Sun Mote Copse Coyote ugly.

Towhee woke up to the smell of blood and a tacky sensation near her tail. When she rolled over, she saw she’d bled on the deerskin. She frowned around The Taigh, glad to see nobody else was present to bear witness. She stood, stepping off the soiled bedding before snagging it with her teeth and dragging it outside. Towhee would try to rinse it before calling it a total loss.

She paused outside the doorway, eyes slitted against the winter glare. Towhee didn’t see anyone out here either. She glanced down at the bloodstained hide, wondering if she should be concerned about the continued bleeding. She was much more worried about destroying her daughter’s things, though as she bundled the skin, she wondered if @Fennec might be able to help her.

If memory served, the pond in Orca’s Forest and Fish’s Loch were equidistant from the large den. Towhee plucked the loosely folded skin off the ground and strode north, choosing the former for its relative concealment.

she’s at the south lake XD

Fennec had spent the night curled in her smaller den nearer the lake and hadn’t realized yet that Towhee was here. She wasn’t avoiding pack life, but as per usual, she was finding herself reluctant. She hadn’t joined the founding howl, feeling out of place. Meerkat had been nothing but welcoming. This was her baggage to deal with.

Maybe she was just chafing to go see her son.

Fennec finished drinking her fill from the pond, then sat on the bank and tried to decide if today she’d explore the garden. Stubbornly, the asshole side of her wanted to hold off, but Meerkat had been nice enough to know and to point her towards it. She was curious. You're a bitch, you know… she thought, mostly bemused. She’d see what it had this afternoon.

Nobody interrupted her as she located the small pond, dropped the skin into the cold water and began scrubbing at the stain with her paw. Yeah, there was no way it was coming out completely. Towhee pulled it onto the grass to dry, feeling rather terrible about it until it occurred to her that maybe it would make a good birthing blanket for Meerkat.

She left it there in the meantime, retracing her steps back toward The Taigh. Where was everybody today? She knew her eldest daughter was around here somewhere and decided to go searching for her. Luckily, she found Fennec’s scent near the cottage and tracked it, laughing a little as she drew closer to the little loch.

Well, it’s been a goddamn minute, she drawled, smiling as she drew closer to the blind she-wolf.

She recognized her mom’s gait approaching before she even had the chance to speak, and was already turning to focus her hearing on Towhee’s approach. Fennec smiled and moved towards her. She wouldn’t stop until she’d butted up against her, whatever embrace she could reach.

Hey. I don’t remember any intruder alarms. Apparently they’ll let just anyone in these days. Fennec teased, though her expression would give away how grateful she was for the visit. Her mom wasn’t Killdeer but she was a very close second on the list of people Fennec had wanted very much to reconnect with.

Too many minutes. How are you?

Fennec’s head butted against her shoulder, so Towhee took the opportunity to crane her neck and nibble fondly at the pale crown of her head. When her eldest daughter stepped back a moment later and cracked a joke, she pulled a mock offended face just for her own entertainment.

I’m okay. I had some tough times over winter but I’m feeling better now. I want to hear all about what you’ve been up to as well, though before we get into it, can I be obnoxious and ask you a personal question? It’s personal for me, I mean.

Ups and downs. Towhee’s willingness to be real about the struggles was probably one of the reasons she ranked among Fennec’s favorite company. It was so much easier to talk to someone when they were willing to talk just as much.

Yeah? Ask away. Personal questions are free for family. She couldn’t help tossing the last joke in, though when she settled to listen, her attention was fixed entirely on her mom.

It had been a while since someone had come to her for something. It was a nice feeling… she’d forgotten how nice. There wasn’t a lot of time to establish a practice or reputation, traveling around with Penn. She enjoyed the road but she’d definitely missed this.

I don’t know if this is really in your wheelhouse, Towhee admitted, but do you know of anything that might help with bleeding? Specifically out of the—what’re kids calling it these days—the penis flytrap?

Fennec would probably want to know more about it and she wouldn’t bat an eyelash at any questions she might have. But Towhee stopped there to give herself a mental high five for that gem.

