Redhawk Caldera Let's go and see the stars, the Milky Way or even Mars.

She'd meant to go see @Maia before this but then she'd been avoiding the possibility of bumping into @Eljay ever since her awkward exit days ago. Today, Towhee took a deep breath, put on her big girl panties and went seeking their resident invalid. As she sniffed her way to where the medic had stashed his patient, she wondered when Wraen would get here. Would Arcturus come with her? Would Hydra bump into them somewhere out there?

Thinking of her sister-in-arms inevitably carried her back to their conversation yesterday. But before the Sovereign could delve into that particular recollection, she arrived at her destination.

The ringing in Maia's ears had persisted for a few days but had finally faded away, a fact that made sleeping ten times easier.  This, combined with no recurring nightmares last night, meant Maia was especially well rested.  She'd gotten up early to take a short walk around, and if she'd woken Eljay in the process, had dragged him along.  She was still extremely stiff in places and ensuring she moved every day helped (much as she'd like to just laze away in his warm den instead).

Aside from a light headache that still lingered on the fringes, the only reminder that anything had happened was the gnarly-looking scabs she'd gained.  She hated them, and the way they made her fur look, but she was moving past the window when infection was a problem and knew she had Eljay one hundred percent to credit for those being the worst of it.  She wasn't about to complain.

Late morning saw Maia resting near the den entrance, and when Towhee arrived she immediately lifted her head with a smile.  Hey!  Towhee had always intimidated the heck out of her if she was being honest, but it was really good to see her again regardless.

WC: 202

Eljay himself had been out for a drink just now. He'd left the Blackthorn den not long before Towhee arrived there. Eljay leaned down for a sip of water, enjoying quenching his thirst. He licked his lips after the drink while he thought about all that had happened over the past days. Most of all, he thought of all the love that he felt for Maia. He really need to keep himself under control and tone it down a little, but then again, he wanted nothing but to completely drown in all of these heavy, amazing emotions. This was all pretty new to him (he and Wifi had gotten together after sex, after all) but unlike most new things, it was not nearly as scary as that.

Eljay started to head back to the densite again. In the distance he saw someone approach. His heart raced a little, but he didn't smell anything off, so it was probably just a pack mate and nothing bad.

Ps he also totally was dragged along by Maia on any walks and other mini-adventures that she might suggest.

Maia's warm tone fell on deaf ears, though there was no mistaking that smile. Towhee blinked and returned it, her own just a small upward twitch of her lips. "Hey," she rejoined, suppressing an urge to apologize for not showing up sooner. She'd had people to (not) see and things to do, okay? "I hope you're feeling better?" She looked mildly disheveled, with visibly healing wounds, but everything about her demeanor seemed to say, on the mend.

Before Maia could answer her, movement at the corner of her eye caused Towhee to turn. She saw Eljay striding this way and her innards clenched. Fuckin' chill, she schooled herself, ripping her gaze away from him and settling it steadily on their guest.

LOL OOPS thanks for rolling with my unrestrained assumptions <3

Maia had, again, completely forgotten about Towhee's deafness until something in her tonelessness reminded her.  Oh, yeah!  Much better, thanks.  She turned so that she was facing more towards the Sovereign, then sat up.

She smiled at Eljay when Towhee's attention turned and she saw him coming, so even if Towhee's face had given anything away, Maia wouldn't have caught it.  I told Phox thanks, but thank you too for letting me stay.  I don't mind making it up, if there was anything you wanted.  She wasn't a rock star at hunting, but she'd paid her way a few times with stories while out on the road.  Maybe they'd like one some night?

WC: 113

Eljay saw the wolf look towards him. Was it Towhee? He squinted his eyes but soon saw her attention turned towards -- presumably -- Maia. Eljay continued on his way towards the den, though he was only about halfway right now, so he would probably take another turn to get there. He heard them talking, but couldn't make out the words since he wasn't there yet.

"Good," came Towhee's generic response when Maia said she was doing better. She went on to offer her thanks and even recompense, which caused one of the Sovereign's ears to flick. She wasn't exactly thrilled with an outsider staying in their territory, using up their resources, but Maia wasn't exactly a stranger. At the same time, Towhee wasn't running Redhawk Charity-dera.

