she wasn't sure if Eljay would be able to deliver on it.

It was only by chance that the pacing Towhee turned in time to glance in Fen's direction and see her daughter's lips moving. She spoke so haltingly, it was easy to capture what she said, although the sight of her clearly struggling to speak made that burning, itching sensation under Towhee's skin grow worse.

Despite how little she felt like joking, the Sovereign found herself saying, "That's what my peons are for," with a weak and entirely hollow laugh as she moved closer and settled down right beside Fennec, her warm (and probably stinky) breath washing over her pale face. "I thought you were asleep," she said dumbly.

Fennec probably could have gotten away with just mouthing the words and been a lot better off, but she didn't even consider it.  Luckily Towhee caught her speaking and adjusted for her.  She didn't shift at all as her mom came to lay next to her, but she did rest her head briefly on her shoulder and pressed (firmly) for an anchor for a moment.

Turning her face again, the tense smile was gone.  Can't.  In the canyon she'd had some trouble both eating and sleeping, but that was nothing compared to what was up now.  She was definitely tired (nearly all the time) but she couldn't seem to sleep.  This is a - real bitch.  

She could use a distraction.  Got any - news?  Something she could listen to but wouldn't have to interject too much.  She'd take one of her mom's history lessons too, gladly, but it had been a while since she heard that kinda thing.

With a single word, Fennec thrust a spear through her mother's heart, making her wince. Of course she couldn't sleep, she was in terrible pain. Towhee wished she could somehow lift that burden off Fen's shoulders and onto her own. She would've done it without thinking. But that wasn't how the world worked.

She was about to ask if there was anything she could do—fetch food, ask Eljay for some medicine to help her sleep, anything—but Fen beat her to the punch by asking about news. She blanked for a moment, her tunnel vision preventing her from being able to think of a single thing to say to her.

But then she blurted, "Meerkat found her bio dad, though she probably already told you all about that."

Cue Fennec's writer beginning to realize how much she relies on words because visual cues aren't her thing either.  Oops.  At least she could still talk, because if not, that'd be a real situation.  No.  Meerkat hadn't actually really told her about much.  She'd been too excited to see her, apparently, and too eager to hear how she'd gotten there.  Maybe Fennec wouldn't have had to worry so much about lying if she had turned the conversation around.

Instead she'd spilled the bare minimum details and they'd spent the rest of the trip in fairly companiable silence (and idle chatter).

Hopefully her mom got the hint that she wanted to hear more, she really didn't want to ask.  This was what hell felt like. So many remarks, so many witty responses, and she couldn't use a damn one of them.

Even a one-word answer seemed to take a toll on Fennec and Towhee frowned, not because of the "no" but because maybe she shouldn't be asking the yearling questions. Fen shouldn't be speaking at all, if it hurt. There was no reason the Sovereign couldn't hold court and give her a break. And here was the perfect opportunity.

"Well, this is probably too much information but there were a few possible fathers. Over time, I sort of deduced which one I thought got the job done. There's no real way of knowing, of course, but... anyway, dude's name is Kaertok. I bumped into him last year while he was looking for his friend, Raleska. I was looking for Sugar Glider at the time. We agreed to help each other and meet up again. When we did, I—hell, I don't remember if we'd found either one of them. I was in heat and I basically turn into a raging whore." She laughed and paused there, gauging Fen's expression.

Fennec's expression did turn skeptical when Towhee started out with 'too much information'.  Combined with the subject matter she felt an instant of regret, but it was playful.  She remembered to some extent how bummed Towhee had been when she'd been unable to have kids before (not that she had gotten it at the time.  If she recalled, she'd been a tad offended.)  Now that the door was opened, she'd take the oversharing over the upset any day.  So long as she stayed away from the finer details.

Oh god.  She couldn't help but give a strained, stifled snort of laugher at Towhee's use of 'raging whore'.  And she kept her smile despite the after-effects.  Sounded about right.  Fennec had never had a heat before personally, and she remembered asking a few questions about it last year.  Most of them had been roundabout ways of finding out if any kids of hers would turn out blind, but now she found her mind drifting back to it.  What would it be like?  Would she even be able to really... y'know what, no.

As her mind went further that way, it hit the fence and bounced off, back to her mom and her plans this year.  Maybe, if she was still around, she'd help more with them this year.  She was a little over her wanderlust for the moment, to be honest.

Towhee had a lot of mixed feelings about that pained smile, though she continued after a beat of silence. "I didn't think I could get pregnant at the time, though I think deep down I still hoped. Maybe that's what compelled me to be such a total slut? Anyhow, we banged and went our separate ways. And Meerkat came along about two months later, shocking us all, as you know. And like I said, there's no way to know for sure but I have a few reasons for believing he's the dad," one of which was because he was the best lay. Whether or not that could play a role in paternity, that's just facts. "So I told her about him and encouraged her to try finding him. And she did."

The Sovereign stopped there, to gauge Fen's expression and also because that thread hasn't actually played out yet so I'm not actually sure how that meeting went, exactly. Towhee pondered mentioning her other reason for wanting to locate Kaertok but... talk about too much information! She hadn't shared any of her plans for the upcoming breeding season with anyone but Phox and Niamh and sort of preferred it that way. It wasn't anybody else's business, right? And she still didn't know just how her new knowledge and mindset—she absolutely could get preggers—would really play out.