Fennec had to think back when Towhee asked, and the answer came from a surprising place. Back when they’d all still lived on (or near) Moonspear, Fennec had studied briefly under Kukutux. She hadn’t had time to learn close to everything the other woman knew, Fennec was sure. But a few herbs stood out. Raspberry leaves. They can help prevent or lessen bleeding, before and during labor. I bet they’d help normally too. She frowned, concern set off despite how cavalier Towhee was about it. What happened?

She wanted to know if it was frequent, really, and if she felt any pain when it did. She could ask those questions if she needed to, though, once she got the lowdown.

Raspberries were at least familiar, even if Towhee couldn’t say she’d ever eaten either the berries or their leaves. She wondered if they’d be able to find any this time of year. She frowned thoughtfully.

Oh, just fucked around and found out, Towhee replied. I had my heat a few weeks back, she continued, frown deepening at the recollection, and then maybe a week ago, I… miscarried? I think? I passed a pretty big clot, then I’ve been bleeding ever since.

Towhee blinked slowly. There had been that brief bout of nausea the other day. What if… no, she wouldn’t entertain the thought. If she’d been pregnant in the first place, it had ended. She was almost sure of it. Keyword: “almost.”

Do you think we’ll find any raspberry leaves around here? Maybe we can look while you tell me what you’ve been up to, she suggested after a moment.

She couldn’t help but wonder how Fennec would handle her heat this year. Or perhaps she’d already gone through it too? Inevitably, that line of thought made her think of Fen’s only child. Towhee missed that kid, who wasn’t a kid at all anymore.

Oh, she blurted abruptly, then wished she hadn’t because now she would have to explain herself. Shoot, Towhee muttered. Did Meerkat tell you about your brother? And… Gods, poor Killdeer. And Bronco?

That didn’t help her concern, though it was at least an explanation. The miscarriage wasn’t worrying (aside from sympathetic worry, though Towhee seemed alright with the outcome). It was the continued bleeding afterward. She was opening her mouth to ask about pain when Towhee continued.

Caracal. Fennec’s ears went back sympathetically, but then Towhee said another name that had them prick up with surprise and confusion. She told me about Caracal. I’m sorry, mom. She couldn’t imagine it. Considering how constructively she’d dealt with the other heartbreaks in her life, she would be nowhere near what her mom was. Fuck. Towhee was a badass, but the admiration she felt was tempered with regret. Her mom didn’t deserve that, badass or not.

She didn’t say anything about Bronco though. I plan on going to see Killdeer as soon as the kids are born. I think he’ll understand me needing to make sure things are okay here first. Fennec paused, both curious and at the same time not wanting to ask. It felt wrong, somehow, asking about Bronco directly. Knowing Towhee, if what happened had anything to do with Killdeer, she’d let Fennec know.

Towhee’s head reared back, her expression nonplussed. Why would Meerkat tell Fennec about Caracal but neglect to mention Bronco? It didn’t make any sense, unless… her eyes widened. Was it somehow possible Meerkat didn’t know? But hadn’t she herself mentioned it to her? With a pit in her stomach, Towhee realized she couldn’t remember ever talking about it with anyone. In her defense, she’d only recently found out herself but… Well, fuck.

Wondering if this news would impact Fennec directly or mostly just via their son, Towhee sucked in a sharp breath and broke the news: Bronco is dead. He, she struggled to remember what Ceridwen had told her, died saving two kids from a…

“Hellcat” had been the word she’d used. But that wasn’t what made her trail off momentarily, mouth ajar. Seal had been attacked by a wildcat. It must’ve been the same event. Whatever else they thought of him, Towhee could only feel immense gratitude when she realized Bronco had sacrificed himself for her granddaughter.

Sorry, I was only told this somewhat recently and I’m just now putting the pieces together, she explained to Fennec. He must’ve saved Seal and her friend last summer. He was badly injured and never… never recovered.

I kinda lost track of who knows what re: this arc, tbh, so hopefully this makes some kind of sense, lol.

She should have expected it, drawn the lines between why Towhee had brought up Bronco and Caracal together.  But she didn’t.  Fennec didn’t know how to react, or how she felt, hearing this news.  It felt like it was news about a stranger.  Disconnected.

