Sun Mote Copse Jimmy goes to space.

Towhee stood beside the log where she'd lived with Meerkat those first few weeks of her life, staring toward the center of the rendezvous site where her growing child played with a dead rabbit @Phox had dropped off a little while ago. The Regent bit her lip, then strode toward her daughter, who ignored her approach entirely. Meerkat was sprawled on her back, holding the carcass in the air with all four legs, laughing as she tried to balance it and apparently oblivious to her mother's looming shadow.

-"Hey,"- Towhee eventually said, swiping out a paw to brush the youngster's ribs. This caused Meerkat to drop the dead rabbit and flop onto her side, eyes smiling up at her dam. -"I'm going to go on a patrol."- The pup began to push excitedly to her feet, so the Regent took a deep breath, shook her head and continued. -"I want you to stay here."- She saw the questioning look pass over her daughter's face. Meerkat's mouth opened but Towhee cut across before she could get a word in edgewise. -"It's not because I don't want you to come with me. It's—I think you're ready to stay here by yourself. I trust you to hang out here on your own. This is kind of a big deal, ya' feel me?"-

-"Oooooh,"- came Meerkat's response to this. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. "'Kay, cool!" she decided breezily, flopping back down onto her side, yawning and stretching in the grass. Her tail thumped the ground as her eyes rolled up toward Towhee again. She grinned.

She shouldn't have been surprised by this reaction. Meerkat had always been such an easy, pleasant and obedient child, so far. But Towhee hesitated before agreeing, -"Okay, cool. I'll see you in a little bit."- She gave the pup a bit of an unnecessarily imperious look before adding, -"And stop playing with your food and eat it, ya' goof,"- before finally turning and striding, a little mechanically, back toward the edge of the rendezvous site. She had to inwardly coach herself to not look back as she headed toward the borders.

Towhee felt a little out of sorts as she made her way there. She knew, logically, that Meerkat was old enough for this. The kiddo certainly didn't seem to mind. But it was kind of a big deal to the Regent. She slowed and gave herself a moment to breathe. She couldn't help but wonder if Meerkat's easygoing temperament as a child meant she was going to be a difficult teenager. The thought made Towhee huff and she began moving again.

After getting the idea from Eljay, Bronco had begun dropping off not-quite-dead animals at the den for his younger brother and sisters to play with, so they could learn to hunt. The pups were weaned- for the most part, anyway, and had the teeth they needed to have in order to eat the meat they were given without it being pre-chewed all the time. That was a relief- though he'd gotten used to having to regurgitate meat for them, it wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing to do. Now all he had to do was bring rabbits or other small things that he hadn't quite killed, and let the kids have at them. 

He was vaguely aware that he was a year old now, and thus considered an adult but that didn't necessarily reflect in his character. As soon as he caught sight of Towhee meandering along the borders, he perked up and started bounding toward her. Meerkat was nowhere in sight- so Bronco assumed she was simply left safe somewhere- but that didn't mean he couldn't be playful. This was, after all, his aunt. While his Mom was a screechy creature disdainfully intolerant of his shenanigans, his aunt was a much cooler, fun influence. So he bounded directly in front of her, bouncing the last few steps before he flounced into a play-bow before he proceeded to greet her with a booming voice that matched every bit of his goofy grin:

"Hey, SUH-MAN-THUH!"

She tried to steer her thoughts away from her child and ended up only partially succeeding as she caught herself thinking about Meerkat's paternity. That was certainly not a palatable topic, though before she could once again redirect her mind, it went to both Arcturus and Pippin. A veritable maelstrom of emotions began to well inside of her. She hadn't seen either one in days, so she would've liked to say her feelings had neutralized. But the thought of Arcturus still made a little fire lick in her belly and the thought of Pippin had the same effect on her throat; the two sentiments were very different.

Towhee was startled out of her thoughts by a figure bounding in front of her. She nearly reared in her effort to avoid a collision, watching Bronco's mouth open and form a word she didn't quite catch. She narrowed her eyes at him and cocked her head questioningly, her lips twitching into a smile. He'd startled her but she was actually glad to see him. She needed a distraction from thoughts of her baby and baby daddies.

-"I can tell you're yelling but I have no idea what you're yelling,"- the Regent drawled, pointing at one of her ears. -"Deaf A-F, remember?"-

Bronco grimaced as Towhee missed his message completely and bawled in agony. Man, he'd done that so perfectly- and he'd wanted to catch her surprise and reaction to the slight all in one take- but now he had to rebound, recalculate, and spring his joke on her again...But the boy, sadly, had little to no game in terms of making up comebacks. He gave her a look that said no, really? when she explained her deafness and he shook his head. Why was it that his jokes fell so flat? He was fricking hilarious- why didn't anybody else see it?