"Why don't you stay?" Towhee said. "I mean, join the pack properly and stick around, at least until you're fully healed. Hell, why not winter here?" She almost mentioned that Wraen and Arcturus would be welcome too—because, of course, they would be—yet Towhee sincerely doubted either one would remotely consider it. But what of Maia? "You should stay," she repeated, less of a question now, because Maia had asked what she wanted.

Oh.  The answer to the question of 'why not' was pretty darn straightforward.  Wraen wasn't here, so Maia couldn't stay.  Somehow she knew that Towhee realized this fact, though, and didn't understand it.  That made this a whole lot harder to respond to, especially when she re-affirmed it as more request than question.

Uhh, I mean, I'd like to.  She answered, losing most of her vibrant enthusiasm under this new weight of uncertainty.  But I have to go back.  Wraen and Arcturus and Penn are all waiting on me.  I can't.  She glanced past Towhee towards Eljay again, who was growing closer, but thankfully not close enough to overhear.  It was a conversation they needed to have, but not one she'd really expected to have like this, with Towhee pulling the explanations out.

WC: 133

Eljay arrived at last, and the first thing he heard was '... I can't'. He arrived with a frown on his face and asked immediately, Can't what? He glanced between Towhee and Maia -- the latter which gave him a little happy jolt in his stomach -- not sure what was going on here and dying to find out.

The "no" didn't really surprise her, though it did disappoint her. Towhee's eyes tightened as Maia explained herself. The random mention of Penn threw her a little, though she couldn't pay much attention to that little detail at the moment. She swallowed the sigh that wanted to heave itself out of her.

Before the Sovereign could make a reply of any sort, Eljay finally closed ranks. The Sovereign nodded briefly but didn't look at him for more than a second. She did manage to catch his simple question and remained stonily silent, letting Maia answer him.

Of course, right at that moment, Eljay would come up and ask.  Maia looked back at Towhee, wondering if she'd save her the trouble, but all she got was a stony look.  Gulp.  She couldn't really dodge the question now that Towhee had the full context, so she supposed they were doing this now.  She didn't exactly want to leave, but right this moment she'd have paid good money to be about anywhere else.

I can't stay, she said, looking at him apologetically.  There was more she wanted to say, but with Towhee here, it didn't really feel right.  I can't just leave Wraen like that.  Her sister was a fixture... and just like before, she simply couldn't see herself happy in a place that didn't regularly include her sister.  Maia had been considering, over the past few days, if having one had to mean losing the other... but that was a conversation she needed to have with Wraen, and one that she couldn't have without returning.

WC: 167

Towhee's face looked hardened (back to the Towhee that he knew, rather than awkward Towhee that had stumbled into his life only a few days ago). Maia looked apologetic and she repeated the sentence. Eljay froze and he instantly regretted asking at all. Ah, why couldn't he have kept his nose out of that one? Why couldn't he have just.. not asked? He looked startled, as if someone was telling him a truth he wasn't quite ready to hear. He'd avoided the northern borders on purpose; he just hadn't wanted to think at all about Maia... Well, doing anything except being here right now. The future wasn't on his mind at all, simply because he'd been avoiding this ugly truth.

Not it was presented to him, stuffed in his nose so he couldn't avoid it. Eljay frowned once the shock fell from his face. I... I get that, he said. He contemplated what he'd contemplated a million times -- to go with her -- but he still wasn't too sure if Wraen would want him there and he also didn't want to make any haphazardly decisions just because he was too afraid of losing Maia again.

He braced for awkward silence, and he wished he had anything else to say. Actually, he had a million things to say, but instead of managing any actual words all he managed was have a garble of all these sentences mixed up through one another in his head while he stood in silent defeat.

Towhee opened her mouth to counter Maia's response, then realized Eljay was speaking and clapped it shut. She blinked a few times when she registered the look on his face. He seemed really stricken, despite his words of acceptance. She stood there in silence, trying to parse out his reaction. Her eyes shifted to Maia and there was a heaviness between them she could feel but did not understand.

