Redsand Canyon Maybe months go by, maybe years from now

When she returned to Mereo after their confrontation, Fennec felt better than she had in months. This felt different than the momentary peace she'd found before. This felt free, like this weight she'd been carrying instantaneously vanished into thin air. He'd done her a favor by mocking her love and, by extension, her grief. They were both now exterminated entirely.

And not giving a shit felt amazing.

She'd wasted so much time. She'd even left Killer over this, albeit temporarily. What the fuck was she thinking?

Buzzing with all of this new energy, and determined to make up for lost time, the first wolf she sought out was @Towhee. Her mom's advice was a big part of the reason she'd even managed to go there in the first place. She wanted her to know how much that help had meant.

She probably wouldn't be able to track down Fig to apologize to him, but she'd likely try at some point. It was the only thing out of all of this worth regretting now.

Meerkat and her children were gone again, leaving Towhee with a potent cocktail of emotions. On one hand, she was very sorry to see them go. She didn’t feel like they had spent enough time together. She wished they would stay here, especially with Njord gone, but she understood Sapphique was their home. And on the other hand, Towhee felt a bit like she had a happiness hangover just from getting to spend that short amount of time hanging out with her daughter, her grandkids and the rest of the family.

As much as she missed them already, today started off on a high note as Towhee skipped along the borders. It was dull work usually, though the sudden downward shift in temperature put a little extra pep in her step. It felt like summer was officially dead and gone, with autumn quickly making its home here in its stead.

The crisp breeze delivered Fennec’s scent to her nose long before she spotted the young woman. Curious what she was doing out here, especially this early in the morning, Towhee concluded that perhaps her eldest daughter was looking for her. She made sure to close the gap quickly, orange eyes roving over Fen’s face, trying to read any clues there.

Morning, Fen. What’s up? she greeted with an accompanying nudge.

My pre-coffee ass assumed this was posted this morning, so just let me know if I need to edit that, lol.

either is fine! She can have waited a bit when she got back

Fennec found her mom fairly easily. Mereo wasn't a place with a ton of hiding places and the common areas were pretty well regimented. She smiled and reached out to casually return the nuzzle. This time the expression was actually genuine.

Hey, mom. She stepped back, still smiling. I actually wanted to let you know, I went and talked to Bronco, at the Caldera. God, it had gone so terribly that it was funny to her now. The laugh was apparent under her next words. It was a shit show. I'm sorry I've been such an ass lately. I didn't know how much I needed that.

Towhee hadn't gotten the brunt of her emotional fallout but she'd definitely been subjected to some of it.

The smile that curved Fen’s mouth settled some of the nerves rattled by seeing her out here this morning. And the Plebian didn’t leave her hanging, quickly explaining that she’d gone to the caldera to speak with Bronco. Towhee’s mind did an equivalent of “?!” but, once again, Fennec clarified before her imagination could run away on her.

But some of what Fennec said stumped her. Why had she gone to see Bronco in the first place? Since when had she been acting like an ass? Towhee hadn’t noticed that, though Fen was kind of a testy sort even at the best of times. Spicy was her default, plus she was going through one of the hardest things life could throw at you. A bit of moodiness was more than understandable.

Maybe I’m just biased in your favor, because I didn’t particularly notice any assholery, Towhee replied, but I feel like I missed something. Why did you go to see him in the first place? Closure? she guessed, morbidly curious about this “shit show” and sort of hoping Fennec would provide some details.

Something like that. She'd been hoping to at least set expectations, but she couldn't have guessed she'd get the answers she had out of it. I wanted to tell him I wasn't ready to be friends again so that I could stop freaking out every time I thought I might run into him. He decided to take that to mean I was accusing him of being too friendly. And of course he had to correct that, can't let me get the idea my feelings are somehow valid. She snorted, but there was genuine amusement and little, if any, annoyance to it.

She knew her mom tended to like things brief to start so she summarized the rest. Then he told me I should try bullying him into marrying me again. So I called him out for the fucking coward he is and told him to go to hell.