The Bronco she loved had died years ago.  She’d mourned him and now knew nothing of the man Towhee described. 

Killdeer though… fuck.  Is Killer still there?  With Brecheliant?  They’d parted ways for him to find his dad, but if Bronco was gone, he might have moved on. Her son wasn’t like her; he didn’t tend to run from his problems.  But she didn’t know what would keep him there now, unless he had others he’d connected with.  If he wasn’t, how the hell was she going to find him?

Her gut tightened with nerves as she waited for Towhee’s response, hoping she’d know the answer.

I’m not sure, Towhee admitted, heart sinking. I think he was traveling the last time I saw him, which was when we broke the news about Caracal…

She had no idea how Killdeer was coping with Bronco’s passing. In hindsight, she should’ve gone straight to Brecheliant upon finding out the news, though in her defense, Towhee hadn’t realized he would be there. She hoped he had decided to convalesce there, for Fennec’s sake.

Even if he’s not there, they might know where to find him. If you want to go there and check, I could go with you, Towhee said, then forced herself to add, I understand if you want to go alone, though.

I’d really appreciate that. Relief was evident in her tone. Not only would that give her a time to head out, it also would likely reduce the travel time by half. She had not been looking forward to tackling an unfamiliar mountain range solo again.

I should’ve stopped there first. It was stupid, I just… wasn’t up for dealing with Bronco. And now she never would have to. She should feel some way about that, but she just felt numb.

Thanks for telling me.

She sagged with relief when Fennec said she could come along. Visiting the caldera wasn’t her idea of a good time, though she would do anything to be there for her grandson. Better late than never, she mused to herself when guilt knotted her stomach.

I’d like to be here for the birth, though we can head out soon after. Is that alright? she asked. I’m sorry about all the bad news, she added, touching Fen’s shoulder.

It would be hard to leave her newest grandchildren so soon, yet her eldest needed them. Towhee would be back soon, she knew. But she also reminded herself that she didn’t actually live here. Traveling where she was needed most at any given time was the name of the game. That thought settled something inside her.

It feels like it should be worse. Maybe I’m just getting better at bad news. The reply didn’t have much humor in it, mainly because it was true. The news that was clearly so heartbreaking for her son wasn’t going to have the same impact on her. She felt a little guilty about it, but only a little. There was no way to change how she felt.

Brecheliant was what he told me last. If there’s no word there, then I’ll just keep going back until there is. I don’t think Killdeer would ever just disappear on us. Not like I used to. It would give her another thing to worry about if he wasn’t there though. Where would he have gone? Back to Penn?

Telling herself not to worry yet was useless. She’d be an anxious mess internally until she heard his voice. But until then she’d do what she could for Meerkat and the family here. We can go as soon as you’re ready.

No, Towhee agreed readily, he wouldn’t. We’ll track him down, Fen.

But it would have to wait, which was hard. She blew out a breath, wondering whether it would be a week, maybe two. Bronco had been gone some time now, which was only vaguely reassuring. Killdeer might be past the worst of his grief already. A lot of conflicting emotions welled up at the thought.

So, she said after a couple beats of heavy silence, raspberry leaves. And updates on your life. Although I get it if you don’t feel much like talking. We can always save the stories for the road.

It was at least reassuring to have a plan, and to know she would at least get there easier than expected. The trip back she could manage on her own if Killdeer, or someone else, didn’t want to come with. It did occur to her that, with Bronco gone, Killer might want her to stay. How would she respond if he asked?

As a mother, she should. But she’d made promises here too, and she couldn’t see herself settling happily in Brecheliant, even with her son there. Another worry to stew on until she got there.

Depends. How do you feel about more bad news? Fennec asked with a tight smile, then let out a breath of her own. It isn’t Penn, he’s fine. We’re fine, whatever it is we might be. It just didn’t work, us having kids this year. We tried, but nothing.

Towhee was the one she’d wanted to share this with and talk it through with. Out of anyone, she thought she’d understand… because she remembered a time, a long time ago, when Towhee had shared the same fears with her and Fig. Back before Meerkat had come along.

