Redhawk Caldera And my cuts have healed with time

I owe so many threads but we need an up to date one <3 no rush obvi

Fennec had been torn over this ever since the meeting. Because two things were very, very clear. One; she wanted to throw her name in the ring for Regent. In a way that didn't really make sense, honestly, because it meant responsibility in some of the worst senses of the word, but also perfect sense because everyone who was ever a hero to her had held a similar position. It had to be her turn.

And maybe, if she wasn't .... fuck. She couldn't even think the word.

Pregnant.

Fennec blanched physically, pausing in her search for her mom momentarily. She'd never seen her mom in that state, obviously, but she'd felt it. And there was going to come a time (soon) when she wouldn't be able to hide it much longer. She needed to decide now if she was going to come clean to Towhee or keep this shit on lockdown until after. Maybe she could give the kid to some other witch... run off to the Bramblepoint or the canyon for a while again, come back when it was all done and over. It was so tempting to fall back on old habits, but she knew she wouldn't. She'd marked running as a coward's move and now couldn't take that out.

Fennec hesitated again as she drew nearer the den where @Towhee and her siblings stayed now, then took a breath and strode into the vicinity. In the end, she had no clue what she'd actually come there to talk about. She'd better figure it out quick.

The kids insisted on rising early, which at least meant they would probably take a long midday nap. It was a cold but sunny morning, so Towhee took them outside and let them play right in the Hobbit Hole's front yard for a bit. While she supervised, she glanced upward and noticed the dogwood's pink blossoms were all but gone, leaving standard green leaves.

Some petals still drifted around the den site, much to the pups' delight. After letting them work out some of their energy, Towhee called them to her and gave them a brief lesson in some basic ptero signs. Their attention spans lasted no more than a few minutes, so she soon shooed them back to playtime and stood. She hoped to find another adult to keep an eye on them while she headed out on patrol.

One presented herself as if on cue. "Morning," Towhee greeted her eldest daughter, nipping fondly at her ear. It was tempting to peace out the instant another responsible adult appeared, though the Sovereign had enough manners to query, "What're you up to?"

Before Fennec could get a word in edgewise, Caracal noticed his older sister and bounded toward them with a cry of, "MEEEEEKAAA!"

Fortunately Towhee was here and came up to greet her. Fennec was just opening her mouth to respond when someone else came charging forward and greeted her by the wrong name. At least, that's what it sounded like. Her ear flicked down, but outwardly she ignored it for a moment. Normally the mix up might have made her laugh, but hormones had her emotions all sorts of sideways, and the insinuation she read out of it made her throat catch a bit. Nothing about this spring had gone the way she'd planned, despite the best of intentions.

The unexpected guilt sideswipe made it real hard for her to open with the topic she'd had in mind coming here. And topic number two was even harder. Just was around, thought I'd check in, she answered after a beat. Hey, Caracal.

How... how are you? She asked, knowing she needed more but cursing how lame that sounded. She couldn't just out with any of it right now, though, so small talk it was. Even if it was the absolute worst.

Towhee couldn't hear her son's cry, though she certainly noticed when he began jumping up and down, trying to lick at Fennec's muzzle. Whether it was a gesture of affection or a bid for food, she couldn't be sure, though Towhee gently nudged him away from his older sister with a command to, "Go play." With a boyish laugh, he scrambled back toward his litter mates.

Her full attention returned to Fennec, catching her question. Something about the tentative way she framed the words made Towhee's brow furrow a little. That wasn't like Fen. Neither was small talk, for that matter. Towhee felt her insides clench a little apprehensively.

"I'm alright, all things considered," Towhee replied. It was true enough. She had painstakingly come to accept Phox's absence as permanent, though hopefully Meerkat would dig up some news eventually. "Is everything okay?" she pressed in the very next breath.

Of course Towhee caught wise, she'd have assumed she was full of shit too, the way she'd asked that. Yeah, it's fine. The lie was automatic and rolled out instantly, but she knew at that moment she couldn't be honest about this. She didn't know how to admit to what was going on without revealing how absolutely terrified she was, and she couldn't, even if she knew the fallout would be worse later. Everyone would know eventually, whether she liked it or not, but at least she could keep normal for another little while.

