Redhawk Caldera Azurite

@Towhee 

Since a considerable loss of endurance had become an everyday occurrance to Wraen, she had decided that there were two things she could do - either sink in self-pity and cry her heart out that she was aging sooner than she had anticipated or accept it and live to the fullest, as long as she was able to. And therein - those last three words - lied the secret. It was no longer about, how fast she could do things, but that she could do them at all. Regardless of time it took. Therefore before she made her journey to caldera to see, how her friend was doing, she had prepared herself well - eaten as much as possible and plan her walk so that there were several comfy stops for her to rest along the way. 

Naturally old habits are difficult to change and she walked longer than she was supposed to, but mid-way she had found not only the right pace, but also to stop, before she had become too tired. By evening she had arrived at Redhawk's claim, feeling a little tired, but otherwise fine, content and invigorated by the activity. She tipped her head back and called for her friend.

She should probably swing by to check on @Niamh but Towhee just couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't trust herself not to act on the resentment she felt and lash out at her brother's mate for her role in all this. It was probably unfair, especially considering she still didn't know any details about the argument itself, but the reality was Towhee held both @Reyes and Niamh responsible for essentially ruining her life.

Towhee hadn't burdened @Phox with this information—it seemed really unnecessary, especially considering he was a victim of circumstance here too—but the anger continued seething beneath her skin as she restlessly roamed the caldera now. She had spent so much time off her feet, now the Sovereign could hardly sit still, despite her heavy belly.

Eventually, she headed toward the borders. It was risky, especially with Reyes out there somewhere, but Towhee would honestly welcome a fight to the death right now. Of course, as soon as she felt the puppies begin kicking again, she changed her mind and began to slow. But she was already near enough the fringe to spot a friendly face standing there as if waiting for her.

"Wraen," Towhee rumbled as she moved to meet her old friend. She couldn't hear how throaty her voice came out, though she could feel the rasp. She really wished they could talk in ptero, for her eyes' sake as well, but it was what it was. "It's kind of a bad time," she blurted baldly, though she was quick to add, "I'm glad you're here."

When she saw Towhee coming, Wraen's face lit up and her tail began to wag. Though it was not that evident during the weeks they had spent apart, she realized she had missed this iron lady that over the course of two years had become one of her best friends and confidantes. And unlike the other times Wraen had not come to caldera to pour her heart out - life had been good to her, everything was peaceful at the fen and she was in good spirits.

"Well, you are in luck then," she told the woman, after listening to the prelude of what was going to be a long talk. She took a step closer: "You have my ears and my full attention, and this time you won't have any need to strain your poor eyes. I owe you that," she said smiling and reached out to touch Towhee's cheek in a reassuring manner. 

"We can walk and you can tell me everything," she invited, because it seemed that the Sovereign needed a break from the blissful family life at caldera.

She wanted to laugh at the comment about her sore eyes, though Towhee couldn't crack so much as a smile right now. She did acknowledge Wraen's invitation with a bob of her head, wondering if her intuitive friend had also sensed her restlessness.

Drawing away from the light touch, the Sovereign began to walk. She didn't talk right away, though. She sifted through her thoughts, balking a little at how much had happened since their prior rendezvous. In the wake of the past week's events, Towhee had almost forgotten about the fall of Moonspear. Thinking on it now, she realized something.

"Did you hear about Moonspear?" Towhee asked, apropos of nothing. "Hydra—" She shook her head when her sore throat closed around her sister-in-arms' name. "Meerkat and Bronco are okay but there were a lot of casualties. And now she's living with Kukutux, of all people. I want her to come here, though she said they need her more right now..."

Of course, neither one of them had known how much Towhee would come to need her daughter's support; she'd visited the day before everything had completely fallen apart here. Whenever Meerkat visited again, Towhee might outright ask her to stay here with her. That made her ache for her other children too. She wished @Alyx and @Fennec would come back from the coast; that @Figment and @Quetzal would return from Frosthawks; that sweet @Primrose would rise from the dead...

That made her think of her other dead children, because now she had multiple. Towhee swallowed thickly, pacing in cagey silence for a few moments before she could bring herself to look Wraen in the face and tell her, "I miscarried two of my pups. There are others—I can feel them, right now—but Reyes isn't in the picture anymore."