Penn had to stay and help his sister, but I wanted to be here with my family. I know there’s nothing that says next year won’t happen, but it sometimes feels like I can’t catch a fucking break. I want more so bad, and I know Penn does too. I really thought this year was going to be it.

She knew there was nothing Towhee could really do about it, but it felt good to finally say it out loud. She’d made the mistake of getting her hopes up and it only hurt that much more when they were crushed.

Towhee didn’t think she’d known those two had paired up, though they had a long history. She didn’t comment, just patiently read Fennec’s lips as she explained about trying for kids to no avail. She hoped her blasé attitude toward her purported miscarriage hadn’t accidentally upset her daughter.

Sometimes I wonder if nature knows something we don’t. It doesn’t make it suck any less, Towhee said, frowning. I went through something similar years ago. It ended up happening later but that didn’t erase all that turmoil I experienced in the meantime. It’s not an easy thing to go through.

She reached out and settled a broad paw on Fennec’s shoulder. She gave it a light squeeze, then let it linger there.

Fennec immediately rankled at the insinuation. What did her mom mean by that? She was ready. She’d already spent her years waiting. This wasn’t nature knowing anything… it was nature being a bitch about it.

Right. She couldn’t hide the clipped edge, but fortunately her mom wouldn’t hear it. Unfortunately Fennec’s poker face also left something to be desired.

It felt like a brush off and Fennec let it happen, falling into silence rather than elaborating any further. Probably for the best. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected, and honestly, it wasn’t like anything her mom said could actually help. Shit was just shit.

Anyway, you said bleeding? Is it painful, or just there? Fennec asked, shifting the conversation back after a moment. Back to business.

She slowly slid her paw away at Fennec’s sudden brevity. Towhee stared at her daughter’s face, seeing something there that made her stomach sink. What had she said wrong? She knew Fennec’s inclination for taking things the worst way, though she drew a blank when she replayed her own words in her head. Before she could analyze it further, Fen steered the conversation back to her bleeding.

Wait, she replied. Tell me what I said wrong.

Now impatience.  She didn’t want to analyze it.  Clearly her mom thought this wasn’t a huge deal and she was probably right… it shouldn’t be.  Fennec didn’t like how out of sorts she was over this.  Even more importantly though… it was only a big deal to her.  Towhee’d gotten her chance over and over and over again.  Maybe thinking she could relate was stupid after all.

It’s fine.  I just have to deal with it.  The implication that any part of this could be right still stung, but Towhee couldn’t fix this, so there was no point in calling out her words.  Maybe Fig was right for once.  This one wasn’t one she should talk about.

Thinking of her brother only made her mood drop lower, plummeting her desire for continued conversation. Not your fault. She finished, breathing out a sigh that took some of the tension with it. It really wasn’t.

Towhee frowned at Fennec’s dismissal, as familiar as her mood swing. She opened her mouth to say something, then clapped it shut before she could risk sticking her foot in it again. She felt an immense feeling of frustration crash over her like a wave, then ebb away.

After waiting for it to recede, she said, I’m not in any pain and I wouldn’t worry about it but it’s been going on for days now. I doubt it’s enough to leave me anemic or anything but I know it’s not normal. And I’m tired of ruining furniture, she quipped, thinking of the done-for deerskin.

This time the moving on stuck. Thank fuck. She was definitely not capable of explaining her mental hang ups in a way that was constructive right now, let alone get into subjects that bordered Fig with Towhee.

I’ll look for something for you to take for it before we go anywhere. If nothing else, hopefully it will stop things getting worse. Fennec’s lips set in a line, clearly concerned, but unwilling to freak out too much if Towhee wasn’t bothered. Her mom was old enough to take care of herself… for the most part. Fennec wouldn’t be taking no for an answer when it came to at least helping.

What about those raspberry leaves you mentioned? I’m still game for looking if you are, Towhee said, feeling awkward enough to tack on, but if not, that’s fine. We can circle back to it later.

She didn’t think it was pressing, more of a nuisance than anything else. In fact, she could feel a familiar dampness on the inside of her left leg. Towhee bit back a sigh, orange eyes panning over the small loch before she walked closer to the edge and began splashing water on her obnoxious nethers.