After a long pause, she cleared her throat and said, "I know what you're going to say—what Wraen's going to say, rather—but, for the record, she's welcome here. Arcturus too." The Sovereign shrugged. "I know how they feel about Moonspear and we're up each other's asses more than ever now. But I literally spoke to Hydra yesterday and she's no danger to them. Actually, she's looking for Arcturus. Their brother passed away and she wanted to let him know."

There was still a tension in the air. She couldn't get a bead on it. Towhee shifted a little restlessly and, after another few beats, said, "Maybe just think about it. I mean, it's up to you. I'm not going to force you into indentured servitude." She huffed a dry laugh. "But that'd be a solid way to thank us... especially Eljay," the Sovereign concluded, oblivious to just how much that statement really meant. "Anyway, I'll leave you to your patient," she said to Eljay. She nodded at Maia, then disembarked.

This was what she'd wanted to avoid.  Maia's ears folded back as she saw her words strike home.  He said that he understood, but that didn't make it any easier.  She was going to respond, but then Towhee was speaking, saying that Wraen and Arcturus were welcome and that Hydra didn't care.  Maia nodded, but she knew it was a foregone conclusion.  Once Wraen made a decision, she didn't usually back out on it, and the decision had been made that so long as this pack was tied to Moonspear, her sister didn't feel right or safe belonging to it.  Maia couldn't ask her to compromise that for her sake any more than Wraen would ask her to give up Eljay for her.  

But she didn't have to ask, because if Maia could help it, she'd be keeping both.  It just might mean she wasn't here all the time.

Yeah.  She answered, then listened as Towhee walked away because her eyes were downcast.  She couldn't help but feel a guilt trip in that final statement, and it made it hard to respond with much more than that.  She swallowed, then looked at Eljay.

I... I have to talk to Wraen.  But if I can get them to move closer, maybe this can work.  She felt her breath catch, and her voice near broke, but she managed to pull it together enough to finish.  I want both.

WC: 236

Just when Eljay expected her to stand over them like a statue, like a stalwart guardian who would watch but not interfere in their clumsy interactions, Towhee spoke next, and a lot. She said that Wraen and Arcturus were welcome here -- yeah, but hadn't they left for a reason? Eljay had a feeling, knowing Wraen, that she'd be too stubborn to come back on that -- and that Hydra (Eljay actually had no clue who that even was, that's how little he was involved in all of these politics) had said that she was of no danger to them (wait what? had someone from, presumably, Moonspear been of physical danger to Wraen and Arcturus?? wow, he was sure behind on everything).

Towhee said that it would be a good way to thank them, to stay, even though she wouldn't force Maia into anything. Eljay wasn't sure he wanted Maia to stay just because she felt that she owed him some sort of debt for finding her and patching her up. No, it's okay, she doesn't owe me anything, he hastily interjected to hopefully dispel the words Towhee had cast. He didn't want Maia to think that was what he felt. Even though he would be over the moon to have Maia stay, the last he wanted was for her to stay out of some misplaced feeling of duty.

In true Towhee-fashion, Towhee then left Eljay and Maia to their own devices. Uh, by-- Eljay started to stay, but he realised a moment later that Towhee had already turned around and was leaving, and since she was deaf she literally couldn't hear him anyway. She does that, he said, and he sounded almost as if he was apologising on his leader's behalf with replacement shame, rather than providing an explanation for anything.

Maia looked sad, and Eljay hoped that at least his quick interjection about being owed any debts would cheer her up a little. He frowned, feeling sad for making her sad. He didn't want that. He wished he'd managed to respond happier to the news that she would be picked up by Wraen soon, now. The news had just kinda hit him like a bomb drop, so he hadn't been prepared. Maia said that she would try to get them to move closer and that she wanted to make it work. Look, I.. It's okay, I don't want you to think that you owe us any debts. You don't have to make any choices based on what you feel you owe anyone. Towhee said to me once that... no matter where we lived, we would always be Redhawk, Blackthorn and Firebird. In retrospect, maybe she just meant pack mates, but Eljay liked to think of it in a broader sense. Eljay was silent for a few seconds after that, as he tried to remember where he was going with that point... Right! ... And I don't think that family should charge family anything for helping them out of a dire situation.