Shoving a lid on the sad and pushing it in the corner for later, Fennec made her decision fairly abruptly. If everything was going to go downhill anyway, did it even matter? I did want to talk about something though. The Regent position. I want it. Fennec delivered with a pretty smooth matter-of-factness. It wasn't up to her to judge any of this and in spite of everything, she believed she deserved it. I know you talked to Fig about something similar, once. So if she had a reason to say no, it had better be a good one.

Fennec seemed to brush off the question, which gave Towhee momentary pause. But two seconds later, her daughter tossed her hat into the ring for Regency. The Sovereign's insides relaxed. Maybe she was simply nervous about volunteering as tribute. Towhee couldn't imagine why, not when her daughter was typically confident to a fault, but she was too relieved to look too closely at it.

The mention of Fig made her think briefly of her eldest son. She missed him a lot and hoped he might come back someday. She felt that way about a lot of people lately, it seemed. Quite abruptly, she remembered making jokes about raising the newest pups with the intention to get them to disperse, simply to get ahead of the inevitable. Her orange gaze shifted sideways to where the kids played and Towhee surprised herself a little by thinking she might actually be totally okay with that plan.

Oh, man. Blinking, she refocused her attention on the conversation at hand. "Yeah, we talked about it a while back. I didn't know if you'd be interested but I'm glad to hear you are. I think you'd be great at it." There was something poetic about the idea of the caldera being ruled by the blind and deaf. Was that slight vibration underfoot the children playing or Fox spinning in her grave?

"Not that I doubt your motives or anything but I'd ask this of anyone: why are you interested? What do you think you bring to the table? It's a lot of work, though there's perks too, like making people do your bidding and, I guess, breeding privileges. Between you and me, I may not exercise that right after this year, so the Regents might have first dibs..."

She wasn't entirely pleased with the question but she wasn't about to rail against it right now. It wasn't unreasonable that she was grouped with Penn in the 'allergic to responsibility' category but she really didn't like hearing it now. It reminded her just how tempting it was to just bail and how much she was trying not to be like that anymore.

Why wouldn't I? She asked, a little abruptly. Then she let out a breath and pulled it back in. I already do work. I think I could help and I want to.

She didn't have much to say on breeding privileges and didn't know if she could speak to that right now. There was a small hope if she got the role she could play this all off above-board, but that was stupid to think. The time wouldn't line up and, besides, that didn't change things. No matter what she did, her life was about to get a whole lot more complicated a whole lot faster than she anticipated.

Towhee wished Fennec would elaborate a bit more. She was trying her best to keep favoritism out of it, despite having her private biases. Would she accept such a flippant answer from someone else, like Sifaka? Idly, she wondered if Fen thought she had more of a claim to the title than others, hence why she didn't bother giving the question proper consideration.

"I know you do work. I'm trying to be impartial here," Towhee explained, "though I'm genuinely curious too. You never approached me about leadership before the announcement, for instance," she pointed out, "and you might be a shoe-in on paper because you're my eldest child. But that would be disingenuous, 'cause you have your own merits. I want to hear them in your own words. Does that make any kind of sense?"

Quite possibly it didn't. Caracal had returned and was chewing on her bum leg, which was more than a little distracting.

And Fig did? She found that hard to believe. The moment she said it, though, she bit back any other response, because she hadn't meant it to come out so cutting. And in all honesty, this hadn't been anything until right now because this was an excuse. She knew this wasn't the real problem here but that didn't stop her from reacting as if it was.

I only want it if you think I deserve it. It isn't like I can give you experience or reasons why others shouldn't have it. All I can say is that I want it. She was annoyed now and sticking around would probably do more damage than good. But she wasn't ready to go back either, so she lingered, unsure of how to proceed. This really wasn't how she'd wanted this to go but for some reason she just couldn't help it.