Fennec had no clue how Towhee would take all of this. Bronco had been both of their packmate, once upon a time, and her mom had practically been an aunt to him. Whether she agreed with what had gone down or not - it did make a pretty good story.

As Fennec shared some of the grisly details, Towhee couldn’t help but draw comparisons to her own divorce from Reyes. She thought about their last conversation (not counting the drunken one). He had come to her, not the other way around, but she had tried to find common ground with him only for it to blow up in her face. Yeah, she could relate.

Reyes was a monster, though, and she’d always liked Bronco. At first, she was going to chalk a lot of this up to miscommunication versus fatal character flaws, though the bit about bullying made her eyebrows raise. What did that even mean? Towhee was biased and missing a lot of context, but she felt her face hardening a little. Well, of course she was going to take Fennec’s side, anyhow.

Why the hell would he say something like that? I don’t get it, Towhee said bluntly. I guess that’s not important, though. You weren’t kidding about a shit show. You sure you’re alright?

She touched her nose to Fen’s cheek, just for reassurance. No matter what type of guy Bronco was these days, Towhee couldn’t help but think Fennec was better off without him. He’ll be someone else’s problem soon, she thought, idly wondering how Reyes and his little girlfriend were doing these days.

Fennec laughed. I guess he finally got tired of lying about it. Towhee said it wasn't important, and she definitely got what her mom meant. But for her it was actually the most important part of the fight.

I could never figure out why he changed. When we first started, he was super sweet. But then he came back, after Killdeer, and it was like he was a complete stranger. It was more than just whatever happened to him. He didn't even treat me like a friend anymore. He hadn't been like that with Killdeer or with others in the pack.

I couldn't figure out how I'd fucked up and why shit went so bad. Now I know it was rotten from the start and that he wasn't even interested in trying to fix it. She grinned a little wickedly. I guess I 'bullied' him into having a relationship with Killdeer too, but I didn't hear him complaining about that.

It was months, maybe even more than a year, of mental baggage gone. She couldn't begin to describe how good that felt. Anyway. Thanks, mom, for being here. I think everything's going to be okay now. Fennec leaned forward, aiming to give her a nuzzle on the cheek. She was delighting in the chance to get her less charitable feelings out but her thanks was more genuine than she usually let show.

She pulled back, wondering what Fennec meant about lying. Before Towhee could ask, the Plebian elaborated further. Her eyes were starting to ache from all the lipreading, so she took another step backward, the distance alleviating the need for her eyes to move back and forth so much.

Truthfully, Towhee couldn’t remember everything Fennec referenced. She did remember Bronco disappearing and returning, looking like he’d been to hell and back, and having a conversation with Fennec not long after that. She licked her lips, brow furrowing as she tried to dig up memories buried deeply in the back of her mind.

She actually dredged up something she would rather not remember: she and Fennec hadn’t been on particularly great terms at the time. Perhaps that was why Towhee couldn’t recollect much about what had been going on with Bronco back then. Towhee swallowed a sigh, pushing all the memories back into the closet where they belonged.

Maybe… maybe he’s like his mother, Towhee found herself saying out of nowhere. Niamh was a ticking time bomb and when she went off, it destroyed your dad. He still isn’t right to this day—please don’t tell him I said that—and it’s because she damaged him so badly, he could never recover. I’m glad that didn’t happen to you, Fennec.

Towhee's comparison definitely made her think. Fennec had never stopped to consider why her dad was such a mess after all of that went down. Niamh chose to leave him. Now she understood that it was actually worse that way. She never considered that he might blame himself for all of it, especially because he would never get the chance to have the conversation she just did.

Shit. She needed to go give him a hug after this.

He'd hate that. Bronco never liked his mom, though Fennec never took severe issue with her until she'd run. But maybe. She didn't think he got it from her. Niamh had kept Fennec's respect precisely because she didn't beat around the bush or play nice. They were both great at refusing to admit when they were wrong, though. She remembered that - and sometimes, she knew, she had that problem too. At least I own it.

