Sun Mote Copse time is a revelator;

for @Towhee if you have the time..? i hate to backdate so much, but it would have to take place shortly after wraen/towhee's talk.. LMK and feel free to backdate however much you want, if you pop in!! <3

his conversation with wraen was over, leaving arcturus with no clearer a mind, and far heavier a heart.

he claimed he had no ties here, but that was misleading. meerkat may have gone, but towhee remained -- and while there had always been a somewhat restrained manner between the two of them, arcturus would genuinely miss the mercenary.. and not just because she took his v-card.

swallowing his doubts and fears, arcturus went to howl for towhee and realized his error -- head low, the mountaineer made for the sovereign's den with his hat metaphorically in his hands by the way his ears slung listlessly to his skull.

I dated this for the 7th, hope that's okay!

She had patrolled once already this morning and intended to head out again soon, though her eyes must've been larger than her stomach during lunch as she realized she needed more time to digest first. Towhee sought out a patch of weak sunlight near the center of the rendezvous and gingerly sprawled on the ground, remaining partly upright and turning her face toward the overcast sky.

But she did not close her eyes all the way, so she noticed when Arcturus came calling. She lowered her snout and stared at him, reading his body language. A frown pulled at her lips and she felt her stomach tighten. She could guess why he was here. Towhee had always suspected a bond between Wraen and Arcturus and she had already come to the foregone conclusion that he would be leaving too. Along with Maia, they would be losing three, so soon after losing two other important members.

Fighting a sigh, Towhee braced herself for the conversation but hoped to save both of them some time by saying, -"I know. You're going with Wraen."- She eyed him speculatively, remembering her momentary crush on him. She had avoided and ignored it into oblivion, or so she thought. Well, it didn't bear mentioning now. In fact, she wasn't sure what else to say, though she supposed part of her was appeased that he'd come to find her.

yes thank u! <3

arcturus eventually found towhee resting under a dim swath of half-clouded sunlight. he cast a look to the sky, surprised by how dark it had become. he had been so absorbed in his own stupid emotions he had scarcely noticed the change in atmosphere around him.

it seemed towhee was able to read enough of his intentions from his body language, for she studied him a brief second and then cut right to the chase. if anything, arcturus had always appreciated that about towhee. still, he couldn't help the guilty wince that arced his spine.

"yes." he would return the directness in kind, knowing that while the edge was sharp, it was a better mercy than beating around the bush. "i know you are losing several of your circle in a matter of days, or even hours.." arcturus gave a long exhale, his breath shakier than he had expected. "i am sorry to do this to you. it gives me no joy at all." i go where wraen goes, his sorrowed eyes seemed to futilely explain.

She glanced away as he spoke, though not long enough to miss more than a word or two. It was easy enough to stitch the rest of it together to form a context. It kind of surprised her, how genuinely regretful he looked. She stared at him, realizing she felt a kind of remorse too. And it had nothing to do with the alliance she'd struck with Moonspear, the very same that had led to this unraveling of half the pack.

-"Are you in love with her?"- Towhee asked bluntly. It made sense that Maia would want to go with her sister but why had Towhee immediately guessed he would go too? She had pressed Wraen gently on this point a time or two in the past, especially considering her own history with him, but never before had she actually asked him. And, well, it was now or never.

it was too late for arcturus to pause as towhee looked away; the cat was well out of the bag, and he could tell by her expression she had pieced enough of it together to have a good understanding of what had been set in motion.

what arcturus did not expect was the question. towhee popped it so innocuously -- it was the elephant in the room they all knew of, but none dared to speak. and now, he was being confronted (not unkindly) about his true feelings for wraen.

arcturus had never truly spoken these emotions aloud. he had kept it close to his heart, even if his actions said otherwise. to be so plainly seen -- to be so openly called out by a harmless inquiry -- made arcturus feel small.

he took in a deep breath and looked at towhee as respectfully as he could while still managing some semblance of eye contact. he did not want to flinch or look like he lacked any sort of contrition. "yes. i always have."

which made his actions -- especially with towhee -- confusing. arcturus genuinely regretted being so conflicting almost as much as he regretted the rift he was creating now, between them.

would she accept it? mock him? cast him out then and there? arcturus found his heart was racing and his blood pounding in a way that made him light-headed and anxious.

There was part of her that felt stung by the implicit rejection in his admission. She was suddenly savagely glad she'd never acted on her notions, novel as they were. But that sourness quickly faded as she realized what he'd just confessed so frankly to her. Towhee blinked as if she hadn't expected a response as blunt as her own question; she really hadn't.

But then she smiled, despite herself and how sad these developments made her on some level. -"You know, I think she loves you too,"- she said slowly. -"Do you know what she did to me when she found out I'd slept with you?"- Towhee teased rhetorically, letting out an unattractive snort.