No way of knowing for sure.  Fennec liked the sound of that, mainly because it drew her back to her weeks alone and plying her new trade.  It was a little awkward looking for answers about her mom's banging partners, but a witch never denied a question if it was paid.  Towhee, of course, was paid in full through forever.

When I was - gone.  I told fortunes - for food.  Fennec couldn't help but look a little satisfied as she said this, remembering in particular the reverent way Merrick had regarded her.  Want one?  It would be small, short, and vague, but she could ask about Meerkat's parentage.  Or about... whatever, really.

Fen's reaction to the story surprised a laugh out of Towhee, despite the circumstances. She arched a brow, only for her expression to crinkle a beat later. She shook her head, then remembered Fennec wouldn't see that. She went still, suddenly wondering if her daughter could hear it though.

Putting that errant thought aside, she said, "I'd love a fortune but you shouldn't talk. You should be resting. Sleeping. Or, on the subject of food—are you hungry? We could always relive your puppy days and I can chew your food for you and spit it directly into your mouth," she quipped, angling for humor but, at the same time, absolutely serious.

Fennec's expression was clearly indicative of rolling her eyes, at least as much as it could be right now.  She shot her mom the look, but the conversation was beginning to lift her spirits, and in truth that was more important to her than anything else.  It hurt to exist right now; speaking sucked, but she'd take the positivity.  Shouldn't ask - if shouldn't talk.  She huffed back softly.  The clapback lost a lot of it's edge when it sounded like it came from a dying radio.

She wasn't hungry at all.  And there was no way in hell she was eating twice-chewed food.  Ugh.  So she shifted the subject.  Just listen.  Fennec paused to see if Towhee would be quiet, though even if she wasn't, Fennec wouldn't respond.  Instead she focused on her own shallow (irritating as hell) breathing and the sounds around them.  The first thing that struck her was a cold chill, followed by a trill of a bird in the distance.  The wind carried with it the scent of leaves, and she imagined them whirling around.  She'd never seen it, but she'd felt it when they brushed against her pelt.  That had to mean Meerkat.  Even from the start, cheerful yet insightful, honest.  Now forever in motion, pushing forward.  No signs to indicate a father, though.  Fennec had hoped to find something to tie in, but the chill didn't feel like a denial.  Maybe the message was Meerkat would decide herself?  That made... a lot of sense, honestly.

The last scents she caught was Towhee... but Fig and Phox too, inexpilcitly.  Maybe they'd recently wandered by, but when she was reading "signs", she didn't take anything for granted.  Another weirdly vague moment, but she felt warmed by it.  To her it meant in the future, their family would be happy.  Whatever that looked like for Towhee.

It's a - good'n.  She said with a small smile, moving her head to brush her muzzle on her mom's fur.  Happy.  It sucked not to be able to treat her to the full 'Wraith' experience, but at least she could still practice.

just for fun!
Past - daughter of swords
Present - the magician
Future - Father of Cups/3 of cups (I accidentally pulled two)

Fennec riposted and Towhee huffed. "I didn—" But she cut herself off and pressed her lips together, rolling her eyes fondly at her stubborn daughter, who refused to be held back by a broken rib or collapsed lung or whatever it was, exactly, pinning her to the ground like this. Towhee didn't dwell on that.

"Just listen," the yearling insisted and Towhee made an ummm sort of face. Luckily, Fennec wouldn't see it. The Sovereign sat there in silence, staring at her daughter's blind eyes, wondering what the hell was going on, exactly. But she didn't dare ask, for several reasons.

At length, Fen's lips moved again. "Good. Happy," she reported. Towhee stared for a beat, then realized Fen was telling her fortune. What exactly had she been doing the past few minutes, Towhee wondered. Where did this information come from? Did it matter? Was she going to look a gift horse in the mouth?

"'Course it's happy, you're here," she said, very sappily, a smirk on her face. Fen wouldn't see it but maybe she'd hear it in her voice, somehow. "And," she continued, in part because the thought struck her and to prevent Fennec from hurting herself, "it'd be really cool if you stayed put for a while. You're gonna have a whole new batch of siblings to corrupt soon."

As expected, because she didn't put the proper gravity on it due to limited vocabulary (ugh), Towhee got to make a totally corny joke and ruin it.  Fennec's pained look after that was more than a little long-suffering and joking for a change, but she really did appreciate the sentiment.  She wasn't sure how much she liked the statement after.

Everyone was always in such a god damn hurry to let her know what they thought she should do.  She felt a flash of righteous annoyance and it likely showed on her face, but she tried to temper it down quickly.  Towhee hadn't likely meant to trigger a reaction but Fennec's back was up the instant she expressed her preference.  She couldn't even explain the frustration; it felt sourceless.

Yeah.  She chose to answer noncommittally, but then nestled her nose into Towhee's side as a somewhat apology.  She didn't really want to talk about what she was doing next right now.