So he had to try again, though his ability to come up with and correctly articulate a comeback were more or less at the level of a sheltered, middle school brat. He used Ptero, at least, to make sure that his message got across. -Deaf A-F?- I thought your name was SA-MAN-THA- He said, once again incapable of keeping himself from shouting the name while he signed it, and soon thereafter struck as haughty a pose as he possibly could, arching his back and squeezing his shoulders together so he could puff out his chest. -This is MY field, so......- He said, and rolled his eyes for dramatic effect, before he slid his gaze back to Towhee, watching for her reaction coyly out of the corner of his eye.

She smirked when she caught the joke, then laughed outright (and loudly) as he ran with it. Eager to completely rid her mind of errant thoughts, particularly worry about her youngest, Towhee embraced this opportunity for a distraction by clapping her mouth shut in the next instant and rushing him.

Even as she went in for the "kill," she thought to herself, I should reboot boot camp! It had all pretty much fallen to the wayside after Meerkat's surprise arrival. Well, there was no time like the present, right? And Bronco was certainly a worthy nemesis as she spontaneously reprised her role.

He'd fully intended to bait her and lure her into a spar, and she went for it. With a satisfied whoop, he sprang back as she charged him, though the distance between them had been so narrow to begin with that she plowed into him regardless, making him skid a few lengths sideways. He did his best to dig his claws into the ground to keep himself upright, squaring his stance and to using his weight as an anchor which slowly ground them both to a halt, subsequently minimizing impact pain for both of them. He drew back a bit, and then suddenly lowered his head and aimed to headbutt her in the chest, in order to force a bit of space between them.

She barreled right into him, though Bronco dug his feet into the ground and lowered his center of gravity, preventing Towhee from tossing him off balance. The two of them eventually stopped moving and the Regent hastened backward, though not quickly enough to dodge the headbutt to the chest. He hit her so squarely that the blow knocked the wind right out of her.

Gasping and groaning, Towhee continued backpedaling, causing a space to open up between them. Had this been a real fight, she might've been in trouble. But it was only a spar, so she signaled for Bronco to wait until she caught her breath. Of course, whether he obliged her or took advantage of her momentary weakness instead was entirely up to him.

Bronco had to stop and shake his head, side-stepping as it took him a moment to catch his balance. His mother had told him once before not to headbutt. She'd only said it once- but she'd said it with some amount of gravitas which had been lost on him at the time. What he didn't know was why his mother was so adamantly against using headbutts as a form of combat- not knowing, of course, that it had only taken one bad concussion to cause some pretty drastic repercussions not only for Niamh, but for Screech and Towhee as well. But Bronco knew none of that- all he knew was that it made him dizzy for a minute, so he thought he understood maybe why his Mom had discouraged it- but then he realized what he'd done to Towhee. 

Upon seeing her wheeze and gesture for him to hold off, Bronco felt his heart suddenly plunge in his chest, and he slumped to the ground in submission. He regretted the stupid notion immediately- why didn't he listen to his Mom? He crawled toward Towhee, uttering a soft whine of concern as she fought to get her breath back, and once he'd reached her, he turned over onto his side, leaning his head against one of her forelegs and curling his forelegs to his chest in a sincere display of apology.

She couldn't hear the whine, though Towhee's eyes tracked Bronco's movements as he came nearer and, rather than pouncing, he prostrated himself. Everything about his body language screamed, Sorry! Her head tipped and she quirked a brow, then shook her head and waved a foreleg meaninglessly as she fought to recover her breath.

When she no longer felt like she was suffocating, Towhee said, -"I'm okay, you just winded me for a sec."- She smiled. -"Has anyone ever told you you're hardheaded? That was extremely effective. But,"- she continued, -"speaking of that, how is your head?"- It couldn't have felt particularly good on his end either.

It troubled him that something that had taken so little effort for him to do had caused Towhee to have the wind knocked out of her. He knew that feeling, and he hated it, and now hated himself for having put her through that. Downtrodden, the mercenary-in-training realized, and not for the first time, that while he could spar for fun, and toss his weight around to bully the other yearlings, he simply couldn't follow through, and inflict pain intentionally. He remembered the day he'd fought another yearling in order to rescue Sugar Glider- and the thought that he could have potentially killed the guy still made him feel slightly sick to his stomach. 