Once again, Fen's response gave her pause. She couldn't really remember, honestly, but she also didn't think it was actually relevant. Towhee sort of understood why she would compare herself to her brother, though she also wished she wouldn't. The situations were like comparing apples to oranges anyway.

It was impossible to detect her daughter's tone, though there was an air of impatience Towhee could pick up on despite her deafness. Fennec could be a little irascible at times, though something felt decidedly off about this conversation. Her insides tightened a bit again. Something was amiss, though she couldn't guess what and it seemed Fen wasn't telling.

"Okay," Towhee said slowly, taking a moment to consider saying anything else. But she simply couldn't ignore the niggling. "Are you sure everything's alright? You seem..." What was the right word here? "Testier than usual," she eventually decided, reaching out a paw to touch Fen's pale shoulder to show she meant well by the question.

I'm fine! Fennec bristled a bit, pulling back from Towhee's touch with a slight jerk. It was too much but Towhee's insistent sincerity only made all of this worse. She should come clean but she couldn't bring herself to and she really needed to leave. She'd probably already sunk her chances but again... it didn't matter.

Her heart was pounding and her head was starting to as well. It was a familiar warning sign and she turned abruptly to leave, but she wasn't going to make it. She stiffened as her stomach rolled, then hunched, depositing the entirety of her (thankfully small) lunch on the ground at her feet. Oh god.

Fennec flinched away from her and Towhee's paw snapped back like she'd been scalded. She could clearly read the message her daughter's lips formed, although it didn't really jive with her reaction. If Fen felt like they couldn't communicate openly, there was really no hope they could conduct a conducive working relationship, a realization which made the Sovereign's stomach twist in an altogether new way.

But that was apparently nothing compared to whatever was ailing Fennec. Her daughter promptly lost her lunch. Now Towhee's concern went from a tickle to a punch. "Fen!" she shouted stupidly, then, "CARACAL!" as the little boy promptly began to eat his sister's barf.

Fennec's ears flattened when Towhee shouted, but she stayed where she was, trembling. She had to wait for this to pass. She was frozen by more than just nausea and dizziness, though... her heart continued to pound. She could explain this away by just some weird sickness but that would only make all of this bullshit even worse. The jig was up.

She couldn't intercept Caracal and honestly barely noticed her sibling was there. And the first time she said it, she said it to the ground... before she realized who she was talking to and recalled what that meant.

She lifted her head slightly and took a rocking step back, sides still heaving. I think I'm pregnant. The words were barely audible but that wouldn't matter if her mom was looking at her. She still couldn't say it normally.

Although it was arguably perfectly normal for a puppy to happily slurp up another wolf's vomit, Towhee swiftly pushed Caracal away from the mess. What if Fennec was sick? She didn't want him to catch it. Of course, pregnancy wasn't contagious, so when Caracal made a second bid for his sister's soup, she didn't bother trying to stop him.

Towhee didn't do much of anything for a moment, oblivious to it when her son paused to lick his sloppy lips and ask, "WASSA PAGNANT?" It wasn't like she would've been able to understand his baby speak anyway. Speaking of babies... wait, what?

She couldn't help but remember the time Raven had come to her with this very same news, nor how she'd responded to it. Towhee could do the same thing now and foist leadership onto her daughter, her brain helpfully suggested. But, of course, that was like Fennec comparing herself to Figment. The circumstances were so utterly different. She discarded the idea out of hand.

And though Towhee had a thousand questions, like "when did you even go into heat?" and "how did you let this happen?" and "WHO PUT HIS DICK IN YOU?"—not to mention the issue of permission—she let them all flash through her mind without voicing any of them.

The only question she found herself asking was, "I'm gonna be a grandma?"

This silence was worse than just about anything. Fennec had no clues to Towhee's reaction to the news but she didn't imagine it was positive. This wasn't good news. She was dropping a bomb and hoping for as small an explosion as possible, but she knew one was coming.

She needed to sit down. Fennec rocked back and sat on her haunches, lowering her head again with a look of absolute dread settling about her. She was so caught up in it that she almost missed her mom's remarks entirely, and when she did hear them, she thought maybe she'd missed something after all.

