Moonspear nimgiak ⤟

moonmother climbed in small paces to the hot springs, and sank forelegs into the steaming water with a sigh.

she asked @Sialuk to join her here, mothers in convocation and respite.

kukutux allowed herself the moment of relaxation. the mind too must sleep. sometimes.

Time with anaa was always savored, and today was no different. It had been too long since they had made time to talk one-on-one, and Sialuk knew she needed it now. She sidled up alongside Kukutux and leaned in, letting her own front paws dip into the water as well. In some ways, it seemed wrong to feel enjoyment when her son was out alone in the world, too young to face it on his own... but what was she to do? There were no answers that made any sense.

in silence they shared the communion which had existed between them since the falling star. mother and daughter, yes, but women too, the thought-connection of those who have been bonded by pain.

"tiuttuk says that pauk has been gone away," moonmother whispered gently. "we will search for him. moonglow too; we have not found nutuyikruk. perhaps they are together."

her eyes shone with resolute determination.

Sialuk did not think it was so. They would have found their way back, together, if they were truly in the same place, but she stilled her tongue against the opposition and nodded.

How do you keep going? she asked, knowing that anaa had faced many children leaving not only their homes but this realm, too. First the wife of Rodyn, then the sister who had promised to weave flower wreaths for Sialuk's own wedding. A wedding now that felt pointless with the disappearance of Argent. He had gone, too. The Ostrega's heart ached.

"because i must. i have no choice. if i falter, moonglow falls. you and i, we have done much work in our lives to build what has been built."

tears filled the jadestone eyes. "i work, and i love, and i lose the faces around me. and still i walk forward. i find more to be. to do. it is not easy. maybe it will never be easy. but would they wish me to stop? to give up? i do not believe they would have the want for this. and so, sialuk, i walk."

Not a how, but a fact. Sialuk had known in some way, but it was easier to hear it come from the mouth of her own mother. Then I will walk, too, she said with a clench of her jaw. She would not let the world drag her down as it had for months now. It was not fair to the children who were still here, still thriving as much as they could under her care. It was not fair to Elentari—or even Killdeer—to dwell on what was not there.

She thought of the Redhawk and their recent time together. Sialuk had always found it easy to love and be loved, but Argent's departure had built walls in her heart. When father died, how did you know your heart could move on? she asked. His death had been different—not of his own choice—but Sialuk knew there were similarities.

a question weighed her.

"the last time i saw your taataa, he was filled with joy."

a breath, drawn; she tasted the scorched air once more, the fires billowing black shrouds over the proud trees of the village.

"when he did not come down, i held his delighted face in my mind, over and over. i want to believe he did not die in sorrow, pukak. i believe he died suddenly, suddenly."

a tale if she had ever created one. 

"i knew aiolos for much time before he found me again at the spine. blackfox had died and i had made myself know this was true. sun man saw my tears for your father and held me in my weeping. he waited until one day i opened my eyes and loved him with that same power in return."

Sialuk could scarcely remember her father. He had been dark, like her very own Pauk. He had been more stoic in some ways than anaa. What little she remembered of him was clouded by his untimely death. Sialuk had also prayed that he had gone to the island of the dancing lights swiftly and without pain, but there was no true way of knowing his last moments in this realm. She could only imagine and hope. The daughter sighed.

She remembered visiting Aiolos near the ocean before the first fall of Moonspear. She also remembered how he had come to Kukutux and mended her heart in ways that only an ugi could. Sialuk knew her story was not similar to her mother's. She felt disappointment when she thought of Argent, wishing he had thought of the future of their children before he had left them of his own will. Out there, he had found somebody else by now—somebody who would love only him.

There is stone in my heart where I once loved Argent, she admitted with a solemn frown. Perhaps there was nothing to be done about it. Perhaps it would remain.

"one day, it will lift. but for now, daughter, feel its weight in your heart. let it be there, for now. for now," a third time, to say things must not remain this way.

perhaps the strength of the moonwomen was too great; perhaps all men could not be so strong.

was this a curse? was it a blessing; was it both?

"one day, the stone will be gone." kukutux would not promise joy in its absence, only assurance that this rock upon the heart existed not till the end of days.

fade here?

She would try. Sialuk would let the stone in her heart grow large and heavy. There, it could gather all the horrible things she felt, and one day, it would be gone. Hearing it from anaa made her feel the truth to it. She would take it from her heart and throw it into the depths of some great body of water where it could lay and dissipate into the rest of the world, absorbed back and turned into a better, cleaner energy.

There was a finality there, a knowing that one day, she would be rid of this feeling.

Thank you, Sialuk said, pressing her forehead to her mother's chest. She felt a child again, the comfort of Kukutux beginning to mend a wound she had thought too great to heal.