Towhee possibly wouldn't agree with him, but Eljay didn't care about that. That was what he thought about this situation, and he thought, honestly, that it was rather unfair of Towhee to charge Maia anything. She'd done plenty for them in her time in the pack, and besides, she was family.

Maia said she wanted both, but what did Eljay want..? Of course he wanted Maia to stay here forever, but he also knew that that wasn't very realistic. He wondered if he could find the courage to come with her and Wraen, but he wasn't sure. Especially after what had happened to Maia... The outdoors was just so dangerous. Without a pack to protect them... He didn't think he wanted to put himself and Weejay through that. Besides, he'd only just moved back to Redhawk Caldera, and he loved being back. He wanted to live here forever, at his parents' den, and raise little baby Blackthorns here and...

... He quickly archived that thought and reminded himself he wasn't going to think about the future too much, and stay a bit more in the now. He didn't want to ruin this. He didn't want to chase Maia away. I... I just want you to be happy, Eljay said, words accompanied by a strained breath. That was his priority number one. And of course he wanted all sorts of things, but that would be something to figure out later. Right now, he didn't want Maia to make any decisions burdened by knowing that he wanted something entirely different. He was too afraid to ruin this, and he was too afraid that Maia would make a decision based on anything but her own feelings.

Eljay's reassurances helped to pull her out of some of the guilt spiral, but she still felt horrible about this whole situation.  She understood why Wraen had wanted to leave, even if she didn't necessarily share the reason.  She'd had both good and bad encounters upon the Moonspear, and while she didn't really judge the wolves there one way or the other, that was because she wasn't one for judgements period.  She respected Wraen's all the more because of it.

Not just that - Maia enjoyed the freedom of travel.  It was dangerous, but it was also a lot of fun, and even only a few days after she knew that one bad encounter wasn't going to make her stop enjoying all of the good ones left to be discovered.  She was just going to be a whole heck of a lot more careful now.

There's so many ways to be that, she answered with a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.  Her entire problem was she wanted too much.  She wanted to travel and see places and enjoy the company of Wraen, Arcturus, Penn, the family they'd made these last few months.  But she also wanted to be here with Weejay, and Eljay, snuggled up to him constantly and enjoying this newfound feeling of being actually, fully and completely, wanted in a way she'd never been before.  

I love being here.  But I'm always going to love traveling.  She looked down again.  Maybe someday I'll get tired of it and want to settle down, but there's so much out there I haven't heard of, and so many stories I haven't learned.  With Wraen, I get that, and I can't lose it.  But I don't want to lose you either.  If she had to choose, she would.  

That's why she didn't want to choose.  She wanted to travel with Wraen, then come home to him, but she wasn't sure if that was something that was even possible.  It felt selfish, asking them both to wait on her, to share her time with each other because she couldn't decide.  What they wanted had to matter too.

WC: 356

When she said there's so many ways to be that, Eljay realised all too well that that meant he wasn't necessarily included. Maybe she had just had a good time, but in the end her bonds to Wraen were more important than that. Maybe liking him wasn't enough to stay. He understood, to some degree. If this was the Copse, he might've just left with Maia and Wraen, if Weejay also agreed that's still what she wanted. But now he lived in the Caldera again... There were so many good memories here, and, he was maybe rushing ahead with this but, if he were to ever have more children, it had to be here.

Maybe they should travel together and settle down after? So that he got to see her world, and then..? But it was far too daunting to suggest that and even Eljay with his limited amount of experience with the ladies knew that he couldn't just suggest that he wanted more children. Besides, what if that wasn't what Maia wanted at all? He would be a little sad, but it wasn't like.. a deal-breaker or anything. He had Weejay, after all, and he could help take care of the pups of whatever pack they lived in. His ultimate dream of raising children with Maia right here at the Blackthorn den didn't have to come true. It wouldn't be fair to ask that of her. However, he also wasn't sure traveling for the rest of his life was what he wanted.

It was tricky because it seemed way too early to decide on anything. I don't want you to stop traveling, Eljay said, though maybe his perspective on it was a bit different than hers. He felt it was perfectly possible to travel when in a pack, on scouting missions and such.