"I heard, what happened, and Arcturus, Ibis along with some others went there to see, if any of the survivors needed help," Wraen replied and that's, when it occurred to her that she had not been exactly in the middle of pack business lately. She had neither met or spoken to @Arcturus , when he had returned, thinking that he may need space to deal with it all. And she had not asked Ibis much about, what she had witnessed. Had there been so many of her "bad days" that she had lost track on, what was going on?

"My sincerest condolences to you. Hydra was a good friend to you," she said and meant every word. Now that her old archenemy was gone and her once proud home lied in ruins, she thought about, how fleeting everything on this Earth was. Here you are plotting domination of the whole valley, you are strong and steady and the next moment all is taken away in one sweep. Put a lot of other things in perspective too. "And I am glad that those two made it out well too," she added. 

"Wow... that's unfortunate," Wraen responded with deep sympathy in her voice, but at least Towhee was doing better now and the other puppies were not in any danger. However, next piece of news came as a surprise. "What happened? I understood that he wanted to be involved in raising them?"

Her ears flicked when Wraen offered sincere condolences. Towhee felt her breath hitch for a moment. She wondered if this meant she, Maia and Arcturus would reconsider living at the caldera. She supposed it was too late for that. They seemed pretty well established in the fen now. But what Towhee wouldn't give, at that moment, to have them all closer at hand right now. She would trade Niamh for Wraen in a heartbeat at the moment, a decidedly mean-spirited thought.

She didn't voice it, naturally, especially because a pragmatic part of Towhee's brain pointed out that Wraen had also upended her life and forced her unhappily into a corner before. In time, she supposed she would forgive Niamh just like she had Wraen. Towhee bit back a sigh, wondering how long that might take. She wanted it all to be water under the bridge someday, though that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Towhee forced herself to focus on answering Wraen's query. Despite the itch in her feet, she motioned for her friend to stop, pausing herself as if it took all her energy to harness her thoughts. "He and Niamh got into a fight. Don't ask me what it was about, I don't know. I was too busy losing and burying my babies." Rather than sadness, the emotion that flashed through her was pure fury. She breathed through it before continuing. "He broke her leg, so Phox threw him out. Along with all my goddamn hopes and dreams."

She pressed her eyes closed as another wave of anger washed through her. When she reopened them, she concluded, "I don't blame him for that but I'm... Wraen, I'm livid." Towhee didn't mean to share the next part out loud but, unable to burden Phox with it, she found herself confiding, "I'm so fucking beside myself, I don't know what I'd do if I saw either of them right now. Reyes or Niamh." Although it was quite likely she would never see the former again.

No, the fact that Moonspear was gone, would not change anything. Not only because Wraen and Maia along with others had created something new together, but also she no longer felt left out of a tight-knit triangle that Towhee, Niamh and Phox had built. One could argue that it was in part her own fault for not being more involved, but then she had witnessed that Niamh was loyal to her best friend to a fault and were it ever to come to a conflict, it would be three against one. Now, where three different circles formed the core of the pack, it felt less segregated and more fair. But that too was left unsaid and I doubt that Wraen was aware of this very complex reason of not wishing to be a part of Redhawks again. 

Okay... that was messed up. She did not know Reyes at all, but she had known Niamh for almost two good years and heard, how she had treated Bronco after he had left the pack to join Moonspear. It was not hard to believe that both were at fault and in no way Niamh had been the poor suffering lady in this story. That lady did not take shit lying down. "That's effed up," she summed up, thinking, what else could she add, and, frankly speaking, it was surprising that, while she claimed to be livid, she was still perfectly composed. Had Wraen been in her place, some people would be walking around with more buttholes than the one God had given them at birth. 

"Then don't. For now anyway," she told. "Besides Niamh will never admit she was wrong. So there's no need to waste words on her or fight her - you will be another jerk in her story. But cold-shoulder and silent-treatment might be more effective, if you want to punish her and just get her a hint that she was wrong," she suggested. "As for Reyes... I know that you are very angry with him now and he was not there, when you needed him the most, but, if the guy was worth having around at least for that short while you had it, I would not throw away all your dreams and hopes just way. Wanting to have a family is a very valuable dream," she said. 

