Broken Antler Fen We don't need to be related to relate.

Towhee took her words to heart and was ready to run for the hills right away. Exaggeration, but close to that. Wraen sighed and shook her head lightly. Now, it felt as if she had been too harsh for no reason and she shot her friend an apologetic smile, followed by a teasing: "Miss your blissful family life already?"

"Have a little patience there - we are almost at my favourite place in the whole territory," she told her, picking up her pace to get there sooner. Just in case Towhee truly had to go. "God knows, when will you come here again and what might happen inbetween," she told her. "How has Reyes grown into the role of a father?" she recalled that her friend's mate was considerably younger than her.

Wraen seemed to catch herself and returned to her usual banter. Towhee didn't answer, more than a little thrown. Her lips parted, prepared to pry despite herself, then she pressed them together. Clearly there was something going on with her personal life that she really didn't want to discuss if she jumped to the defense like that. Although extremely curious, the Sovereign respected her friend's right to privacy and decided again not to push.

There was a slight hesitation still when Wraen picked up the pace and insisted Towhee needed to stick around long enough to see her favorite spot. But Towhee quickly put it all behind her and hastened to keep up with her companion, head tilting thoughtfully at the question. It really was so interesting how much Wraen asked after her, only to clam up about herself. She wouldn't mention it aloud, though she couldn't help but think it.

"I don't know, honestly. I mean, he must be doing something right, 'cause the kids are—" Her voice cut off abruptly as something hit her upside the head. Towhee froze in her tracks instantly, feeling like all the breath had been sucked from her lungs. And with that feeling came another: horrible guilt.

"Wraen, I..." Towhee choked out when she managed to take a breath. "I completely forgot to tell you about Marten..." And she felt terrible about it. To be fair, Wraen had distracted her with her mocking love confession, yet that still didn't excuse it. How could she be so caught up in her other issues to forget mentioning her son's death? Gods, but she could be a shit mother sometimes...

Wraen had the good sense to stop herself in time and not blurt out a "Who the hell is Marten?", because that would reveal, how very vaguely she remembered names of Towhee's newest offspring. In her defence - had they been named "Marie"s and "Bob"s, things would have been simpler for all. 

"What happened to him?" she asked, looking at her friend, sympathetically, the goal of their walk forgotten for the time being.

Wraen stopped to ask what'd happened to Towhee's youngest son, favoring her with a sympathetic look. The Sovereign recoiled from that expression. She didn't deserve it. First of all, Marten had died in her care. Secondly, she'd been too busy crabbing about comparatively meaningless shit to remember to tell one of her closest friends about the tragedy altogether. The self-loathing was real.

Choking it down a bit, Towhee said, "I woke up one morning and he was dead. I don't know what happened," she admitted, "but I know it's my fault. I can't believe..." No, she really couldn't believe they'd gotten this far into the conversation before she'd bothered recollecting.

For that matter, Towhee should be kicking herself for her overall lack of sadness over it. She'd mourned harder for her miscarried babies than she had Marten. She knew why: she hadn't had three other rambunctious youngsters to look after then. Her remaining trio was utterly distracting, she almost couldn't believe she'd ever managed four. Guilt tripped through her heart even as she shook her head.

"Towhee, sometimes infants just die and there is no fault of yours in that. All four of my mom's first litter died shortly after birth and it was nothing she had done to them and there was nothing she could do to save them," Wraen said. She did not particularly liked to rationalize death, especially since she had only vague idea of, how an actual motherhood (that involved carrying babies and giving birth to them) worked, and there wasn't anything she could say to make Towhee feel differently about the whole ordeal. 

"You can beat yourself over it, of course, but I highly doubt that Marten - wherever he is right now - is holding a grudge against you," she said, what felt best at this moment, refraining from "he is at a better place" or "God had a plan to take him away". She did not believe either of those things herself. "We have a tradition here though - we name landmarks in memory of people, who are dear to us, but no longer here. There is Warden's Watch for my two littermates - Terance and Sarah. There's a lovely meadow for all the legendary Blackthorns to have mischief in. And - if you wish, we can find something for Marten too. In fact... I might have something in mind for him," she suggested.

She wanted to refute Wraen's efforts to reassure her, as she felt she really didn't deserve her friend's empathy. But Towhee pressed her lips together, eyes following everything Wraen had to say on the matter. Her expression remained dark, until the silver she-wolf mentioned naming a landmark in his honor.

Wraen had mentioned this tradition before, though Towhee would not have expected this particular offer. It was a great idea though, perhaps one she should take back to the caldera. Certainly there was a spot they could nickname in Marten's memory, as well as Blackbird's and Butterfly's. It would make a lot of sense to name the cave after them, actually.

But Towhee wasn't about to refute her friend. "Okay," she replied quietly, waiting for Wraen to show her.

Wraen did not take Towhee to a cave - there weren't many here in Brecheliant and those that were, usually ended up in an underground lake, were dark, murky and quite unwelcome. It was not a place for a spirit of an unborn child or a baby, or toddler that had passed away too soon to dwell in. No.

