Redhawk Caldera Leave your bag of bones underneath your bed

I owe other replies but wanted to get this in my timeline before their heats really kick off and make the timelines harder!

First she was recovering from her injuries, but even when the wound over her throat closed up and became an itchy scab, she did not emerge to spend much time with her family in the aftermath of Rosie's death. She kept to herself, mourning him alone or sharing her grief with Quetzal only, up until the moment Fennec left the Caldera with Bronco: the very same moment that Alyx decided she could not stay here any longer.

It came upon her suddenly, but without the usual dramatic dislike for @Niamh or feeling that she was overlooked and unappreciated that often surrounded her desire to leave this place. Those were present, but considerably subdued. It was an observation as bland as opening your eyes and realizing it was midday rather than morning, or remembering that you were hungry. She'd been planning it for a while, but always waffled. Mostly because @Phox, she realized. Her father was a sweet man and she didn't like the idea of hurting him, but it was simply time for her to go and find somewhere better for her, somewhere that could ultimately allow her a healthier relationship with her family than staying here did.

Her voice had not recovered. She didn't know if it ever would. If she spoke softly, she sounded mostly like her usual feminine self with a faint hoarse buzz to some of the harder sounds, but raising her voice much was futile and strained her vocal chords to the point of coughing. Sometimes it hurt to speak loudly. Her throat absolutely seared when she shook snow from her dark back and tried to howl for her parents. She cut it short, since it was more of a reedy whistle than a rich howl that both pained and embarrassed her, but it would do the trick. @Towhee sounded like a dying goat when she howled, and Alyx's was still better than that, at least.

If this was more intended for Niamh and Phox, just let me know and I'll remove this.

Towhee wondered if it was possible to get a headache purely from having too much on one's mind. Or perhaps it was simply a symptom of what was to come any day now. In any case, her head hurt. It was bad enough that she ventured out in search of one of the medics before abruptly remembering Fennec might not be available at the moment. Maybe she should just call Eljay directly then.

Before she could decide what to do, she spotted Alyx in the distance, her head raised. Although Towhee didn't hear the howl, she recognized the posture. Keeping her eyes squinted against the glare on the snow, she made her way over to the yearling. Her head pounded even harder for the effort, though she managed a small smile for the girl. With a pinch in her chest, she wondered if this was about Primrose somehow.

-"Hey. What's on your mind?"- Towhee asked.

It's for any or all of you! Niamh and Phox still welcome to hop in whenever!

She wasn't particularly expecting Towhee to respond to her howl on account of being unable to hear it, so Alyx was surprised when the Sovereign was the first to respond. Maybe Towma was close by and spotted her, or maybe she was advanced enough to feel the vibrations of a howl in her feet or something. That sounded like a wild superpower.

While Alyx intrinsically knew that she needed to go her own way to grow as a person, she also recognized that the timing of this was incredibly bad. For that reason, her conviction wavered the moment she clapped eyes on her second mom. Towhee would be the easiest to talk to about it, but her throat still felt like it was constricting when she tried to bring it up.

Swallowing thickly, she began to stall while she gathered herself. Lotta snow fell, huh? she signed, feeling flustered.

Sneaking in!

Alyx’s call did not go unnoticed, and Phox had a feeling he knew what it was about. She was getting to be #ThatAge, and with Prim’s death, he suspected that she wanted even more space than the caldera could offer. Now that she was older, he could no longer stop her from doing what she wished. He wondered if Quetzal would go with her twin, but he arrived to find that she was not there: only Alyx and Towhee. He greeted them both with a friendly, wary wave of his tail.

Hey, Alyx. Towhee.

She couldn't guess what thoughts might be whirling in that young mind, though she hadn't expected small talk about the weather. Nonetheless, she managed a soft smile and took a seat. Towhee looked around at the whiteness covering everything, though that made her headache worse, so she quickly looked back to Alyx.

But before she could say anything, Phox arrived. Towhee tossed her brother a wan smile and then looked back to the yearling, a tendril of disquiet threading through her. Why had Alyx summoned her parents here? She wasn't really the type to seek out a group hug, though the Sovereign was still at least partly convinced this had something to do with Prim.