"I think that, what I am pissed the most about, is that Phox and Niamh made decisions on your behalf. No matter, what transpired between Reyes and Niamh, you as a Sovereign had the final say in it. And I know that the margin there is a little muddled with familial relations and all, but you are the Sovereign at the end of the day. Your word is rule and both Phox and Niamh are just your subordinates," she told.

"Then don't, for now," was perhaps the sagest advice Towhee was already taking. She went to nod, though her movement was arrested when Wraen continued. She froze, orange eyes fixed on her friend's lips as she opined on the situation. Towhee had barely considered how her gal pal might react to any of this, though some of it took her by surprise.

She raised several good points, causing the anger in the pit of Towhee's stomach to flare, validated and vindicated by what Wraen had to say. Towhee knew they both valued Niamh's friendship, while being well aware of her penchant for melodrama. That part didn't really surprise her. Wraen coming to Reyes's defense and beseeching Towhee to give him the benefit of the doubt did catch her a bit off guard.

As for her brother's involvement, Towhee said, "I don't blame Phox. Those two didn't really give him a choice either. And he's my Regent, welcome to act on my behalf when I'm... unable." Which she had been. Her lips pursed a moment as she thought over more of what her friend had said. "I don't want to be mad at Niamh but we both know she's definitely not blameless. Still..." She licked her lips. "She's pregnant. Nothing excuses what Reyes did to her. I don't care if she was a mega bitch to him. I mean, I do, but you know what I mean." Hopefully. "Still. Pissed. What the fuck was she thinking?"

Towhee lapsed into silence, most of which was dedicated to wrangling the wrath that roiled in her belly. When she spoke again, she said, "I think Phox made the only possible choice. And this all went down more than a week ago, so I've had time to think about all of it. A lot. I asked Reyes to be my mate the day before shit hit the fan and we actually had a fight. Maybe I should've seen the red flag waving then, not that I could undo this." She indicated her rounded belly.

And despite her visions of her familial life crashing and burning at her own loved ones' behest, Towhee didn't regret them. She couldn't. Just because Reyes had proved to be a loose cannon in the end, just like his aunt, Towhee's love for these pups hadn't changed one whit. And wouldn't. They would not want for love as she raised them to be Redhawks.

"Yeah, but pregnancy is no excuse to be a jerk to others. Same goes for crazy people," Wraen remarked, though it was easy for her to say. She had never been pregnant, she had never been hormonal, just nuclear bomb-like angry and, perhaps, over-dramatic sometimes. "And there is a calmer way to solve conflicts - I doubt that Reyes just got pissed and broke Niamh's leg for the fun of it, if he did it in defence then your lady must have overstepped boundaries too," she caught herself standing up a bit too much for a person she knew nothing about. Perhaps he was a violent and evil jerk and it could be that Niamh had been a poor and unsuspecting victim. On the other hand - Towhee had the good sense of choosing people wisely. She would be able to sniff out bullies miles away. 

"Well, Niamh has a tendency to act first, ask questions later. Admirable quality in some aspects of life, but makes very hard to negotiate with a person like this," she shrugged. "In the spur of a moment - yes, that was the right choice. But then you know only one side of the story and unless you have heard both, I do not see, why should one be punished more severely than the other," her honest opinion, yet she did not know, how she would have acted in his place. 

"Speak of the devil..." Wraen murmured, when Towhee revealed that she too had had issues with relationships lately. "What did you fight about?" she asked.

Towhee definitely agreed with Wraen that pregnancy didn't excuse bad behavior, though she still didn't know any of the details. Whether or not she wanted them, she knew she would get them at some point. Would it make any difference? She didn't know. Based on what she did know, Towhee couldn't see any way to justify his egregious attack. It spoke to a bad temper, which did not bode well for a member of the pack, much less a Sovereign. She cringed now, to think of how she'd dreamed of that possibility. But it didn't escape her attention that she already had a wildcard in the leadership.

