Ghost Lion Crag ilunnutchaktuk ❍

the sickness had abated somewhat, enough for kukutux to be inspired by a new rush of vitality. the girl this evening coursed easily over the wooded boundary in pursuit of a wily stoat. the creature seeemed to elongate before her eyes, and kukutux' claws scraped against the shale as the thick veldt thinned to severe trees and open stone.

there was a stench here that caused the girl to recoil, lifting a lip as soft hackles flared into fearful spikes, and she stumbled in a recoil. again the clack of her nails against the rock, and she caught herself against the edge of one forbidding bole, where she crouched, jadestone eyes searching for the owner of the mutinous scent.

it was not until the telltale click of claw brushing stone that arcturus woke with a start, a torn ear cupped in the direction of the noise.

his fur lifted in black blades.

sleepiness fled, replaced by overwhelming protective instinct. supping the wind, arcturus knew who darkened his doorstep without ever laying eyes upon her.

"kukutux." he breathed into the cold, emerging from the hollow that held him. why was she here?

kukutux could not know that the scent upon the wind was that of a cougar, only that the musk brought her guard hairs rippling. it was laces and then blurred out by the much more familiar fragrance of arcturus, though even now she could not smell moonspear in his trails anymore.

"i wished to walk alone," the duck answered, tone stilted. in her heart was a morass of confusion. was he enemy? she did not know. cold as arcturus had always been, till the last, he had never given kukutux reason to fear him.

but he was no longer one of their own. she fixed him with a pensive jade stare, hackles smoothing. "i will leave," kuktutux murmured, a sudden pain stabbing through her spirit. the girl straightened, tried to hide the new subtle curve to her body, but did not leave. 

despite herself and her utterance and all that had gone on, kuktutux stirred ivory plume at her heels once, twice. "i have prayed that you are happy now, arcturus."

the last vestiges of sleep left arcturus' senses like a veil lifted. he did not scent catamount, for his senses were trained wholly on the ghostly vision in front of him.

her reply prompted more questions than it answered. "why do you want to be alone?" he pressed, brow furrowing -- was there trouble on the homefront? she suggested leaving, yet did not leave -- kukutux had always baffled arcturus, and never more than now.

another scent was combed into her fur - one that would take the ostrega several minutes to parse. her most recent words seemed catty rather than contrite to arcturus. his ears folded as he bit back a cold reply.

did she think so little of him?

*beats them*

"because —" but words flew from her tongue like scared birds, and so kukutux only stared mutely at him for a moment before casting her gaze earthward. very swiftly, she was finding she no longer knew how to speak to arcturus, nor decipher the fall of his ears.

"are you never coming back?" the duck felt herself say next, the inquiry blurred with guilt and pain around its edges. why did she cling to kindness for this man? had it not been for hydra's acceptance, kukutux might have fled elsewhere. 

but she was bound to moonspear now. and he was not.

why were things so hard for them?

arcturus could find very few flaws in kukutux. it wasn't like he had a litany of things about her he disliked: so why was it that they couldn't connect?

it seemed like no matter what, they were traveling different wavelengths and something that was meant to be innocent always caused damage.

he sighed. "no." such was a question he wasn't brave enough to contemplate on his lonesome. "what is done is done." fate had other things in store for him. or, that was what he told himself to be comforted it wasn't all a horrible mistake.

while he wasn't happy she hadn't finished her thought, he wasn't going to beat it out of her either.

finally, that scent clicked. "you're pregnant." he stated, feeling -- what? jealousy? he didn't want kukutux, not like that. maybe he was jealous of her security in the place where he had assumed he would always belong.

how different their meeting now was, from the day they had met. arcturus would have never surmised their roles could be reversed, and yet -- here they were.

the day that the darkfurred ostrega had mumbled a kind word to kukutux had been the day she had forgiven him. even the fiercest clashes with revui and with hydra had not changed that, though now his grievance was against the mountain. 

at his words, her alabaster countenance fell with its last trailings of hope. she could not understand why she wished him back, only that he had always been a part of moonspear. and now that he was gone, and revui was gone, kukutux feared the pillars of the mountain were failing its wolves.

as she searched for some way to convey this, arcturus spoke, a statement that provoked a quick look. "jarilo is their father. and you will be their akkaq," she dared on the next breath, springmint eyes climbing the forbidding crags of his face until she beheld the tired sillu of his gaze. there was no coldness there, only a heavy resignation.

he was not happy, and kukutux again did not understand why she wished this for him.

arcturus witnessed hope perish in the limelight of kukutux's gaze; it was a bitter thing to watch.

upending his life, his station, had reverberations far beyond his own personal bubble. not for the first time did he realize he had been short-sighted - why was it she always made him feel as if he had hurt her in some way? an unsavory feeling pressed to the back of his gut.

"what is akkaq?" he asked out of ignorance, feeling a burning rise to his face.

"it is our word for yours. uncle," she translated, though she did not like the sound of it half so much as the one that belonged to her own tongue. her gaze had paled to something strained and full, something yet untranslatable into words. a moment. did he wish to be that? 

perhaps out of them all, arcturus had been the only one to which she had been melded. he had pronounced her unworthy at the beginning, and the duck had always carried it lodged like a shard of chert in her soul. but there were things yet to be said, and so the girl swallowed. "moonspear is not the same when you are away from it."

uncle; it did not have the same poetic ring as akkaq.

the man closed his eyes, a heavy worry overcoming him. uncle to children a mountain away. a face they would never know or cherish or love - only hear about around bedtime stories as if he were some goblin extracted from another time. to serve as a cautionary tale of the wayward ostrega, in exile.