She almost dreaded sussing out the truth, plus she saw how discomfited Alyx looked. Rather than drive to the heart of the matter, Towhee replied to her observation by saying, -"We had all that rain in the summer, I'm not surprised we're seeing a lot of snow now. But your dad would know more about weather patterns than I would."- Aware of her own banality, she glanced at Phox again.

Alyx could feel the jitters worming along her neurons and digging into her organs, making her heart palpitate. If wolves could sweat, she would have beads of it rolling down her forehead the second Phox appeared. Of the two, Towhee was the scarier wolf, but Phox's disappointment would hurt a lot more.

Towhee was talking and signing, but Alyx didn't hear a word of it. There was a cottony feeling in her ears and a ringing that she physically shook her head to dispel. I, uh, she said, working her tongue over her lips and wondering how it was possible to feel parched and like she was drowning at the same time. She wasn't even able to feel ashamed by the rasping quality of her voice, she was too busy feeling like she was going to explode with nerves.

I wanted to uh... To talk... to... Licking her lips about half a dozen times more, Alyx decided to just blurt it out: I-wanna-go-take-a-trip-and-visit-my-friend-and-I-dunno-if-I'll-be-coming-home-after-please-don't-hate-me.

And then, there it was. She was the right age for it, and Phox had suspected it would come soon enough. He had not expected it to follow Prim's death so quickly, but perhaps some time away would help her grieve in her own way. It was not disappointment at her that flickered over his features, though. It was a little bit of sadness that children didn't stay children for longer. She was an adult for all intents and purposes, and he couldn't tell her what to do or where to go anymore. At least this time she had gone about it a little better.

I don't hate you, silly. I will miss you, though, he said, a smile creasing his lips. Have you told Quetzal? he asked. He also wondered where Niamh was. She couldn't be too far off, but he figured she and Alyx could speak one-on-one about her plans if she missed this particular conversation. Phox wasn't about to relay the news himself.

Her eyes drifted back in time to catch the beginnings of Alyx's stuttering. The rest of the words came out of her in such a rush Towhee couldn't possibly follow it all in real time. She managed to interpret enough keywords that she thought she got the gist of it. Her lips parted as Phox said something about Quetzal, right after reassuring Alyx he didn't hate her. She thought she'd understood correctly then.

But just to be triply sure, she said, "Sorry, I didn't catch all that. You're leaving? Where will you go?" Towhee paused before adding a few more thoughts, "Maybe you could take your sister with you? I don't like the idea of you traveling alone. Do you think you'll ever come back?" Of course, she hoped for a "yes."

But even if it was a "no" or an "I don't know," Alyx would only find acceptance from Towhee. It was a little resigned and fraught with maternal concern, yet she'd now gone through this enough times to realize it wasn't an inherently terrible thing. Sure, she missed her kids when they left but... honestly, this was probably how it was supposed to go. If their kids were independent and strong enough to disperse, then they'd raised them right.

Of course, she couldn't help but think of Prim in this context. He would always stay with them, forever young, because he hadn't survived. Towhee's heart squeezed in her chest. Yes, much as she hated to see Alyx leave, going out into the world to live her life was so much better than the alternative.

Still healing from the gash on her foreleg- a final, parting gift from Kiwi- Niamh wasn't capable of simply jetting from one place to the other and thus, she heaved a heavy sigh when she heard Alyx's call. She'd been heading in the opposite direction- and would have to backtrack to go and meet up with her daughter, but at least this meant that she could follow her own trail in the snow for part of the journey. It made her heart ache to hear her daughter's voice crack the way it had, and she wondered if Alyx's vocal chords would ever fully heal. All things considered, it wasn't a big worry for Niamh. The fact that Alyx had escaped without her entire jugular being torn out was a godsend, given how close the cougar had come to doing so. 

Phox and Towhee were already with Alyx by the time that Niamh arrived. The only voice she heard was Towhee's, as she approached- as she tended to speak more loudly than the others, though her words weren't distinctly clear. All she could make out was the very tail end- the words "Ever come back?" 

Niamh glanced to Towhee, and then to Phox. Whatever conversation it was that Alyx had called them for, they had seen fit to begin without her, which rubbed Niamh's fur the wrong way. They should have waited for her- she was Alyx's mother. She came to Phox's side, but and her gaze was stern and questioning. "What's going on?" She asked, speaking directly to her daughter- wanting to hear whatever the matter was, straight from her daughter's mouth.

