Moonspear when i found the angels were drinking wine

set when kukutux brings him home, prior to the revui challenge thread.

arcturus slept heavily. he and kukutux had scarcely made it back to the spear before he collapsed -- he was lucky she had come at all.

for now he dreamed of dark spectres, and looming shapes in the gloom. occasionally he thrashed about, stirring under the rabbit-pelts kukutux had carefully laid beneath him.

during one such harrowing dream, arcturus bolted awake. for a moment, he had no idea where he was -- his breath came in rapid pants as he was aware of the pain his sleep had made him woefully oblivious to. wincing against the thunderous sensation of pain, arcturus closed his eyes and breathed deep.

"isumalluagiitchuk anun," kukutux hissed beneath her breath. she hovered over arcturus as he began to lash out, buffeted somewhat by his presence in her den. to his brow she held wet moss when he had quieted, and to his lips as well.

his breathing was tense. she searched for medicine among her wrappings, quickly chewing a strip of willow bark into a bitter, weak tea made from its pulp and her saliva. "it will not take all the pain away, but you will be eased," kukutux mumbled, leaning across the wounded man and pressing her lips close, intending to sluice it into his mouth.

around him the duck flitted, pressing cool moss first to his temple and then his dry mouth. arcturus's mind reeled as the sensation of cold pressed to his gums.

then, she disappeared a while -- and it was all the mountaineer could do to not cry out, for her to come back. his ward. his candle-light held up against the darkness.

when she returned, she supplanted a bitter mixture to his mouth. the beta retched reflexively as the bolus went down. kukutux's voice murmured somewhere in the darkness, her visage briefly coming to view as she stooped over him. "thank you," was all he could manage -- a hoarse and wretched noise that was full of great gratitude.

kukutux waved him off with a flick of her snowbound ears. she was a healer within the pack, though her skills lacked the nuance of lyra's own. but he was her packmate and leader. her skills belonged to moonspear, to him.

"you fought your brother," came the words, flying unbidden from her jaws. but why should she not ask? arcturus lay here in her sleeping place, she treated him with her stores. he could answer her questions. "why?"

arcturus would never forget it was kukutux that had come to him, when everyone else had seemingly let him down. for now, his thoughts were murky -- but in the days following, once all that shit hit the fan (lol), he would have plenty of time to be reflective.

plenty of time to realize, he had not treated her as kindly as she had treated him.

for now his thoughts were scrambled; the more he tried to corral them into shapes that made sense, the more they dispersed. like herding cats. maybe it was the fever welling in him, or the loss of blood -- or even the overwhelming pain -- but thinking in this moment was tremendously difficult.

"he challenged me," arcturus managed, trying his best not to move his face -- even talking hurt. he could not summon the energy to defend himself further, instead reserving his energies for her next question - if any such query would arise.

challenges were not something with which kukutux had ever dealt. not in the way arcturus meant, she supposed. a woman had her own work within the circle of mothers and wives and aunts and female elders. it did not involve the challenge for physical dominance.

"there was a woman who smelled of the sea. she called for me. she said that you and revui fought for her." it would not have been the she-wolf mentioned by arcturus before. so. he would seek children after all. 

"how long she had been with you, i do not know," the little bird went on, pausing to press the moss against his lips for a drink. overtop, kukutux met the pained expression of this wounded man with her own steady gaze.

"she came to you. not to revui." and you are too wounded to claim her. "i think it is you she wishes for a husband."

"ying." arcturus breathed in answer, starting to recall bits and pieces of his fall. his hike home.

go away, ying.

he winced as a dart of pain flared up his muzzle. kukutux's observation was met with a widened eye and an instinctual pin of his ears. no, that could not be true.

she had left him.

he had been stupid. "she -- i fought to protect her." and now it all seemed so fragile, so.. idiotic. even though thinking of revui caused his blood to pulse, arcturus felt a sheen of guilt, for he had acted rashly and hotly, and this was the result. "she does not want me."

the snowdrop shook her head. "ying would not leave you. she helped me to carry you until you returned from your spirit-walk." 

she did not know why she cared. a second lingering look spared arcturus more of her supposition; kukutux drew a breath and moved beyond.