Then her face settled back into more of a contemplative expression. -"I appreciate you telling me,"- she said, which went for the goodbye as well as the truthful nature of his loyalty. -"Take good care of her. I still don't think she should be going anywhere in her shape but she insists it's what she really wants. And..."- Towhee paused. -"If you two are going to run off to the horizon together, you should tell her how you feel, wife her and all that gross romantic shit."-

how selfish arcturus was, to not realize by placing his emotions baldly on the table, he might be rejecting towhee's own. much like kukutux, the sovereign was not granted the full attention of arcturus' introspective thoughts. he was so blinded by the predicament he was in with wraen, he scarcely even registered towhee might feel dejected by his admission.

she looked surprised, which arcturus had difficulty reading. towhee's next question lacked the nakedness of her first, and was followed by a grin arcturus had not been expecting. he wanted to lean in and ask what?, but the conversation was already moving -- and arcturus' head was spinning with the possibility his affections might not be unrequited.

how very much like a man he was, to be thinking then mostly of himself. he shook his head abstractly, trying to rid himself of his selfish thoughts. no -- this was not supposed to be about him and his future paramour -- it was supposed to be about how he knew he was leaving towhee in the reeds.

even if she was accepting of it, and even encouraging of it, it didn't make arcturus' guilt any less pervasive. he gave a smile in return that did not reach his eyes, for that road with wraen was unknown and daunting. but the road, the road he and towhee were on, was coming to a swift conclusion arcturus did not want to see end.

"i will." arcturus promised, to all of that: to romantic notions, to "wifing" her (if wraen agreed), to spending their last days together -- but that was in the future, and he and towhee were in the now. "will firebirds be okay if we leave? will you?"

He concurred and she snorted again, this time mostly under her breath. His next queries took her a little by surprise, for reasons she couldn't pinpoint immediately. Towhee supposed she was simply used to wolves cavorting in and out of the ranks like it didn't really matter much, some not even bothering with farewells. Not many put the weight on it that Arcturus did just now.

-"Yeah,"- she replied simply, appreciating his sentiment, though it wasn't his concern or problem anymore. -"We'll be okay. We've been through worse, no offense."- Her lips twitched faintly. -"But thanks, Arcturus. I'm glad both you and Wraen are trying to leave on good terms, despite everything."- A pause. -"Means a lot."-

it bothered arcturus a great deal he was flitting in and out of firebirds. if his heart was not so deadset on wraen, he might have stayed -- not just for duty, but for the fact that firebirds had been a home to him.. but with wraen moving on, arcturus was moving on too. even if it made him feel he was simply using the firebirds.

he never wanted them to think he was someone that came in and slurped up their resources and left. he was happy, on some note, that things could mostly be amicable -- he couldn't say anything about niamh, but towhee was being more than-graceful given the fact they were discussing his eventual deserting of the firebird ranks.

he tried to smile encouragingly in return, for towhee's acceptance of this, and her understanding, meant more to arcturus than he could simply ever say. "i am still sad to go... but i appreciate you -- and the firebirds -- more than you may ever know."

She didn't expect him to say anything else. It felt like the conversation had approached its natural conclusion. Her stomach had settled, so Towhee began mentally preparing to stand up and get on with that patrol. In fact, she managed to sit upright and push onto all fours when Arcturus said a few more things. She paused, taking in and considering his parting words.

-"We're sad to lose you guys,"- she replied. I wish it didn't have to be this way, she thought but did not add aloud. Instead, she did say, -"But it is what it is. Take care of yourselves. I truly hope you find your happily ever after."- Towhee glanced off to the side, in the general direction of the borders, wanting to go now. But she waited, wanting Arcturus to be the first to depart, after any last words.

arcturus found himself wishing for once, he was a wordsmith like wraen. towhee was pushing off to leave, and there were so many things left unsaid.

he swallowed his tongue, bitter about how thick the emotions were that sprung to his heart. he could do nothing -- this may have been his own choice, but he did not love leaving towhee and meerkat behind.

arcturus was learning that love was the death of duty; his duty to firebirds, his duty to towhee, his duty to meerkat.. (once, his duty to moonspear..) his stomach rippled into unpleasant knots, but there was nothing else he could say.

it is what it is. towhee was looking away -- and it was then arcturus bumped his head to the mercenary in a silent, grateful farewell.

no promises that he would come back, no promises he would see her again -- arcturus had broken too many promises in his life, and now he knew the valor in remaining silent.

no broken hearts, no broken words -- only the endless road ahead of him.

fade here, or with ur post? arct will miss towhee & meerk <3