He sat up slowly when Towhee reassured him, and asked about the state of his skull, but he was still somewhat withered- and not by the blow to his head. -My head's fine.- He said, and frowned. -Towhee...I like sparring, and being a guardian but...Whenever I hurt someone, like...Actually hurt them, it makes me feel sick. Does that...Ever go away?- He asked.

He insisted he was fine before admitting to a crisis of conscience. Towhee met his words with a blink. She didn't answer right away, pondering several things before opening her mouth and moving her forelegs.

-"I've never had that problem,"- she admitted, -"so I'm not sure. By 'sick,' do you mean guilty, or...?"- Towhee paused before tipping her head and adding, -"Does it happen to you when you're hunting?"-

Under her gaze he felt small and vulnerable, and stewed in that moment of silence but nevertheless sought not to interrupt her thoughts as she digested his confession. He was discouraged, a bit, when he realized that she was surprised, and that she had to take a moment to figure out what to say to him. Was he that different? She admitted that she didn't have that feeling, but asked for more definition so he shrugged. "Not like...sick sick, but just wrong." He said. "Scared, I guess, and yeah, guilty." He admitted. When she asked him about hunting, he was quick to shake his head and dismiss the possibility that his sensitivity prohibited him from killing prey. "Nah, I can hunt just fine. That's different," He said, and paused. "...Isn't it?"

The issue didn't apply to hunting, although Towhee had asked that more out of morbid curiosity than anything else. She nodded briefly, then licked her lips as she took more time to consider his words. It made some sense that he would dislike hurting his comrades during a spar. She thought of the countless times she'd accidentally been too rough (like that time she'd hit Wraen in the eye, for instance) and how it always made her feel pretty terrible.

-"Actually, I take that back. I think I know what you mean. I once hit Wraen in the eye and I immediately felt like the world's biggest asshole, because it was an accident and I'd never intentionally hurt a pack mate."- She paused. -"But when it comes to actual threats, like intruders, that doesn't apply, for me. How could I feel remorseful for protecting my pack? No matter what it takes."-

There was another beat of silence before she prompted, -"Have you ever had to hurt someone who was a real threat? Did you feel guilty even then?"-

It felt like Towhee understood how he felt, especially with reference to accidentally hurting someone he cared about. He felt relieved that his feelings weren't unnatural, though he did begin to frown when Towhee continued- and started sounding a lot like his Mom. Defending the pack, no matter what the cost was...Hurting other wolves in the process...He was vaguely aware of some of the things that his mother and Towhee had been through together- not fine details, as there was a fair amount of drama that Niamh didn't care to relive- and was not terribly surprised to know that they shared similar views when it came to protecting the pack. But still...It made him feel ashamed of himself. 

So he sheepishly answered her question with a reluctant shrug. -Once, yeah,- He said. -The guy who did this,- He signed, gesturing to the parallel scars that ran across the bridge of his muzzle. -We fought...An' I got him by the throat. But as soon as I realized that I'd won, and that I could've killed him, I kind of...Let him go. An' if he'd decided to attack me again rather'n running away, he prolly would've gotten the better of me.-

Somehow, she'd never really given much thought to those parallel stripes on Bronco's snout. She'd noticed them, perhaps subconsciously assuming he'd taken a bad scratch during a hunt or something. Now she peered at them shrewdly, wondering about the fight. She didn't have to wonder long; he described how he'd taken his opponent by the throat, only to release him.

Not all wolves defaulted to deadly force, as she often did, so Towhee didn't really fault Bronco for the catch-and-release. But it also depended on the circumstances. Why had they fought? Had it been a territorial dispute of some sort? And as he himself pointed out, letting go could've cost him the win and his life if his enemy had turned around and recommenced the fight rather than fleeing.

-"Here's my advice,"- Towhee offered after a lengthy contemplation. -"Work toward becoming a master mercenary. Through time and experience, you'll develop good instincts about these kinds of things, which you can hopefully rely on spur of the moment. Because there's no easy answer. How you act and react to a situation depends on a lot of factors; it's very case-by-case. Sometimes letting the enemy go is the right call, sometimes it's better to outright eliminate the threat. All you can really do is try to learn everything you can, to prepare yourself for all the possibilities, get a feel for it. Then when you have to make a tough call in the heat of the moment, you'll feel you honestly used your best possible judgment. And then hopefully that'll minimize any guilt you might feel. Does that make sense?"-

The silence between them stretched on, and he wondered if she might tell him he should abandon his aim to become a proper guardian like his mother, and work toward perhaps becoming a caretaker. He wouldn't have taken a great deal of offense, as he'd learned the value in caring for the youngsters of the pack- now that he was no longer considered the youngster. 

