Redsand Canyon Touch grass.

One of the kids had piled some leaves up against the outer wall of their den. Towhee stood beside it for a moment, wondering just how much they would poke her, then decided, To hell with it. Minding her back, she settled down in the makeshift bed, pillowed on her left shoulder and hip. She wondered if the crunching was as loud as it felt.

She tilted her head toward the blazing blue sky, devoid of any clouds. But her mind was a different story, soon clouding with thought. Her eyes glazed as her mind wandered gray planes, visiting Meerkat in particular today. She wondered if her daughter had moved on yet, though she didn’t seem the type. Towhee sighed, just hoping Meerkat could find happiness in some form or another.

Inevitably, she thought about @Germanicus, also recently left behind by his mate. He had dropped by again, though the visit had been cut short by a whining child. She fidgeted in the leaf pile, hoping he might try again today. She’d given more thought to whether Epoch might better suit her lifestyle these days, though of course Towhee hated the idea of leaving the Imperator so soon after Rue’s departure.

She sighed again, rolling onto her belly with only a few winces. Towhee definitely felt a little better every day, though she now possessed a hell of a lot more empathy for her old friend. She could not understand how Rue had lived with pain like this for so long. It was exactly the type of misery that would compel someone to leave their entire life behind to seek relief.

after overseeing the spar, the imperator had informed makono he would seek her out that evening. 

he himself crossed mereo to where towhee healed. and here he hesitated, for he had already said more than he had wished upon the subject of ruenna.

to sit and discuss her felt quite daunting. still he announced himself with a low chuff and stood to wait until she had invited him.

a strange part of germanicus hoped that towhee would turn him away today.

She let her head drift down to rest on her forelegs, staring along the dirt path that wended through the housing. Towhee tried to force her mind somewhere a little lighter, like the fact that winter would be here soon, soon after followed by spring. That meant puppies, which should’ve been an uplifting thought, though suddenly Towhee wondered if she would be able to carry and deliver another litter after this. What if it made her back worse, like what had happened to Rue?

She sucked in a breath and raised her head, glancing over her shoulder to find Germanicus looming there, prompting a muttered, Bruh, as Towhee pushed carefully into a seated position.

Brushing a few clinging leaves off her chest, she shifted a little to properly face the Imperator. For a moment, she said nothing else, letting her ratcheted heart rate settle. She also wanted to get a good look at him, particularly his face. Her inability to hear made her a great reader of expressions and microexpressions. There was a lot the Imperator’s face told her, probably more than he ever intended.

That field trip you mentioned, what if we took them to Epoch? Her kids had been there once before, so perhaps he wanted to go someplace new, in which case… Or there’s always that pack on the other side, uh… I forget the name, if she’d ever even known it in the first place.

the thought of spring was also difficult. and so he studiously avoided it, greeting towhee with a dip of his head.

she had thoughts upon their upcoming excursion. "arsenio thought it deceptive of me to offer aquene the position of matrona as i knew she and kallik were to join him in epoch."

the imperator paused. "i would send maxim and another soldier of your choice for that."

"paleo is south. i have not been there. i am told it is rich land. and it is from paleo that our supply of poppies originates in trade."

The remark struck her as a non sequitur at first, causing Towhee’s brow to furrow. Slowly, she read between the lines. Her head reared back slightly. Did that mean the packs were no longer on good terms? At the very least, it sounded like there was bad blood between the two men.

Germanicus provided the name of the southern pack, as well as some information about it, but Towhee was having a hard time focusing. Her brain was still stuck on Epoch. At first, she wondered if this meant any thought of relocating there was now rendered an impossibility. But maybe…

I had a thought. It’s just a thought. But would it mend fences if I was to go to Epoch?

There were so many logistics to consider, though none of it mattered if his answer was “no.” Towhee reminded herself of this as she pressed her mouth shut, eyes fixing on the Imperator’s face with hawkish focus.

the proposition took him aback.

for a moment he was quiet, only weighing the benefit to epoch and the loss to mereo.

and on this front he had a question: "you mentioned only yourself, not maxim or your children." did it go without saying? he would rather it said.

the rest of it would coalesce later.