"i will bring you something to eat," the duck murmured, inching toward the denmouth but ready to pause should he have need of her.

ying had stayed.. arcturus closed his eyes, struggling to recall the memory of only scarce hours before.. but it was in vain, for a mental fog seemed to lurk all around him, shutting all the doors.

he sighed, pressed back into the pelts. for a moment he wanted to ask kukutux to stay, but he was too stubbornly proud to do so. instead he watched as the little snowbird inched out the den, left to his own confusing and unorganized thoughts.

she returned with cold beaver fat, scraped from a cache and clumped into a half-frozen ball. lying it atop a strip of oak bark, she breathed upon it, nudging the meal in arcturus' direction. "soft food for a sick belly," the duck murmured. she knew the queasiness that bloodlet could often induce.

a brief hesitation, and then kukutux gathered herself into the corner, brushing against the man, for it was unavoidable. shame warmed her ears, to lie so close to yet another of the ostrega brothers, but she was a healer, and he her patient. it was different.

a strange, mournful loneliness filled arcturus as kukutux left the den. her presence was like a light for him, and when she stole away she took all the brightness with her, leaving him in clouded shadow.

he had drifted into fitful sleep by the time she returned, offering something sallow and misshapen. arcturus sniffed it curiously: fat of some origin. he ate it tentatively, suppressing the gag he felt threaten to worm its way up his gullet. licking his chops as kukutux breezed by, arcturus felt the heat of her fur and wistfully closed his eyes. in that moment the mountaineer wanted direly to reach out to her, but thwarted his lesser desires by exhaling a deep and haggard sigh into the darkness.

arcturus sighed into the darkness; kukutux passed her thoughtful gaze to him. for a long moment she did nothing, then lightly cleared her throat and gathered herself somewhat closer.

now just brushed against him, kuktutux fancied she felt the emotion laced into his coat. she looked out of the mouth of her den. "i hope you make amends with one another. i would give much to argue with my sister once more."

silence, then; exhaustion stole over the little bird.

the snowbird flitted closer; arcturus could feel the stir of her breath, the movement of air and the distant resonating of her pelt's heat. don't, he fought against the urge, knowing it was both his own battle-exhaustion and his loss of blood that made him lightheaded and more stupidly needy than normal.

his gaze flickered open as the healer cleared her throat and spoke. a disillusioned rumble left the ostregan's mouth, which clenched shut tightly. in this hour -- maybe his darkest hour -- he did not see how he could ever forgive his brother. too tired to argue or even explain why he thought that way, arcturus took another deep sigh and only nodded feebly in response. it did not occur to him to even ask of kukutux and her sisters -- he was so tired, so aware of his own suffering, that he did not even realize the little bird besides him had her own hurts to heal.

he did not agree. she saw the glint of his wound in the half-light. perhaps there could not be forgiveness for revui. it was not her place to ask.

"i think you are bleeding again," she mumbled, shifting lightly across arcturus to begin cleaning his wound with quick, precise licks. the closeness was intimidating; kukutux faltered briefly, then cleared her throat and pressed on.

arcturus had not felt blood as it unstymied; he looked upon kukutux's figure as she bent over him, feeling again a sense that ought never to have visited him at all.

wretched as he was feeling, some taboo kept him from reaching out to her in turn. he cleared his own throat and swiftly looked to the wall, studying it with a hard glint to his eyes. "moonspear is lucky to have you." was all the dark mountaineer managed before he turned stiffly around himself, wrapping his forelimbs around his hinds with his tail curled to his nose in the hopes of sleep.

it was the kindest thing arcturus had ever said to her. 

and, as kukutux would find, one of the last.

under her demure but watchful eye did the mountainwolf find slumber, and when his flanks stirred with the rhythm of sleep, the duck followed suit. nose tucked beneath tailtip, kukutux found solace and a strange peace.