Maybe Niamh didn't belong there. The thought crossed her mind with such viciousness that Towhee momentarily seethed. Did Phox know more? Did he realize his mate wasn't guiltless? He knew better than anyone how volatile she could be. And he'd seemed genuinely sorry about how things had transpired. She truly wondered what he would say if she told him she wanted to demote his mate. But she set aside that thought for later.

Wraen asked for details of their argument and Towhee replied darkly, "I told him I wanted to take his name but keep mine as well, going by Redhawk-Rivaini. This was after I'd told him I'd never change mine." She felt a lick of anger at how easily she had changed her mind on something which had been so important to her for so long. "I thought he'd be thrilled. But he yelled at me. He wanted both me and our kids to just take his name, full stop. He called them his kids. I bet you can guess how well I took that."

It seemed that Wraen was putting out relationship fires left and right these days. "That was it?" she asked, not seeing a problem there. Though she was proud of her family name too, she hadn't used the full version of it for a very long time. Hence "Re-nevermind" - too long, too complicated and people did not give a damn either. They had no idea, what both names entailed. "I mean, save those kids some trouble and don't give them any surname at all. Imagine, how hard life would be for a "Nightingale Redhawk-Riviani", who decided to marry a... "Elwood Jr.Jr.Jr. Blackthorn-Bosom-meister von Matterhorn" and both decided to give their names to kids too. Take it from someone, who has lived with a double surname all her life - most people are even unable to pronounce it. And it has meaning only to me not for the rest of the world,"  she shrugged. 

"Anyway - didn't you say that the guy was a lot younger than you?" she returned to the subject after the brief detour. "And if he has no relationship experience and zero people skills, and he is still coming out of that "annoying brat stage", then there's no wonder he messes stuff up, gets "all or nothing" mood and sees the world in black and white only.  That's all the more reason to seek him out and have a serious talk not only about, what exactly happened and how he got involved, but how he imagines things going from there," she said. "The one thing you need to seriously consider is, whether with a litter of puppies being born soon, you will have the energy and willingness to be a mom for him too? 

If he stubbornly refuses to repent and admit that he has done wrong too, then leave him be," she finished, knowing well that it was very easy to give advice from the sidelines and how very hard it would be to walk in Towhee's shoes.

Towhee prickled when Wraen dismissed their argument like it was all a silly notion to her. Maybe surnames didn't matter to her but they mattered a lot to both Towhee and Reyes. Her jaw clenched as she bit back the hot words that wanted to burst out of her mouth. Wraen was her advocate. She was only offering advice and the Sovereign could take it or leave it. On this particular subject, she would leave it.

Despite her own attempts to keep her tongue under control, a loud, "Oh FUCK no," ripped loose when Wraen suggested she might have to mother Reyes too. Towhee drew in a breath and said, "Maybe you're right and I need to have a talk with him. But it's gonna have to wait until I don't feel like murdering his fucking ass." She dearly hoped Wraen knew her well enough to know she wasn't cussing at her, she was just letting off steam.

Not for the first time, Towhee wondered where Reyes was right now and what condition he was in. How was she going to touch base, if that's what she decided to do? She wasn't going to leave the caldera and he wasn't welcome anywhere near it. Throw in the deafness card and it all seemed rather infeasible. It would be a lot easier to just write him off and move on with her life.

She sighed, more angrily than sadly. "I appreciate you taking the time to let me vent, Wraen. Do ears get sore?"

"Yeah, that would be best," Wraen agreed nonchalantly. "I've heard that talking to dead people is not very productive. They do seem very good at listening though..." she continued, stopped to consider this briefly, cracked a grin and shook her head, "... the best part is they don't talk back, but that's the extent of use a corpse has. Unless you are hungry, of course." Now that was a bit of a wayward tour of her thoughts. Good thing she was aging and thus had the liberty of talking gibberish and not being taken seriously.

"Ears? Nah..." she replied. "For you - never," she bumped her hip lightly against Towhee's. "Would you still like to walk or should we find a place to rest? I am not going anywhere this evening either and there's all the time in the world, in case you need to vent some more."