Instead, it seemed like she felt the best thing for him to do was to push forward, and reassured him that time might help him get through his anxiety. He didn't like the idea that he'd have to go through more dreadful experiences in order to essentially toughen up, but at the same time, he did want to be able to protect the wolves he loved, when he absolutely had to, and this was perhaps the best solution. He nodded solemnly when she finished. But like he had with Wraen, Bronco felt comfortable exploring the topic more, and seeing how exactly Towhee felt about these very serious matters. -It does,- He replied, though his tone- and more importantly his expression- hinted that perhaps he wasn't quite convinced yet. -So...You've had to kill someone before, though?- He asked. -When did you know that it was the right thing to do?- He'd drawn that conclusion from her explanation, about eliminating the threat, given the fact that his mother had been fairly tight-lipped when it came to fully explaining the more serious adventures she'd had with Towhee.

He said it made sense to him, though there was something in his expression that told Towhee a question was coming. She was not surprised when it did and wanted to take a moment to give it the weight it deserved. But suddenly she remembered she'd left Meerkat alone for the first time today and her thoughts scattered. She felt a strong urge to head back to check on her right this second, though she didn't want to just drop the conversation and leave Bronco hanging.

-"Yes, I've killed before,"- she said, trying to harness her thoughts, -"and I'm not sure I can articulate how I arrived at that decision. In those moments, you rely on your experience and instincts to carry you, there's very little conscientious decision-making, at least that you're aware of. That's why it's so important to learn as much as you can, 'cause there's no time to take a step back and think through your options when it's literally life or death."- She hoped that made sense and that it was a sufficient answer. Admittedly, she felt abruptly distracted but Towhee hoped that didn't come across.

-"Of course,"- she thought to add after a beat, -"there's always hindsight. I can try to think about the times I've had to make that particular decision, kinda reflect on my head space at the time. That can be part of the learning process for you, of course. But I'll need some time to think on it and get back to you."-

If there was anything off about the way Towhee handled the question, Bronco assumed it was because it was a tough topic- not because she was suddenly hit with the impulse to go check on her daughter. The way she spoke, it was like she'd been possessed by the beast that Wraen had spoken of- the one that simply steps in and takes control in a life or death situation, and it made him frown. He wasn't sure he had an inner beast- and that the closest he'd come to meeting it had been the day he'd held Dragomir's throat between his teeth. Maybe the beast had made him go that far- but it had left him as soon as he'd realized that he had the power to kill the male. Perhaps his beast didn't have the heart to kill another wolf, either. And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

He wasn't sure to feel when Towhee admitted that she'd need to think about it more, to see how she felt about it. It meant, perhaps, that she hadn't really considered the repuercussions her actions had had, though that did speak to her conviction. It meant she'd been very, very sure that it was the necessary act at that time, and that was reassuring. "I think...I think I might be more afraid of feeling guilty, or feeling regret, if I ever did something wrong. I think I'd think about it too much afterwards, it's kind of...A thing I do," He admitted. Overthinking? Totally a Bronco thing. Dwelling? Oh, also very much a Bronco thing.

-"I think that's called having a conscience,"- Towhee quipped, offering him a sympathetic smile. And that was officially the end of her attention span. -"Listen, let's discuss this again sometime soon. I have to get back to check on Meerkat. You're welcome to come with me but I'm gonna be running,"- she admitted outright, an almost sheepish look taking over her face.

She didn't have the patience to wait for a reaction. The Regent spun and broke into a trot, which soon developed into a gallop. If he wanted to come along, she was sure he could keep up. If not, they would certainly catch up later. Towhee could hardly concern herself with it as her heartbeat thundered in her chest, only calming once she arrived at the rendezvous site to discover Meerkat fast asleep beside the rabbit's remains.

A conscience. Well, yes, that made sense. He'd have to think on it more later- but for now, he nodded, and picked up a trot, accelerating alongside Towhee so that he could keep up with her as they moved back to the Rendez-vous site. He had no idea why she might feel like they needed to run that fast, but he was young still, so everything was a bit of a game. He kept pace with Towhee, and as soon as he caught sight of Meerkat, he thought about dive-bombing her and pulling a Broncosaurus- but the wee girl was fast asleep. He chuckled, gave Towhee's cheek a nuzzle, and padded over quietly to lay down beside his tawny younger sister, and have a nap himself.