It was just so hard to figure out because he wanted so many things but he felt that it was too early to tell Maia about any of it. He was too afraid he would chase her right back out of his arms again. So instead he nodded and remained silent, looking introspective while he tried to process both what Maia said -- and all the possible things it could mean -- as well as tried to figure out what was the best thing for him to do, going forward.

There was a lot that Maia was leaving unsaid too, for many of the same reasons.  Just because Eljay was a dad now didn't mean he wanted to be one again, with her.  And what if she changed her mind?  She didn't think she would, not after having felt like this around a year or more now.  But the risk was there, and if she brought up kids, she'd also need to explain that she wasn't willing to raise kids who didn't have her big sister as a staple in their lives.  Wraen couldn't have kids of her own... and Maia knew, without a doubt, her own would help to cut any hurt she might feel about that, even if she'd never really shared it.

But without a pack, kids weren't an option.  Maia knew enough of the world to know that.  You couldn't raise pups without stability and the safety of a claimed home.  What if they never found one?  What if she had no choice but to join the Redhawks for good?  Would Wraen join as well, or would she continue to roam, and would her own kids become like Terence's?

It was all just so much. Fortunately, Eljay seemed to be okay with not pressuring her for now, and the look she gave him was infinitely full of gratitude.  Thanks.  She replied, getting up and stepping forward to nestle her muzzle into his neck.  It was weird how quick these little gestures were becoming natural to her... but she'd always been a physically affectionate sort.  

Wraen wants me to be happy too.  And I won't be happy if I can't see you, like, all the time.  She added softly, with a little smile.  Honestly, Wraen would probably just tell her to stay here if she thought that was really what she wanted.  That would be the easiest option... but it wouldn't be the best.  And she was going to go for the best option first before she worried about needing to really choose.

WC: 336

Maia thanked him and moved closer. Eljay felt a shiver run down his spine and his smile broadened at the touch. He wasn't very touchy himself, or rather, only with those closest to him. While Maia was definitely one of the ones closest to him, at the same time Eljay was also not over the insecure phase of new love yet. This was his first time going through that, as he hadn't had the time to with Wifi, when they also had children on the way. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes, feeling content and reassured. This wasn't just a nice night and then nothing, it had the potential to actually become something.

Maia then said that Wraen would want her to be happy, too. He nodded, sure that she did. Wraen was a great person, after all. Eljay thought briefly about how it would all look, and worried that it might just end with him pining for Maia and waiting for her at the borders every day, hoping she'd show up, and her dropping by only every once in a while... However, this insecurity-wrought image was easily destroyed by Maia's next sentence and Eljay smiled softly when she said she would want to spend All The Time with him. Yeah.. he said, trying not to think too much about the practical details of it all. We'll... We'll sort it out. He wasn't really sure how yet, but he also didn't want the future to overshadow what he was feeling right here and right now. It was too early to talk long-long term future plans, like having a family and where they would settle — the last thing he wanted was to scare Maia away right now.

It was really something to reach out and to have someone lean in versus pulling away.  Maia wondered if she'd ever get used to it or if, every time, it'd make her stomach jump like this.  She hoped it was the former because that skip her heart took was worth just about everything.

He seemed to hesitate, but right now Maia refused to be worried.  They were bound to sort it out because the alternative was a little unacceptable at this point; no matter what, she'd find some way to make this happen.  It might not be right now, and it might not be right here, but there was no way she was letting this go unless she had no other choice.

She ran her muzzle up to press her cheek to his for a moment, then pulled away with a smile.  I'm going to go grab a nap, if you want to come?  She might try her luck at fishing later (so as not to be a complete mooch), but right now, that sun was calling to her.

Fade here and grab a new one soon? <3
WC: 179

// yeees!

There was a brief silence between them. It wasn't uncomfortable for Eljay; he often had these moments with Weejay, and he was happy to share one with Maia. He just smiled and enjoyed the moment.
Then she suggested a nap and he nodded. Yeah, I'd love a nap, he softly murmured, and waited for Maia to lead the way to wherever was the perfect napping space, if not here.