Towhee's facial muscles wouldn't allow a smile, though she huffed a noise like a dry laugh at Wraen's witticisms. She really wished she could get them to cooperate when her friend assured her that her ears would never tire of Towhee's ramblings. That meant a lot, especially since she knew she was doing exactly that. And though she knew Wraen empathized with her, Towhee did not forget that Niamh was a mutual friend, so some of this might not be so easy to hear. It wasn't easy to say—she meant it when she said she didn't want to feel so angry—much as she needed to get it off her chest.

"Walking is good," the Sovereign replied, "but I'm done shitting from my mouth, at least for now. What's going on in your neck of the woods, anyway?"

"My neck of woods..." Wraen sorted through the most recent events and made quick decisions on, how she was going to present them to Towhee. "Well, Maia's upset now. She asked Eljay to move in together and him being him he did not act overly thrilled about that idea," she summed up her sister's shenanigans in the relationship field. "She's unhappy, I suppose that Eljay is sulking around somewhere in the caldera too. I tried to convince her that this was not the end of the world, that she simply caught him in a bad moment and a lengthy warm-up to the inevitable question should have been in place," Wraen explained. "Told her to just have an honest discussion with him and decide once and for all, where they stand," she sighed. 

"Perhaps, when you are in the mood and have your troubles dealt with - find time to ask the guy, how he is doing at the moment. I sort of hoped that with this being his second mateship, he would be the more mature and level-headed one in all this, but - I guess - Wildfire did not live long enough to have him taught this lesson," she told. "Two insecure, hypersensitive people coming together is like... like... very exhausting to other people indirectly involved."

Maia was upset? That did not jive with Towhee's image of her, so the topic easily captured her attention. So many thoughts went through her mind as Wraen told the tale, which was a welcome distraction from all the anger.

"And you thought I was being harsh when I called him a baby," the Sovereign couldn't help but point out with a dry huff. Towhee shook her head and said, "To be fair to him, we really do need him here right now, especially with Fennec away." There was her litter, Niamh's too, and the Regent's injured leg. She shoved that thought aside before it could piss her off all over again. "I'd at least like him to stay until the pups come. Then, I'll..."

Well, she was a bit conflicted on that, to be honest. She would prefer to keep Eljay here, for mostly selfish reasons. Couldn't Maia relocate? But if they wanted pups of their own, they might be better off in Brecheliant, after all. Last time they'd met, Wraen had told Towhee, "I am all for organic development, but a nudge in the right direction would be necessary." But which was the right direction? Wraen had also said, "ah... let them figure it out. I don't know. They are grown people after all," in the course of that same conversation.

"Maybe they should just make their own pack," Towhee blurted. She wasn't serious—not like when she would be when she pitched this same idea to Meerkat with Bronco—because that would be absurd, right? "I'll talk to him next time I see him, feel out his side of the situation," she reprised her earlier promise.

Yes, Wraen had said all those things, but she had greatly over-estimated their level of maturity and grown-up-ness. They had had the first practical hiccup along the way and they already thought that everything was over. As much as she loved her sister and respected Eljay, when and if they ended up as a mated pair, she hoped that would be the beginning of everlasting, peaceful "happily ever after" and not the drama-filled "I think he hates me now" stuff or all the speculations about the 101 things that could go wrong. She would never refuse help or a word of advise (by gods, she had thousands of them, lend her a spare pair of ears to listen), but there is a limit to one's patience and understanding. 

Will there be any time you won't need him?  Wraen thought and knew the answer. No. As long as Eljay let them, he would be put to good use. First pregnancies and broken legs. Then childcare and mentoring. Then first colds, digestive upsets and some valuable lessons in being friendly and civil. Then Niamh would get in a fight or some knuckle-head teenager would get mauled by a bear. Someone would trip and suffer a fall from caldera. Someone would get their eye's scratched out by jealous girlfriend. And then would the next season arrive and the circle would begin anew. "I told her that too - without knowing, what was going on at the time here - and also that with two pregnant wolves here, there isn't likely to be enough resources for a third one," she explained. "I lived in a pack, where there were far too many babies and far too little people to care for them. It did not end well," she referred to Sunspire.