"I like to think that Heaven is not a far-off place," she told her friend, while they walked towards a more remote area of the fen. The voices of other wolves in the distance vanished and soon it was just them and the ambient music of the evening in the forest. "And that we can keep the spirits of the loved-ones close. For their realm is cold and they thrive on the warmth of our love for them, she continued, spinning the tale. It did not matter, whether it was true or there was any scientific proof for her theory. It made her feel good, made her world a little more bearable place to live in. 

She went silent after that, until they came to the edge of a bowl-shaped clearing, where, surrounded by soft grass, fragnant flowers an old wild apple tree stood in the middle. While it was early in the season, its branches were full with flowers yet to bloom. If one listened carefully, they would notice the unmistakeable hum of bees in work and the first butterflies of the season fluttered from one bloom to the other. There was a small creek on one end and a pool of clear water on the other. 

"When I discovered this corner of the fen, I thought that it was a bit like a Paradise in miniature," she shared, sitting down and waiting for Towhee to do the same. "And why not it be a place for children lost to play in. Here its warm and plenty of sunshine. Here they are safe and eternally happy, until they are ready to move on," she sighed.

Towhee did not subscribe to any particular beliefs about an afterlife. She tended not to think about it, truth be told. But she couldn’t help but be drawn into Wraen’s theories, particularly when her companion stopped in a little slice of heaven tucked in a far corner of the fen.

She looked around in silence for several moments, admiring the apple tree that reminded her of the one growing at the caldera’s foot. Maybe that could be the memorial there. For now, Towhee focused on her current surroundings, enjoying a moment’s reflection before her eyes found Wraen’s face.

Thank you, she said simply, the words heartfelt. But there was more. Towhee’s eyes bored into Wraen’s familiar features. I know what your title should be, she announced, apropos of nothing.

Hydra had been her “sister in arms,” Niamh her “person.” You’re my hetero life mate, Towhee declared somberly, although her eyes twinkled. It was a little silly but that suited them, particularly well after their embarrassing but endearing “no homo” moment earlier today. So many of my loved ones have gone away over the years. But not you, never you. And I can’t tell you what that means to me. What this means to me, Towhee concluded, peering wistfully at the tree again.

"Hetero life mate - that's by far the most sophisticated title as of yet," Wraen remarked, not even bothering to ask, what "hetero" meant, leaving it a mystery to solve for another time. The next words, though heartfelt and endearing, made her also flinch inwardly at the weight they carried. Never you. It made her feel that if she was to die, she would fail Towhee in some fundamental way, even if "dying" itself was something entirely out of her power. 

This thought did not allow her to relish fully in the beautiful present moment. It was on the tip of her tongue to reveal that she had not been feeling that well as of late, but there was only so much hurt that one could take in one evening and she therefore decided not to burden her friend with it. Let her have this now and deal with the future, when and if it comes. So, Wraen pushed her own fears far away and smiled sweetly at the woman, to whom declarations of love did not come easy, but, when they did, they were 100% real.

She was really glad she’d come here today. Although her emotions had run the gamut—anger and hurt, camaraderie and joy—Towhee settled into the solace of this place where Marten’s memory could frolic freely. There she came to terms with his loss and the others, like Phox, so she could truly begin to look forward.

She couldn’t be sure how much time passed between them as they lingered in this peaceful corner. Towhee could’ve lived in these moments forever (and would think about them often, when she came to find out they were her final moments with Wraen). But duty and family eventually called.

Any last words before I head back to the real world? Towhee wondered, touching her nose to the side of Wraen’s neck (her choice of words would similarly stick with her later on).

So it happened - one moment there was magic and the next - reality came crushing in and snubbed the candle that had shone so brightly before. Unwillingly Wraen accepted that this would always be like this - brief visits between the two packs and then each of them would have to bid farewells sooner than they wanted. But the duties to the respective communities they had created called. 

She returned the affectionate gesture and retreated with a devillish grin: "Break a leg?" In hindsight it was better to part with a joke and not with something dark like "if we live to the next time" or "don't mourn me, if you do not find me here, when you visit next". 

"Come by again soon - or I might find other... what was it you called me? Hitherto mate life material?" she chuckled.

She playfully rolled her eyes at Wraen’s retort. Been there, done that, Towhee replied sardonically. But she knew her friend meant it in a figurative, not literal, way, so she let out a breath and said, I think I’ve got this… thanks in part to your wise counsel. Seriously… thanks.

Wraen saw her off with another old saying, complete with a threat. You’ll never find someone else who could hold a candle to our story, she protested with a grin. But good luck, Towhee added with a click of her tongue and a laugh.

Smell ya later! were her last words, tossed carelessly over her shoulder at Wraen as she headed toward the distant caldera, a looming silhouette in the gathering dusk.

It's been a good run. I feel sorry for Towhee, but she has great things and a very long life ahead of her!

"Deaf wolf and a total pain in the ass - never," Wraen joked back, as they made their way towards the borders. She was going to miss this old Grinch in the days to come and often wonder, whether she had been too quick to decline the potential remarriage between the two packs. If it meant to have her friend around more often. Now that Maia was still very much in love and enjoying her honeymoon phase, she often felt lonely and it was moments like these that brightened all of the next days to come. 

"Stink away!" she responded and watched Towhee disappear in the darkness, looking forward to their next meeting and wishing that there were only good things in her friend's life from this point on.