I'm glad you were finally able to break the family curse. Towhee had given her a lot to think about, so she was more than happy to turn the subject to happier things. Like finally getting a little low-down on Maxim, who she hadn't even really bothered to acknowledge until now. (See? Asshole.)

Her lips twisted a little at Fen’s reply: “He’d hate that.” Towhee could only nod, even though her daughter wouldn’t see it. Bronco’s relationship with his mother had always seemed rather contentious and she knew he would likely resent the comparison. But Towhee wasn’t sure how else to explain the shift in his demeanor.

Fennec’s next comment made her blink. For a split second, she didn’t have any clue what she meant. Then she realized and Towhee huffed an incredulous laugh. She didn’t think she had, not really. As much as she adored Maxim, she still thought he would disappear on her one day.

This is very cynical of me but I know you of all people will understand… I still wholeheartedly believe Maxim will let me down in the end. I’m still letting myself enjoy him in the meantime. I’m just under no illusions. There’s not going to be a happy ending. Towhee paused and then acknowledged, Unless I kick the bucket before it can happen. I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon but I’d prefer that: my heart stopping before he has a chance to break it.

Fennec absolutely did understand. She could be optimistic about her mom's chances but there was no way she'd be capable about saying that for her own. Time had just shown there were very few wolves out there she felt worth hopping into that kind of relationship with and the ones she did had a bad habit of leaving her out to dry.

We're just so intimidating and badass. It was a little sad but not nearly as sad as it had been when the feeling of loneliness was tied to someone specific. She felt closer to her mom than she had in a long time. Maybe hiding things from Towhee should have been a massive red flag for her too. No offense to him but I'd rather have you around. If it came down to it.

That led pretty naturally into another subject she'd been thinking about lately. It would make her mom happy and, while she didn't want to get Towhee's hopes up unnecessarily, it would be really good to talk about it. She kind of needed the advice from someone who had sort of done it before. The only part of this all that still bothers me is that I really did love being a mom. I'd never tell him, but having Killdeer was harder than it could have been. I really wanted to try again now that I know how I feel, and I think I still might if I can. Just with someone who doesn't really matter.

Would Germanicus go for that? She'd been pretty rude to him so far so chances were he at least wasn't up for doing her any outright favors. Maybe she should back that off a bit - at least until he gave her a reason to be pissed again.

She snorted at Fennec’s remark, though the sad fact of the matter was it had a lot less to do with them, for better or for worse, and everything to do with the vacuous population. Nine times out of ten, Towhee knew she couldn’t count on those around her to do anything (except perhaps leave).

She didn’t voice this highly pessimistic opinion, in part because Fennec smoothly shifted gears toward a lighter topic of conversation. Towhee adored Killdeer (and the rest of her grandchildren), so she listened attentively with her eyes as Fennec spoke about trying her hand at motherhood again someday.

Well, you know I fully support that. If you want to do it here, you’ll have to tie the knot with the guy, though. It doesn’t have to be romantic. It wasn’t when Maxim and I got together, Towhee pointed out with a bit of a laugh. I’d choose someone you can at least get along with, though. The extra support is nice.

Fennec huffed out a breath of annoyance. Of course as soon as she settled on this course her mom would join a pack that didn't fucking allow it. That really was her kind of timing.

On a scale of one to ten, how bad would it be if I just picked someone who wasn't here? Fennec asked. She was honestly considering it, and if she had kids next year, that was the way she was going to need to play it.

She couldn't do proximity with someone. She didn't want them to have any part in raising them, any knowledge after, or any reason to stick around. The last thing she needed was another Bronco. Living with someone like that, and not knowing where they stood emotionally, sounded like the exact hell she'd just gotten out of.

Well, I think you’d be banished, Towhee replied frankly. If that’s really how you want to play it, then I wouldn’t try it here. There’s always Epoch, though she couldn’t say if Arsenio and Tamar—or any leaders anywhere, really—would particularly love Fennec’s approach.

If it had been up to her, Towhee probably would’ve fully supported the idea and helped Fennec raise the resulting pups. But this wasn’t the caldera and she wasn’t in charge. She wasn’t even in leadership and never would be (unless something changed drastically). She’d fallen in line despite herself and wondered if Fen might come around to the idea someday too.