"arsenio thinks highly of you. and epoch is devoted to teaching of all kinds. i think your presence there would be a great reflection of goodwill."

She could see she’d caught him by surprise. Towhee studied his face for any sign of distaste or hurt, though if he felt these things, he didn’t show it. Germanicus appeared contemplative for several beats, clearly weighing things out in his mind.

Oh, right, I forget Maxim isn’t actually physically attached to me, Towhee joked lightly. He would go with me, of course, if we agreed it’s what we wanted to do. She paused. I would invite Jack and Leo, but I would leave the choice up to them.

Just like the news of the men’s row, hearing that Arsenio thought highly of her was news to Towhee. She chuckled inwardly. Germanicus saw merit in the idea, though it was still just that: an idea.

I don’t even want to ask them about it unless you and I decide, together, that it would be a good move, Towhee said after a momentary pause. And I’m not just thinking of politics. Hell, I don’t really think of those much at all. I want to do what’s best for me and my family, of course, but you know that includes you, right? I came here for Rue, I said I’d stay here for Rue, and now Rue’s gone. But this place is my home and I don’t consider leaving it—or you—lightly.

germanicus wanted to point out that he could not stop towhee and her family from leaving. but the moment called for sentiment, the level of which he was unsure he could muster. the eagle favoured towhee and the skills she had brought to mereo, the good humour, the loyalty. she would bring these things wherever she went.

he thought it would be foolish for maxim to leave when he was approaching officership in mereo. and germanicus felt the sting that each of those he had thought were meant for elitus had never made it there.

maxim and towhee were in that number, and now they might not be present.

another loss, and even as she called him family, germanicus felt himself close for his own well-being. "you will be an asset wherever you go, towhee. not only in terms of the experience you offer, but in who you are as an individual. i will be sad to see you go. but my wish is that those i care about thrive. even if it is not in mereo."

the eagle felt himself rapidly draining but remained stoic.

His words were as flattering as they were selfless. Towhee still searched his face. Now she thought she could see some cracks in his stoic facade. She appreciated what he had to say, though she meant what she said about not taking it lightly.

Thanks, it means a lot, she said. There are considerations beyond you and I, even Maxim and the littles. I don’t know what the other Redhawks might do. I think some would follow, others may stay. I’ve been stuffed in a hole for weeks, I have no idea how ours—or Epoch’s—numbers look right now.

"it is not a decision lightly made." his voice was unreadable, but for towhee this would not matter. he felt her eyes on his face, surveying, and suddenly wanted to be away.

"we number fifteen. if you, maxim, and your children relocate to epoch, our numbers will still be supportive. as for the vale itself, i cannot say."

he recalled when they had been twenty-two strong, though unwieldy in many ways.

He provided the numbers. Towhee could only nod, wondering how her brother, older children and grandchild might react if she went through with this. As much as Towhee loved them all, she hoped they would not all uproot just to follow her. She would be nearby, in any case.

I’ll talk to Maxim, see what he thinks, then go from there. I’ll touch base with you again as soon as I can.

She gazed at him for a moment, guilt curdling in the pit of her stomach. Could she really up and leave Germanicus right now? Whether or not he realized it, he needed moral support more than ever. Towhee hated that it seemed like she might bail the moment Rue left. No matter what she said, the optics weren’t great.

I’m still good for the field trip, no matter what’s decided, Towhee made sure to say.

her eyes on him were heavier than she knew. germanicus nodded. "take the time that you need. and i look forward to traveling with you in any capacity, towhee."

he stood. "for your own notes, and for maxim's, i will be gone the remainder of the day. coyotes were sighted between here and the vale."

the imperator gave her a nod and then set off at his brusque and straight-backed pace. the added iron in it would only be an addition to what towhee had observed about him up until this point.