"Eljay is such a hard-working and selfless person, he puts everyone's needs before his," she told Towhee. "But I don't know, if Maia will be content of being second to everyone else forever. She's patient now, but it's wearing thin."

"I remember you mentioning that," Towhee said offhandedly, lips pursing. "And I think those two would make great parents, bless their dumb baby hearts. This is why I wish it wasn't absurd to think of them creating their own pack, where they could start and raise a family. I don't know about Maia but I just can't picture Eljay as a leader."

But whatever the two of them thought, it was up to Eljay and Maia in the end. Of course, they could both influence the situation one way or another—and Towhee really did plan to discuss matters with Eljay at some point—but those two would largely need to sort out matters on their own.

Wraen hadn't asked where Fen was and Towhee hadn't intended to linger on the subject, though having mentioned her daughter, she blustered out a sigh. "I wish the girls would come home. Alyx and Fen, I mean. They're on a road trip to the coast. Fig and Q are away too, living with the Frosthawks for now."

Sometimes, she wondered why any of them even wanted kids. All they did was grow up too fast and break your heart when they went off to live their own lives. Of course, Towhee knew the heartache was worth it all. Reproducing was a biological imperative, instinctual, but it was also rewarding in an indescribable way. She was sorry Wraen would never get to experience it for herself, though she left these thoughts locked safely in her head.

"Bless their baby hearts... spot on, Towhee, spot on..." Wraen began to laugh about the expression used to describe those two poor lovebirds standing at the crossroads. She was definitely a parent figure to Maia, Towhee - probably a lot lesser extent - to Eljay. She agreed wholeheartedly still - they had to make their own decisions without much outside influence. And as much as she preferred to have her sister around in Brecheliant, she had an inkling that it was very likely she would move to the caldera. Wives were more flexible like that. 

"Oh, that's news. Last I heard Fennec was training under Eljay's guidance and she was his star pupil," the only pupil some would point ount, but still. "What are the two of them doing on the coast? Looking for someone? Digging for treasure? Joining Tortugan pirates?" she asked.

Wraen mused about Fen's training underneath Eljay and Towhee bobbed her head and said, "I think she's still learning from him, when she's around. I know he won't be far if he decides to move in with you guys, but I'd still feel better if Fen was fully prepped before that happened..."

She plumbed her mind to come up with a reason why those two had picked the coast. "I think they," Towhee began to say, only for a couple of dots to suddenly connect in her mind. "I don't know how I never thought of this before. But Alyx was taken in by Rusalka when she got lost during the summer rains. She wanted to go and visit them after she came home, though she—she called Niamh a bitch and got herself grounded." Well, Towhee could empathize with Alyx of yore now.

She mulled on that, angrily, for a heartbeat before continuing, "Anyway, Rusalka became Sapphique. That's where Meerkat's biological father lived until he, well, stopped. I guess I could've thought to send Alyx with her, I didn't..." But none of this mattered now. "Sorry, Wraen, thinking out loud. You're probably right and they've become pirates who're busily plundering the whole coastline. I can only hope."

"They are welcome to sail by Brecheliant, when they are in the area again. I will want to hear about all of the adventures they had there!" Wraen told, picturing the two (Fen was easier to imagine than Alyx, who she had not seen, since she had been an adolescent) there - one blind, the other - scary - running around and causing havoc and terror everywhere. There was a good story idea right there - it occurred - and she quickly noted it and put on a shelf to revisit it later. 

"What about Pippin?" she asked after Towhee mentioned that her eldest daughter's father lived there. "I mean, you were so sure that he was the father in the beginning. What made you change yuor mind?" she wondered, vaguely remembering her involvement there too, but not the specifics anymore. "I ran into him briefly months ago, when I was on the coast."

Pippin's name made Towhee's expression curdle like sour milk. "What? No, I wasn't," Towhee countered, giving Wraen an odd look. Which one of them was misremembering? She liked to think she could trust her own memory, though she had to admit it had been so long, the details were fuzzy. "I never considered anyone her father, except Phox. I was kind of"—well, a bitch—"adamant about it." She paused. "But over time, I acknowledged that this guy, Kaertok, was likely the one." It might've been wishful thinking more than anything, though no one could prove or disprove it, especially now.