There’s plenty of time to sort out the logistics, Towhee posited. So much will probably change between now and when this becomes more relevant anyway, and she didn’t even mean Fennec’s feelings on the matter, but literally everything else, and she gestured accordingly. Although I imagine I’ll still be here, in your corner.

Well, that was a shitty deal. Some of Fennec's previous good mood evaporated but she knew that if Towhee was in charge this wouldn't be an issue. Her mom wouldn't have cornered her into making this decision again.

I won't do a mate-ship just for kids. It isn't worth it. Maybe Towhee could handle a mate who didn't love her but Fennec had learned firsthand that she wasn't built for that. She didn't trust that it would be different if she didn't love them either. Who said it would stay that way?

I guess I'll figure it out when it comes. And probably give up her chances next year then, too, if she had to choose between a life with her current kid and family and a life with new ones. Fennec didn't think she'd be able to justify that trade (especially not to Killdeer). Her only real chance was to change Germanicus' mind - something she was willing to bet was almost as impossible as her finding an actual mate. No offense to Mereo or anything, but I think I preferred your management style. She smiled wryly, but decided to let it go at that.

Just because it had worked out for Towhee didn’t mean that it was the right thing for Fennec. The elder Redhawk nodded, momentarily forgetting that her daughter wouldn’t pick up on it.

There are definitely some rules here I don’t like or even understand, Towhee said. For instance, the only reason I’m not in leadership is because I won’t do a tour in Akashingo, not because I don’t have the interest or the merits. But my family and my principles are both more important to me than some rank.

But she didn’t want to talk about herself or take a shit on Mereo, so she changed tack slightly and sallied, Have you thought more about what we talked about before? Setting up an outpost slash bartering headquarters? If you were in charge and things went well, then you wouldn’t need anyone’s permission for anything…

That was pretty dumb too. Fennec wasn't even sure what Towhee meant by the place she named, but she wouldn't go for it either if it meant spending time in a place that wasn't even home. Wasn't that actually a bit of a conflict of interests? She'd want someone in leadership to know their own pack better rather than some random pack full of strangers.

Not that she had a whole lot of room to critique. Towhee's idea made her snort with amusement. Outpost? Definitely not. Not to go emo on you mom but I'm pretty sure you need friends for that kind of shit. The comment wasn't a self-dig, it was just glaringly honest.

I wasn't the one most of the pack signed on to follow on the last try either. If she had been, so many of them wouldn't have jetted the instant Bronco walked away. Fig was the only one who stuck with her (and look how that turned out). It's a creepy solo gig or nothing, I think.

Towhee had pitched the idea before, though she couldn’t remember what Fennec had said at the time. Now, she balked. Towhee was kind of kidding, though she did wish Fen would give the idea (and herself) a bit more credit. Her last idea had gone well, hadn’t it? Perhaps, Towhee thought, she should quit while she was ahead.

You know how I said everything will change? It’s already changed quite a lot since this past spring. We have a new Matrona, for starters. So yeah, who knows what’ll happen in the future. But back to the present, Towhee continued, I’m ready for breakfast. What about you?

It was hard to count much on things in her social life changing that quickly but maybe she did have some kind of shot at the pack shifting viewpoints. If nothing else she could attempt being on her best behavior and make her case to the Imperator. It seemed strange to her that a guy who hadn't struck her as particularly romantic would ride such a hard line over marriage.

Absolutely. She'd skipped a few meals the previous day with the nerves of visiting Brecheliant. Now that it was over she felt like she could polish off half a deer. (Or at least a fatter rabbit than usual). She stepped towards to follow, letting her tail lightly brush her mom's so she could easily track where she went. It wasn't all that hard to hear but sometimes, especially if they went near the training grounds, other wolves would mix things up a bit. Aside from that, it was a kind of casual contact she'd been starved of for a while, and as long as her mom didn't mind she'd indulge it.

last for me <3!