It was a massive load off when Phox said he didn't hate her. She didn't know why she'd been expecting it to go worse, even after Fennec told her it would be completely fine. Her dad was always the chill one.

She shook her head in response to both their questions. I haven't seen her recently, and I don't think she'd want to come anyway, she added, looking to Towhee then, only to notice her golden-haired mother approaching. The sight of Niamh sent Alyx's nerves skyrocketing. She was certain that Phox and Towhee would've been on board with her going to Rusalka last time if Niamh hadn't started in about how they tried to kill her once, or whatever, so she was doubly nervous that a bad reaction from her mother this time would end similarly. She was determined not to lose her cool.

It didn't help any that she imagined the look Niamh locked on her was accusatory. Discomfort rippled visibly down the length of her back. I'm going on a trip, she said, fighting to keep her voice from wavering as she added, I don't know if I'll be coming back. She tried to channel Fennec's stubbornness into her look and her stance. She hoped it was obvious that she meant as a resident, and that visits were an exception, of course.

He smiled when Alyx seemed to soften at his response. Towhee had plenty of questions, and Phox didn't deign to interject his own until Alyx had a chance to answer.

Niamh approached, and Phox caught a whiff of what he could only describe as "angry mom musk." Oh boy. Alyx was grown now, but he knew that Niamh tended to think of her children as children for much longer than he did. He sought words that might quell her fears, trying to piece together some string of them to soother her mother's worrying. Alyx just told us, he assured her, wanted Niamh to know that they had known only a moment longer than she had. To Alyx, he gave her a reassuring soft gaze of approval. She would do well for herself wherever life took her.

When do you think you'll take off? he asked. If "immediately" was the answer, he was ready for it, based on his experience with Fennec, but he hoped she would stick around for a little while.

Towhee was still stuck on the news that Alyx hadn't seen her own twin sister lately when Niamh made an appearance. She met the Regent's glance with a thoughtful frown, then simply did her best to keep up with the three-way conversation. These kinds of things always required intense concentration, so the Sovereign didn't bother trying to participate, simply sitting back and observing.

She thought she could sense both Alyx and Phox becoming a bit tense as she approached- so she figured that something was up. Her daughter answered her, and Niamh pursed her lips in thought. She no more than flicked an ear in Phox's direction, when he assured her that this wasn't something he and Towhee had known for some time. She'd only just informed them, but she hadn't bothered to wait for her birthmother to show up before sharing her news. It rubbed Niamh the wrong way, to be the last to hear important news. But- being informed just after Phox and Towhee wasn't terrible; they were her closest companions, after all, and the leaders of the pack. 

Alyx looked as though she was bracing for a strong wind- and Niamh couldn't blame her. Had Towhee and Phox not been present, she likely wouldn't have reined in her temper. Phox, in asking her questions about her plan, basically enabled their daughter and gave her permission to go. Niamh wanted to snap at him and shut him up- but she bit her tongue instead. He was so soft; too soft, perhaps. She and Alyx were oil and flame. She wasn't interested in knowing when Alyx planned to leave, or where she planned on going. It stung her most to hear that she potentially intended not to return. 

"I don't want to hear you say you'll never come back." She commented. She felt it was rude of Alyx to imply that she would willingly leave, and intentionally never see her parents again. She felt that it was an ungrateful remark, considering the fact that she had been nurtured and raised by all three leaders present. "We'll...Always be here." She stated simply, with an unimpressed shrug. She felt obliged, somewhat, to grant her daughter permission because Phox and Towhee clearly already had. But she'd be damned if she seemed willing and enthusiastic about it.

Niamh took it a lot better than Alyx expected, though by now she knew enough about her mother to know that a lot was probably being left unsaid. Whatever. It suited her perfectly to not have to have that argument. If I don't come back to stay, then I'll visit, she clarified. From what she understood, it was a long way to the coast, so her visits might be few and far between, but she would.

If not necessarily for her mom's sake, then for her dad and Towma and the younger siblings she was sure she would have in the spring. Fennec, too, if her sandy sister returned here.