Yeah. There was little to no enthusiasm in her voice. Over the past few weeks she'd given herself no room to be happy about this and she wasn't about to start now. Right now Fennec could see no good outcomes from this 'mistake'. But not so much a mistake that she'd even considered an alternative... and even now, the possibility wasn't one even remotely in her mind.

Maybe she should've been more concerned about the logistics, though Towhee simply couldn't bring herself to feel anything except giddy by this wonderful news. She was going to be a grandmother! Fennec was going to be a mother! After everything they'd been through the past few months, there was simply no room in her heart for anything but gladness.

It didn't escape her notice that Fennec seemed out of sorts, though maybe it was because she'd just tossed her cookies? Moving closer to her, Towhee pressed her snout to her cheek. "Talk to me," she said lowly, a gentle command which brooked no argument.

Unseen behind her, Caracal ate his fill and signed, -Poop!- before scampering off to presumably take a dump.

Talk to me. Fennec didn't want to. This was exactly what she'd been trying to avoid, though she'd imagined Towhee would have a lot more anger and a little less happiness about it. Part of her had wondered if she might even get the boot. She knew this kind of thing was serious shit, and that if Towhee wasn't her mom, likely this would have gone down a hell of a lot differently.

It took her a moment to start. Not only did she not really have the words at first, but she had to wait for her gut to stop roiling and her empty stomach to settle long enough that she didn't risk heaving more. In through the nose, out through the muzzle.... in... out...

This wasn't what I wanted. she answered. Not now. She wasn't ready. Regardless of how Bronco might feel about it (and bein vague because he may or may not know at this point), she had some serious doubts she would be any kind of mother right now. I don't know what to do.

Fennec's frank words deflated the joy ballooning in her chest. Towhee's brow furrowed as she searched her daughter's face, wondering what was going through her mind right now. The situation wasn't ideal in a lot of ways, the Sovereign could admit. And perhaps she was only taking it this well because of their very particular circumstances. But Towhee staunchly clung to this positive take.

"I'll be here to support you," Towhee said, hoping this reassurance would put Fen's mind at ease some. She wasn't in trouble. But even as she said the words, she wondered if the father would be in the picture too. Maybe it was unfair of her but Towhee did feel a flash of anger toward him, whoever he was.

"Who's the father, do you know?" She simply assumed Fen's heat was like her own of yore, driving her to make decisions she was too intelligent and responsible to make otherwise. Towhee wondered again how the heck she'd missed it. But it only took a glance in the pups' direction to remember how preoccupied she'd been these past couple months.

That did help, but it didn't entirely. Towhee had kids of her own to take care of, kids that Fennec was supposed to be helping her with. What if Bronco did decide to bail? She knew it was stupid but she couldn't shake the doubt.

Speaking of. There was a tenseness behind the question that made Fennec hesitate in answering honestly. She was safe, but she hadn't considered the possibility that Towhee might kick Bronco out. She won't, and if she did, Fennec would leave too.

Bronco. I... we haven't really talked about it. She'd hidden it and didn't want Towhee facing off with him over this. He didn't deserve that. This was her fuck up to deal with, not his.

That name dowsed much of the anger burning in her chest, though her brow still furrowed. Were the two of them romantically involved or had they simply fallen prey to their hormones? She supposed it would make her a hypocrite if she judged, even though she knew she should come down harder on them both about this. It could be taken as a sign of disrespect to her authority, though Towhee simply couldn't bring herself to feel that way. It made a lot more sense to assume they'd simply been thoughtless in the throes of passion.

"Hm, well, how much you want him involved is up to you," Towhee said, eyes eating into Fen's face. Maybe that wasn't quite fair, though Towhee had always placed mothers above fathers and she wasn't apologetic about it. "Do you know where you're at with it?" Her own approach to her pups' fathers' involvement had swung wildly from year to year, so one way or another, she could probably relate.

Fennec swallowed thickly, remembering Bronco's reaction. She knew exactly where she was with it, but it was also complicated. I want him to do what he wants. she finally answered. I don't care what that is. This second piece was absolutely a lie, but that was easier than having a different conversation with Towhee. One that involved things Fennec wasn't willing to get into right now.