A series of looks passed over Fen's face, all of which Towhee took to mean various levels of agony. She grimaced herself, once more wishing she could take some of that pain onto herself. Her ears drew back as she tried to think of something else to say to help soothe her daughter or, at the very least, distract her.

With Fennec's soft, "Yeah," and the press of her nose, Towhee picked up her own thread and said, "I hear you're a witch these days. And you know what every witch needs?" She paused for effect, though she quickly continued before Fen could put it any effort to reply. "A familiar."

It was meant as a joke about her upcoming younger siblings, though even as she cracked it, Towhee's mind went down another path. "I doubt it but... do you remember X? Blink once for 'yes,' two for 'no.'"

Luckily, her momentary irritation didn't seem to bother Towhee.  She found herself swinging like that a lot, veering wildly from anger to numb to relatively okay.  Sleep loss was probably a good part of it, rubbing a good portion of the indifferent facade she usually wore raw.

Fennec listened quietly, but stayed as she was, when Towhee went into familiars.  She relaxed gratefully, and felt the remainder of her ire replaced in a rush of affection, as Towhee introduced an alternative means of saying what she wanted.  Her minds had immediately drifted to her ravens, but she wasn't sure they'd even stick around the canyon.  She wasn't sure Quick would either... she'd left them all there.

She recalled the stories, but not the bird itself.  Still, she blinked twice.  She didn't want Towhee not to say what she'd intended through fear of repeating herself.

With two blinks, she had her answer: "No." Towhee drew in a breath, realizing she'd kind of poked the bear inside herself by asking. First of all, she still missed her friend terribly, even after all this time. Secondly, talking about X with her daughter of course made her think of Y. Fennec should've had a companion to grow up alongside her, just like Towhee and X. But Tegan had ruined it all. She still hated him for it, though there was part of her that truly missed him too. It had been so long now...

The emotions came and they went. If Fen didn't remember X, she certainly wouldn't remember that fateful day, so she wouldn't mention it. Why make her feel worse when she was already in such a bad way? "I found her not far from here, when I lived here as a youth. She had a broken wing. I gave her meat to earn her trust, then brought her home with me. While her wing mended, we bonded, so even when she could, she never left me." Her chest tightened, so she took the opportunity lighten mostly her own mood by sharing, "By the way, I thought she was a he for most of this. She never bothered to correct me. Guess birds don't give a shit about gender."

She chuckled over that for a moment, then said, "I'd love for you to have a companion like that. I know you don't need one but they really come in handy. I miss X just because... but I also miss how she used to let me know every single time someone called for me or if there was a stranger at the borders. I can only imagine all the ways a critter might help you too," Towhee finished quietly, hoping Fennec took that in the spirit it was intended: camaraderie, plus acknowledgement that they were both differently abled but capable, especially with the right tools.

She hadn't thought about Towhee needing assistance from a companion too.  She didn't know that her mom had ever shared that particular detail, but it immediately somehow made her feel better about something she hadn't even realized she felt insecure about.  Validation could come in the strangest forms.

She thought of Quick, and her ravens, all left behind in the canyon.  She hadn't thought to go back in her rush to leave with Meerkat, and by the time she'd remembered, she was here and hurt and couldn't go.

She'd been considering asking Fig to go for her when she saw him next, but now wondered if Towhee couldn't find some way if she'd worked with birds before.  She wanted to share it regardless.

Had birds in the - canyon.  Left m' with - pouch.  She answered, turning her face up so that Towhee could hopefully see.  Her flock had helped her a lot in surviving for the brief week or so she was alone and she'd gotten used to their company.  She'd hated leaving them behind the most, though she missed the badger as well.  The gift she didn't even want to think about right now.

Fen's lips moved and Towhee jerked a little, resisting the absurd temptation to thrust out a paw and put her toes to her lips to silence her. Instead, she watched what her daughter had to say, brows raising a little. It was kind of reassuring to know she hadn't been totally alone while stuck down there.

"I'll send your brother or your dad to go get that for you," the Sovereign replied about the pouch. She hoped they were able to find it, it would be such a shame to lose it. "I'm not going anywhere," she added, scooting closer and putting her head beside Fennec's to make her point. "When you're feeling better, you can tell me all about these birds. Maybe we could even go visit them."

Fennec felt Towhee's head come to rest next to hers and moved so that her cheek pressed lightly against her mom's.  She really appreciated her being here.  Fennec didn't bother responding, but it did cheer her up some to think of going back and visiting once things were done.  Maybe they'd still be there.

Her eyelids drifted shut as she lapsed into silence. If Towhee had any more to say on the subject she'd listen, but otherwise, now seemed as good a time as any to try and catch some sleep.  It had been an elusive beast lately for the girl.

There was no reply, this time. Fennec's eyes slid shut and Towhee hardly took offense at that. She was relieved. She enjoyed talking to Fen and of course she wished her daughter could converse more easily. But right now, she needed rest.

She stayed put a solid hour, maybe more. Only reluctantly did she then slip away, just long enough to find @Phox and @Figment to tell them about the pelt. Towhee then returned to the yearling's side, gently lowering herself beside Fennec again and letting herself catch some winks too.