"In fact, that's why we fell out," Towhee recalled aloud. "Pippin and me. I didn't want him claiming her as his own. I welcomed him to be part of her life, but because I wouldn't let him get his way, he ghosted us. I haven't seen him since Meerkat was still pretty young. If he was her dad, he was a deadbeat. But he wasn't. Kaertok was. She even met him, shortly before he died."

The Sovereign went quiet then, remembering Meerkat visiting and telling her about this. Fortunately, neither one of them had been close to him, so the grief was minimal. Towhee still felt for her daughter, though it wasn't like she had ever lacked for a father figure. Just like this next batch, her children might not be brought up the traditional way, yet they would have more love—and, in truth, more parents—than most.

That thought set Towhee's teeth on edge. She didn't want to think about trying to parent these next litters with Niamh right now. For the kids' sake, and Phox's, Towhee figured she would just have to choke down her rage. Maybe by the time they arrived, it wouldn't even be so hard. Her lips twisted as she pondered this, feeling another blaze of anger at the Regent for her part in ruining most of Towhee's hopes for raising her family.

She stared at her feet for a few beats, then her orange eyes drifted up to Wraen. Towhee offered her friend an apologetic, careworn smile. She should've asked about Pippin but, quite frankly, she didn't give a damn about him anymore. He was just one of the many, many wolves who'd walked out of her life without so much as a goodbye, to either her or his purported daughter.

"Reminds me of a saying that "anyone can become a father, but very few get called a dad"," Wraen remarked, feeling glad that this kind of drama was not part of her life and noting that there was some practical value in sticking with only one mate at a time. Or none at all for that matter. Things with Arcturus had not moved forward much and at least on her side of the pond nothing had changed. She still viewed him as a good friend, but not a lover. And Towhee's advice to part their ways seemed more valid by the day. Sure, she would miss him, but it did not sit with her well that he was so hung upon the idea that she was the One despite everything and thus he simply let his life, his best years go by. Too bad Moonspear had ended the way they had, she did not have the heart of kicking someone, while they were still lying down.

"We did not talk much and I have not met him since either. I hope that, wherever he is, he is content and happy," she added for the lack of anything better to say. She had not known him too well after all. "How did that meeting go? Was he all she expected him to be?" she asked.

Wraen expressed the sentiments Towhee could not bring herself to feel and the Sovereign offered a nod, happy to let the topic drop beyond that. Wraen pursued it, although in a different vein, one Towhee could manage. She shifted her weight and tipped her head upward, peering at the sky as she tried to recollect what Meerkat had told her of that rendezvous.

"She seemed happy to have found and spoke to him. She wanted to visit him on the reg, maybe build a relationship of some kind. And, for his part, I think Kaertok was open to it. But when she finally got around to visiting Sapphique after all the horrific shit life threw at her earlier this year, she found out he'd died." She shook her head. "Neither one of us really knew him well at all, though I'd actually seen him not too long ago and asked him if he wanted to father this year's litter. Before Reyes and all that. He was considering it, but..." But, dead dudes only made babies in Twilight.

A yawn crept up on her and Towhee hid it against her fist, shooting Wraen a look and dryly noting, "I'm boring myself to death. I'm really glad you're here, Wraen, letting me ramble forever. I really do appreciate it."

That Twilight reference... reminds me reading that 4th installment during school, while keeping that book under my desk. Good ol' times...

"That's very unfortunate," Wraen remarked and avoided suggesting Towhee to settle with one guy for good in the future. Look, how well that had turned out for her just now. And after this it was highly unlikely she would ever want mateship again. Funny, how stories (and media for us humans) make finding true love and soulmate so easy and straightforward, lgoical even, when in reality a truly successful partnership is such a rarity. And that in every generation there is a large number of people, who never meet The One and live their days out on their own. 

"What's bette way to collect thoughts than to ramble?" Wraen asked. "I will tell you a secret - when I do not have your eyes to exhaust, I have imaginary Towhee, to whom I tell every single thing!" she shared. "But I like the real version better, because you talk back. So - have you thought about the names? Will you stick to the bird name tradition or call one of your kids... Bob?"