"i hope to see them someday." his throat was tight as he tried to respond in turn to how moonspear was without him. did they know that a piece of him had forever died that day..? not one of his siblings -- not one had tried to find him.. and yet, here was a woman who shared but a fraction of the time with him that his family did, here before him.

god, his family was fucked. "it is not the same here, either."

"i want you to see them," she insisted in her soft way, though the storm of earlier fear had calmed, giving way to a curiosity that knifed through the pain of his departure. "revui told me that my children would be nothing in moonspear," kukutux found herself blurting in a tumble, but it was all for one thing! all for the sake of whatever might be mended in the tearing of the ostregas.

"is that why you left? is it why you will not come back?" revui had no wife, and therefore no future in his blood upon moonspear. but arcturus had been tuyaana in the place of his mother and his father. any woman would have given him children. and still he had left. was it because revui's cruelty held truth? she must know.

the ostrega's lips twisted in a grim line at the thought of him revisiting moonspear. it would not be so -- not for a long time. if he saw kukutux's cherubs, it must be done on neutral soil.

he glanced to the dove in surprise as his brother's name came up -- followed by the cruel remark he had impressed upon her. "revui knows nothing." arcturus dismissed, a lash of his tail given in annoyance that his brother's words could barb kukutux so. "i have no children." arcturus replied, feeling a tug at the back of his mind -- what of meerkat..? towhee had said she wasn't his, but all the same. "that was not why i left. i left because of many things -- but in the end, because it became too much."

he did not want to talk more of why he had left. talking would only just provoke the wound that had barely closed over. "it is done, and in the past. i have a new life now. time will tell if it was right."

time away has already changed him, the spirit whispered. kukutux pondered the ground for a long moment. she had wished to clarify, but had only asked children. not his legacy. was that why he had left?

the woman rocked back against the hard earth, pain passing over her brow as her spine protested both her slip and the growing weight of her new body. in the next it had dissolved behind a demure expression and downturned head. she would heed arcturus, and not speak of it again.

"i — am not forbidden to come here again." there had been no formal edict against him that she had heard. "it will be twin-moon before i can bring me back, but." kukutux lifted her gaze to arcturus. "i would like to return and hear of your new life. if you will want it."

arcturus had been studying the ground crossly when kukutux shifted, bracing against a hidden pain that caused him to look up and inspect her carefully. when it passed, he looked away -- he assumed it was her lot as a pregnant woman, and him inquiring after it may be unwise.

his legacy was something he did not wish to think of; he had left a huge part of his identity behind him, and felt he deserved none of his parent's legacy now.. now, he was his own soul truly.

it was freeing and terrifying at once.

panning his gaze from the treeline to the fair features of his companion, arcturus nodded as he made a mental note of how long that would be. he did not wish to not see her -- but their meetings were always tinged with a bittersweetness he did not quite understand. "i'd like that." he admitted, showing a rare vulnerability that he often preferred to keep hidden. he assumed by then, her whelps would be delivered -- and it would likely be some time before she could truly risk coming this way again.

moments passed, and kuktutux did not think the dark cloud would agree. she was after all tied both to the mountain and to a family with which he no longer fit. for a moment, she was dizzied by her desire to retract the words.

but arcturus spoke then, and it seemed some small sunlight moved across their meet. the duck was gladdened by even such a small thing; a bow curved her mouth and it was with reluctance that she finally straightened to her smaller height.

"will you help me to the top of the path, arcturus?" kukutux asked after a moment. it was one she had walked alone, but now had fear that a more chaotic step might damage the lives she carried. 

that was the reason that the waterbird gave the spirit: kukutux simply did not wish the moment's end, not in this second. for once, she would not depart this man with hurt in her soul.

a thoughtful glance to the stardark man and the pale woman began to climb.

their conversation seemed to bound and fade; arcturus took the silence to study the path kukutux had sprung from. certainly, he would help her -- though he imagined her invitation stemmed perhaps from a reluctance to part than true assistance. he had seen her navigate the ledge before, but burdened with child, it was best she took no chances.

offering his shoulder should she need it, arcturus fell in step alongside her. content to simply share a moment that was the brief arc of light across an otherwise dreary day.

<3

from time to time kukutux took the aid that arcturus offered, unsure of the sensation that arose at their touch. he was strong, and bore her up easily. once upon steadier footing, the duck looked homeward, and then back to the prodigal ostrega. for a rare moment she allowed himself the read of his sunstar gaze, and imagined in it she would one day be truly welcomed.

"i will return here when i am able," kukutux murmured, dipping her head as she pulled away. "tavvauvutit, brother." a moment, and then she had turned to began her wend back to moonspear.

limber as the moonwolf was, arcturus offered his shoulder whenever she needed it. at last the trail shifted from treacherous to flat -- he reflected that perhaps, this was the path of their lives. tremendously rocky and then finally plateaued -- as he felt his gaze being searched, arcturus eyes held the duck's lingering gaze for a bittersweet moment.

how strange and convoluted their paths had been. "goodbye, kukutux." arcturus whispered into the wind, watching as her gravid form pulled further and further away, the waning moon to what felt like arcturus' interminable night.