Speaking of which: Fenn said she'll help me get to the coast, so I won't be alone, at least for a bit. We'll probably leave soon. Next week, maybe? She hadn't outright said she was planning to go and find Rusalka, if only because she didn't want that whole tried-to-kill-your-mom thing to become a barrier again, but mention of the seaside was probably enough of a clue.

There wasn't much left to say besides goodbye, and suddenly she felt her throat burning with an abrupt sadness. Just because she thought this was best for her didn't mean she wouldn't miss her family fiercely, even her mother, who she would miss most of all, in some strange way.

Towhee went quiet, and Phox realized she was probably having a hard time reading the conversation. He made a mental note to sign with his speaking going forward. Even then, it was probably hard to look at three wolves at once.

Oh, but Fennec was leaving too? He should not have been surprised, but it never felt good to know she'd be going off, too. At least they would be together. Fennec was one tough cookie, and he knew that the two of them together would be nothing short of an unstoppable team.

-We'll miss ya, kiddo. Don't let Fennec push you around too much, huh?- He was glad Niamh was taking it reasonably well, too. And Alyx would be back. This wasn't goodbye forever, just a so long for now.

Alyx answered the rest of her questions and Towhee nodded in acknowledgement. She wouldn't say she was happy about this, though she was satisfied with the information and with their daughters' general plan of action. Hearing that Fennec was involved neither surprised nor bothered Towhee. She was glad of it, since she didn't want Alyx traveling by herself. She still wondered about Quetzal though.

The conversation was coming to a close with a few parting remarks. After her brother's quip, Towhee added, "And don't forget to bring us souvenirs." It was a joke, a lame one at that, but it would be kind of neat if Alyx returned with some token of her travels. Preferably an aspirin for this pesky headache.

Sometimes, it felt like it was easier to get blood from a stone than it was to get children to come and visit, or to at least be civil about going off on an adventure. She failed to remember what it had been like when she'd been their age, and when she and her brother, Ambrose, had set off on their own. She also forgot that her parents had simply let them go- and that neither of them had ever returned for a visit, or paid their parents a moment of consideration. So she couldn't really expect the same from her own daughter, despite having attempted to micro-manage her life so much. 

There was tension in her jawline when she spoke again, but she kept her voice calm. "Visiting would be nice," She said, and she kept it at that. She knew the more she pushed how often Alyx should visit, or voiced her opinion on simply making sure that she was back by wintertime might make her decide not to visit at all. 

When she thought about it, though, it made her sad. She wasn't angry with Alyx- but she mourned to see her children leave, not knowing what might happen to them. Phox and Towhee did their best to make joking suggestions, and keep the topic light, but Niamh worried- and worry softened her. Her eyes shone with a soft later of dusky tears, that she obviously fought to keep from spilling down her cheeks. "Gonna miss you," She said in a husky voice.

A chuff of laughter for both her father's and her aunt-mother's suggestions.
She has to worry about me pushing her around, Alyx joked back in the strained voice that suggested she was fending off the keening crack of sadness across the back of her throat. I need someone to carry all those souvenirs, you know.
The heavy silence that fell was broken next by terse words from her mother that set Alyx's teeth on edge, followed by a softer declaration that made her breath catch in her throat. It whooshed out with an audible shudder moments before her face crumpled.
Several quick steps carried her to her mother, the woman whose very presence was what drove her daughter to seek space elsewhere. But for all her complicated feelings about Niamh and her mothering style, Alyx loved her mother, and recognized the harsher undertones in her voice as the same stinging sadness that clung to her tongue. She shoved her muzzle and cheek into the space between her mom's jaw and throat with an emotional tremble and whispered, I'll miss you too.
She would have hugs for Towhee and Phox, too, of course. But she needed, for just this moment, to be held by her mother. To know Niamh did not hate her for this, no matter how they got along.

Last one for me, I think! We can probably archive here, whoever gets to it next.

Phox was happy to settle in and let the mother and daughter have their moment, and he sent a warm glance over to Towhee as well. All three of them were saying farewell to one of their kids today. Okay, maybe not right now, but the time would come sooner rather than later.

He was going to miss her—that much he knew—but everybody needed to spread their wings eventually, right?