He seemed happy enough about it, anyway. There was a hint of an undercurrent to that. Just the slightest tinge of jealousy darkening the words along with her expression. The latter Towhee might recognize, studying her face the way she was.

She made no reply, since none of what Fennec said particularly surprised her. Doubtless Bronco would enjoy helping her rear the pups; he'd always been so good with little ones. But he didn't matter nearly as much as Fen, in the sense that he wasn't the one who'd carry them to term, labor, deliver and nurse them. It was rewarding but mothering children still came at great personal cost. Towhee couldn't possibly fathom what it must be like if you didn't necessarily want them in the first place.

It didn't even really matter what Towhee thought or wanted either, she knew. But hopefully knowing she had support helped, which bore repeating. "You'll have an excellent support system." That didn't just include herself and Bronco, it meant everyone in the pack. Although Towhee's three often overwhelmed her—part of the reason she wanted Regents, a topic she had forgotten about entirely at this point—they'd always expected at least two litters, so she felt they could at least handle them in that sense. Hopefully it's a small litter, she did catch herself thinking, mostly for Fen's sake but also for the pack's.

She replayed her daughter's words in her head: "This isn't what I wanted. Not know. I don't know what to do." Towhee pressed a little closer to Fennec, the only other thing she could think to say being, "Is there anything I can do to help you?" She wasn't a medic, much less a midwife, but she'd been through it a couple times now. She could surely guide her daughter through it.

She was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Towhee doubled down on support. They were all unshakeable. How was her mom not upset by this?

Towhee pressed in close and Fennec allowed her to momentarily... but then shifted away. She wanted to scream and couldn't understand why Towhee wasn't doing it for her.

No. She withdrew, turning to go. I'm... I don't feel well. I'll let you know. It wasn't a lie but it was definitely an excuse. She'd completely forgotten about the Regent position too, though remembered likely wouldn't have changed much of how she handled this. Fennec was surprised to find that it would have been better if her mom had been mad. Maybe not in the long run, but for now, at least they could have been upset together.

Fennec drew away from her, earning a furrowed brow from Towhee she would of course never see. Her daughter had always been mercurial with her moods though, so she didn't read too far into it. Besides, she was distracted as she abruptly made to go.

"Wait," the Sovereign said without even knowing why, though she abruptly did remember, "were you still interested in being Regent...?" It might be a lot at once, though Towhee had never understood the wolves who couldn't handle the dichotomy of leadership and parenthood. It was the most dominant wolves in the pack who were meant to breed after all, wasn't it?

And quite possibly for that very reason, Towhee suddenly didn't want to bother deliberating it any further. "It's yours, if you do want it," she added in the next breath.

Fennec stopped when Towhee asked her again, exasperated and suddenly a little tired. She'd already said she wanted it, and that she didn't know how else she could prove it. What more did her mom want?!

She'd determined to get the hell out of there without delay, which was good, because that meant instead of immediately lashing out with her frustration, she gave Towhee a chance to finish with her offer. And that made Fennec stop walking away, freezing in place for a second.

If she was being completely honest, the Regent thing was a deflect for her from the start. Sure, she felt like she deserved it. And she did want it. But coming here today, asking for it, it had been a way to assert some kind of control on a life that felt like it was spinning of the rails faster than she could jam it back on. She hadn't been expecting Towhee to say yes. And she certainly hadn't been expecting to remain in that position after her mom found out, let alone have the offer come after.

That meant this was the real deal, and for the first time, Fennec actually took a moment to consider what that meant. She didn't necessarily think leading would be hard, but it would mean caring about things that she didn't normally bother with. It also meant dealing pretty heavily with the rest of the pack during a time when she'd rather hide and have nothing to do with any of them. That thought alone had her close to saying no.

Finally she turned over her shoulder, in the vague direction that she knew her mom was. Yeah. Okay. She needed to do this, because if she let this ruin it, she doubted she'd get over that anytime soon.